Title: Eclipse
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Author:
Wanings: Mpreg, Mentions of rape/non-consent?
Summary: Mistakes were made, but now Rodney McKay is living with the consequences.
Chapter 1: Doctor's Visit
69696969696969696969696969
Based on/alternate ending to Strange Attractors by Zoe Rayne
It might make more sense to read this story first. It is told from John Sheppard's POV. Mine is told from Rodney's POV.
I do not consider myself a good writer only creative and imaginative. I know my grammar and writting skills are not the greatest, but bear with me.
Warning: Contains mpreg and mentions for rape/non-consental
Don't like don't read.
69696969696969696969696969
Chapter 1: Doctor's Visit
69696969696969696969696969
Present: Infirmary
Rodney sat motionless in the infirmary of Atlantis.
He had spent the last 2 hours insulting Carson Beckett's 'voodoo' medical skills and at time intelligence. The Doctor had in fact run every test known to humankind in 3 galaxies.
"And...You're sure?" He asked sounding more like a child about to be punished than the astrophysist with more than one PhD that he was.
"Aye" The Scottish doctor said with a nod.
69696969696969696969696969
Rodney was a scientist. He knew for a long time that he was meant to be scientist.
For as young as Rodney could remember he had felt a curiosity for everything and an enjoyment all which could be empirically understood.
This did not help him to make friends. Smaller and less sociable than the other children, they had hated him. He usually deserved it as he was often rude, insulting and didn't share in the games the other children played. Even the teachers became annoyed at his frequent 'questioning' of everything from the information of the subject they were teaching to their capacity to teach.
Rodney was always at the principal's office. Always having to apologize for his behaviour, even if he didn't feel he had done wrong. Sometimes he knew it wasn't his fault. A couple of boys had beaten him up one afternoon. They apologized to him and him to them, even though he had just been sitting there.
He was often found at recess in some corner doing homework, usually math. The teachers mostly assigned every other math problem, even though they told him he didn't need to do all the questions he did anyway.
Things got worse for him when he skipped a couple of grades. This made him smaller and further isolated him from his classmates.
As he grew into a gangly youth his problems got worse with the introduction for hormones and sexuality. He was quick to learn that 'being yourself' as all the councillors and motivational speakers preached, amounted to nothing.
He went from being the weird, mean kid with no friends to being the nerdy toothpick with friends no one would associate with of their own free will. He didn't treat them very well. Often treating them like personal assistants. He didn't know they saw things this way until one of them punched him in the face. In his mind he was destined for greatness and they should be happy to be a cliff note in his life.
As he developed his first crush he felt more isolation. It was a boy.
The boy had been blonde with green eyes and the best hockey player on the varsity team.
...oh the way that boy moved, even when covered head to toe in his gear. And that smile.
He had spent many nights fantiszing about having this boy in his bed...and in the shower...anywhere.
...Lips on lips. Hands anywhere...everywhere.
He might have considered asking his hockey player crush out, but the athlete had a girlfriend and hung out with people who Rodney tried to avoid.
The next crush had been a girl. Even Rodney though it was strange. He thought sexual orientation was an attraction to one or the other, not both. How wrong he had been. He appeared to be one of those individuals who found both attractive and as he was growing up meant he wasn't welcome in any orientation group.
Being a homosexual was viewed by most as a defect of character and some thought, of insanity. Some simply said that such people were 'confused'.
Ironically the homosexuals secreted groups at the time thought that a person was either attracted to men or women; Anyone like Rodney, who was attracted to both sexes were thought to be 'confused'.
Out of shame and isolation he was determined to try to be attracted to only women. He focused all that attention on this new female crush.
She had also been blonde. with blue eyes which shimmered whenever she was interested in a conversation. Her long hair caught the slightest breeze each strand glimmering in the sun like pure gold.
Those hips swayed like as she walked down the halls of the school in her stylish heels and fashionable outfit which hugged ever inch of her.
He wanted her. He knew he wasn't the only man who was interested in her, but he had recently been featured in the school newspaper for his theory he had published in some scientific journal; An amazing feat for someone his age. He thought he was practically famous!
When he was sure that everyone would have read the paper by then, he had made his move. He had taken a deep breath strode up to her flashed a smile and asked her out.
"As if. Stay away from me you little worm!" she had sneered with disgust. Before pushing him to the ground. Her friends had laughed. Everyone had. He had run to the bathroom where he had cried so long he missed the bus and had to walk home.
Apparently the article in the paper hadn't made him suddenly more desirable. She had never thought to read the article. Few people did. It was on the last page and after the first two pages people usually threw the thing away anyway.
A few more encounters like this with his peers and he began to flip-flop between hating the 'pretty people' and himself.
He was far from ugly. More average looking, but he found himself attracted to the 'pretty ones'. The ones that everyone seemed to like, even if they didn't do anything, but simply exist.
He lost his virginity to a pretty boy, a soccer player, who needed math tutoring, but couldn't afford to pay the fee.
The boy had been on his mind for some time. He had tried to ignore it and only be attracted to woman, but this wasn't working like he wanted it to. He had developed another one of his fruitless crushes. Another one of those situations where he felt something for someone, without any reciprocation.
He was 15 and the athlete had just turned 18. It was an arrangement that lasted almost a semester, though Rodney had wanted it to continue. The boy refused and had insisted that Rodney maintain silent about their 'sessions'. The boy had claimed that the age difference would pose a problem if anyone found out. That he didn't want to get arrested.
Rodney knew this wasn't the only reason. The boy wasn't gay, or even bi. He was as straight as they came. And he had a girlfriend the entire time the tutoring was occurring. To the boy, Rodney and he shared nothing more than an exchange of sex for tutoring.
Rodney knew that the law regarded any sex between them to be 'statuary rape', though Rodney couldn't help but feel guilty for suggesting sex as an alternative payment. He couldn't help but feel that he had forced the boy into the arrangement. He knew how desperate the boy was. The Boy had needed to improve his grades in math or lose his only chance to go to college.
Rodney couldn't help, but feel that although the law regarded the boy as raping him, that the opposite was true.
He carried that guilt around for so many years. He swore that he would never elicit sex from anyone who wasn't interested in him as a person.
Then IT happened.
69696969696969696969696969
4 Months ago
"I'm sorry, okay?" Rodney apologized trying to keep his anger under control.
"That's all you have to say?" John Sheppard was livid. "You're fucking sorry?"
"Look," Rodney backed away from John a bit. "You may not have noticed, but I don't exactly have people breaking down my door for a chance to sleep with me. Do you know how hard it is to turn down a very hot, very determined guy who's throwing himself at you?"
Neither attractive men nor women ever threw themselves at Rodney. When they did it was for some nefarious motive.
"You managed it with everyone else. Are you going to tell me that Stackhouse and Grodin were any less determined than I was?"
"Not really, no," Rodney admitted. But John...John had been one of those people Rodney had tried to avoid having feeling for.
His rejections were always worse from men, because homophobia existed especially among the closeted homosexuals or bisexuals.
"So you picked me to rape. I feel so...special." John sneered
Rape? Oh god no...He hadn't. Had he?
John had been under the influence of Rodney's hormones. Was he in a position to give consent?
John had turned from him and walked away.
"No...Wait! Major..er John!...Shepherd!" Rodney called out, but John just continued walking.
69696969696969696969696969
Rodney had destroyed his friendship with John. One of his best friends.
When John had come to him that fateful evening. He had hoped to move their friendship into a romance. He had hoped for once someone would reciprocate his feelings.
He had had a few girlfriends in grad school, but those women hadn't really loved him; nor he them. Most of the time they were looking for fun. He had been fine with that. Neither he nor these women had in mind a serious relationship. No plans to be anything more than a boyfriend-girlfriend. They were always sexually based. Being sexual with someone was different than being intimate. It meant that there were no firm attachments which could be broken. No way could they hurt him.
Though cold sounding, as these relationships ended Rodney found the lack of attachment best. He hadn't expected them to last, so when they didn't he just moved on the next person.
When he had first met John Sheppard, he had thought that he was just another pretty fly boy. But as he got to know John he found him to be different from all the other pretty boys he had past encountered. More importantly he was willing to be Rodney's friend. He was one of the few people who would look beyond Rodney's faults and see the good person that he was underneath all of his unpleasantness.
He and Sheppard had spent so much time together. Often saving each other's asses and keeping each other company. They had a weekly chess match which they had kept religiously. Not because he felt he had to, but because he liked sharing company with Rodney.
Rodney had spent too much time with John that he had started to let down those barriers of protection. He had fallen for John Sheppard. He kept this to himself. Even tried to deny it to himself eventually trying to have a relationship with a botanist, Katie Brown. He was even willing to marry her, but his lack of people skills had flushed that down the drain.
Things always lead him back to John Sheppard. But if there had been any chance of a romance or a relationship, which were very slim odds, he had destroyed it.
The best thing he could do now was re-establish their friendship. Rodney did not have many friends. Plenty of colleagues and underlings, but few friends. Most people didn't want to be around him more than they had to be. He wasn't good with people. He was arrogant, selfish, condescending and most people just tried to stay out of his way.
He apologized to John again. He had tried to explain that he truly had thought that John had wanted it. But nothing wasn't good enough for John. No.
Rodney had offered to do anything to make it up to him.
"There's nothing you can do, McKay." John had told him harshly. "This isn't some physics problem that you can solve by plugging in the correct equations."
But John had later changed his mind. There was something that he wanted from Rodney after all.
An eye for an eye deal and now Rodney was in his current predicament.
69696969696969696969696969
"I am so screwed!" Rodney held head down and his face in his hands.
"Rod'ney. As both yer friend and yer Doctor. Aye should pro'bab'ley tell ya that yer do 'ave options." Carson Smiled.
Rodney took his hands off his face and looked the doctor in the eye. He found Carson's smile strangely soothing. "No I don't. I can't...I can't..." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't have an abortion."
"Well, we'll nev'er done one on a lad be'fore, but."
"No. I mean for moral reasons. The way I was raised- We don't have the death penalty in Canada. We don't even kill those people who deserve, who should die...I can't kill something...someone innocent who deserves to live."
"Aye. But I want ya to know that you don't have ta raise the little one if ya not wanting ta. No one would think any less of you if ya gave ya bebe to a good loving family." Beckett told him gently.
"Thanks Carson. If it's the same to you I'd like to go to my quarters now."
"Perfectly fine; I do think that you should take it easy then. You mustn't be going off world and you need to be taking vitamins. You have more than yourself to take care of."
Rodney wanted to object to not being able to go off world, but it made sense. How many routine missions had gone badly with a sudden appearance of the Wraith, the Genii or some other enemy that they encountered?
Rodney nodded his head and was released from sick-bay.
69696969696969696969696969
Rodney McKay's quarters
Rodney sat on his bed hugging his knees and crying like a small child.
He was so screwed.
69696969696969696969696969
END of Ch 1
69696969696969696969696969
AN: No advocating was intended in this chapter.
I'm trying to emulate Beckett's scottish speach. I'm not too sure if I should continue with this.
69696969696969696969696969
Preview of the next chapter:
"Why do you want me gone, so that you can take over?" Rodney grumbled. " I not dying, no."
"Just because you don't care about other people doesn't mean they don't care for you." Zelenka earnestly told his colleague.
"I know what people think of me." Rodney snapped. "I know what people think when they see me coming. Remember I did have telepathy for a while!"
69696969696969696969696969