A/N- So I'm in a very happy mood; which is great since the past 2 weeks have utter HELL! Work, work, relationships (that aren't even MINE!), and more work! The only good part was my mom coming (the reason I didn't update last weekend)! Since Wednesday is going to be my birthday, I like everyone to be happy! Here's a one-shot to make you all happy!
Disclaimer- I don't own anything.
Well fuck. This was bad…
Izaya Orihara was completely dumbstruck.
Because, sweet readers; his green card had just expired. The raven had been born in America and had come only a few short days after he was born. If he doesn't get married (as the paper he had received has told him); he'll be deported!
"Fuck my liiiife!" He dipped back in his spin chair, the dramatic sighs annoying his secretary.
"Why don't you just get married then?" Namie asked from the kitchen.
"Would yo-
"Don't even think about it."
Izaya snickered, already knowing that the government knew his secretary's name and would be suspicious.
"Oh Namie-san! I can marry anyone; since I have information on mostly everybody in Japan!"
"Yes, but they have info on you… So you have to marry someone that you actually know."
A bell rang in Izaya's head as she realized that she was right.
He let out a sigh and went through a mental check list.
Celty- Not human.
Shinra- Already Married.
Any of the Van Gang- Just no. Weirdos.
Anyone else was either too young, too old, or…
Or…
Izaya hates his life.
Namie smirked as she spit in Izaya's soup.
~Later in Ikebukuro~
Shizuo Heiwajima was exhausted from a long day of work. He was happy though that the Flea hadn't shown up at all.
Without his control, he said a quiet "tadaima".
"Hello Shizu-chan~!"
….Life was a HUGE bitch….
"IIIIIZAAAAYAAAAA-KUUUN! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY HOUSE!"
"Dear Shizu-chan," Izaya patted a seat next to him on the couch as he continued, "have a seat. I would like to have a…" he struggled on the next word.
"A what?" Shizuo grumbled as he started to pick up a table.
"Tr-tr-truce."
Shizuo dropped the table and started laughing.
HARD.
"HAHAHA Are you serious, Flea! Hahaha! As IF I would do a truce with you! You fucker!"
The red-eyed informant's eye twitched as the laughter died down and forced the smile wider; bringing out a pack of papers.
"Just… sit. I have something to ask you…"
The blonde raised an eye brow, hesitantly sitting across the other man. He folded his hands and glared at the other.
"Okay. What? Make it quick or else you get thrown out the window."
Izaya gulped and closed his eyes, quietly muttering.
"Willyoumarryme?"
"Say what?"
"Don't make me say it again!"
"SAY WHAT!"
"W-w-will you… marry me?"
All brain function in Shizuo's mind went dead; nothing but mumbled numbers and death visions.
"Shizu-chan…? Are you okay? You seem pa-
"It's not April Fool's Day, you Flea… Go get a calendar!" The blonde tried to remain calm, but was close to strangling him.
Izaya stayed silent. For a good period amount of time before Shizuo was bothered by the awkward silence.
"A-ah! C'mon Flea! Are you too screwed up to have a calendar?"
"I have one here…" Izaya said abruptly.
The blonde was shocked by the strange response and saw a stack of papers. He looked at the top, and quickly got angry.
"THIS IS A MARRIGE REGASTRATION YOU IDIOT!"
Izaya seemed unfazed, "No it is not! It's a calendar, now sign it!"
He grabbed a pen and forced it in the hand of his enemy that in return refused it.
" Never! You can't fucking make me!" Shizuo threw the pen out the window, shattering it and fell in front of Mikado Ryuugamine. Who picked it up and put it in his pocket, feeling like he would need it later.
He then proceeded to grab the papers, "This is what I think of your stupid marriage contract!" and ripped them into many little pieces.
"ARE YOU A MAD MAN!"
"THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORCE PEOPLE TO MARRY THEM?"
Izaya had gotten frantic and literally threw himself at his enemy's feet.
"Pleeeaaassseee Shizu-chan! If you don't marry me, I'll be deported and won't be able to see all of my lovely plans unfold! Please!"
"No, you maggot!"
"Don't you care that I'll never see you again?"
"No…"
Awkward silence…
Damn, Izaya thought that would work for sure…
Well, he'll just do what he does best…
Izaya grabbed his switch blade and tripped Shizuo.
"What the fuck!"
The raven swiped the blade just so it would barely touch the neck. Laughing all the while, he said, "Everything's going to be fine…"
Shizuo was soon dragged into his room, screaming, "NONONO! LET GO OF ME! UNHAND ME! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!"
~**Owari**~
A/N- *evil laugh* that's right. cliffff hannnggggerrr! This was inspired by Hetalia: Axis Powers episode 12. It's really funny and could see these two in that situation!
I hope you liked it! Ya know what I would like for my Birthday on Wednesday?
REVIEWS~!
So until next time, lovely colors of rainbow.
~Mikomi Ai