The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everyone was having a glorious day. Everyone except Rico, who suddenly remembered that he had somewhere to be; he was supposed to meet with Miley in five minutes. Rico had nearly forgotten that Miley had asked to meet her at her house at three. Miley hadn't said why or what they'd be doing, but Rico knew that with Miley, it could be anything. Rico wasn't sure if he really wanted to go, though. He thought about blowing Miley off but his conscience got the better of him. He knew that it would hurt Miley's feelings; after all, Miley had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them. Rico considered it and thought "why not?" What did he have to lose? Rico kicked into overdrive to make up for lost time, and sped to his appointment.
When Rico walked into Miley's house, he was immediately greeted by his host, who was bouncing in excitement. "Yay, you're here! I've been waiting aaall day," said Miley.
"Sorry if I'm a little late, Miley. I lost track of time," Rico apologized.
Miley giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What's a few more minutes? I've been sooo excited thinking about all the fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I've been so happy."
Rico gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. He had always appreciated Miley's friendly, outgoing way of life, but Miley's overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped him out. Rico maintained a polite expression, however. If Miley was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.
"So, you ready to get started, Rico? I've got everything all ready," Miley said.
Rico psyched himself up. "You betcha, Miley. So what do ya got planned? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I've been thinking about. Or maybe you've got some stunts you think I should try? Or perhaps…"
"MAKING CUPCAKES!" Miley happily announced.
"Baking?" Rico was disappointed. "Miley, you know I'm not good at baking. Remember last time?"
"Oh that's not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I'll be doing most of the work," Miley explained.
Rico thought for about it for a second. "Well, alright, I guess that's ok. What exactly do you need me to do?"
"That's the spirit. Here you go." Miley handed Rico a cupcake.
Rico was puzzled "I thought I was helping you bake."
"You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here."
"So, is this like taste testing or something?"
"Sorta," Miley said.
Rico shrugged and popped the pastry in his mouth. He chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.
"Ok, now what?" Rico asked.
"Now," Miley informed him, "You take a nap."
Puzzled, Rico opened his mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over him, the world spun, and seconds later he collapsed to the floor.
When Rico regained consciousness, he found himself in a dark room. He tried to shake his head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. He struggled to move, but braces around his chest and limbs glued him to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread his legs wide apart. Miley jumped suddenly into Rico's line of sight.
"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started," Miley stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.
"Miley, what's going on? I can't move!" Rico said urgently.
"Well duh, that's because you're tied down," chided Miley. "That's why you can't move. I didn't think you'd need to be told that."
"But why? What's happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes."
"You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more."
"Special ingredient?" Rico was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. "What special ingredient?"
Miley giggled and responded "You, silly!"
Rico's eyes widened, and his face contorted in fear. Then he started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, "Woo, you really got me there, Miley. I mean, tricking me into thinking I'm gonna get made into a cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you're the best."
Miley only giggled even more. "Aw, thanks Rico. But I haven't done any pranks today, so I can't accept your praise."
Rico was struggling again. "Miley, come on, this isn't funny."
"Then why were you laughing?" Before Rico could answer, Miley grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.
Rico was now in full panic mode. He was starting to hyperventilate. His mind raced as he tried to reason with Miley. "You can't do this Miley! I'm your friend!"
"I know you are and that's why I'm so happy that I've got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me." Miley was skipping again.
"But, everyone will wonder where I am. When someone finds me dead, they'll come looking for me and then you'll get found out," Rico cried in desperation.
"Oh, Rico," said Miley. "Don't worry, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I've been doing this?" And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.
"Oh no." Rico reeled in horror at the image presented to him. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Miley flair. Dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, skulls were attached to the walls, and organs were tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past humans. Rico cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to him. The heads of four people, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin. With a thrill of terror, Rico recognized one of them as Miley's bodyguard, Roxy. Rico's eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several tanned human hides, the words "Life is a party" were scrawled on it in blood red.
Rico's attention was brought back by something unfurling and tickling his nose. He gaped at Miley, who was standing right in front of him. Miley was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin. On her back fluttered human hair, all of different colors. As Miley skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed fingers clacked together loudly.
"Like it?" Miley asked. "I made it myself."
Desperately, Rico pleaded with Miley. "Miley please, I'm sorry if I did anything to you. I didn't mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won't tell anybody."
"Oh Rico, you didn't do anything. It's just that your number came up and, well, I don't make rules. We can't turn back now."
Rico was tearing up. How could this be happening? He sobbed and writhed in his tight bonds.
"Well" said Miley with an air of finality, "it's time to begin."
Miley gripped a scalpel in her hand and walked over to Rico's right side. Without any flair, Miley placed the blade inside Rico and began a circular cut. Rico shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away, but the braces held him still. Finishing the incision, Miley grabbed a curved skinning knife from the tray. Screwing up her face in concentration, she worked it under Rico's skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Rico ground his teeth as he tearfully watched his flesh peel off. Miley then moved to the other side and repeated the process on Rico's left side. Once she had finished, Miley held up both pieces in front of Rico and started waving them like pompoms. Rico just whimpered. His thighs burned like nothing he had felt before.
Placing the ragged patches of skin down, Miley selected a large butcher knife and walked behind Rico. Miley grabbed Rico's left arm in her mouth and played with it for a few seconds, yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Rico's sides. Then, stretching the arm out, Miley brought the blade down hard at the base. Instantly, Rico screamed and thrashed his appendage. The movement threw off Miley's aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed, and carved a huge slice into Rico's back.
"Rico, you gotta stay still or I'll keep missing," scolded Miley as her victim howled.
Miley took another whack and hit her target. She swung again and again. Blood sprayed into the air, but Miley realized she wasn't getting anywhere. The blade just wasn't going through the bone.
"Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I'll try something else," stated Miley matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding the blade in the table. Through the haze of pain and tears, Rico heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.
"Got it! Say Rico, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn't hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don't get it."
Miley placed the tool over the mangled flesh of the last attempt. Standing on her legs, she worked the saw back and forth with her hands. It sliced effortlessly through the bone and skin. The feeling of the jagged teeth grinding into her made Rico want to vomit. He watched numbly as his arm flew over his head and landed with a bang on the table. Miley moved to the next arm and started sawing. Rico didn't struggle this time; he'd given up trying to fight and focused on choking back screams of agony. Abruptly, the sawing paused. Miley was only half way done, the arm hanging off by a sliver.
"Hey Rico," Miley piped up. "Think fast!"
Suddenly, Miley yanked the arm as hard as she could. The bone snapped but Rico's skin held, then tore away. The pull ripped away a long strip of flesh all the way down Rico's back to his rump. His body seized at the unexpected trauma. As his pelvis tensed up, Rico felt a warm release between his legs, and his loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch his breath, he blacked out.
Rico awoke with a gasp. The stench of his urine filled his mucus caked nostrils. As his vision swam into focus, he saw a very pouty Miley removing a large adrenaline needle from his chest. Stomping her feet, the frustrated Miley lashed out at her helpless victim.
"Didn't anybody teach you any manners? It's very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would you like it if I came over to your house and went to sleep? 'Oh I'm sorry Rico, you're so boring I think I'll take a nap.' You think I like always doing this by myself? I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You've got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough. I thought you could handle anything. I've had babies stand up better than you! Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?"
As Miley stopped to catch her breath, Rico blinked and sobbed softly. His back was in agony, his sides were on fire, and there was an intense pain in one of his legs. As he blinked again, he saw Miley pop something red into her mouth and began to chew. Noticing Rico's stare, Miley quickly gulped the morsel down.
"What?" Miley asked. "Oh, this?" She held up another piece. "Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself to a small sample. I got it from your leg; you're not bad. Wanna try some?"
Without waiting for a response, Miley shoved the strip of meat into her revolted victim's mouth. Rico gagged, and immediately spit it out. Miley frowned, and picked up the chunk of flesh. "If you didn't want it, you could have said no." She contemplated the discarded snotty morsel, then gulped it up. "It's not like you haven't had my cupcakes before."
Swallowing, Miley turned her attention to a small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with red-hot coals. Lying on top of the coals were several large nails. As the adrenalin filled his veins, Rico began to panic again. Picking up the can, Miley walked over to Rico's left. Holding some tongs with her mouth, Miley carefully picked up a nail and positioned it at the seam between her victim's front left leg and foot. She then grabbed a hammer and took careful aim.
"No Miley!" Rico screamed. "NO! NO!"
The hammer came down and the nail punctured Rico's skin. The white hot burning was too much. Rico screamed as he pulled and thrashed at the braces, causing his raw skin to rub and tear. Miley tried to line up another nail, but couldn't find her aim, and let out a frustrated grunt. When Miley brought the hammer back to take a wild swing, Rico burst out crying and begging.
"PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!"
Miley rolled her eyes. Putting down the hammer and tongs, she walked back in front of Rico and stared pensively at him. Miley thought for a minute about what to do next, then had a sudden spark of inspiration.
Rotating a wheel on the rack, Miley laid Rico on his back, then moved to Rico's legs, bringing the can with her. Picking up her tools, Miley drove a searing hot spike of metal directly into the bottom of Rico's foot. As Rico yelled in pain, Miley moved around and drove a second nail into the other foot. Next, Miley went back to her cart and located an enormous battery and controller, which she dragged over to where she was working. She tied copper wires between the terminals and the nails driven into Rico's feet, then gave Rico a wink and flipped the switch.
Electricity rocketed through Rico's body. He reacted immediately; his body seized, and his muscles snapped taut. Rico's hips thrust skyward, his eyes rolled back, and he let out a deep, throat shredding cry. Miley giggled and danced in place, then reached down and turned up the juice. Rico convulsed uncontrollably, and his bladder emptied once more.
After about five minutes, Miley shut off the power. Wisps of steam rose from the singed skin around Rico's feet, and the area reeked of cooked flesh and burnt enamel. Miley rotated Rico upright again and tried snap her drooling, delirious victim back to attention.
"Rico? Rico! Rico, wake up!" Rico moaned and managed to give a modicum of weak acknowledgment. Miley studied her handiwork, then reached into the medicine bag and produced a large syringe. "Alright, time for the last round."
Rico focused blearily on the needle, which Miley took as a question as to what it was.
"This is a little something to take the pain away," Miley informed Rico as she walked around to her victim's ruined back. Rico flinched as Miley jabbed the needle into the lower part of his spine. Moving in front of her victim again, Miley leaned down and elaborated.
"In a few minutes, you won't be able to feel anything below your ribcage. Then you'll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest."
Rico started to cry again. "Miley?" she choked out.
"Yeah?"
"I want to go home," Rico sobbed.
"Yeah, I can see wanting to do that," replied Miley. "Sometimes, I just wanna give up, just say 'I'm done with this mess' and go to bed. But you know what? You can't shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That's the only way you're gonna get ahead in life."
Rico hung his head and cried.
Minutes passed as the drug took effect. Eventually, Rico was completely numb from his chest to his sides. At this point, Miley approached with a scalpel. Glancing at Rico and smiling, Miley made a long horizontal cut across Rico's pelvis, just above his crotch. Moving up Rico's body, Miley made a similar incision under his ribs. Finally, Miley made a long vertical cut down Rico's stomach, connecting the first two.
"Looks like I got my 'I' on you, Rico," Miley giggled.
With a moist, gooey sound, the flaps of skin opened. The sight of his own organs and the lack of feeling caused Rico's breathing to intensify. Miley carefully sliced open Rico's abdominal sac and grabbed his large intestines. As she separated the organ from the rest of the digestive tract and pulled it out of the new cavity, Miley grew jovial. Laughing as she gutted her victim, Miley began to make jokes. Rico, growing weaker from this new source of blood loss, tried desperately to shut out the macabre comedy act.
"Look at me, Rico!" Miley laughed, slinging the intestinal tube around her neck and spraying blood in all directions. "Isn't my new scarf soooo pretty?"
Reaching back inside, she sliced the smaller intestine off from the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Miley filed the slimy organ through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. "Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Rico."
Rico was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing him to fade. Disappointed, Miley dived back into Rico's guts, ramping up her routine.
"Aw, don't go yet Rico." Miley started pulling out the rest of Rico's organs, pausing with each removal. "I know I can be a real pancreas, but you know I'm just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them."
Miley placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. "Ooo, bagpipes." she said, placing the end of Rico's esophagus in her mouth and the stomach in her armpit. She squeezed, and a spurt of acid hit her tongue. "Eww! Oh hey look, there's your cupcake, Rico!"
Rico didn't hear his tormentor. He had slipped from consciousness minutes ago. Miley, not yet satisfied, hit Rico with another adrenaline shot. Rico woke up for the last time, his heart pounding. Warm blood flowed out from the wound in his chest in great spurts. It wouldn't be long now.
Miley brought Rico around onto his back again and straddled his chest, scalpel at the ready.
"Ya know, Rico, I'm disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer. I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here. But I guess it's my fault; I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well. It was really was nice knowing you, Rico!"
The blade sunk into Rico's throat and worked its way up to Rico's chin. Coming back down, Miley's scalpel then circled Rico's neck. The last thing Rico felt was his skin being cut away from his skull, and the metal of the blade scraping his teeth.
Then he was gone.
Miley stared into the mirror. She had done a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, and Rico winked back. Miley smiled.
But still, she was sad that her victim was now gone. Rico had only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as Miley had wanted. She looked back at the cadaver hanging in the center of the room, the last of her victim's fluids draining into a pan. Yup, no more Rico.
As she looked, Miley cocked her head. She began to take notice of the fact that there really wasn't much damage to the corpse. "It fact," Miley mused, "I think…." An idea exploded in her head. She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do was put them back together. Yeah, she just had to get some stuffing and bingo, she'd have Rico forever. In fact, thought Miley, that's what she'd do for all her best friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped right over to the body with her skinner to get started. The cupcakes could wait; Miley had a friend to make.