A/N: Hey, guys! This is my first Star Wars fanfiction published, so I hope you like it. It's just a little May The Fourth gift I thought I'd share :)

"I am your father."

"No, that's not true! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings—you know it to be true!"

"NO!"

Luke then began crying like a baby, which made Vader want to roll his eyes.

"Oh, Luke, quit acting like a baby," he chided. "Gosh, you're almost as whiny as I was your age!"

"What do you expect me to do?" Like demanded, his voice firm again. "I just found out that Darth Vader is my father!"

"You should be happy!" Vader said. "We're related, Luke! You know what this means?"

"What?"

"It means we can rule the galaxy together, silly!" Vader answered cheerfully. "Oh, this is so great! We can finally overthrow that stupid, ugly old Emperor and rule the galaxy as father and son! It'll be a family business!" The Sith Lord turned to Luke with a gleam hidden under his mask. "We can rename it 'Skywalker Empire!' What do you think, son?"

"I think you're crazy!" Luke shouted. "One minute you're tossing stuff at me, cutting off hand my and forcing me to join you, and all of a sudden you want to be a dad?"

"I had to get you to listen to me, Luke," Vader said. "You were all fighting me when all I wanted to do was talk! And I'm sorry I cut off your hand," he added, "but look in the bright side - you'll get to have a mechanical hand like me!" Vader paused, the realization dawning over him. "Okay, well, actually I have two mechanical hands, not to mention a full-body armor...but hey, you can have one, too!"

The cyborg ignited his lightsaber again, which caused Luke to shake his head quickly. "No, no, no!" Luke protested. "No more cutting off of hands or legs or other body parts, Dad!" He glared. "And I'll never join you! You're on the dark side!"

"But it's great, son!" Vader insisted. "You get to choke people, get away with being malicious, wield a red lightsaber...plus, 'dark side' sounds way cooler than 'light side'," he added as an afterthought. "That reminds me…we're going to have to give you a Sith name!" He started pacing. "What should it be, Luke? It has to start with Darth—"

"No, stop it!" Luke yelled. "I don't want a Sith name, I don't want to use the dark side, and I DON'T WANT TO JOIN YOU!"

Were children always like this? "I don't know why you're being so difficult." And then it hit him. "Ooh, that's it! Darth Whineous!" Vader declared. "That should be your Sith name, because you're whining all the time! What do you think, son?"

But as Vader turned back to where like had been, he was nowhere to be found. Vader looked below him and saw that Luke had jumped down.

"We're not done with this discussion, young man!" Vader shouted. "When I get to you, you're grounded!" Turning back around, Vader shook his head. Kids were so rebellious these days…