A/N: Meh~! Due to me thinking Samuel needs his genderbend around to properly function, this was made~! Thanks for reading, dearies~!
SAMANTHA JONES: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You have purchased your very own SAMANTHA JONES unit! In order to ensure that this unit does not run away crying in fear every time she sees you, we have taken the liberty of writing this manual. It is heavily suggested you read this through before attempting to handle your unit.
Technical Specifications
Name: Samantha Jones. Will also respond to Iowa, Fem!Iowa, Sam, Sammy, Mom, and Squishy.
Age: 17
Place of Manufacture: Des Moines, Iowa
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 130 lbs
Your SAMANTHA JONES unit comes with the following:
One (1) Large straw hat
One (1) Farmer's scythe
Twenty (20) ears of corn, not shucked
Programming
Farmer: This is what your unit is best at. Set her to work on the fields, and just wait to see how bountiful the harvest will be!
Babysitter: SAMANTHA JONES is very motherly by default, and children love her.
Removal of your SAMANTHA JONES unit from packaging
Your SAMANTHA JONES unit is very timid and shy, so don't be concerned that she will be angry with you if you wake her up improperly. However, it will probably lead her to avoid you out of fear. To avoid this, we have included a list of failsafe methods to awakening her without fear of mental trauma on her end.
Make corn on the cob, preferably lots of it (as to buy yourself more time to reprogram her). SAMANTHA JONES cannot resist the smell of corn, and will get out of the box on her own to eat it.
Speak in French to her. The box will begin to tremble violently, and it is now safe to open the box. She will be relieved that you are not a FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit, and you may now reprogram her.
In your most childish voice, yell for help as loud as you can. Your unit will promptly break out of the box, under the assumption that someone is hurting a child. While she is still searching for the source of the yelling, go ahead and reprogram her.
Reprogramming
After waking your SAMANTHA JONES unit, here are some options for reprogramming her:
Motherly (Default)
Adorable (Default)
Mama Bear
Depressed
Yandere (Locked)
Your SAMANTHA JONES unit is very motherly by nature, and tends to act as such to those younger than her, though especially towards her son DANIEL JONES. Though she herself will never see it, many find her completely adorable, and this tends to attract unwanted attention from the opposite gender.
Mama Bear mode is unlocked when SAMANTHA JONES is led to believe that one of her children has been wronged in some way. This SAMANTHA JONES is very aggressive and blunt, and will carry around her scythe to swing at perceived threats. The only way to snap her out of it is to have one of her children assure her that they are fine.
Depressed mode is obtained by having SAMANTHA be ignored by someone close to her. She'll be stand-offish and not talk to anyone, as well as having depression waves wafting off of her strong enough to kill small plants. Simply assure her that she is not that forgettable over and over again, and she'll recover.
Much like her male counterpart, Yandere mode is locked for good reason. This is only unlocked if she has sufficient reason to believe that another woman is trying to steal her boyfriend. Unlike her male counterpart, however, she will not immediately resort to physical violence. Expect her to develop severe passive aggression towards this other woman, often involving poison. Leave her alone through this, if you don't want to be targeted as well. After the other woman has 'disappeared' (this will take around a week, give or take), she will be more or less back to normal.
Relationships with other Units
SAMUEL JONES: Your unit's genderbent. She tends to avoid him like the plague, even though he is quite attached to her.
LOGAN JONES: SAMANTHA JONES units are prone to falling in love with this unit, if one is around. For a relationship to form, however, either SAMANTHA JONES must get over her shyness or LOGAN JONES needs to quit being tsundere towards her.
MEGAN JONES: Your unit's big sister and one of her best friends. MEGAN JONES tends to embarrass the heck out of SAMANTHA JONES, but they do care about each other.
DANIEL JONES: Your unit's son and capital. She tends to coddle him when allowed to, though DANIEL JONES is a teenager and won't appreciate it much. She gets sick of him rather quickly when he is in Suggestive mode, however.
Cleaning:
Due to SAMANTHA JONES' natural bashfulness, she will be reduced to a stuttering embarrassed mess if you offer to clean her. She is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, so don't worry.
Feeding:
SAMANTHA JONES adores corn, so we've added plenty of the stuff with this in case you have none on hand. Make sure to regulate her intake, or she will eat it all in one sitting. Making her vary what she eats is a good idea.
Rest:
SAMANTHA JONES sleeps when she wants to, usually pretty late at night. Don't worry about her not getting enough sleep, because she tends to take naps during the day if nothing is going on.
FAQ
Q: Why has there been a lot of unfamiliar men hanging around the house lately?
A: This just happens when SAMANTHA JONES is around, for whatever reason. Just make her tell them to leave, it'll be alright.
Q: Why don't SAMANTHA JONES' breasts make the same noises as the YEKATERINA BRAGINSKAYA unit?
A: Your SAMANTHA JONES unit takes measures to prevent this from happening, such as walking very slowly with an arm wrapped around them. If you actually get her to run, they will make those noises.
Troubleshooting
Problem: The SAMANTHA JONES unit is acting very strange recently. She is always wearing a serene, painted-on smile and no longer shies away from people. She has several times tried to give you some sort of clear blue liquid, specifically referring to it as a 'gift' and insisting that you drink it as soon as possible.
Solution: Congratulations! You've unlocked your unit's hidden Snapped mode! This mode is only obtainable if your unit has been under prolonged emotional and psychological abuse, and is very dangerous. The distinct difference between this mode and Yandere mode is that the passive aggression in Yandere mode is specifically designated on one person. In Snapped mode, your unit is basically omnicidal, believing that everyone is so miserable that they would all be better off dead. Also, do not take that 'gift' under any circumstances; it's a poison mixed out of various colorful liquids from beneath your sink. The best solution to this is to shower your unit with love and attention, until she start to become shy again. You better act quickly; SAMANTHA JONES units left in this mode for too long often end up killing themselves with their own poison.
Problem: Instead of a full grown SAMANTHA JONES unit, you received a much smaller version. This one is not as afraid of FRANCIS BONNEFOY, but does not know who DANIEL JONES is.
Solution: Oops! We sent you a Little!SAMANTHA JONES unit by mistake! This unit doesn't eat as much as the full grown version, and is still quite cute, but tends to be somewhat more outspoken and rude. If you want to send her back, call Customer Services and follow the instructions from there.
End Notes
With enough care and patience, SAMANTHA JONES will be a valuable companion. We hope you enjoy your purchase!
Meh~, oh my God, I finished. Didn't think I would for a minute there. =3= Like I said on Samuel's, if you want to use either Samantha or Samuel in one of those stories where people receive the units, then go right ahead, as long as I'm credited~! Also, Logan and Megan belong to VstavajSonce, and Daniel belongs to Lydiacatfish~! Thanks for letting me use your characters~! Thanks for reading, everybody!