It was a bright, sunny day as Ben Tennyson marched unsuspectingly down the streets of Hornswoggle City with his pal Kevin Levin and his possibly incestuously attractive cousin, Gwen Tennyson.

Not one of the trio suspected a damn thing was about to happen which was a shame, because good Lord, things were about to happen with wild abandon.

Things they would be uncomfortable speaking about for years to follow. Not that they had an inkling of this.

For now, they were content to walk down the street and trash-talk the Saturday family.

"And what's the deal with the Secret Saturdays?" smirked Ben smugly, "I mean, come on. Zak Saturday is such a shitty wannabe, with his fucking animal-mind-stick or whatever, what a shitty plot device. My Omnitrix is much better."

"I think you mean your Dominatrix," smiled Gwen, reminding Ben of the device's latest inexplicable upgrade.

"Oh man, I had forgotten all about my Dominatrix," smiled Ben glancing down at the device that autocorrect had renamed hilariously, "How could I have forgotten this upgrade that made all my monsters 20% more BDSMish?"

"I wish I could forget it," shuddered Kevin, "there is something disturbing about seeing Ghostfreak in leather and chains. Something disturbingly… erotic?"

"Ha-ha, I think the real Ghostfreak here might be you, Kevin," laughed Ben.

"Ben, that didn't make any sense," frowned Gwen, put outing.

"Do you know what really doesn't make any sense? Zak Saturday having a girlfriend!" giggled Ben, "Oh Snap! Wadi, more like Badi McTerrorist."

"Ben, that's offensive to terrorists," scowled Gwen, "Try to be less bigoted."

Ben shook his head in disgust. He was disgusted.

"Hey Gwen. My parents died in 9/11 you sick bitch. Maybe terrorists deserve all the prejudice they can get."

Gwen raised an eyebrow bemusedly.

"Ben, your parents are fine. We visited them twenty minutes ago."

Ben rolled his eyes and elbowed Kevin, "Oh yeah Gwen? How do you know those aren't actors I hired to keep up the pretence that my parents are still alive to impress you guys? Am I right, Kevin?"

Kevin shrugged and a bead of sweat rolled down his nose, snakingly.

"I agree with Gwen because I am dating her Ben."

Ben sighed.

"Yeah, like you are just dating Gwen to keep up the pretence that you don't like the penis and lots of it, pronto! Ha-ha! Am I right, Gwen?"

Gwen began to look around shiftily, nervously laughing.

"Ha. That's almost as ridiculous as suggesting that I am only dating Kevin to keep up the pretence that I don't have an incredibly, but perverse, cousinly incestuous lust towards you Ben. Ha-ha."

"You guys are both Ghostfreaks," laughed Ben heartily, before strolling off into a JB-HiFi store, "I'm going to see if they have Skyrim."

The pair of them watched hungrily as Ben shook his caboose into the electronics store. They hated to see him leave, but boy, did they love to watch him go!

"I think he's onto us Gwen," whimpered Kevin, "one of us needs to make a move on him already. Solve this love triangle once and for all. We can't keep making out while pretending the other is Ben, that's just sick and wrong. It's unhealthy damnit."

"Yeah, plus you're a terrible kisser," lamented Gwen, "not to mention that your 'package' is severely underwhelming, if you know what I mean. What I mean is, you have a small penis."

"Whatever, pettanko," sneered Kevin, "Go iron your chest. That is how you keep it so flat right, baka?"

"I am so fucking kawaii, you don't even know," snarled Gwen, "not to mention, I got all the lady bits that Ben could possibly want to use. On account of how much he likes lady bits. "

Kevin swore in Japanese, for reasons inexplicable to the sane.

"Ben is a FLAMING homosexual, and it's about time you accepted that."

"Like hell he is! Ben is going to fuck me so hard; it'll give you a damn concussion!"

"More like he's going to sodomise me so tenderly, you'll get an erection on account of how FLAMINGLY homosexual it is!"

"I can't get an erection, Mullet-slag, I'm all woman! Something you will never be!"

"Oh no you di'n't!" said Kevin sassily, snapping his fingers in a manner not unexpected of stereotyped black women everywhere.

Gwen's nails descended in preparation for a slashing. Kevin tore off his shirt and invoked the name of Taylor Lautner, to aid him in battle.

"What in Vilgax's name, did I just overhear?" frowned Ben, completely confused, "Were you guys arguing over which one of you was going to sleep with me?"

Gwen and Kevin exchanged nervous, furtive glances. Just looking at their shift glances was enough to confirm their guilt.

"I can't believe this," frowned Ben, throwing his arms up in contempt, "here I thought you guys were my totally platonic friends, and all along, you've just been hankering for my cock!"

He angrily booted a can of Tasmanian Pure Apple Cidar that happened to be lying around. It was of course empty, after all, who would have discarded such a delicious beverage without first drinking it and feeling the refreshing taste of Tasmanian-bred apples?

"So that time I got hit by a poison dart, were you guys trying to use the excuse of 'sucking out the poison' as an excuse to make out with my… wound?"

"What! No, we didn't want you to die-"began Gwen, before Ben angrily ranted over whatever she had planned to say next.

"Yeah, wouldn't want your love interest dead would you?"

"I wouldn't necessarily mind," muttered Kevin quietly. Both Ben and Gwen looked at him with disgust.

He raised his arms defensively, "I'm just saying is all."

"This just makes things kind of uncomfortable," sighed Ben, "especially with the sexualised appearance the Dominatrix gives to my alien transformations now. I'm not sure I'm comfortable hanging out with you guys, if you're just hanging out with me angling to get laid."

Just when things seemed they couldn't get any more awkward, Julie walked around the corner.

"Ben! Hey Ben, what's going on? What are the haps guys? Hi Gwen! Hi… Ben's friend."

"For future reference, my name is Kevin," sulked Kevin sultrily.

"I'll keep that in mind," cackled a voice from behind the quartet.

They all started and spun around, to see a mysterious shadowy alien with a rather large probe. He pointed it at them and fired a rapid succession of darts at them. Each dart found their mark and the quartet collapsed.

"Stage two is complete," breathed the alien excitedly, now my ridiculously circuitous plan can begin in full tour de force. I think that's what it supposed to begin in anyway."

He walked forward and staked the four unconscious bodies one of top of the other, Ben on the bottom and Kevin on the top, before dragging them back to his ship.

"Soon I will know all I need, and my vague, undefined goal will be fulfilled."

And with that, he dragged them off into the darkness, leaving behind a quiet street devoid of any life except for a single JB Hifi patron who was too apathetic to do care about what he had just seen anyway.

"Someone else's problem."

To be continued…