Title: The Angels Sang a Whiskey Lullaby
Genre: Angst/Drama
Ship: Puck/Quinn; a bit of Finn/Santana
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,163
Summary: "Tonight, on Valentine's Day, her favorite holiday, I'm going to give her what she's been waiting for; I'm going to ask her to marry me."

"I'll be home around five."
"Alright, baby, I love you."
"I love you, too."

I kissed her softly and walked out the door. Quinn and I had been dating for three years. We met freshman year in high school but we didn't start a real relationship until our junior year of college. I was always afraid of commitment, she learned that early in our friendship. But the way I felt with Quinn was different than the way I'd felt with any other girl. Tonight, on Valentine's Day, her favorite holiday, I'm going to give her what she's been waiting for; I'm going to ask her to marry me. All day at work, that diamond ring was burning a hole in my pocket. I was antsy with anticipation, too excited to focus. My boss noticed and called me into his office.

"Puckerman, you got somewhere you'd rather be?"
"Is that a trick question, sir?" I laughed and sat in front of his desk.
"I guess so. So what's got you so distracted?"
"Well, tonight I'm going to ask Quinn to marry me."
"Really?" I nodded. "Congratulations, Noah!"
"Thank you, sir."
"It's been, what? Two years now?"
"Three."
"What the hell took you so long?" He smiled.
"I have no clue. I've been an idiot these past few years."
"Yes, you have." He looked at his watch. "Tell you what, it's three o'clock. There's nothing here that I can't get Ryan to do. Go ahead and go home. Take Quinn out somewhere nice and handle your business."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Now get out before I change my mind."
"Thank you so much, Mr. Cole."

I got my things together and rushed to my car. The smile never left my face as I headed home. I pulled out my phone to text Quinn that I was on my way but I decided against it. This was going to be a surprise. I pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, quietly closing the door. Shoving my hand in my pocket, I made my way inside and down the hallway toward the bedroom. I heard Quinn's giggle and smiled. She must be on the phone. I put my hand on the doorknob to our bedroom door and froze. Was I really ready to do this? Yes. Smiling, I opened the door. My jaw dropped as I saw Quinn's back, her body slowly moving up and down. I heard moaning that was too deep to be from her. Tears formed in my eyes.

"Qu-Quinn?"

Her head whipped around and she stared at me. She climbed off of him and wrapped the sheet around her body.

"Noah, baby, I can explain."
"Who-? What-?" I shook my head, unable to control my breathing and my thoughts.
"Please, just let me explain."
"Why?"
"I don't-"
"Why, Quinn?"

She looked down at her feet. The guy, who I recognized as someone from her job, pulled his pants on, grabbed his shirt, and ran out of the room.

"Noah, I'm so sorry." She walked over to me. "I never-"
"How could you do this to me? I love you." I wiped away the tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.
"I love you, too. So much."
"So you have sex with some other guy? In our bed?"
"I'm sorry! It wasn't supposed to happen."
"How long have you been doing this?"
"I-it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does. It matters to me. Please, Quinn."
"Five months."
"How could you do this?"
"I was an idiot. I didn't know if our relationship was going to go anywhere." I saw the tears in her eyes.
"I came home early to take you out. I was-" I cleared my throat and wiped my cheeks again. "I was going to ask you to marry me."
"You were?" She looked up at me.
"Yeah."

I went to the closet and grabbed one of my suitcases. I grabbed handfuls of clothes from my drawers and our closet, stuffing them inside not caring about whether they were folded or not. She grabbed my wrist.

"Please don't leave."
"Go to hell, Q."

I closed the zipper and dragged the suitcase in my car. She followed me, pleading with me not to leave. I ignored her and drove away. I didn't have a destination in mind. I'm not sure how long I drove. The streets were pitch black when I finally pulled into the driveway. Grabbing my suitcase, I walked to the door and knocked. The porch light slowly flickered on and the familiar face appeared at the screen door as the front door opened.

"Puck?"
"Can I come in?"
"Of course."

I opened the screen door and stepped inside.

"Finn, who's at the door?" We turned toward the stairs and saw Santana walking down. She looked at me and smiled. "Oh, hi Puck. What's wrong?"
"I need somewhere to stay."
"What happened?" Joe asked.
"Quinn cheated on me."
"What?"
"Yeah. I walked in on her in bed with some guy this afternoon."
"Oh, Puck, I'm so sorry." San said, hugging me. I swallowed back the tears and smiled.
"It's okay. Can I stay here?"
"Of course you can." She turned to Finn. "I'm going to go check on Samantha and Grace."

I had to look away when their lips locked. Santana walked upstairs and Finn and I soon followed. I was envious of my best friend. At twenty-five, he had a wife and two beautiful daughters. My fear of commitment caused all of this; it was my fault. I sat on the bed and broke down. Finn sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"It's going to be okay, man."
"No." I shook my head. "This is all my fault."
"No, it's not."

He sat with me until the tears subsided. I noticed him yawn.

"Finn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just need a place to stay for a few days."
"Stay as long as you need."

He stood up and walked down the hall to his room. Sighing, I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed. After at least an hour of tossing and turning, I stood up. I walked downstairs and went directly to Finn's liquor cabinet. I'd buy him more tomorrow. I grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose and went back up to the guest room, drinking along the way. I stopped in at Samantha and Grace's room. Grace was five years old, Sam was only two. I smiled as I watched them sleep. I wanted a family so badly; I wanted a family with Quinn. Taking a swig, I walked back to the guest room.

I stayed with Finn and Santana for two weeks. They had already informed the rest of our friends about my failed relationship. Everyday for those two weeks, Quinn came by the house. After three days, Santana gave up on giving her excuses and finally just told her I didn't want to see her. My mom offered to let me stay at her house and since living in a hotel room didn't appeal to me, I opted to live with my mother and little sister. I moved my things out of Finn's house and into theirs.

I managed to keep my life intact for about three months after I caught the love of my life with another man. For those months, she kept coming back trying to get me to at least talk to her. I was never able to. The second I saw her car pull into the driveway or heard her voice at the door I'd break down. Most likely I'd grab a bottle from the liquor cabinet and sulk in my old room. I tried my hardest to hide my drinking from Mom and Hannah, but there were nights when I couldn't make it from the couch in the living room up to my bedroom. Hannah would have to tear the bottle out of my hands and drag me upstairs.

After those first three months, my life basically went to hell. Due to the drinking, I would often sleep in and miss work. That resulted in me losing my job. By then, everyone in town knew what had happened. I couldn't go to the store on the corner without somebody turning to a friend and whispering, pointing in my direction. My last paycheck went to my mom to pay for the table and glass I had broken in one of my drunken rages. She told me I couldn't live there anymore. Thankfully, Finn let me move back in with him and Santana. It was the week before my twenty-sixth birthday when I found out that Finn and Santana had been talking to Quinn about me. I had already downed a bottle of vodka when I walked past their room and heard Santana on the phone.

"No, he's not doing well. What do you expect?" She paused. "Damnit, Quinn. You cheated on him. He was in love with you!" Another pause. "That's bullshit and you know it." She lowered his voice. "Not a moment goes by that he's not drunk anymore. It's killing him." She sighed. "Yeah, Finn will give you an update next week. Bye."

I waited a few seconds after she hung up to open the door. She jumped and turned around, startled to see me.

"Puck, um, hey."
"How long have you been talking to her?"
"You're slurring. How much did you have to drink?"
"Not much, promise." I put my pinky in her face. She slapped it away. "Tana, why do you talk to her?"
"Because she, like us, is worried about you."
"I'm fine." I waved my hand at her and turned to leave, bumping into her dresser. I started giggling. "Sorry."
"Damn, Puck. You have to stop drinking." She put my right arm around her shoulder and began walking.
"I don't need your help."
"Yes, you do. Just let me help you."
"Oh you're so good to me." We got into my room and she dumped me onto my bed. She pulled my blanket over me and sat on the edge of the bed. "I love you, Tana."
"I-" She cleared her throat. I looked up and saw tears in her eyes. "I love you, too."

She rubbed my arm as I slowly fell asleep. When I woke up, the room was still dark. Hannah, who was eating dinner over with us, walked into my room with a plate of food. I could hear how tired she was by the tone of her voice. I sat up when she got to my bed.

"Dinner time, Noah."
"Thank you, Hannah."
"You're welcome." She sat next to me and rubbed my back while I ate. I noticed a few pills next to my food and I looked up at her. "I figured you'd have a hangover."
"I do, thank you." I took the pills and finished eating. "I'm sorry."
"I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself. Or to us. We all love you, Noah."
"I love you all, too. I just can't be without her."
"You can if you try. I love you so much."

She kissed my forehead and picked up the plate.

"Hannah, I love you."

She smiled and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. I sighed and walked into my bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that I looked like a mess. There were heavy, dark bags under my eyes, and my skin was pale. I'd been feeling weak lately, I wasn't eating right. I turned on the water and took a quick shower. When I got out, I put on my pajama pants and looked in my medicine cabinet. When I found what I was looking for, I went back to my bed. I pulled out my bottle of vodka and took a swig.

Looking at the bottle of pills in my hand, I thought about my family. I wasn't helping them by being here. I unscrewed the cap and poured the contents into my hand. There were about twenty sleeping pills. I took them four at a time. I rolled over on my bed and reached into my nightstand drawer. I pulled out a box, a piece of paper, and a pen. I scribbled on the paper and opened the box. There was a knock on my door.

"Go away!"
"Puck, can I come in?"
"Santana, go to your room."
"Puck, I need to talk to you." It was Finn.
"I love you guys!"

I could feel the pills taking their toll. I set the diamond ring on the paper next to my bed and laid down, closing my eyes. The last thing I heard was the door fly open. Footsteps hurried over to me, hands lightly slapping my face. Crying, the sound of paper, screaming. I knew they saw the note.

I'll love her until I die.

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