[A/N: Hello, m'dears! This is Kaylee here. I want you to know, while I am still working on With Cruel Intent, I take my inspiration where I can get it. This was a lot of fun to write and hopefully you enjoy Freakazoid and friends' disfunctional takes on your beloved childhood fairytales. Enjoy!-Kaylee]
Cast;
Freakazoid...Sky Blue
Guitierrez...The Evil King
The Huntsman...The Huntsman, obviously
Cosgrove...The Magic Mirror
Dwarves-
Nerdy...Fanboy
Limey...Lord Bravery
Dummy...Mo-Ron
Fatty...Fatman
Wimpy...Professor Jones
Mutey...Ingmar
Angry...Roddy
And playing the part of the Princess is Steff
With Weena Mercator as The Hopping Woman
Sky Blue
Once upon a time, in a time beyond time, there was a grand old kingdom known as Washington D.C. Of course, this was back in the era when copyrighting didn't exist, or at least was corrupt and weak at best, so an infringement lawsuit was pretty much a moot point. Anyway, the Kingdom of Washington D.C was ruled by a wicked King, who reigned over the poor villaigers with an iron fist. His name, was King Armando Guitierrez, or as most people called him, That Big Weenie.
It was a mystery to most of the populous how King Guitierrez held his power or how he was so able to find and crush any spark of rebellion. Little did anybody know that the king had a dark secret; in the hall closet, next to his fancy Hugh Heffner robe, King Guitierrez had a magical mirror that saw all of the goings-on in the kingdom. Guitierrez had bought it off the old owners at a reasonably cheap price, because despite its magical capabilities, people thought having a mirror with a disembodied talking head inside of it was creepy.
Although the source of his power was secret, itwas widely known that King Guitierrez was very incredibly vain and conceited over his appearance, and would often boast about being the most handsome man in the Kingdom. Every single morning, before he did anything else, he would wander into the hallway and ask his mirror; "Mirror, my friend, hanging on the wall, who is the most handsome of them all?"
Every time, the mirror would reply, in a gruff, deadpan voice, "That'd be you", or, if he was in a bad mood, "I'll tell ya later. Right now I wanna pot of coffee."
This went on for some number of years before one faithful morning...
King Guitierrez arose on a rather dismal and rainy morning, already in a bad mood to start with. He had a bit of a bite in his voice when he asked his magic mirror, "Mirror, my good friend, hanging on the wall, who is the most handsome of them all?"
The gruff but loveable mirror replied, "Not you."
"What?", Guitierrez snapped, eyes so wide that one nearly popped his patch off. "How is this possible?"
"Well," the mirror explained, "For starters, you're getting kinda old, and you really been letting yourself go since you stopped going jogging."
"I had a knee injury!", The King retorted. "My doctor said that I should not exert myself!"
"That's not all," the mirror continued, not phased in the least by King Guitierrez's tirade. "There's someone else in the Kingdom of D.C who's better looking than you are."
"Who is it?" The King seized the mirror's frame, seething angrily. "Who could possibly be better looking than I am?"
"Spandex bodysuit as red as blood with an emblem the color of gold, hair as black as night with a cool black lightning stripe, and skin as blue as the afternoon sky..." The mirror trailed off, as if expecting the king to know who he was talking about.
Guitierrez blinked. "Who the heck are you talking about? I don't get it."
"Oh." The face in the mirror blinked. "Well, they call him Sky Blue. That's not his real name, of course, because that would be stupid. He lives on Finiculi Finicula Avenue and from what I hear, he's got a real neato car."
"Oh, really..." Guitierrez smirked, purring in a dark way. "Perhaps I shall have my faithful Huntsman pay this Sky Blue a little...visit."
"Have him bring me a cuppa coffee an' a can of hash, too."
"Whatever!", the King exclaimed impatiently, waving him off. His tone grew dark again. "Pretty soon, I will again be the most handsome guy in the entire kingdom!"
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The next morning, after another session of griping at the magic mirror, King Guitierrez sounded the Horn of Urgency to call his faithful Huntsman.
"You wanted to see me, your majesy?" The green-clad Huntsman was kneeled before the king, awaiting orders.
"Ah, yes, my dear old friend, The Huntsman...I called you here today because I need a little favor."
"Which would be, milord?", the Huntsman inquired, face unchanging despite his tone.
"I need you to go to Finiculi Finicula Avenue and find a man called Sky Blue."
"Sky Blue?", The Huntsman quipped, sounding shocked. "That's a dumb name. Were his parents hippies or something?"
"Focus!" King Guitierrez rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "I want you to take Sky Blue out to the forest where he can run around and play and frolic and pick teeny-tiny little buttercups. Then, when he is distracted, I want you to kill him."
The Huntsman gasped. "B-But I can't kill anybody!"
Guitierrez's voice was disturbingly calm. "You can, and you will. You know what the penalty will be if you do not comply."
"Y-You don't mean?"
"Yes! You will have to sit in a little room, all by yourself, and watch every single movie ever starring Kirsten Stewart!"
The Huntsman screamed. "I'll do it!" His voice whimpered. "People think my facial expression never changes, but she's ridiculous!" The Huntsman began to walk out of the palace and toward his assignment when King Guitierrez stopped him.
"Wait!" Smirking, he held a box in his outstretched palm. "To make sure that you will not pull a fast one and be a cheating cheater, I want you to bring me back the gold-colored emblem from Sky Blue's suit."
The Huntsman nodded, pausing for a second. "Milord, a question? What if Sky Blue doesn't want to pick little buttercups?"
Guitierrez huffed, "Tell him you're going to get a snowcone or something, now go away and leave me be!"
With that, the Huntsman set off to Finiculi Finicula Avenue to begin the grim task at hand. It didn't tae him long to find the Avenue, and it took him even less time to find the address; it was the little cottage with all of the girls waiting outside. The Huntsman pushed past the desperate females and knocked on the door. "Hello?" A boisterous voice greeted him from within.
"Uh, h-hello," The Huntsman replied nervously. "I'm here to see the one they call Sky Blue."
The door was thrown open by a young man who, with an athletic physique, a charming smile and bright black eyes that shone with childish mirth, was every bit as good-looking as the mirror described. "That's what they call me!" Sky Blue bounced out of the house and toward the Huntsman. "My real name's Freakazoid, but everyone calls me Sky Blue on account of I look like a Smurf. Isn't that great?"
"I suppose it is..." The Huntsman was taken aback by Sky's strange forwardness.
Sky Blue smiled obliviously. "Is there something you wanted?"
"Yes. Actually there is." He cleared his throat. "I'm supposed to take you out to play and frolic in the woods."
"Well, that sounds a little girly." Sky's flat tone was unimpressed.
"Did I say to play in the woods?", the Huntsman asked nervously, mind fearfully flashing to the Twilight Saga. "I meant to say, I was supposed to take you out to get a snowcone."
Sky's eyes widened. "A snowcone!" He clapped his hands and bounced joyfully in place. "Why didn'tcha just say so? Come on!"
Happily, Sky Blue bounced behind the Huntsman, blissfully unaware of the terrible fate he was about to meet.
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"This doesn't look like the Snow Cone Stand," Sky Blue declared skeptically after an hour or so of walking with the Huntsman. The two were now standing in the heart of the woods, where very little sunlight could enter.
The stoic hunter made a slight sound of panic. "Er...Well, why don't you look for it, then?"
"Great idea!" Sky Blue bounded around, looking through the dark forest with determination, eager for his promised snow cone.
Slowly, the Huntsman began to raise his bow at Sky's slowly-moving frame. Deep inside, he knew he couldn't do it; the lad wasn't even grown yet, and he was so innocent and unassuming. But he knew that he had to do it. So, eyes squeezed shut and teeth ground together, the Huntsman let his arrow fly.
"Ooh, shiny quarter!"
Thwip!
A sickening thunk then, silence. A few seconds passed, which felt like hours to the hunter. When he opened his eyes, what he saw surprised him.
Standing there, hurt, fear and shock present on his face and a new coin in his hand, was Sky Blue. The arrow which he had so carefully fired was plunged deep into a nearby tree. "What...what did you do that for?" Sky's voice was indignant.
The Huntsman stood for a moment, trying to think of a lie to tell the blue-skinned boy. "I...I...I..." His knees buckled; Lord help him, the Huntsman just couldn't do it! "Darn the luck, I just can't do this!"
On his knees, he gazed up at Sky with pleading eyes. "The King ordered me to lure you out into the woods and kill you, then bring back your emblem to prove it! He's mad with jealousy I tell you, mad!"
Sky Blue appeared shocked and slightly confuzzled. "What should I do?"
"Run! Run away and never come back! But first-", The Huntsman ripped the emblem of Sky Blue's suit, much to his annoyance. "-This will make the King think you're really dead."
Sky Blue nodded, still unsure of the situation, but willing to heed the Huntsman's warning if it meant he was able to live. "Now run! Into the forest, Sky Blue!"
With a burst of speed unknown to man, Sky Blue bolted through the dark woods and into the unknown world beyond.
After running for what felt like hours, Sky stopped to rest, panting. "Geez...I really...should have brought...my inhaler." Leaning on a tree, he thought that he saw something beyond the next few feet of dense forest. "Either I'm delirious...", Sky muttered to himself dubiously, "or that's a house over there!"
Sky Blue, energy renewed by the hope of finding a place to crash, bounded forward past the last trees into the waning sunlight. Sure enough, a small cottage lay tantalizingly in a small clearing. "I'm sure whoever lives here will understand if I come in for a little bit." Sky blinked. "Wait a minute, is breaking and entering even illegal yet?" Shrugging, the exhausted blue teenager silently crept toward the pretty little house, opening the door with a creak. Since nobody was home, he decided to make himself comfortable; Sky Blue raided the fridge and made himself a sandwich, gulping it down in one bite. "Mm...I love peanut butter, banana, sardine, cheese, tomato and hot fudge sandwiches," he declared with a satisfied grin.
A few minutes later, Sky realized that he was about to fall over dead if he didn't get some shut-eye soon. After a little exploring of the house, the lad stumbled on a very large bedroom with seven twin beds lined up against the wall. "Geez!", exhaled Sky Blue, taking in the odd sight, "Either I'm in an overcrowded dormatory or there's something up with this place." After a yawn escaped his throat, he shrugged defeatedly. "Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers, I guess." Curling up on the cleanest and most well-kept bed, Sky Blue soon dropped off into a deep, peaceful slumber.
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"...So what are we gonna do with 'im, Angry?"
"Aye, I dunnae know. But what I do know is 'at he better get 'is butt out! Of! My! Bed! Before I kick his cruddy be'ind into the next Kingdom!"
Sky Blue murmured, beginning to stir. "Just five more minutes, Auntie Weena, please?"
"Ack!", a very angry, very Scottish voice barked, causing the young man to jolt awake. "I ain't yer auntie, lad! But when I'm through wit' yeh, you'll be callin' for her at the top 'a yer cruddy lungs!"
Sky Blue sat bolt upright in the bed he had borrowed. One by one, he gazed at seven faces staring intensely at him. And not a single one of them looked happy.
End Part One