When Harry failed his Potions test for the first time, he was not fazed in the slightest. Years of having Snape as his Potions teacher had him well prepared for his demise in the subject.
'Sirius and Remus are going to be angry,' said Hermione worriedly. 'Fifteen points out of a hundred! That's way past the limit! If it was forty nine over a hundred then that'd be another matter...'
'You're overreacting,' said Harry with a nonchalant shrug. 'Of course I had to scribble something down when Snape deliberately set the test ten minutes before my Quidditch practice! Don't worry, my godparents are cool, they'd know Snape and his stunts. You all know he couldn't wait to fail me since my first day here.'
'But Snape'd need a legit reason to fail you, and you conveniently gave him that,' said Hermione with a pointed glare. 'Harry, Quidditch is not everything, and you're going to study extra hard for the next test. It'll do good revision for your O.W.L.s, and you'll know what your strengths and weaknesses are -'
'What's the name of the emperor that got beheaded in the 1739 Goblin Revolution?' Ron asked loudly across the table, effectively cutting Hermione's lecture as she launched into a detailed account of the fifty-seventh Goblin Revolution they'd studied. Nodding fervently alongside Ron, Harry tossed his Potions paper aside and soon forgot about it completely.
A few days later, Harry happily returned to Grimmauld Place as the Christmas holiday commenced. Awaiting him were Sirius and Remus, his dearest people in the world apart from James and Lily, and a great feast celebrating Harry's return, the result of the combined efforts of the Black-Lupin couple.
'Thanks,' Harry beamed as he munched on the burned steak. To be honest, meals at Grimmauld Place ( if not cooked by Kreacher, that is) were on the top list of the most horrible feasts in the world, even Aunt Petunia's food could beat them - at least Harry wouldn't be choked to death in the middle of dinner and puked his guts out the morning after. Still, Harry didn't mind the slightest. In fact, being at Grimmauld Place and living with his godparents was his favourite activity outside Hogwarts. What was more, Sirius and Remus had hung James and Lily's portraits in the living room, which meant that Harry could often join in the Marauders gatherings and listen to stories of Marauders pranks and adventures.
Tonight, though, was a little bit special. Harry needed his paper signed – but who should he go to? Deciding that Remus would be the more clear-headed of the two, Harry waited till Sirius had gone away and beckoned to Remus.
'Don't be long, Moony,' Sirius's sleepy voice echoed in the hallway.
'I won't,' Remus waved and then turned to his godson. 'What's up, Harry?'
'Erm,' Harry scratched his head. 'I need you to sign my Potions test.'
Remus raised his eyebrow. 'Severus doesn't usually ask parents to sign –'
'I know, I know,' Harry cut him off, his hand casually waving in midair. 'It's just that, he's always hated me, and he sort of, you know, failed me this time,' he explained. As an afterthought, he added, 'guess he's celebrating his arse off now.'
Remus looked sternly at him. 'Severus is not that kind of person, and I'd be disappointed if you picked up Sirius's language habit,' seeing Harry's face fall, Remus patted him consolingly on the shoulder and pointed at the sofa. 'Come, have a seat. Tea or coffee?'
An ominous feeling dawned on Harry. 'Have a cuppa' in Remus language meant that a long educational talk was on the way. 'Um, no – I mean, isn't Sirius waiting for you?' said Harry frantically. 'I'd rather… er, I'm thankful for the great feast tonight and you should rest.'
But Remus gave him That Look and Harry submitted. 'Tea, thanks,' he mumbled.
When Remus handed Harry his mug of tea and in turn Harry gave him the test paper, both parent and son were silent for a few minutes as Remus examined the paper and Harry fidgeted with the hem of his jumper. Not that he was afraid of Remus, but a long talk meant that he had to sit here patiently for another hour or so. But then, I can always tune him out, thought Harry, it's just a talk. I only have to nod from time to time and then it'll be over.
'Harry, please don't treat this as a chastisement,' Remus's lecture had begun. 'I want you to know that failing a test is not your fault –'
Haven't entirely zoned out yet, Harry nodded eagerly.
' – But it is an important indication of your progress. I'm not trying to nag you to study, but the future is yours and it's your responsibility to steer your ship to the right direction and paths …'
Harry nodded, and nodded.
'… A few years later, you'll be an adult. You can no longer be reckless, but thoughtful, considerate, diligent and careful. There isn't always a second time, just as Sirius and I and even Severus might not be always at your side to support you…'
'Yeah,' said Harry. 'Absolutely.'
'… When I was younger, going to Hogwarts was a dream, a miracle. If it wasn't for your parents and Sirius, and Peter, I wouldn't have become who I am today. In my first year …'
Harry nodded for the millionth time. He reckoned he made the right choice letting Remus sign the test. This continued for about half an hour until Remus gently pulled his arm and said, 'what do you think?'
'Um, er, I think …' Harry stuttered, '… that you're completely right.'
Remus looked amused. 'I asked if you thought me an absolute idiot babbling rubbish to a statue.'
Harry's cheeks turned scarlet. 'I didn't – I don't mean – ' He sighed, rubbing his hands together to warm himself up, 'I'm sorry, but Snape was such an ignorant git that he banned me from the Quidditch practice. I was mad so I decided to mess with him.'
'Harry,' Remus looked in Harry's eyes solemnly. 'I don't want to fail James and Lily letting you muck up your test deliberately, blame everything on your least favourite teacher and think you're right in doing so, but you were certainly not listening to me,' he pursed his lips, the lines on his forehead were clearly visible as he wore a worried, disappointed frown.
Guilt rose up Harry's chest. Remus deserved better. He did not have to worry over his dead friend's son and overwork himself. As if seeing Harry's thoughts, Remus continued, 'of course, you certainly don't have to. I'm not even the legit godfather James had appointed, only by marriage am I another guardian of yours –'
'Please don't say that, Remus!' Harry yelled, tears starting to form in his eyes. 'You're my godfather, you're as important as Sirius to me, and Dad would not want anyone but you to be my guardian apart from Sirius –'
Remus shook his head. 'No, Harry, I won't sign your test –'
'No! Remus! I'm sorry!' Harry jumped and cried. 'I'll study hard next time, I promise! I won't disappoint you anymore! Please sign my test…' Tears gushed out and fell down his cheeks.
'-Tonight,' continued Remus calmly, and Harry choked on his saliva. 'And while you're calming down, please have a look at chapter 3 of Basic Potions: Fourth Year and I'll quiz you on it tomorrow. You might want to talk to James and Lily,' Remus indicated the portraits by the window, 'they're excellent potion brewers.'
They hugged and greeted each other goodnights; Remus rushed hastily upstairs as Sirius shouted 'Moony! Get your arse up here this second!' Sniffing, Harry walked towards the portraits in which James was already leaning close to the frame and trying to poke his head out. Guilt weighed down on Harry like a rock; he pledged that he would treat every single test with care in future as he reflected on how wrong he was thinking Remus would let him off easily.
But when Harry returned to school, every single thought he had about having a truce with Snape was gone the minute he saw the teacher, who stared down at him gloatingly, waving his previous test with Remus's signature and spicing up their newfound feud. Naturally, adrenaline rushed over Harry which resulted in him failing his Potions test a second time. Jittery and confused, he turned to Ron and Hermione for help.
'Try Sirius this time,' Ron suggested, his voice muffled as he stuffed his mouth full of mashed potato. 'Sometimes being yelled at is better than someone stirring up guilt in you, even though you shouldn't be guilty in the first place.'
'Oh Harry,' Hermione looked at Harry sympathetically. 'Five out of a hundred! That's…'
'Pathetic, I know,' said Harry gloomily. 'But Snape! He emptied my cauldron! No sane teacher would empty a student's cauldron when he had to write a report on the potion!'
'Your potion was giving out green fumes when it shouldn't have boiled in the first place,' Hermione pointed out reasonably, 'and Snape was only doing his job ensuring the safety of the whole class. I'm surprised he didn't give you zero.'
'Yeah right,' Harry jabbed his fork into his steak and gravy spilled out; Harry imagined this was him poking Snape's face with the Gryffindor sword.
More hopeful this time, Harry slipped Sirius his test just after Remus had fallen asleep up in the master bedroom, which was furthest away from the living room. He had made sure of that; Sirius's bark couldn't possibly travel all the way up the three floors and pass the Silencing Charm Harry had placed.
'Five out of a hundred?' Sirius's eyebrow shot up to his hairline. 'How's that possible? Even that time when I sleepwalked into Slughorn's classroom and did his test I still got thirty!'
As much as Harry was curious how it was possible for his godfather to be 'sleepwalking into Slughorn's classroom' when he was supposed to be there to begin with, he decided it was not the time to ask. So instead he said, 'well, you know Snape –'
'Snivellus,' corrected Sirius.
'-Yes, Snivellus, he emptied my cauldron when I had to write a bloody report on it. If he didn't, even if my potion was wrongly brewed, I would've got effort marks,' Harry tried to suppress a triumphant grin as Sirius nodded along. He made the right choice finding Sirius this time. 'So it was not really my fault, but Remus kept saying Snivellus was a very caring person and that I shouldn't push him too hard.'
'Remus said that?' Sirius snapped up his head, and Harry started to regret what he said about Remus. 'What did he mean by "caring" and "push him too hard"? How did he know you're pushing him from behind and it's not the other way round?'
'Um,' Harry so wanted to die now for he seemed to have hit Sirius's nerve when all he had to do was let him sign the damn test and forget about it. 'I –I guess, er, Remus is a very considerate person that he's seen how fucked up Snape can be when he's tipped over the edge –'
'He WHAT?!' shouted Sirius, and the vase behind him teetered in the explosive soundwaves. 'He's seen …' Sirius's breath caught, his voice croaked and fallen down to a doglike whine, his skin going cold and his eyes glassy.
'I only guessed!' Harry yelped, shaking Sirius and bringing him back to consciousness, but he still failed to understand what he said that hit Sirius this hard. 'But then –Remus said, ugh, I think he said he was joking, I reckon at last he relented and agreed wholeheartedly that Snape is the worst organism alive.'
'Snivellus,' corrected Sirius automatically. Thankfully being able to correct him meant that he had returned to his usual state. Still pouting, he grabbed a quill and doodled a turtle on Harry's paper, right next to the big red 5/100.
'Make sure you tell the git my signature is not for sale, though I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the rush to hang it up,' said Sirius sullenly as he threw the quill away. 'But then, why didn't you copy your partner's report?'
Harry gulped. 'My partner was Neville, and he ended up with a zero.'
'Then why didn't you use our Cheating Quill? I didn't entrust it to you to have it placed securely in your locker,' said Sirius accusingly.
'Remus said…' Harry was just in time to close his mouth as he thought better of saying anything Remus might have said this time.
'And Remus!' Sirius's eyes blazed at the mention of his husband. 'He wouldn't stop quizzing you at night when he's supposed to be underneath me –'
Harry winced. 'I'm sorry, but I could've gone on living without knowing that.'
Sirius ignored him. 'I'm so disappointed in you, Prongslet, you MESSED UP OUR SCHEDULE AND YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN A SINGLE SIGN OF REPENTANCE. ME AND REMUS AGREED WE WOULD TAKE TURNS IN THE BEDROOM AND NOW HE WOULDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF OUR SCHEDULE, AS IF AMORTENTIA AND BEETLE LUNGS AND DITTANY ARE EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN BLINDFOLDS AND HANDCUFFS –' he banged on the table, and the teetering vase finally fell down, shattering into pieces. 'REFLECTION, HARRY! DO NOT STOP REFLECTING UNTIL REMUS STOP TALKING ABOUT FOURTH YEAR POTIONS WHEN WE HAVE SEX!'
So Harry, feeling guilty and regretful, walked towards James and Lily's portraits (who were sniggering) and reflected on just how wrong he was again letting Sirius sign his paper.
-Written 24/06/2018, for my 18th birthday