Ficlet: Filler #2 Death Shall Have No Dominion- part 1
The story and characters belong to Annie Proulx, I am only borrowing them in order to find a way to heal the pain from Jack's loss and to try to help Ennis heal too.
This scene takes place when Ennis goes to pay his respects to Jack's parents. WARNING: TISSUE ALERT! When I was writing this the tears started falling. So be prepared.
Ennis' steps grew heavier and heavier as he left Jack's bedroom and walked down the stairs to the first floor. He was holding the shirts tightly to his chest. He bundled them in front of him before he quickly entered the kitchen. Jack's mother took the shirts and placed them into a paper bag.
John Twist looked at him sternly and told him, "Tell you what, we got a family plot and he's goin in it." The words had a finality to it that tore yet another piece out of Ennis' already shattered heart.
"Yes sir," Ennis answered him.
Grace Twist handed him the paper bag with the shirts tucked inside. Ennis could see where all the goodness that was in Jack's heart came from, he got it from his wonderful, kind mother.
She followed him to the door.
"You come back and see us again."
"Ma'am," he nodded at her, "Thank you for this."
"Oh, here's something for you to take home," she handed him a small paper sack. "Some cherry cake for later. It was Jack's favorite cake, I always made sure I baked some whenever he came up here."
"Thank ya," Ennis felt a lump in his throat and he nodded at Grace then stepped outside the house and climbed into his truck. He gave the ranch a final look then started back to Riverton.
The bag containing the shirts sat in the passenger seat next to him and the bag with the cake was on the floor.
Ennis made it as far as Buffalo and he pulled into a rest stop to take a piss. Just like he did back in '63 when he and Jack left each other he had the dry heaves and he broke down crying.
But this time was different, this time Jack wasn't out there somewhere, not at his parent's place helping out, not out at some rodeo bull riding and not down in Texas with his wife and son.
There wasn't going to be anymore postcards, no more 'fishing trips'. No more Jack Fuckin Twist. Ennis sat in the truck, the tears flowing unchecked.
"Oh Jack, Jack I'm so sorry lil darlin. Sorry I didn't give that sweet life you wanted a chance." He felt angry at himself for being a stubborn fool, angry at a world that would condemn them for the love the two of them had for one another and angry at Jack's father for denying him the chance to carry out Jack's last wishes.
Ennis looked over at the bag containing the shirts and patted it as though some part of Jack was still with him. Then he drove the rest of the way to Riverton.
That night Ennis sat outside his trailer looking up at the stars, the piece of cherry cake sitting on his lap. He'd already eaten most of it and found he liked it a lot. He washed it down with a bottle of Old Rose whiskey.
"I'm real glad we met there on Brokeback, Jack." He said up to the stars. "I never told ya I didn't mind you playin that harmonica of yers, didn't mind yer cookin neither. I didn't even mind yer bitchin and talkin up a blue streak sometimes." He chuckled, as he remembered how Jack never could be quiet for too long. "You made life less lonely for me. I don't know how I'm gonna go on without ya, bud." He felt the tears welling up again. He took another swig from the bottle, finished off the cake and staggered back inside. The whiskey helped him sleep, his dreams were filled with Jack. Brokeback Mountain and all the years in between. Jack's blue eyes staring at him and those lips meeting his. Having mind-blowing sex and the afterglow, which was the best part. The cuddling, feeling that warm body in his arms. All these pleasant memories surrounded Ennis during slumber and he woke up with a smile on his face. "Mmm, Jack," he whispered. He realized he was holding his pillow and the cold sober reality of his loss slowly filtered in. Ennis needed to do something and he had a light breakfast and went into town. He was doing some shopping and he wandered into the souvenir store and saw the rack with postcards. One caught his eye and made him stop in his tracks. It had a photo of Brokeback on it. He picked it up and bought it.
Ennis came back to the trailer, he hadn't been living here long and he finally got around to getting number stickers for the mailbox.
He unpacked the groceries he'd bought and went into the living room and sat on the couch, the bag with the shirts sitting next to him. He slowly drew the shirts out and looked at them. From the open collar to the sleeves with the dried blood on them. He paid a silent homage to Jack by letting his mind go back to that day so long ago. When Jack told him Aguirre wanted them to bring the sheep down, it was too soon and it wasn't fair. That's all he kept thinking about when he'd sat on the hill, thinking how he wished he had more time to spend with Jack. Time to explore this new feeling that was growing inside him. And time to spend on Brokeback in isolation just the two of them.
An anger grew inside looking for an outlet and Jack, poor sweet Jack, unwittingly lit the fuse that made him blow when he lassoed him.
He was sorry about hitting Jack, but Jack didn't hold a grudge. Ennis looked at the shirts, they spoke volumes to him about Jack's feelings for him.
He'd taken that shirt to keep Ennis close to him and to have a remembrance of their time on Brokeback Mountain. He slid his shirt inside his to keep him safe. He'd done that for twenty years now, it was time for Ennis to return the favor.
Ennis carefully unbuttoned Jack's denim shirt slipped his out of the sleeves. He held Jack's shirt to his face, sniffing it again then he weaved Jack's sleeves slowly down into the sleeves of his shirt. Then he buttoned it up, keeping Jack safe just like he was safe within his heart and soul, a place no one else would ever reach.
He opened his closet door and hung the shirts on the inside of the door then he took the postcard and hung it next to the shirt. He stared at them for a long time then he closed the closet. He went outside and put the numbers on the mailbox.
A short time later he saw a camaro drive up and his oldest daughter stepped out.
She loved him a lot, he knew that. He wished he was a better father to Junior and Jenny, but they never complained.
Alma Junior told him about her upcoming wedding and how she wanted him to come. He was reluctant at first but after seeing those eyes looking at him he relented and agreed. After she left he noticed she'd left her sweater behind, he carefully folded it up, opened the closet and put it on the shelf. He looked at the shirts, remembered the blue eyes that he couldn't refuse most anything except that sweet life he wanted. Tears welled up in his eyes. He buttoned the top button of his shirt and straightened the postcard.
"Jack I swear." he wasn't sure what he was swearing to, he felt so empty. His chance of making things right with Jack was gone. 'Never enough time," Jack had said, now there was no time at all.
Ennis closed the closet again and got himself a beer.
Ennis had been working sporadically, things were slow right now at Stoutamire's place so he was home when the call came.
"H'lo"
"Is this Ennis?" a woman's voice on the other end asked.
"Yeah."
"This is Grace Twist, I hate to bother you, but do you think you could come over. I really need to talk over something with you."
Ennis felt a mixture of sadness and something else that he couldn't describe well up inside him. It wasn't a bad feeling just an empty spot that got filled a little when he heard Jack's mom's voice.
"Is something wrong, ma'am, I mean I figured it's too soon after Jack's passin for vistin."
"No it's the perfect time, Ennis. I think you need some healing, we both do."
"Is Mr. Twist okay with this?"
"My husband isn't here, he's gone for a few days to visit his brother over in Gillette. Please say you'll come?"
"Alright, ma'am, I'll be leavin in a few minutes."
"Okay I'll see you later, goodbye." And she hung up.
Ennis stared at the phone for a minute then hung up. He had an ambivalent feeling about going up there so soon. In actuality he didn't think he'd ever set foot in Lightning Flat ever again. But something in Mrs. Twist's voice, a kind of urgency and plea mix that he couldn't refuse.
The four-hour ride wasn't so bad this time around. Maybe knowing that Jack's father wasn't going to be around made it easier for him.
Ennis parked his truck in the same spot as before. He couldn't help thinking that this place could've been home for him and Jack. They could've built a cabin here. His musings were stalled when he saw Jack's mom come out of the house. He went to her and before a word passed his lips her arms came around him and she hugged him.
"Come on in, son."
His breath caught when she called him son. Only his own ma called him that. She steered him inside and sat down at the kitchen table. She poured him a cup of coffee.
"Are ya hungry, Ennis?"
"Yeah I am a mite hungry."
"I'll fix ya a sandwich how about an egg salad sandwich?"
"That'll be fine ma'am."
"You can call me Grace, Ennis."
After Ennis had his sandwich and a piece of cherry cake, Grace sat down opposite him.
"Ennis I asked ya to come up here cause I wanted to talk to you about Jack."
"Ma'am I..." he started.
"I know his loss is still fresh in our minds but this is important, Ennis." She reached over and took his hands, "I know how much Jack meant to you. Jack talked to me about you, about how much he loved you." She felt Ennis' hands tighten in response. "Now don't go getting scared and embarrassed that I know. Mothers know things about their children. You think I wouldn't know when my boy was happy or sad and the reasons behind it? I know he and Lureen were never meant to be together. I knew he only married her cause she was in the family way. And if you coulda seen his face every time he'd talk about ya, I tell ya Ennis his face lit up like a Christmas tree. He was really hoping you'd come up here and start a life together. He told me how lonely you was, how your ma and pa died and your own kin run you off and how the two of you met on Brokeback Mountain. It did my heart good to see Jack so happy. You know his daddy ain't treated him right."
"Yeah I know, ma'am, Jack told me how his daddy never came to see him ride them bulls. I wish I coulda seen him."
Grace left the table for a minute and came back with a photo album with a page open. Ennis looked at it and he saw a photo of Jack someone had taken of him riding a bull.
"There are a some photos of Jack in there from the time he was a baby until the last one that was taken this past Christmas. There ain't much but you're welcome to look through them and pick out any you might like."
"I can't take these from ya."
"I think you need it, Ennis."
They looked through the album together and Ennis found a photo from just a few years ago that was taken on the homestead.
"Oh that was taken at Jack's birthday, he was thirty five and he's wearing a new shirt. He sure looked good in blue didn't he?"
She saw Ennis looking closely at the photo. Jack was standing in front of the house wearing one of his sweet smiles on his face.
"You gave that to him didn't ya?"
"Yes ma'am, when we went campin. I knew his birthday was comin up, I knew he liked blue." His eyes had welled up again.
"You keep that photo, Ennis."
"Thank ya, ma'am."
"Grace."
"Grace," he wiped his fingers across his eyes. Ennis was figuring it was time to leave.
"Wait there's one more thing."
"Ennis sat back down and waited she came back with a jar, she placed it carefully on the table and sat back down.
Ennis didn't need to ask what was inside. He knew it was Jack's ashes.
"I know my husband said he wanted him buried in the family plot."
"I understand, Grace."
"And he will be, but I wanted to see Jack's last wishes carried out. So I took some of his ashes and put them in this jar and kept some for the family plot."
Ennis looked at the jar then at Grace.
"Now I know Jack woulda wanted all of him up there on the mountain, but this is the best we can do." She came around the table and put an arm around Ennis' shoulders.
"Go on Ennis, take Jack back to Brokeback, take him home. Give him the peace he deserves."
Ennis took the jar and Grace gave him a bag to carry it in. he walked over to the door. Grace kissed his cheek and hugged him.
"I hope you find some peace too, son. If you ever need someone to talk to or if you ever wanna come on by you just let me know." She gave him a piece of paper with her phone number on it.
Ennis wrapped his arms around Grace and hugged her. "Thank ya Grace, fer everything."
Ennis put the jar on the seat next to him. The ride back to Riverton was a lot less depressing. His visit to Grace had started healing his heart.
When he got back home he called Mr. Stoutamire to let him know he needed a few days off and why. Since things were slow at the ranch he told him to take all the time he needed.
The next morning Ennis had packed up his truck with camping gear and supplies and put the bag with the jar next to him.
"We're goin home, Jack, we're goin home." He put the truck in gear and headed for Brokeback Mountain.
TBC in part 2