A/n: Inspired by the prompt: 'I walked into the public bathroom at a Mcdonalds and you're dangling halfway out of an air vent do, I even want to know what you were doing' AU. An alternative encounter between the Doctor and Donna.
Out of the Pan and Into the Deep Fryer
Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole
Donna nearly went cross-eyed trying not to roll her eyes at the man across the table.
They'd met online. He was an electrician or something, and a very unsuccessful one it seemed since he'd brought her to a bloody McDonald's.
"Are you gonna finish those chips?" He asked with his mouth full of double bacon cheeseburger.
Without comment, she pushed the tray in his direction and leaned farther back in the stiff metal chair.
When he sprayed potato bits all over her face in his quest to illustrate the importance of his cricket team's next match Donna reached her threshold for disgust for the evening and asked to be excused to go to the ladies.
She rushed inside and closed the door behind her before slumping against it. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and prayed for patient or an act of God to free her.
When she opened her eyes she found a strange sight.
A man, who by all accounts seemed more surprised to see her than she him, was hanging out of the air vent. "Think I took a wrong turn" he said.
"Yeah," she affirmed patiently. "The men's is one vent over."
"Oh no, I'm not looking for the WC, thank you," he said politely. "I'll just be on my way," and then he began to shimmy backwards into the vent.
"Wait! Who the hell are you?!"
Almost immediately his spiky head reared back into view, "oh I'm sorry, that was rude. I'm the Doctor!" With great effort he extracted his arm and held out his hand to shake.
"Donna Noble."
"Oh that is a good name. Very powerful, s'got an air of destiny to it."
"Well Doctor...er…"
"Doctor's fine."
"Alright. Mind if I ask what you think you're doing?"
"Oh! I've just uh, I'm looking for somebody."
"Friend of yours?"
"Of course not!" He seemed insulted.
"Of course not." She mimicked under her breath and rolled her eyes.
"I ought to be going now." Said the crazy person. "Worlds to save, villains to apprehend." He retreated into the vent.
Donna had a moment to contemplate. She could go outside to meet her date, listen to him drone and possibly have a very mediocre shag if she were so inclined and desperate enough. Or she could escape through the air vents with a possible psychopath and see where the night took her. Faced with such prospects, what's a woman to do?
She propped her heeled foot up on the sink and hoisted herself up into the vent. It was a tight squeeze but she managed if she sort of wriggled like a worm.
"Wait up!" She called.
a/n: I know, I know. I should be working on The Sinner and the Cynical. But the prompt attacked so... If you haven't read that and its' prequel Steady as the Beating Drum, head on over, if you have: I'M SORRY, I SWEAR THE NEXT CHAPTER IS ALMOST DONE.