I loved to sit there in the crow's nest late at night and just listen to him talk.
His laugh. The way he suddenly decided to act courageous. The way he spun stories together and just let them flow out of him. I think maybe I admired him for that, if just a little. I was quiet. I never spoke much to anybody, and I never ever let my feelings out.
If I had an opinion, I didn't voice it.
If I was scared, I didn't say so.
If I needed something, I didn't tell anyone.
Maybe that's why I was always near him. Keeping him close made me feel a bit better. Like I could let out everything and he would just listen, like I do when he tells me things. Of course, I never did, but feeling like I could made everyday life a bit more bearable.
I loved to watch all the expressions that passed on his face when he spoke.
Happiness. Bravery. Pride. Anger. Sadness. Regret. A mix between them all. No matter the expression on his face, I loved it. Even in the darkness, I would stare at his face. He never noticed, he always got so absorbed in his stories. Maybe I admired him for that too, his expressions. I was cautious. I never showed my feelings on my face, I always tried to keep them bottled up.
If I was sad, I didn't cry.
If I was happy, I didn't smile.
If I was hurt, I didn't wince.
Maybe that's why I was always near him. Keeping him close made me feel a bit better. Like I could smile around him and everything would be okay. Of course, I never did, but feeling like I could made everyday life a bit more bearable.
I loved his eyes, the glitter in them.
A sparkle here. A twinkle there. No matter the situation, his eyes glowed with a warmth and security I couldn't see anywhere else. I would always see it, but I never wondered why it was there. Where it came from. What it was. It was just there, and I loved it. Maybe I admired him for the light too. I didn't have anything special like that, because I was plain.
If I had nice hair, I didn't know, no-one told me.
If I had pretty eyes, I didn't know, no-one noticed them.
If I had perfect skin, I didn't know, no-one cared.
Maybe that's why I was always near him. Keeping him close made me feel a bit better. Like I could feel a bit special for something and nobody would try to point out my flaws. Of course, I never did, but feeling like I could made everyday life a bit more bearable.
I loved everything about him. I loved him.
And there's nothing I can say about that except...
Maybe that's why I was always near him. Keeping him close made me feel a bit better. Like I could tell him how I felt and he wouldn't turn me away. Of course, I never did. And it didn't make me feel better in the slightest.