Scenes From First Movie
Outtake 1
Uncle Ben – And God said 'Let there be light!' and there was light! 40 soft watts of it!
Aunt May – Good boy. God'll be pleased. Just don't fall on your ass.
(Uncle Ben's stepladder ironically collapses)
Uncle Ben – Aaaargh!
Aunt May – I warned you, you know. Why did I marry you, anyway? Jonah Jameson was so much better looking...
Outtake 2Peter Parker returns home from the science museum and goes a bit woozy. He attempts to collapse on the bed but misses, and lands on Aunt May's pincushion.
Peter – Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! My balls!
Director – Why did you land on your front anyway? CUT!
Outtake 3Aunt May, Uncle Ben and Peter are having tea and the doorbell rings.
Aunt May – Hello?
Doc Ock, John Jameson, Rosalie Octavius and the kid from the blazing building open the door and come in.
Director – CUT! You guys are in the second movie, remember?
Dr Ock – Oh, yeah. Come on guys...the bar's this way...
Outtake 4Peter Parker wakes up feeling much better. He discovers that he now has 20/20 vision and a six-pack! He tries to walk up the wall as he runs downstairs, but he slips and lands on Aunt May's pincushion.
Peter – Aaaaaaaaaaargh! My other ball!
Director – May, why do ya always leave that goddamned pincushion about? Pete's only got two, you know! CUT!
Outtake 5
Peter is experimenting in his room, trying to hit a can of Dr Pepper with his webs and bring it to him. The can hits him in the face and Dr Pepper spills all over his face.
Peter – My eyes!!! Help me!!! I'm blinded!!!
Director – CUT! That's it! I'm hiring Elijah Wood!
Gets out his phone and calls Elijah Wood's manager.
Director – WHAT? Lord of the Rings? Dammit!
Outtake 6Peter – Don't come in. I'm not dressed Aunt May.
Aunt May – (laughs and covers face with hand) Yes, I can see that!
Director – Pete, gets some clothes on! You're scaring the ladies!
Outtake 7Spiderman kisses Mary Jane upside-down in an alleyway. Suddenly, his web snaps and he falls into a dustbin.
Mary Jane – Uh, you're such a jerk, Parker.
MJ walks off the set and slams the door.
Peter – (cries) Why me...why me?
Outtake 8(MJ is being suspended by the Green Goblin on the bridge with the cable car full of kids and Spiderman turns up.)
Green Goblin: So Spiderman, let die the woman you love? Or suffer the little... Hey... where are the kids! They were there two seconds ago I swear...Kids! Where are you? Stay here, ok?
Mary Jane – Er, ok...
Green Goblin – Kids...kids? (walks off set, searching)
Outtake 9Spiderman is swinging around at the end of the movie, and swings into the camera.
Peter – Ow – ow...my nose...ow...
Camera Guy – Are you ok, dude?
Peter – Yeah, it's just my nose...ow...hey, you, can you get me some tissue and some beer? Thanks...ow...
Emzy Wemzy – Hello, this was completely random. But funny, I hope. I want to do one with outtakes from the second movie, but I'll tackle that later. Ok, then. See ya.
Steve - Note – No actors were hurt during the making of the movie, except Peter Parker, who is now blind, has no balls and has a broken nose.