All That is Good
-x-
"The doctor says I'm going to die in a few years," she said softly, her hands in the middle of knitting a scarf for him.
She said this as if it was expected. As if she had known from an early age that she was destined to live for a short amount of time.
"That's not true," Hijikata said. "He said that you had a chance - "
"I know what he said," she interrupted him. "But it's okay. I've accepted it, you know."
"How?" Hijikata asked, his eyes becoming progressively more frustrated. "How can you just sit so calmly and think you're going to die so soon?"
"Everybody dies - "
"Everyone is supposed to live long before we die! We're not supposed to die in our twenties!"
"Toushirou, please." The soft clinking of needles made a pleasant distraction from the heavy topic the couple was discussing. "I never needed children," she said. "After all, I raised Sougo. And I do not need a husband, when I have you."
"Mitsuba - "
She smiled warmly, though her complexion was pale. "… I suspect that I was lucky to be able to meet you before I passed away."
Hijikata struggled for a moment before letting out a big sigh. "Why are you so… so okay with this? If I was going to die early, I wouldn't be sitting here knitting."
"A fact is a fact is a fact," Mitsuba said calmly, though one of her eyebrows were quirked, a sure sign that she was going to tease him once more. "I suppose if I was able to defeat all those talented samurai from all the big name dojos when I was a teenager, I would be more bitter about dying early."
"That's not funny," Hijikata said. He turned away, looking at the window. The doctor had ordered her to have fresh air everyday in the outside suburbs.
"What am I going to do without you?" he whispered, in a breath that betrayed his usually calm and tough demeanor. "I can't - I can't darn my socks, I don't know how to properly brew tea, I can't cook, I - " His voice cracked in the middle of his monologue.
"I need you," he finally finished. "So… you can't die. Please."
Mitsuba looked at him with sympathy, and finally she set aside her knitting.
"Hey, I'm with you, okay? Always. Even if I'm here or in the hospital."
Lifting her blanket, she scooted to the left, inviting Hijikata to come sit next to her in bed.
Silently, and not without a bit of resentment, he settled next to her, nestling his head against the pillow.
Mitsuba sighed in contentment, resting her head against his shoulder. It only made him feel worse, knowing that this simple pleasure might be taken away from him at any second. She sensed this, and quietly slipped her fingers between his.
He closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair. Slowly, he kissed her forehead. He did not want to believe her. He wanted to believe that the doctors could save her from this horrible disease of tuberculosis. He wanted to believe that someday she would be strong enough to stand in front of the people he loved so that he could marry her, and to take her on a trip to the countryside where there were enough golden fireflies to catch in a glass jar, enough to make her smile.
And most of all, he wanted to believe that he could be with her forever.