No Ticket, No Laundry
~kitsune*moon~
Chapter 1
"This is it, Kitsune-chan."
"Yep...the pinnacle of our lives, Butterfly-chan."
The two girls stood before a relatively small apartment building, one of many in a large complex. Outside it looked completely normal; four stories, red brick, patios and balconies for the upper levels. Yes, it was definitely the cliche of apartment buildings. But inside was a different story.
Our two heroines, Rainbow Butterfly and Kitsune Moon, stood before the entrance of the little nondescript building with confidence. Best friends, they had decided to be roommates while attending the local community college. As Kitsune Moon had said several years earlier in anticipation: "I'll bring the dishes if you bring the TV."
Yes, the girls were very excited. Little did they know that upon walking through the apartment doors, their anime obsessed yet nevertheless semi-normal lives would change forever...or something to that extent, anyway.
*****
"All right...boil six cups of water then add noodles...hmm..."
Kitsune Moon stood amidst a sea of boxes in what seemed like it could be the kitchen. Carefully reading the instructions off of a box of macaroni, she looked doubtfully at the small pot that was supposedly able to hold six cups of water.
"Okay then. I guess I'll just fill it as much as I can," she resolved, dumping a measuring cup full of water into the pot.
As Kitsune made dinner, Rainbow Butterfly was trying her darndest to set up the TV and VCR in the living room. Let's just say she wasn't having much success.
"Dammit! We'll NEVER get to watch Rurouni Kenshin at this rate!" she wailed, tossing the manual over her shoulder. It bounced off of Kitsune's pet fox, Shakko. He skittered down the sofa and made a mad dash for the kitchen.
The phone (the one thing Butterfly DID manage to hook up) rang. Still frustrated, Butterfly snatched the phone from its cradle.
"Moshi moshi? She said into the receiver.
"No DA!" came the reply.
Butterfly narrowed her eyes. The voice seemed really familiar.
"Chichiri?" she questioned, a little confused.
"Na no da! Housekeeping! You want clean sheets?" Chichiri asked cheerily.
"No ticket no laundry!" she quipped, then hung up the phone.
"Well geez," she said aloud, "as if THAT wasn't strange."
Kitsune plunked the pot of now finished macaroni on the card table that sat in the "dining area," which was actually the space where the kitchen melded into the living room.
"Who was that?" she asked, tossing out two plates and a couple of spoons onto the table.
"I think he was trying to sell us car insurance. Our first day here and already the telemarketers make themselves at home!" she exclaimed.
Kitsune sweatdropped slightly and gestured at her pot (the cooking aid, not the OTHER thing you're probably thinking of).
"Supper's on!" she announced, pulling a bell out of her invisi-cabinet and banging it with a spoon. "Go ahead and start eating while I feed Shakko."
As she wrenched open a can a fox food (well what did you expect him to eat?), the doorbell rang.
Kitsune and Butterfly sat still during the whole opening theme of Gundam Wing that the doorbell played. When it stopped, Kitsune opened the door.
"Hello?" she called, looking up and down the hall.
"Down here," a weak voice said.
Sprawled on the floor was a girl who could only be...
"Miaka?" Kitsune said, surprised.
Miaka pulled herself up the doorframe into a standing position.
"I...smell...*wheeze*...artificial CHEESE!" she choked out.
Kitsune stepped backward, a little freaked out. She gave a small nervous laugh.
"Uh...you want some macaroni and cheese?" she ventured cautiously.
Miaka clasped her hands and her eyes became large and watery. Tears of joy trickled down her face. She threw herself around Kitsune's neck.
"THANK you!!" she sniffed.
"It's really...no problem," Kitsune gasped, turning blue from lack of oxygen.
Butterfly looked up in surprise as Miaka bounced into the apartment, followed by a very flustered Kitsune. Kitsune introduced Butterfly, but Miaka was oblivious to everything, her gaze resting on the food. Just as an experiment, Butterfly held up a fork full of macaroni and watched in amusement as Miaka's eyes followed it.
Kitsune, still a little bewildered, set out another plate.
As Miaka began to eat, Butterfly pulled Kitsune aside. There was something very strange going on...
"Hey Kitsune-chan. Do you notice something very strange going on?" she asked.
Kitsune scratched her head.
"You know...it's quite a coincidence that Miaka lives here. If she's here, then maybe..." Butterfly said, leading Kitsune on. She hoped that Kitsune would be able to figure it out.
Kitsune looked nervously at Butterfly, "Then...then...um...oh YAH!" her eyes lit up with the discovery.
"Bishonen Land!" they both squealed.
Sitting back down, they were shocked to see that everything had been eaten, although they should have expected it.
After dinner, Butterfly and Kitsune cleaned up the dishes while Miaka tortured Shakko with a piece of baloney. She laughed as Shakko feebly swiped his paw at the floating lunchmeat.
Kitsune nudged Butterfly. "I bet you five bucks that if I held a piece of food over Miaka's head, she'd act the same way."
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Again the melody of "Just Communication." Again the door was not opened until the song had ended.
Butterfly opened the door cautiously, paranoid of door to door salesmen. But lo and behold, there was NOT a salesman standing in the hall. A friendly grin and sparkling, violet eyes greeted Butterfly, who made a few inarticulate noises and let the young man inside. He stepped into the living room.
"Um, hi. You just moved in, right? I'm Tamahome, by the way. I live down the hall in 2-5. I'm here to collect my gluttonous girlfriend. When she disappeared from our apartment, I followed the smell of Kraft. Where there is food, there is Miaka," he rattled off, genially.
Butterfly numbly motioned toward Miaka, who was still "playing" with Shakko. Tamahome nodded in thanks and made his way through the maze of boxes.
"Tamahome!" Miaka squealed happily.
"Miaka," he said, pulling her into a hug.
"Tamahome."
"Miaka."
"Tama-"
"Ookay, enough of that," Butterfly cut in.
The two stopped, but looked a little embarrassed and unnerved.
Kitsune came out of the kitchen, throwing the dishtowel over her shoulder. She hated dishes. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Tamahome.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," she let out a high pitched squeal, one only known to the fangirl community.
Everyone turned toward her, Tamahome blinking in concern for his safety. Butterfly and Miaka sweatdropped.
"Heh...gomen..." Kitsune apologized, "I thought I saw a spider...yah."
Miaka finally handed over the baloney to Shakko and stood up. She latched herself onto Tamahome's arm.
"Okay, I've curbed my hunger...for now. I can go home now!" she said happily. "Thanks for the mac n' cheese!" she added to our two heroines.
The two girls walked the bish and the glutton to the door. In the hallway, Tamahome thanked Kitsune and Butterfly again.
"And if you need help hooking up your entertainment system," he offered, "I'll be happy to send over one of my buddies to do it for you."
Kitsune nodded, thanking him. Suddenly, Miaka tore down the hallway.
"I'm sorry Tamahome!" she cried, "I just can't BE with you anymore!"
Tamahome sighed heavily. "Oh God, here we go again," he muttered.
Butterfly waved weakly, still stunned. The two girls went back inside and quietly shut the door. They looked at each other, their gaze serious. Then they both squealed in unison and did a little fangirl dance (similar to the bandit-dance, if you didn't know).
*****
The next afternoon, Butterfly took off for the local convenience store, armed with a master grocery list and twenty bucks. Her mission: make that twenty stretch to buy thirty dollars worth of food and supplies.
Pushing her cart down the aisles, she tossed various items into the basket. As each item hit the cart, she mentally checked off the list. She stopped by the beauty aisle for a bottle of shampoo. While deciding whether she wanted shine or volume, she was bumped into from behind.
"Oh, sorry," came a careless voice from behind her.
Butterfly turned around, ready to chew the guy out. "Hey, watch it you...you...TOMO!?" she exclaimed, jumping back three feet.
And it was Tomo who stood behind her, a basket full of CoverGirl and Max Factor cosmetics.
"And who are you supposed to be?" he asked, a little haughtily.
"N-no one. I-I mean no one y-you know. That is..." Butterfly stammered, instantly meek.
Tomo raised one eyebrow then turned back down the aisle. As he continued browsing, Butterfly followed, awe-struck, a few paces behind. She'd totally forgotten about her cart and her mission. She was lost to everything...utterly lost.
*****
Meanwhile, Kitsune was ripping open moving boxes. The kitchen was all unpacked and the living room was almost free of the boxes. She pulled jackets and other items out of a large wardrobe box and put them in the small coat closet. Shakko perched on her head, his favorite spot.
"Well, that should do it for this box," she said to Shakko.
She tilted the box on it's side, ready to drag it down to the parking lot dumpster. As she did so, she heard a thump from inside the box.
"Did I miss something in there?" she asked herself, setting the mass of cardboard upright again.
She stood on her tiptoes and peeked into the wardrobe box. Way at the bottom she spied a piece of jewelry. Her eyes widened.
"Wow! It's my silver bracelet! I thought I lost that!" she exclaimed.
She reached her hand into the box, still on her toes. But alas, our poor Kitsune Moon was too short. She pulled her hand back and paused to think. She quickly fetched a chair and set it against the very VERY tall box. Well, it was tall compared to Kitsune, anyway. Standing on the chair, she could almost reach the bracelet. She leaned over just a bit more, careful to keep her balance.
But anyone who knows Kitsune also knows that she is a little bit klutzy. So now we find our heroine in the box.
"Yay! I got my bracelet back!" she shouted, clasping it on her wrist.
She then realized that she couldn't get out. She was too short! Shakko whined and scratched the side of the box.
Poor Kitsune. If she only had a larger brain capacity, she would have tipped the box over and crawled out. But then the situation wouldn't be funny. So let's take this time to laugh at Kitsune's expense.
*****
Back at the convenient store, we find Butterfly floating after Tomo in a state of bliss. Tomo on the other hand, was beginning to get a little nervous. Inconspicuously, he "dropped" a double-ended ultra heavy-duty eye makeup applicator from his basket, then bent to pick it up. He slid his gaze to the side. There! He could see her in the corner of his eye! He hadn't been imagining that she was following him. Maybe she was stalking him...he decided on a plan.
Butterfly, unaware of his plot...unaware of everything, actually, continued to plod along a few paces behind Tomo as he made his way down the aisles. Suddenly, he turned around.
"Hey! Isn't that Zechs Merquise over there with no shirt!?" he shouted, pointing behind her.
"WHERE?!" she yelped, whirling around to see behind her.
There was no one there. Well, there was a free-sample guy, but he definitely wasn't Zechs. Butterfly gave a little sniff. She was a little disappointed.
"What are you talking about?" she turned around again, only to find that Tomo had split!
Her hands clenched and unclenched. Her eyes narrowed. She gave a thin smile.
"So that's the way you want to play..." she murmured.
She took off down the aisle, darting right and left. She added in a few rolls and flips for good measure. All the while, she loudly sang the Mission Impossible theme. Needless to say, most people avoided our little psychotic Butterfly.
"Yep. I could be one of Charlie's Angels, no problem," she said to herself as she leapt over a display of peaches.
She finally caught sight of Tomo as he made a mad dash for the doors. He was fast, but not fast enough. In a matter of seconds, Butterfly sat happily on her catch.
"Ha! Never mess with a psycho!" she crowed triumphantly.
Tomo wheezed, trying to regain his breath. "How did you manage to catch me?"
Butterfly dusted off her clothes and gave a slight smirk. "I had a year of bishonen hunting training. It was grueling, but I think it paid off."
Tomo gave a sigh of defeat.
*****
"...zzzz..." Kitsune Moon slumbered in her box.
Unable to escape, she had soon fallen asleep, her head now full of pixy sticks, bishonen, and lots of Pocky.
Suddenly, there came a knocking on the door.
Kitsune promptly waked upon this rapping on her door.
"I say," quoth she, "there is someone knock, knock, knocking on my chamber door."
The maiden of vulpine nature did so dutifully stride to the portal of her abode, her intent to throw open the bolt and-
"Would'st thou halt thine tedious workings and permit this vulpine maiden speech of a more modern fashion?!" shouted Kitsune, becoming annoyed.
"That's better," she sniffed, "and how exactly did I get out of that stupid box?"
Unable to explain it, Kitsune pinned it on the higher powers and continued to unlock the door. But she stopped herself.
"Remember kids, always check to see who's on the other side before you open the door. Kitsune says!" she said, striking a goofy Sailor Moon pose.
Shakko whined and hid under the couch. An immense sweat drop slid down Kitsune's head. She sighed and opened the door. Her eyes became very wide as she met her guest face to face.
"T-T-Tasuki!?" she stammered out.
"Yeah, that's me. Tamahome sent me over here to look at an entertainment system," Tasuki said, stepping into the apartment.
Kitsune followed him as he made his way to the living room, where the TV, VCR, and DVD player were discarded in a heap on the floor, along with many multi-colored cords and wires.
"Ano, my room mate, Butterfly, had issues when she tried to set this up," Kitsune explained.
"Uh huh," Tasuki muttered softly, not listening.
He was preoccupied, picking up one wire, then another. He began to untangle them all.
"The colors..." he said, transfixed.
"Ookay...that's nice. I think I'll let you work in peace," Kitsune said, backing away slowly.
She quietly slipped out of the apartment and shut the door softly. She looked up and down the hallway.
"Now, let's see. Which one would it be?" she asked herself.
She walked down the hall and inspected each apartment number.
"2-7, 2-6, 2-5...aha! 2-4! This has to be Chiriko's apartment!"
Our little fox seems to know exactly what she's doing. How can she know what apartment Chiriko lives in?
"I'll tell you how. Just think like Chiriko. 2-4 reversed is 4-2. 42 is the meaning of life! Only someone like Chiriko would think of that!" Kitsune explained, extremely pleased with herself.
She knocked politely on the door, then stepped back to wait for the door to open. The door did not open. She knocked again. Still, no answer.
"Um, excuse me," came a voice from inside.
Kitsune scratched her head. She put her ear to the door.
"If there's anyone out there, I'd really like to let you in, but I can't seem to reach the doorknob," Chiriko said from the other side of the door.
"Oh, I see," Kitsune said to the door, suppressing a laugh, "would it be all right if I just came in?" she asked, using her best grown-up manners.
"Please do."
Kitsune opened the door, being careful not to hit the squirt. She was met by a beaming Chiriko, who courteously bowed to her. Kitsune awkwardly bowed back.
"Ano...my name is Kitsune Moon. My roommate and I just moved into 2-8," Kitsune introduced herself.
"I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Chiriko. Is there any reason that you dropped by?" Chiriko asked, motioning for Kitsune to sit.
"Yes, actually. I was wondering if you would come to my apartment and help me set up the entertainment system. Tamahome sent Tasuki to do it, but I don't think he knows what he's doing," Kitsune said, accepting the tea Chiriko handed to her.
"It's green tea," he said.
"I wouldn't have known," Kitsune said softly, looking at the green liquid in her cup.
"Hm?"
"Oh, nothing!" Kitsune said, a sweatdrop springing out of nowhere.
"Well, I think I could go down to take a look. Did Tasuki leave?" he asked.
"No, I left him in my apartment. Why?" Kitsune asked.
"Oh no! You left him there alone? By himself!? Surely you did not know what you were getting yourself into!" Chiriko jumped up and flew out the door.
Kitsune scratched her head again. She shrugged and sipped her green tea, then calmly set the cup down on the coffee table and left. She made sure to leave the door cracked so Chiriko could get back in.
*****
Meanwhile, Butterfly had finally purchased the groceries and was happily skipping down the sidewalk toward home. One hand held the plastic grocery bag, the other tightly clutched Tomo's trailing feathers emanating from his head adornment.
"I've got a Tomo, I've got a Tomo," she sang.
Tomo, plodding along sullenly, was silent.
*****
"TASUKI!!" Chiriko was pounding on the door of 2-8.
Kitsune leaned over and opened the door for the very flustered Chiriko. He burst into the room, followed closely by Kitsune. There, in the middle of the floor, sat Wolf-boy. He looked weary and defeated, and giant question mark was suspended over his head.
Kitsune was immediately sorry. She shouldn't have left the poor, flame haired guy alone! She rushed over and knelt beside Tasuki. His lap was covered with multi-colored wires. He picked one up with a shaky hand and gave Kitsune a broad, almost insane, smile.
"I like the blue one," he whispered, offering it to her.
Kitsune blinked, then smiled, "That's great Tasuki-chan. How would you like to have some hot chocolate?"
She was sure to use her 'talking to psychopaths' voice, much like the tone she used when talking to Butterfly. She then accepted Tasuki's blue wire and put in her pocket. She would put it in her bishonen shrine later.
"That'll do Tasuki-chan, that'll do," she said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Can I have some hot chocolate now?" Tasuki asked, looking pitifully at Kitsune.
"Of course," she stood up and took Tasuki by the hand, pulling him to his feet.
Chiriko stood up also, brushing off his...his...chinese-scholarly-type-getup. He looked up at Kitsune, who was helping Tasuki to the kitchen.
"Um, Kitsune-san? Could I have some hot chocolate too?" he asked.
Kitsune set the kettle on the stove and looked down to see Chiriko, his lips quivering.
"What's wrong Chiriko? I'll make enough for you too!" she said, kneeling down.
"It's just that *sniff* I...I never had anyone to make me hot chocolate! My parents were always away with their diplomatic affairs! Only the servants raised me, and still I was alone for most of the time," Chiriko burst into tears.
"Oh, how sad!" cried Kitsune, becoming teary eyed.
She threw her arms around little Chiriko and cried with him. Tasuki wandered over and slumped to his knees, his madness still not past him yet.
"Where's my hot chocolate!?" he started to bawl.
"Poor Chiriko! I'll take care of you! I'll adopt you, I'm sure Butterfly won't mind!" Kitsune sniffed.
"Oh thank you Kitsune-mama!" Chiriko smiled through his tears.
"I want hot chocolate!" yelled Tasuki
And so we leave the crazy little trio, for the moment anyway.
*****
Butterfly smiled at Tomo. Tomo had a very bad feeling.
"If you're going to be my bishonen, Tomo-chan, you have to be squeaky clean," she said, dragging him down the street.
"Aha! Here we are!" said Butterfly, entering the 'La La Laundromat'.
Quick as a flash, she had Tomo in a washer. She added a bit of 'Mountain Fresh' Tide and turned the washer setting to the knit cycle. Then she pulled up a chair and produced a copy of Animerica from her invisi-closet.
"I'm washing a Tomo, I'm washing a Tomo," she sang.
End Chapter 1