I need you tonight
Author's notes: Set after I will remember you and Hero. Characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB, Kuzui Inc. The song I need you tonight belongs to Backstreet Boys.
Summary: It's one month after Doyle's death. In a rainy day, Angel thinks of his love for Buffy, and the choices he made because of her. Then a surprise knocks on his door.
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It's raining. Like the day we first became one, in heart, body and soul. Like the day I married her. Like the day I made her mine. Like the day I reached true happiness for the first time.
Like the day Angelus destroyed in me the hope of loving and being loved in return.
~~~~~
Open up your heart to me
And say what's on your mind
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life, this time
~~~~~
That dawn I was ready to die. To leave existence. The First knew how to hurt me and did it. Killed in me the faith in myself, killed in me the faith in life, killed in me my faith in my strenght.
It killed in me the faith in Buffy's and my love.
But then she arrived and told me she knew how I was hurting. Told me she loved me and hated it cause it made so hard for her to let me go. She had to arrive and confuse me. It was like she knew she had to make me believe, again, in something. In her. In us. In myself, mainly.
But I saw her crying when Angelus was so mean to her. I saw her crying when I was in Hell, I saw her trying to moving on with her life. I stopped her from being a normal teen. I was an obstacle in her path. I needed to leave. Three months slipped between her fingers like sand.
Three months for her, six centuries for me in Hell.
~~~~~
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It's doesn't matter if it's wrong of it's right
I really need you tonight
~~~~~
Love brought me back. Her love. My love. Our love. But I scared her when I arrived. I was insane, so confused and scared and lost. However, she didn't fear me. On the contrary, she took care of me. Watched my back. The night she had to fight modern Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde, I was aware, in some prime way, of my love for her and hers for me.
That's why I attacked that boy who tried to hurt her and suffocated him. His death brought my conscience back, and the first thing I saw was her face. The face I loved so much and the face Hell used to torture me.
We slowly started to get used to be side to side again. As friends. Cause we knew what would happen if we got back as lovers. It was too risky, but somehow our love won our resistance. We got back together only to be separated by the mayor and her mother.
I know I hurt her. I know our breakup nearly killed her. It actually killed me. But that she never knew. She was so engulfed by her own pain that she didn't see how I was dying slowly, of the same disease. When Faith shot me with the poisoned arrow, I was ready to die. Cause it would be quick, and then my heartache would stop.
~~~~~
I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words, they come out so wrong
Oh yeah they do
And I know in time you will understand
That what we have is so right this time
~~~~~
But tonight. Tonight I need her more than I ever had since I met her. Because Doyle is dead, he is dead instead of me. I should be the one to be dead, not him. Because he had Cordelia, Cordelia that was starting to love him. And whom he loved already. I had nothing to stand for, neither a life, nor a love. Buffy wouldn't miss me if I were dead, cause she has Riley Finn now.
I hear a soft sob upstairs. Cordelia is crying on Doyle's bedroom now. She's the only one who prevents me to go and find my death on the sharp point of a stake. She is so hurt, if I'm gone she'll kill herself. She won't bear the pain. I hear a knock on my door, and I stand up to answer it.
Then slender arms find their place around my neck, and lips kiss mine. I can't believe she's here. Maybe it's one of these dreams I have since I erased the day.
"I felt you needed me" She whispers into my mouth "And I came, cause you made it for me so many times. I felt I need to payback".
For the first time since Doyle died I cry. I mourn his passment, I mourn the chance I gave up so Buffy could stay alive. I mourn the death of my hope.
I know she's here for tonight, and it kills me, cause she's becoming me.
"He's gone" I whisper, and she rocks me back and forth, kissing butterfly-kisses all over my face "Doyle is gone, and he wasn't supposed to. I should be the one to be dead. He had Cordelia who loves him. And I...".
"You have me" She says firmly "You have me, Angel, you know you do".
"You have Riley" I reply bitterly "You belong to someone else, and I have no right to think I still have you".
"Yes, you have. You have the right to think you still have me, cause you do. You have the three of us".
"The three of us?" I ask, confused.
"Yes" She answers "The three of us. I'm pregnant, Angel, of twins".
"Oh" I shove her gently off my side "I guess Riley is very happy".
"Didn't you hear one word I had spoken? YOU have the three of us" She screams "Riley isn't the father, YOU are!".
"I'm a vampire" I reply.
"For one day you weren't" She remarks quietly. I freeze. She isn't supposed to remember, she shouldn't! "For one day you weren't, one month ago. I never forgot".
"I'm sorry" I say. I know she is mad at me. Somehow she senses what I'm thinking.
"No, love, I'm sorry. You gave up humanity for me. I was mad at you in the first two seconds, then the force of what you had sacrificed for me struck me. You gave up everything you wished, dreamed and fought".
"It nearly killed me. Or maybe it did".
"Then" She crosses the gap I imposed to us "Let me bring you to life" With that she kisses me "You already sacrificed too much. PTB don't think you should have sacrificed your life too".
~~~~~
All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more
And baby I know I need you
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or if it's right
I really need you
~~~~~
I know I shouldn't be happy. Cause Doyle is dead. Cause he made the sacrifice I thought I should have. But I am happy, cause I have the woman I love, the woman I would sacrifice everything for.