Hate

He thinks I hate him, I can see it in every movement he makes, and every look he gives when were alone.

In the way he talks, how his voice wavers and shakes.

If only he knew, if only he knew the real truth.

I don't hate him the way he thinks I do, I don't resent him for putting me in this unfeeling shell.

If I did both of us know brother wouldn't be as vibrant or full of energy.

No, if did hate him he knows what that would imply.

It wouldn't even take much to make my brother truly miserable, he would do whatever I said and believe it because he believes it is his fault.

All it would take was a few words, a few sentences of fine manipulation.

'Brother Stop complain about the sun, I can't even feel it'

'It's just snow it's not like I would know how cold feels'

'Don't be rude brother, it's just the way you look I wish someone would say that to me'

'You won't let me take you to a hospital when I can't even feel pain'

Yes it would be very easy to break him, bend him to become something else.

Something truly pathetic, broken and sad.

I could become that Al, the Al that hates this steel body and deprives brother of everything.

Makes him live off the milk he hates and food he dislikes, make him hate even the simple action of blinking his eyes.

The everyday action of his heartbeat or even the sense of cold or warm against his skin, I could make my brother hate all that and more.

If I hated him that way, if I hated this steel and embraced the power it gave me.

I would, it wouldn't even be hard.

All it would take would be one word and that would be my brother's downfall.

But I don't hate him that way, I don't hate him the way he thinks.

I'm glad he still can sleep, and eat, feel the sun's rays and the frigid cold.

Because you never appreciate these simple pleasures until their gone.

I never want my brother to go through this, the endless nights and isolation.

If he knew, I know he'd kill himself even more in trying to find the stone, he already does so much.

If he knew the real suffering of this life he'd be worse off, no the pain of what he knows is something I can sooth if only even a little.

But maybe if I told him what kind of hate I feel he'd stop looking at me that way, stop worrying that I'd leave one day.

Because that is even worse than a broken brother, what I could do if I hated him that way is nothing compared to me leaving him behind.

He rather I hate and keep me close, than hate and leave him alone.

But I don't hate brother that way, I only hate him for what he does.

I hate watching him work to the point of exhaustion, I hate watching him put up that tough front just to spare people's feelings.

I hate watching him cry in his nightmares, the way he curls in on himself during stressful missions.

The Nina and Barry the Chopper ones were the worse, making me watch him like that, so afraid.

Yes brother I do hate you, I hate you for making me watch you hurt every day.

But I still love you brother, I'll never leave you, I wish I could tell you but…I'm afraid too.

I'm afraid if you ever knew how scared I was it would be even worse, you'd hide your pain from me.

Like you don't do it enough already you still let me in once in a while, you let me see you hurt.

But I'm afraid if I ever told you, ever said the truth or hinted my feelings you'd hide everything from me.

I don't want that brother but I also want you to stop thinking I hate you that way, I don't, I can't.

Were the same, people always told us we're so alike we could be the same person, times like this makes me think it's true.

I'm not as strong (i know this body is strong but compaired to you) as brave as you are brother, so many things you do that I never could so I stay back and handle the rest.

I handle the aftermath of what you do because while I may not be strong like you brother, I'm strong in my own way in a way that matters to you.

So yes I hate you brother, I hate watching you hurt and push me away when it's so obvious but I won't leave.

I'll never leave, and even if we never find the stone I still won't leave because brother we're all we have left.

The same yet not the same, if only I could tell him but I won't…because everyone has something they can't say.

If things ever do go back to normal though, if we find the stone I promise I'll tell you brother.

I'll tell you how I hated you if only for you to know the truth, that I do hate but not the way you think.

I hate what you do not what you did brother.

Just something random that popped into my head while in math class