Rightso. Hi. n-n' Not my first fanfic, but first on my 2nd account. It's just some unremarkable drabble I wrote one day.. And thought I'd post it up! I hope you at least like it a little. x3
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine.
Setting: After Alice foresees Bella jumping off the cliff in La Push and Edward thinks she was committing suicide and is dead.
Comforting Pressure
Alice has stopped mid stride, and now she's choking with tearless sobs in horror at what she's seeing. Maybe it's because the person in the vision made that decision, maybe it's because she's too far to stop it. Esme floated like an angel to shield her in a kind embrace, trying to shield her physically from the emotional pain, even though my mother doesn't know what it is.
I do, however. I saw it the moment Alice did; at first it's too painful. I can't move, I can't even breathe and that doesn't hurt, the pain is coming from my heart. If I had once thought I had no heart, I am now clear I do, lifeless as it is - only something living can writhe in pain so.
I'm not too sure if I've ever felt like this in my life. Not even when my Mother died – but that was some 100 years ago, give or take. It really puts thing into perspective, knowing that someone who gives your life a centre is gone, and you were never going to have proof of their existence other than your memories.
I think that was what had gotten to my Alice, the fact that our Bella was now only going to be a memory. No, no that thought ... it's too painful and too much. As Alice chokes out my worst fear I flee from my family. I had decided under a second after I saw that I would also suffer the same fate as my love.
"Edward!" My brother's shout after me verbally, but Carlisle tries to read my head, to try and console me. He doesn't want to lose me, oh, Carlisle can't you see? My life is nothing without her. 'She might not be dead.' He says desperately, tempting me to come back. It's useless.
A part of me is denying it with an alight passion, she isn't dead; the voice tells me. But I know it's wrong, I saw her jump. I try to describe my feelings to myself to put a stable form to such pain. Gut-wrenching, heart breaking, mortifying, disastrous pain ... I can't even describe a fraction. It's even worse than being bitten, and going through the fires of hell as you enter the vampire race.
The only way I can put it is right now, just after I've been told my soul mate, my Bella is dead, and there is a hole inside of me. I stop now, I'm in a midst of a forest, I can smell humans nearby but their smell doesn't even tempt me. Nothing matters anymore. The world is insignificant compared to this pain, it overwhelms everything. Soon I'll be on a plane. Soon I'll die too, and embrace the dead and smell the light flowery sent of her skin once more...
The worst part, the most atrocious thing hits me and makes me weak. The absolute worst thing... It's my entire fault. I left her, for my selfish want. I wished for her to live a human life free of me, hoping she would forget. It's my fault even before then, for allowing myself to fall for her. If she did not love me, she wouldn't have committed suicide. She'd still be alive. I left her. I left her and it's my fault.
For now, the pain overbears me. I choke and I'm wreaked with sobs. Falling on my knees I grip myself, my own chest, the pressure is comforting. That's what you do when you cut yourself; you apply pressure, because it's comforting… But this is different; I'm applying pressure because otherwise I fear I will fall apart.
Well.. that's it. It's not supposed to be the best, so don't worry about helping me improve it. XD
Any reviews are appreciated, though!
- Emz