A/n- I own nothing you recognize.
What are you trying to achieve by being here? If you're trying to gain forgiveness, you're looking in the wrong place. The dead can't give you the closure you want, but you don't care. It's your first time here, walking amongst the headstones. You can't help but feel a little out of place.
But as you navigate your way through the graveyard, you allow the memories to come flooding back to you as if a gate had been opened. You drop to your knees in front of a headstone etched with the name of your former love. It's the first time in four years that you've remembered her name.
You finally feel strong enough to visit her grave. There's several reasons you haven't visited her sooner; your overwhelming amount of work, your new life, your new love. But out of guilt, you allow yourself to visit the girl that loved you so much it killed her. Honestly, you didn't mean to hurt her like you did. It was a mistake, but she didn't see it that way.
It was a betrayal and she wasn't ready to be betrayed. Truthfully, nobody is ever ready for betrayal; it just happens. It was a drunken mistake and it ended the life you knew. Now, your brother couldn't even look at you without disgust. Her family hates you. Your mother is upset with you. All you've ever done is disappoint those around you.
There was a time where you couldn't disappoint her, though. She couldn't find a flaw in you. Maybe that's what made her love you so much. You remember her birthday; the way she was shy; the way her hair smelled like strawberries; the way she looked up at you like you were the only one in the world; the way your name sounded on her lips. You couldn't image her any other way. You wish that you could feel her lying next to you again; her head resting on your chest and her red hair spread out over your arm. It was then that you thought she would be yours forever.
She told you that you were her one and only. Now, you wish that she was yours. Maybe if she was, she would be sitting next to you, laughing loudly. Oh, how you miss her laugh. You miss everything about her.
Now, your life is a mess and guilt hangs over your head like a dark storm cloud. You found yourself wishing she was alive again. But instead, you sit in front of the grave of the girl you had a hand in killing. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry," you repeat. The words echo in the silent graveyard. It's then that you know that your apologies are falling on deaf ears. You're too late to save her.
So, what are you trying to achieve by apologizing?