I never quite understood the relationship between Irene Hawke and that Anders fellow. I never understood; not even to this day. For he is an abomination, yet she still loves him. Their love is with bright passion; something I have never seen with my own eyes.
But yet, their relationship infuriates me. I've seen the way they look at each other. They want each other. They need each other. That isn't even what infuriates me. It's the fact that Mistress Hawke can do so much better then to wind up in the arms of an abomination; who is bound to only hurt her. I would have felt better if she ran off with the elf, but yet, she had to choose him.
I don't get it!
He will do nothing but break her heart; tear it to shreds. But she still loves him. I think he even told her that he will do nothing but hurt her. She only pushes those words away with a brush of the hand, and they go back to being lovers. It's like he never spoke those words in the first place. It infuriates me even more. Am I the only one who sees the problem in their relationship? Am I the only one who knows that Hawke is just going to be hurt? Even worse, possibly...killed?
When that spirit inside of him takes over, it's chaos. I can see the hatred in his blue-glowing eyes. And when he looks at her, there is nothing but cruelty and hate. When he looks at her like that, I feel nothing but an overwhelming need to protect her. To kill that horrible thing that dares lay his eyes upon her!
But, when he looks at her like that... I can see the tears in her eyes. She wants Anders back. Not this thing she sees now. And I am aware of it. And when Mistress Hawke cries, everything in my world doesn't feel right. It makes me feel worthless, and unworthy. I feel a sense of responsibility to why she is crying. Yet I know it is not my fault.
When everything has calmed down, the two of them hug, and then Anders cries. He doesn't want Justice. He wants her. Her to be happy. He knows Justice scares her, yet he doesn't leave. He stays with her, continuously putting her through hell. Anders knows that all too well.
And when everyone goes home; I go to the Chantry, and I pray. For the both of them. I pray, and pray, and pray until I can feel my eyelids growing heavy. And when my eyelids grow heavy, I go out. I go out to Hawkes estate, and peer in through one of her windows to see both her and Anders. Both of them sleeping peacefully next to each other. They hold each other tightly, as if their lives depend on it.
Sometimes, I wish I was the one she was holding. For Anders is not the one who deserves to be by her side, and he knows that.
This does not mean I am any better, but I know it would be better for her to be with anyone else except him. But she refuses to leave his side, and yet I still don't understand. It must be the will of the Maker for her to be the lover of an abomination.
I don't agree with His will, but I must accept it.