A/N: This has been sitting in my laptop for eons now. I thought it was about time that I publish the first of the four parts, at least. I'll post the next one soon if this gets enough interest. Let me know if you like it!

Hope you enjoy and review!

She stared into his eyes, wondering how all of this came to be. This fluttering feeling inside should have been strange. Alarming, even. The old Lightning would have noted it as a deeply concerning medical issue. But no, this fluttering wasn't new. It wasn't concerning or dangerous. It wasn't scary. It was the same feeling she got when he first confessed. When they'd gone on their first date. When those three little words slipped from her lips with such ease. When those four little words passed through his as he balanced on one knee. It was the same feeling she got every time they locked eyes.

She scoffed as he pulled the veil from her eyes. She hated the thing and its scratchy tulle, but Serah had insisted. Something about needing a little more tradition in their lives. Frankly, Lightning didn't really care. As long as it no longer hindered her view of his gorgeous emerald orbs, she supposed she could tolerate it being on her person. It was no more of an annoyance than the giant gown that was restricting her air flow. But that was okay. She wasn't breathing anyway.

Hope beamed as their eyes met once more, and she didn't think she had ever seen his smile so wide before. "I do" fell from his lips so easily. She was surprised at how automatic her own response was as she had almost cut the man off in her haste to say it. The kiss was gentle, yet passionate, reminiscent of so many times before. It wasn't the awkward and clumsy kiss they'd shared on their first date, nor was it the heated and lustful kiss they'd shared during their most intimate night together, but it was filled with that same unspoken promise every kiss held.

"This is us," Hope spoke, smile still shining, "for eternity."

Lightning could only agree.

"I'm not getting into this right now." Hope huffed and snatched up his keys from the kitchen counter, pointedly diverting his gaze to the floor. "I'm tired of fighting and I have to pick up Skye from his friend's and Faith from practice. I trust that you can handle Defiance while I'm gone?"

Lightning scoffed. "Don't talk to me like I'm some babysitter. Of course I can handle my own daughter. What kind of mother do you take me for?"

He paused in the entryway of the kitchen, considering her question and what kind of answer it deserved. An honest answer would lead to a fight, and a part of him wanted it. The tension had only been thickening between them and he was sick of bearing the brunt of the responsibility for it. "You know, I don't really know anymore." With that he walked out of the room, not at all surprised as she followed him out.

"No, you don't get to just say something like that," she snarled, hot on his heels. "Not to me. Not in my house."

"Oh, now it's your house?" That drew a smile to his lips. Not one out of amusement, no. Nothing was funny anymore.

"Since I was served papers in front of my men, hell yes, it's my house." They both stopped and stood in the middle of the living room. Hope needed to leave to pick up their children and Lightning needed to check on their youngest, but neither of them could move, the reality of it all hitting them all at once. They hadn't talked about it, just allowed everything to stew in the silence until it formed into the unbreakable chaos surrounding them.

The quiet was oppressive and Hope hated it. He wished he'd just kept his mouth shut and left. He was about to do just that when he was once again halted by her words.

"Snow would never ask Serah to quit teaching to become a homemaker."

He bristled and finally spun around to meet her eyes for the first time that day. "That's not what this is about! You think I would ever make such a request?" Her steely gaze was enough of a response. "You love your job. I've never once asked you to quit something you love, even if it's landed you in the hospital more times than I'm comfortable with-"

"Oh, here we go again." She crossed her arms before her chest, shaking her head as she defended herself yet again. "How many times do I have to tell you? It was a simple malfunction. I can take care of myself in the field just fine."

"Maker, that's not even the point that I'm trying to make." He sighed in exasperation, dragging a hand down his face as he stared at her. Her guarded stance was ever the same, especially when talking about work, but there was something new there. A searing anger lurked beneath her clenched jaw, her cocked hip, her squared shoulders. Good, something other than the indifference you've been facing me with. She was finally taking their predicament seriously, although he felt guilty for what he'd had to turn to to get it out of her.

"Your point is that I'm an irresponsible, inconsiderate parent that can't take care of my kids! And you expect me to take that lying down?!" Lightning felt her heart thundering in her ears. It wasn't stopping no matter what she did. It hadn't stopped since she'd been blindsided by a suited stranger. She couldn't believe it. They'd had arguments. They'd had fights that had left them breathless and nauseated. But he had never given up on them. She hadn't thought that there would ever come a time when he would. "When did you get the nerve?"

"We can't do this right now."

"So when are we going to talk about it? You can't just keep running away from this conversation. Using our kids to leave is pretty despicable of you."

"There's nothing left to talk about. I've tried. I asked for us to go to counseling and you practically spat in my face."

"We don't need some fucking hack to tell us how to live!"

"Maybe we do!" Hope found himself yelling once more before he remembered himself and their sleeping daughter upstairs. He was glad that their eldest weren't home. He'd been trying to keep their animosity from reaching their children, but he knew that it was only a matter of time. "Maybe I do, because I can't live like this anymore…"

Lightning couldn't breathe, her lungs finding it unbelievably hard to pull in air. When she felt bile forcing its way up her throat, she ran for the kitchen. She hunched over the sink, but nothing came up. Her chest heaved and she felt like a fire had ignited under her skin. With more force than necessary she turned the cold water on and splashed it onto her face.

When her minor panic attack had subsided, she shut the water off and stared at her reflection in the faucet while she quelled her thoughts. He's serious. He's really, actually doing this. Some part of her had laughed at the papers that had been thrust upon her. She had stupidly thought that it was just another thing they could fight about and get over. But the look in his eyes just then said the complete opposite.

She heard him enter the kitchen behind her. Wiping her face off with a kitchen towel, she turned back to him, face impassive. If he wanted serious, she would give him serious. "You're not taking my kids from me. I'm their mother, Hope. Who do you think the judge is going to side with?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and took the challenge. "I don't know, Lightning, who are they going to side with? The one who's here more often?" He watched her mask falter, but he didn't take pleasure in it. "The one that all of the teachers and other parents know?" He hesitated with his next sentence, but it had to be said. She'd opened the door. "The one they want to live with?" He watched as her eyes misted over and pain slowly crept into her features, but she kept silent.

Hope continued as an overwhelming bitterness coated his tongue. "You're never here anymore. When was the last time you went to one of Faith's recitals or competitions? Or one of Skye's games?" Time and time again he'd watched the disappointment and sorrow eclipse his children's expressions because of their absent parent. It wasn't fair that their best days and performances were always overshadowed by an unwavering sadness. "When was the last time you helped Defiance through one of her nightmares?" She didn't answer, her face pinched as she held herself. He was hurting her, he knew that. She had been hurting their children and it was about time that she felt some of it. "Did you even know our baby girl was being bullied over the past couple of weeks?"

Lightning's eyes widened as a tear made its way down her cheek. She wanted to speak, to prove him wrong, but it all caught in the back of her throat until she nearly choked on it. She gasped in a breath and covered her mouth.

"I don't intend to take our children away from their mother. Shared custody would be best all around – if you can commit, that is."

Another dig. It had her clenching her fists as she finally began to temper her emotions.

"I don't want to fight, Lightning. But I will if I have to… And I will win." He let the silence cement his certainty before continuing. "Now I'm going to go. I'll be bringing them back in a couple of hours. I promised Faith we'd get ice cream." Beginning his stride out of the room, Hope was forced to stop suddenly as something sharp flew in front of his face. It cut through the air and embedded itself into the wall only centimeters from his nose. Swallowing, he glanced at the object only to find their chef's knife glinting back at him.

Lightning's shoulders heaved with fury, the knife having left her hand out of a desperate impulse to get him to stop. "We're not finished with this conversation."

She kept talking, but Hope could only stare at the steel blade that had come so close to his face. It had sliced right through the middle of their calendar, one that their daughter had made, filled with all of the pictures of their family. The sharp point was stuck right in the center of their last family portrait, right between him and Lightning.

He swallowed once more, trying to battle the growing dryness parching his throat. Somehow, he managed to speak, the words coming out in a croak.

"Yes, we are."

He left quickly after that.

They didn't speak of it again, but their argument hadn't wandered far from their thoughts. Every glance they shared was super charged, electrified by thousands of words that were carefully tucked into the corners of their minds. They kept up the act at home, playing their parts like actors in a play. The animosity was hidden behind tight-lipped smiles and innocuous, idle chatter that stayed far from the topic that was practically singing to be released.

Even with their performances, the kids were catching on. Skye kept giving them worried glances, eyes flitting from one parent to the other, but he never said a thing. He didn't have to. Faith was more upfront, but it didn't help that she'd witnessed her mother purposely break a few dishes when she was supposed to have been playing in the yard. It certainly didn't help when she found her father at his desk, hunched over one of his papers with an alarming wetness to his eyes.

She barged into his study, and Hope hastily wiped away all traces from his face before shoving the document in a drawer. "Faith, honey, you know not to enter a room without knocking." She didn't falter at his stern, fatherly tone, instead she strode forward, her expression and gait denoting nothing but seriousness. It was almost adorable how earnest she looked considering her age and Hope had to ignore the stab that struck his heart. It didn't matter how everyone said that she took after her father, that look betrayed every statement ever made. That was a little Lightning right there.

"Why are you crying?"

"I wasn't-"

"Lies are bad, daddy."

Seven years of age and she was sharp as a tack. "Yes, they are." Giving his situation some quick thought, he pushed his chair back and patted his lap, waiting until Faith settled on his knee. He stared down into her tiny blue eyes and pushed the silver hair from her face as he tried to find a way to dance around the truth without technically lying because, yes, lies were bad. "Daddy's just sad, is all."

"Like mommy?"

His breath hitched. "Yeah… like mommy." Faith tucked herself closer to his side, wrapping her arms around him. He had to wonder who was comforting who. "There's a lot of icky, adult stuff going on right now, okay? Mommy and daddy are fine, we just need to sort some things out."

"You're not gonna leave?"

"Wha- Why do you think that?" Hope pulled Faith enough away from his middle to look into her face. "Where did you hear such a thing?"

"Reim said his mommy and daddy were sad and fighting all the time. Then Reim's daddy stopped coming home and his mommy said they don't need his daddy anymore." Faith's bottom lip shuddered and tears began to cascade down her little cheeks, but she carried on valiantly. "Reim said you're gonna leave, too."

Hope's jaw fell and he couldn't find the words to respond as Faith buried her face back against his stomach. He could soon feel a wet patch seeping into his shirt and he hugged her closer.

"I don't want you to leave! I don't wanna be like Reim! I told him you'd never leave and mommy'd never say that, but he just pushed me in the dirt and called me a crybaby!"

She started sobbing, clutching onto his shirt with all the might she had housed in her little body. Hope finally managed to snap himself out of his stupor. "Hey… Hey, I'm not going anywhere." He patted her back and rocked her as well as he could in his office chair. As his little girl clung to his middle, Hope couldn't believe how horribly he and Lightning had screwed up. "I want you to know, Faith, that I'm always going to be here. No matter what happens, I'm always here, got it, pumpkin head?"

Sniffling, Faith pulled herself away from him and shoved her hand in his face, pinky outstretched. "Promise?"

Hope chuckled. "Promise." He entwined their pinkies and she gave a loud giggle as she went in to hug him again. "Now why don't I have a talk with Reim's mommy? Pushing and calling names is also bad, huh?"

Faith nodded, but hesitated. "You should talk to my mommy first."

His children would never cease to amaze him.

Skye was giving Hope the silent treatment. Hope had yet to notice, he could be oblivious at times even with his own children, but Lightning picked up on it right away. Any time Hope asked for help with any of the chores around the house, the ten year old would do so, but with a grumpy frown on his face and his lips tightly shut. Whenever Hope would ask the kids what they wanted, whether it be for dinner or what to watch, Skye would just sit there until Lightning would cut in and ask his opinion. Only then would he speak. It didn't take a genius to figure out something was wrong, just an intuitive mother.

She checked briefly on Defiance, seeing her happily coloring in one of her color by number books in her room, before making her way to Skye's bedroom. It was shut, a metal sign hanging on the door with "KEEP OUT" written in bright red. She knocked twice without hearing a response. It was no surprise; she could hear the video game he was playing with perfect clarity. Opening the door, she came to find her son lounging on his bed, controller in hand as he played one of his old favorites. Lightning had never been fond of the game. She couldn't understand what a hedgehog would want with jewelry.

"Don't you have homework to do?"

"Ever heard of knocking?"

Lightning cocked a brow. "If you weren't blasting your eardrums out you would have heard me."

Skye rolled his eyes as he paused his game. "I was going to get to my math eventually."

"You mean you were going to do it right now?"

He gave a resigned sigh, pushing a hand through his roseate hair as he shoved his controller to the side. "Yeah, that's what I said. Can't you hear?" Pulling up his neglected homework from the floor, Skye sat back against his headboard. "You've been home a lot lately," he spoke offhandedly as he gave her a quick glance.

Shutting the door behind her, she came to sit on the edge of his bed. "Yeah, well, someone's gotta be here to make sure you get your work done. Your father can be too much of a pushover." His face pinched in response. "I took some time off. Figured I could use it." We all could, apparently. Her gaze travelled over her son as he worked on a few problems, noting the sheer size of him. He'd grown so much in such a small amount of time and she had to take stock of the differences that she should have noticed sooner.

He was taller, maybe a good two inches taller than the last time she had paid his height any mind. His features were becoming more prominent, the gentle slope of his nose and the curve of his cheekbones reminding her sharply of her husband. His hair was longer, a little too unruly for her taste and she made a mental note to make a hair appointment sometime soon. There was just so much, too much and Lightning wondered, really wondered, if what Hope was saying had merit.

Hope… right. She'd come here with a mission and had nearly forgot. "Skye, why are you not speaking to your dad? "

"Why are you guys fighting?"

"I asked first," she replied after a beat, sticking out her tongue.

The boy looked up, catching his mother's childish action and returning it before becoming serious. He seemed to mull over his response for a few moments. "I just… it's dad's fault, isn't it? You guys are fighting because of something he did, right?"

"What makes you think that?"

"I heard him talking to Uncle Snow and Maqui, saying that if he had to make you mad, he would."

Lightning scowled, muscles tensing as she readied to go beat the crap out of her husband, but Skye wasn't finished.

"He said he was tired of you choosing your job over our family…"

The anger quickly left her after that. She turned back to her son, now seeing his downcast expression. "Do you think that, too? That I work too much?"

Skye quickly shook his head, sitting up on his knees. "No, not at all!" Lightning eyed him, disbelieving. He deflated at her stare. "Only a little. I mean, I'd like it if you were home a little more, and maybe if you came to some of my games, but… I like your job. It's kinda cool having a mom in the Guardian Corps. And the moves you can pull off are really bad ass!"

As much as her heart warmed to the pride in his tone, she couldn't help the need to reprimand him for his tongue. "Language," she scolded, poking him in the forehead. "Where did you even- Snow taught you that, didn't he?"

"It's not like I wouldn't have learned it from my friends, mom. And I learned it from Gadot two years ago. As if I would really learn anything from a dumb ass like Snow."

"Skye Alexander Estheim." She thumped him again on the forehead, but couldn't hide her laughter. "Way to throw Gadot to the Lobos."

His eyes got comically huge, as if he'd just realized his mistake. "No, I remember now! It really was Snow! Please don't hurt uncle Gadot!"

Lightning laughed harder before pulling the little liar in for a hug. "I'll make you a deal. You get that math homework done and I may just spare him. Maybe."

Skye groaned, pulling away from his mom's side with a pout. "Fine. What did I do to deserve such torture?"

"And… our fight is about much more than just something your father did. As adorable as it is, I don't need you going into a silent battle for me. Stop treating him with such disrespect. Got it, soldier?"

He nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I'm not adorable," he grumbled, face twisted in disgust.

"You keep telling yourself that."

They waited until all of the kids had been put to bed before finally broaching the subject again. They sat in the living room, simply staring at each other as the minutes ticked by. Lightning chose to speak first.

"Skye knows we're fighting."

"I'm not surprised. He's ten, and very intuitive. Faith knows, too. She-" he paused, calming himself down as just the thought of his conversation with his daughter caused his lungs to constrict. "She thought I was leaving."

"You are, aren't you?" At Hope's appalled face, she continued. "That's what a divorce means, Hope. It means one of us is leaving and it most certainly isn't me."

"What do you expect me to do? Just let our household continue to crumble from the inside out? If you haven't noticed, there's a lot of resentment and anger and sadness all just building up around here. It's like a parasite slowly eating away at our family until, eventually, there won't be anything left."

"What kind of worthless simile is that?" Before Hope could defend himself, she held up a finger, stopping him in his tracks. "Nothing is wrong with our family. At least there wasn't anything wrong until you had me served!"

He bit his tongue, holding back an easy retort. He needed to stop this before it could spiral into another useless argument. "I think we need to just start being frank with each other, get everything out in the open, and then try to find a way to solve whatever issues there are. Elida said that was-"

"Elida?" Lightning spoke, incredulous. "Why the hell would you bring up Elida?"

"She went through something similar with her husband a couple years ago," Hope replied, purposely ignoring the hostility. "They managed to avoid a divorce and are happier than ever now. I thought her advice would be helpful for us."

"Happier than ever, huh?" She crossed her arms, sitting back into the couch as she narrowed her eyes at him. Just the thought of Hope and that woman speaking about their private, personal matters made her mouth taste like ash. "Does her husband know about your little heartfelt talks? No? I don't think he'd be so happy if he did."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you may not have slept with her, but you might as well. You're already having an emotional affair with the woman. Why not make it more official?!"

"Excuse me?" An angry red rose to his cheeks as his fists balled at his sides. "I can't believe you would ever accuse me of such a thing? And where in the world did you get that term from? 'Emotional affair…'" Hope repeated with confusion and a lilt of disdain. "Serah?"

"Jihl was-"

"Great, because Jihl is the best person to get advice from. I'm surprised you haven't castrated me yet if you're listening to her."

"I'm surprised, too." She put a hand to her forehead, attempting to rub out the tension. "But that doesn't detract from the point."

"No, it doesn't, but it does point out an important issue. Your jealousy is concerning."

"J-jealousy?" she sputtered. "I'm not jealous. You both are just way too close for a pair of old classmates."

"Really? Then answer this. Would the nature of our relationship bother you if she were a man?"

"Well, there's Noel."

Hope gaped. "That was years ago! And he's happily married to Yeul."

"Still."

"Besides, you can hardly talk with the way Raines is around you."

"Cid is a colleague-"

"A colleague that has propositioned you multiple times, even within my presence."

"He was joking."

Waving the comment off, he sat forward, meeting her gaze with concern. "It still happened. Cid Raines has a reputation. I'd be a fool not to call your interaction into question."

"He also has a wife."

"Yeah, and that just makes my point for me."

"Etro, I need a drink." Lightning couldn't have made it to the kitchen faster. Although some alcohol sounded damn good, what she really needed was some fresh air. It was stifling in there. Their flaring tempers were going to give her a migraine. Or worse, wake the kids.

Hope entered the room just as she took her second sip. "Why does any mention of Cid always have to lead to an argument?"

"Why does Elida?"

"Because I don't like how she is with you."

"Right back at you."

"Ugh." She brought the bottle against her face, relishing in the cold numbness it brought to her skin.

"The consumption of alcohol during discussions is counterproductive."

"Is that another thing you learned from Elida?" she snapped, receiving a glare in return. "Can we just not talk about her?"

"Don't you trust me?"

She brought her attention back to him, noting the hurt swimming in his eyes and the exasperation in his tone.

"You don't like Elida, fine. But don't you trust me enough to know that I would never touch anyone but you? That I would never want anyone but you?"

His words drew her into a pause, her heart once again hammering in her chest. What are we doing? Even though she knew it was wrong, that it would drive even more of a wedge between them, she couldn't stop the words from slipping from her tongue like a curse. "What if I said no?"

His first instinct was to leave. He wanted to leave and just pretend that he hadn't heard what she'd just said, because there was no way his wife had said that she didn't trust him. "God dammit, Lightning! Why? What have I done to not deserve your trust? I'm the one that's always here! I'm the one that's here for our kids and for you. I'm always here even when you're not! I'm here when you could be off doing maker knows what with Cid-"

Lightning slapped him, the sting searing into her palm. "Don't you dare."

He turned away from her as he brought a hand to his cheek, unable to meet her eyes. "So is this how it is now? I do something you disagree with so you feel the need to physically stop me?"

"Don't be absurd."

"You threw a knife at me, Lightning. We've been together for a lot of years, been through so much, and you've never used violence against me. Never."

"Oh, Please. You're being dramatic. We both know it wasn't going to hit you. That wasn't my intention. You just weren't sto-"

"A knife, Lightning." He finally allowed their gazes to meet, unashamed of the immense amount of pain evident in his expression. "A knife. It doesn't matter if it was your intention to hit me. You could have."

She didn't say anything. He didn't think he would have listened even if she had. His eyes caught on the new hole in their calendar and he cringed. "Maker, who are you? My Lightning would never…" He couldn't finish. Instead he grabbed his keys from their perch and made his way to the door without even a glance back, grabbing his bag he'd had waiting just in case.

"I'm staying at Maqui's."

The slamming of the door echoed around her for hours after that.