Sonic's Mind at High School
Why do Mario and Link always outperform me so much? They both have a girlfriend, and whenever I ask someone out they tell me,' Get screwed you stupid lamo!' and attack me with anything they can reach. And that bully Bowser! He never picks on Mario because he'd jump on his head but he always bullies me. I guess I'm too much of a failure to be respected. I'm just a strange thing meant to be a hedgehog that has a drug problem. My life is a fail. Maybe someday I'll get to be Mario's cleaner. No! Don't get your hopes up. Everyone knows Mario would never employ a failure in his household. He has the toads to do his work. Oh my life will never improve. Oh! What's that Shadow? You want to go into a gay partnership with me! I'd be delighted! Maybe my life will work out!