WARNING: Sexism, shaming of women.
The sheen of nylon runs across legs that her dress barely covers. "Whore", "slut", "failure", "shame", her family whispers these words when they think she cannot hear. She convinces herself she does not care. At least showing her legs scares away the weak, polite schoolboys who used to flock to her like sheep, leaving only the mature and the disgusting, which she has years' experience differentiating. Susan weeded out the ones who were scared of sex along with the ones who were obsessed with it. She dated the boys, usually older, who understood. Because for all that Susan looks young she has lived another life in another land and finds her body in disconnect with her mind. She searches for equals in the men she takes as her romantic partners. Strange how her siblings who go on about Narnia are so able to forget it. To ignore the fact they have outgrown being English school children. Whatever Aslan had said when he banished her "home" he knew nothing. Susan had lived half her life in Narnia. She had learned to love in that beautiful land, a land which had gripped her heart more strongly than any suitor. She had lost England in that beautiful wilderness, and had never wanted to regain it. It was in Narnia that she had had her first kiss and Narnia where her heart had first broken. Narnia had been her home ever since it snuck into her soul like thief in the night, leaving her without even the desire to complain. But she could pretend to forget the wild Narnian beauty for tame England if she needed to. And she needed to.
A flash of red, a pout upon lips painted like blood. She knew Polly found it shallow and materialistic, probably even a sin against the woman's rights the woman fought for. But Polly was like Lucy, a tomboy at heart. She had never wanted the stability of marriage, and found no thrill in flirting and beauty. She had always wanted to go on adventures and fight (as well as a boy) to scold and boss men with her strong will and loud opinions. And that may work for her, but Susan had always ruled through her beauty, and knew no other path. In Narnia, Bards wrote songs of how she had made armies fall with a glance. Beauty, kindness, and subtle empathy and mixed within her into an unstoppable force. She toned down what would have been an intimidating appearance by being known as virtuous and sweet. But when needed she would drop that and stand with the pride of a Queen, confident in her power. In England, everyone had makeup to increase their beauty and Susan had to keep up to be seen in this shallow world where women were judged only by their bodies. And Susan could never truly let go of the memories. She knew she had once been the fairest of them all, and had no problem wearing lipstick and mascara. Just as long as they would call her beautiful again.