Story inspired by Supertramp's song : "Don't Leave Me Now".
Meredith was sitting in the waiting room of Seattle Tacoma International Airport, she checked her watch and the information about the planes that were going to land. And more particularly, the one coming from Switzerland. It's been four years since she had seen her person for the last time… Of course they had talked to each other every weeks since her departure, but it was not the same.. You can't hold your friend in your arms, comfort her when she cries, drink some wine (or tequila in their case), or just dance it out, when you're a billion miles away from each other. Meredith was deep in thoughts when she heard a well known voice calling out her name behind her. She stood up, turned around and took her person in her arms, tightly.
"Oh Mer, I'm going to die in your arms, I can't breathe !"
"Sorry, I'm just so happy to see you ! It's been so long I missed you so much !" Meredith answered, releasing her.
"Me too ! Huh.. Can you take the slipcover please ? I'm totally overloaded, I don't know how I managed to travel with all these things from Zurich !" Cristina said to Meredith, walking to the car.
"So, I see that you finally found your dress !"
"Yeah ! As Alex wishes, it's grey, grey pearl, and it's something neither ceremonious nor casual. I hate shopping, Harper Avery winners don't have time for those bullshits!" Cristina exclaimed with a smirk on her face, taking her place in the car.
"Oh congratulations by the way ! Did you like my gift ?" Meredith asked her because they didn't have the chance to talk to each other since Cristina had won her Harper Avery last week, and she started the car to drive them to her house.
"Oh yes I loved it ! The file of my first solo cardio surgery, something that you can't forget. Thank you so much Mer !" She said taking her hand on the gear lever.
They drove in silence for a while, until Cristina suddenly broke it.
"He send me some flowers with a card and another thing." Cristina mumbled, staring out the window.
"Really ? Wh-What did he write ?" Meredith asked hesitantly.
"I always knew that this second-year resident who took care of my leg was going to bea renowned surgeon one day. Take care, kisses. That's what he wrote, and he send me like five or six notebooks."
"I bet that you read it more than once, you know it by heart... and what about the notebooks ?"
"It was about the war. When he was in Iraq, he wrote down the surgeries he performed in details. Like, like a journal."
"Did he wrote something about Beth or Teddy ?"
"No. Not about his old stupid love stories. Just about surgery. When I read them, It was like I was discovering another man, another Owen you know, before the ambush, before his PTSD. Owen in the before." Cristina said her last words almost like a whisper.
"I see... Well, speaking of him, you should that Amelia is going to come home to pick up her child, so you may -" Meredith started.
"So I may see Amelia and Owen picking up their daughter. Yeah I know.." Cristina finished Meredith's sentence with a smile.
"And this is for you Zola, a doll, and it's not a stupid blonde doll who does nothing, it's a doll who is a doctor, like your mother." Cristina announced, giving the gift to Zola.
The little girl took the doll and went to play with it. Cristina looked at her smiling and joined Meredith in the kitchen to give her her gift.
"And chocolates for you two !" Cristina said, giving the box to Meredith and Derek.
Meredith thanked her and began to talked with Cristina. They talked about Alex's wedding details which was going to take place in Meredith and Derek's backyard where the trailer still remained. They chitchatted until they were interrupted by the cries of a baby. Meredith let Cristina in the kitchen and went to take care of the baby. Cristina drank her wine and took a look around the room, she knew who was this baby. Zola and Bailey were in the living room playing with their new toys and their father, and Meredith didn't have an other child, so it was a simple conclusion to make.
Cristina's thoughts were interrupted when Meredith came back holding a two years old toddler in her arms.
"And this is-" Meredith started to say but Cristina interrupted her.
"Owen's baby girl. Yeah, she has his blue eyes, I could recognize those eyes anywhere."
"Her name is Laura." Meredith continued the presentation.
The little girl looked at Cristina wondering who was this beautiful person with this crazy hair, and those full lips. She looked so nice so she gave her the most beautiful smile and she got one from her in response.
Cristina observed Laura and tried to find some likenesses with Owen. Her eyes were definitely his, and her smile too. Cristina was wondering if their baby would have looked like Laura. Remembering the abortion and all these things made her feel sick, she gulped hard and told Meredith she was going to take a nap before dinner. She greeted Derek and went to the guest room.
She opened the door, closed it and crumbled on the bed.
"Does Owen know that Cristina is coming to the weeding ?" Derek asked, helping Meredith to feed the kids.
"Yes, he asked me last week if she was coming and and I told him yes, but he doesn't know that she is here, at home." Meredith asked, giving a bottle to Bailey.
"I don't like it..."
Meredith gave him a quizzical look, and Derek continued,
"You know, Cristina and Owen, together after four years of separation. You told me that Cristina missed Owen and I'm sure it's just the same for him despite my sister. I don't like it for my sister. Do you think that he could cheat on her ?" Derek asked.
"Derek, I-..."
"Because the last time, it was on Cristina and he felt guilty for that. So I think he learnt his lesson."
"He cheated on Emma, with Cristina. And he didn't have any regrets about it. Owen is the guy who cheats on his girlfriends to be with Cristina just for one moment. But Owen isn't the guy who cheats on Cristina to have fun with someone else. That's the difference."
"So if I understand, I have to stay here and look at Owen cheating on Amelia ? First, when she told me that she was going to date Owen, I told her that it was a bad idea because I knew Owen's feelings and I knew she would never replace Cristina. But she didn't listen to me." Derek explained.
"And I think that Amelia's pregnancy only a few months after they started to date did not help her to forget about her idea." Meredith finished.
Derek and Meredith looked at each, understanding what would happened, and they couldn't do anything to stop it. Just watch, and try to fix it afterwards. Their silent discussion was interrupted by the doorbell. As Meredith had Laura in her arms, her husband went to open the door and let appear a smiling Amelia with Owen walking behind her.
"Hey brother ! Oh God, you will be so proud of me when I will tell you that I succeeded in doing my surgery, I just rocked my fucking day !" Amelia exclaimed clapping her hands.
"Amy, please, mind your language ! There are kids in the room." Derek scowled.
"Oops, sorry… Oh this is my little baby girl, come with mommy ! Look, I came with daddy !" Amy said with a singsong voice, taking Laura in her arms.
"And how was your day ?" Derek asked Owen.
"Well, you know, wretched papers, meetings with lawyers and accounting. The Perfect day !" Owen said with a sarcastic voice.
Amy gave Laura to Owen so he could kiss her. She nestle against her father's chest and he mumbled some words in her daughter's ear to let her know that her daddy was here and that he loved her a very great deal.
"Thank you Mer for Laura ! If you want, when I will have a day off, you could give me Zola and Bailey. And Laura will be happy to have some friends." Owen proposed.
Meredith was going to talk when Derek interrupted her : "Hey ! It's me who looked after your little princess, Mer was busy to fetch Cr-.."
His wife nudged him to prevent him to talk about Cristina. Derek looked at Meredith then Owen and Amelia and gave them an awkward smile.
"Ok, I think we have every-" Owen stopped his sentence when he heard something.
"Mer, could you give me your charger ? I forgot mine." Cristina yelled, rushing down the stairs with her ear buds in her ears.
Cristina froze when she saw who was in front of her. She felt like her heart was about to explode. Every looks were in her direction, and more particularly some blue eyes which didn't leave her since she burst into the room. She felt light headed, and was fighting for each breath. Breath in. Breath out. ThenCristina realized things had changed since the last time she saw Owen in the OR gallery. He was a father now, and he was in a relationship. The perfect family, she thought.
After a few more seconds of silence, she blurted out a "Hi".
Owen was shocked to see Cristina right in front of him, he didn't expect to see her here, when he would pick his daughter up. He knew Cristina was coming to Alex and Jo's wedding, but he thought he would have more time to get prepared.
"Hi ! I heard about your Harper Avery, congratulations ! Everybody at the hospital is proud of you." Amelia said, shaking Cristina's hand.
"Thank you ! Mer told me that you are doing some miracles at GSMH, I think you are in your brother's steps."
Amelia smiled at Cristina's comment and added, touching Laura's hair "I think you met our little girl, Laura."
"Yes ! Yes, she is very beautiful ! You did well." Cristina answered, and gave Owen a shy smile, while he was trying to figure out how she was feeling.
Meredith, was witnessing the most inconceivable situation she had ever seen in a while : was making a compliment 2. It was about a child 3. Her ex-husband's child 4. To his current girlfriend 5. Who was no one but Derek's sister ! She saw that Cristina was trying to find a way to escape the room and she gave her the opportunity to do so, telling her that her charger was on the coffee table. Cristina made a smile, took the charger, and left the room in a hurry. Owen was staring at her the whole time. His eyes hadn't left her until she was upstairs, out of sight and Cristina had felt it. She always could feel when Owen was starring at her, or at her back, her behind, or at her neck.
"Are you ready ?" Amelia asked Owen, taking him out of his asian daydream.
"Oh crap, I can't straighten my tie, could you help me ?"
"Shaky hands... Are you sure you're a surgeon ?" Meredith said with amusement.
"Hey dude ! I'm getting married today, for the second time and I hope this time it will work !" Alex replied.
"Don't worry, it will , you are made for each other !"
"What's the color of her dress ?" Cristina asked, fixing her makeup.
"White, she told me that she wanted something traditional."
"Like I've always said, it's sexist and quite racist. White symbolizes virginity, and as I lived with you and your soon to be wife, I could say, no scratch that, I can assure you that the white is not really the appropriate color for her..." Cristina laughed, followed by Meredith.
"Oh, I wouldn't go there if I were you Cristina. Because when you lived at home and that you were with Owen, it became clear to me why you wore a red dress at your wedding... A red dress with nothing white in it ! Yes ma'am, I heard it and... I saw it !" Alex smirked.
Cristina blushed hard when she heard that Alex saw them during they were having sex. Meredith clapped her hands and asked for more details despite Cristina's objections.
"Well, it was one night, I came home from my shift and I heard some moaning coming from the living room, and there, there were the chief of Surgery and one of his Cardio attending revising all the Kama Sutra on the floor !"
"No way ! I can't believe it ! Really ? on the floor ?! Why didn't you tell me that Alex saw you ?" Meredith asked, laughing.
"Because I didn't know !" Cristina said horrified.
"And I would even add that our chief of Surgery has a very nice ass, and you Cris, I'm very impressed by your... flexibility." Alex said winking at Cristina.
"Ok that's enough, it's getting really awkward now, can we talk about other things and let's focus on your wedding ?" Meredith suggested.
Alex nodded, exhaled and checked if everything was where it has to be. Meredith and Cristina could feel that he was nervous, and they asked if he was fine.
"What if she is not coming ? What If she doesn't want this, what if-"
"Stop ! You can't freak out right now ! She loves you, she agreed to marry you, so everything is going to be fine, relax. You love each other that's all that matters." Meredith reassured him.
Alex nodded, Meredith gave him a smile and then Cristina asked "Does she want kids ?"
Her friends looked at each other trying to understand what she meant.
"Do you guys want the same house type ? Do you want the same color for your bedroom walls ? Do you want to go on holiday in the same place ?"
"In a marriage, love isn't enough. It would be perfect if love could be enough but it isn't... You have to know what she wants about her life with you, you know, after... and you need to figure out if you want the same things. Because if you don't, then one day, one of you will realize that there is one thing about you will have to make a sacrifice and If you absolutely can't make this sacrifice then it will be the end.
"Look, I deeply loved Owen, I really did, but I wasn't ready to make the sacrifice of having a child. Since then, we kept hurting each other really badly, and this despite our unconditional love." Cristina finished her speech with teary eyes.
"So you're telling me that I have to stop this, that I have to runaway because we didn't talk about where we should go on holiday ?"
"No ! But you just have to stop freaking out about whether she's coming or not ! You're doing the hardest but the best part. You're bounding your life with the woman you love. Take one thing at a time, you will worry about those decisions that you have to take together and discuss about, later. Just try to understand and accept her point of view. Anyways, all I'm saying, it's…if she agreed to marry you and if she didn't hesitate a tiny winy bit, then she will come and in less than one hour she will be Mrs Evil Spawn."
"Thank you Cardio God Whore." Alex thanked her with a smile.
Cristina smiled back at him and gave him a hug. There was a knock on the door, Meredith allowed the visitor to come in, and let Jackson appeared at the door.
"Everybody's ready downstairs, I think it's time to go. You're coming ?"
Cristina and Meredith were Alex's mades of honor, and for Jo it was Stephanie and Leah. Cristina was walking down the aisle right after Meredith. She was wearing the grey dress, with black stilettos and a bouquet of white roses. As she walked, she could feel the back of her neck burning, and she knew exactly why. For around six years, she got this sensation whenever he was staring at her… He was sitting with Amelia and Laura in his arms, the picture of the perfect family, she thought.
She was standing next to Meredith beside the wedding arch decorated with flowers and there were lighted candles all around them, it was really romantic. Cristina was trying to focus on what the priest was saying, but her mind became more and more focused on that strawberry blonde haired man who was still staring at her. She wondered what would have happened without all those obstacles that they went through.
What if, she hadn't had the abortion.
What if, she hadn't ignored Owen's wishes.
What if, the couple therapy had worked.
What if, they hadn't divorced.
What if, Owen hadn't met Ethan.
Well, simply, what if, she had never been pregnant in the first place ?
All those questions she got on her mind were interrupted by the family and friends who were applauding for the first kiss between Alex and Jo as husband and wife. Meredith was looking at Cristina and noticed that she looked preoccupied so she asked her with her eyes, in a way that only Cristina could understand, if she was ok and she saw her nodding slightly.
The ceremony was over and now, all the guests were either congratulating the newly weds, or on the dance floor, or seated at the bar sipping their drinks, like Cristina.
With her drink in her hand, she was absent-mindedly staring at Owen who was dancing with his little girl in his arms. He had the biggest smile on his face she had ever seen, and he was laughing, he seemed happy, he seemed fine.
"Are you staring at your ex-husband ?" Meredith asked, as she approached Cristina.
"Look how happy he is Mer ! He is finally living his dream. To be a father...and he seems to be amazing." Cristina said, unable to look away from him and his daughter who were still dancing.
"I know what you are doing Cristina Yang. You are trying to convince yourself that you've made the right choice."
"I'm not trying to convince myself Mer, because I know that I've made the right decision. Just look at him, he has everything he has always wanted, and I'm perfectly fine in Zurich." Cristina said, now looking at Meredith
"Oh if you're as perfectly fine as you said, then tell me why you cried when you asked me about Owen and that I told you he was with Amelia eh ?"
Cristina stared at the floor, she had nothing to say about that, other than it was because she was hurt, but she didn't want to admit it out loud.
"Listen, yes he is happy with Laura, but Owen is also missing something, or I would rather say someone, and you know what I'm talking about."
Cristina sighed heavily and looked back at the dance floor and saw Owen with his little girl, who was now sleeping in his arms her head resting on his shoulder, walking into Meredith and Derek's house, probably to put her in bed.
"He wanted to go back in the army Cristina..."
Cristina looked up at Meredith, she was shocked... He what ?!
"He confided me once, that he couldn't stay at the hospital anymore because he was seeing you everywhere. Every single on-call room, reminds him each time you were making love, and especially the one where you did it the first time. He can't even enter this one anymore. And there is the exam room where he kissed you for the first time, the hospital entrance where you got impaled by the icicle and where he scooped you up to take care of you, the ORs where you made your first solo cardio surgery, where he also took a bullet for you, and the gallery from where you waved him goodbye for the last time. And he told me about the vent too. Do you really believe that he has all he what wants Cristina ?" Meredith finished and let Cristina meditate on that.
She didn't move for while, she couldn't. She was taken aback by Meredith's revelations, and she was also surprised by the fact that Owen had told her everything. They never have been friends after all... At least they weren't when she left. She took a deep breath, she needed to be alone, so she went to her room. But she didn't noticed that Owen, who had came back to the party and was now dancing with Amelia, was staring at her.
Cristina was in her bed, trying to get some rest. She was physically tired due to the jet-lag but most of all, she was mentally exhausted. First, she was back in Seattle for the first time in four years, then the confrontation with Owen's new life had the same effect as if someone had punched her in her face and now, she was brooding over what Meredith had told her. This was so overwhelming. Owen wanted to go back in the army because he was missing something, but she knew Owen would never go back if he had a child. So she came up with the idea that Amelia brought him all what he needed and what he wanted, she brought him what he was missing. Seeing that Owen had moved on, hurt her more than she could ever have imagined.
Eventually, she was falling asleep when someone knocked at her door.
"Cristina ? Hum, it's me, it's Owen, could you open the door please ?"
Cristina got out of the bed she looked at herself in the mirror and tried to arrange her hair, then she took a deep breath, and opened the door.
"Hi, did you want something ?" Cristina whispered.
"Oh hum, I just wanted to talk to you, may I ?" Owen asked, nodding towards the room.
Cristina nodded and let him enter her bedroom. She closed the door and went to sat cross-legged on the bed while Owen was taking a chair and sat in front of her.
"I wanted to talk to you, to see how you were doing. You look amazing by the way." Owen complimented her smiling shyly.
"Really ?" She chuckled, "I'm so tired ! All I wanted to do during the ceremony was to sleep, but thanks. And thanks for the flowers and the notebooks. I didn't know you had these."
"You're welcome ! Well, I found some of my old stuffs one day, and I thought you could be interested, to know what I did in Iraq, because I never told you so..."
Cristina smiled and looked at him straight in the eyes, as Owen took a deep breath.
"Cristina, I-" he started slightly uncomfortable, shifting his position to sit up straight.
"If you're here to talk about you and your little family, that's ok. You don't have to give me any explanations, or to feel guilty about anything Owen. You and I moved on, that's what I was hoping for when I left so that's fine." She said in a hurry.
"You moved on ?" Owen asked huskily, unable to hide the sadness in his voice.
"Yes, I did. I mean, not in my private life, except those two or three stories I had but it doesn't matter. I was talking about my hospital. It works very well, I think I did good over this one. I have been contacted by some American hospitals who are interested in my work. They want me to come here and teach them my technics. So everything is fine." Cristina explained. As she spoke she could see disappointment and sadness in his eyes first, then she felt he was relieved when she told him there was no man in her life, then it hit her that he had believed she had moved on in her love life.
"So, does it mean that you're staying for a while then ?" He asked hopefully.
"No, I leave tomorrow, I just came for the weeding." His face broke her heart but she tried to give nothing away.
Owen silently nodded and added staring at the floor "It's just that… Maybe I was hoping to spend more time with you."
"Owen…" She whispered.
"Cristina, listen to me, it's not what you think about Amelia and I."
Cristina suddenly stood up and said dryly "Lying about you and her, will not make me feel better Owen, or make it easier for me, or be less painful." Then she walked around the room before she leaned against the door.
"I'm not lying. I'm not in love with her." Owen said, now staring at Cristina.
"Are you telling me that you don't love the mother of your child ?" She asked trying to keep her voice down, "Please Owen, if you want to lie, do better !" She was getting more and more worked up.
"Ok, that's enough.. Let me explain you everything, please ?" He looked up and she nodded, then he continued, "When you left, it was really hard for me, honestly I thought I would never stand on my own two feet again. Meredith helped me, a lot.. She helped when I was drunk by driving me home, or by letting me sleep on her couch, she was there when I was crying or screaming out your name in my sleep and we talked... We talked a lot about you, about us, about me and it helped.
Then I became friend with Amelia. It was mostly professional at the beginning and then one night, we went out at Joe's together, we talked, and I talked about us, I told her everything, the whole story from the very beginning to your departure.
Cristina was staring at him and realized all the pain that Owen had endured.
"We became closer, and one night after drinks, we slept together. There were no feelings, it was just something mechanical, trying to fulfill a lack of something, or I would say, a lack of someone...
Owen looked up at her as he was saying those last words.
"We became a kind of sex friends. Like it was for Callie and Mark you know. The thing is that only after 3 months, she told me that she was pregnant and that she wanted to keep it. So, Amelia and I decided to put it in a relationship. I didn't quite know what or how to feel during all those nine months, but when Laura was born, my life became brighter. Then I understood what you had told me once about you feeling alive when you've operated in that dark OR. Feeling alive... It was the first time I felt alive since you left.
"But between me and Amelia there is no love, we are just.. great friends. We stay like this to give Laura a kind of a family. But I do not love Amelia."
Cristina was looking at him the whole time, her face giving nothing away. She took a deep breath and said sharply "I think we should go back to the party..."
"I'm...not crazy about her.." Owen started to talk again. "She's not the one who makes my heart beat so fast that I think my chest is about to explode every single time I see her. My knees aren't weak when I'm around her. It's not her lips that I want to kiss, it's not her that I want to hear moaning or quivering under my touch." Owen whispered, as he was walking towards her.
Cristina was now trapped between Owen and the door, her back crushed against it. She could feel his breath on her lips. A few inches were keeping their faces apart. She could smell his scent, this scent, she remembered it was his aftershave, she didn't forget, she could never forget it. She felt her heartbeat accelerating so much that she could feel her pulse in her temples. Cristina bit her bottom lip then reach the doorknob behind her and locked the door which Owen took as an invitation and crashed his lips on hers. Her hands immediately wrapped his neck and ran through his hair. Owen's hands found her waist and caressed her whole body. He grabbed her thighs and she put her legs around his waist. Their lips and tongues were rediscovering each other. It was a pure lustful kiss.
Still kissing, Owen took Cristina in his arms and with his free hand, he brushed all the items that were on the chest of drawers next to the door. He gently put her down on it, then his hands found her body again. Cristina removed Owen's jacket and locked her hands around his neck. His mouth was nibbling her neck while his hands were traveling all over her body, going under her dress and grabbing her breasts. Cristina was shaky, she couldn't wait any longer so begged him to take her, right now. Her breath was getting heavier as Owen's hands dangerously approached the hem of her panties. He was about to grab it when they both heard something behind the door.
"Cristina ! We need you for some photos !" Meredith yelled, banging on the door.
Owen and Cristina stopped moving, groaning at the same time, frustrated, trying to catch their breath back.
"And if you see Owen, tell him to come too, I think Amelia is looking for him." She added and then left.
The two former lovers were starring at each other straight in the eyes, exhaling. The reality suddenly hit them.
"When will your plane take off ?" Meredith asked, sipping her coffee.
"In five hours, so it means I have to be at the airport in four hours. But before, I'm gonna go to the hospital to say a last goodbye." Cristina said, sitting at the kitchen counter, opposite Meredith.
Cristina was eating her breakfast under her best friend's stare. Meredith was trying to find a way to talk to her. She needed to.
"Did you talk to Owen last night ?" Meredith asked with an uncertain voice.
Cristina looked up at her and Meredith continued "Your door were locked so I concluded that you were not alone..."
"We talked."
"And ?" Meredith asked teasing her.
"And what ? He told me that he was still in love with me. I thought that things would have changed but no... Nothing have changed.. Our love is still here, and we can't help it despite the fact that he has a little girl now and that I live in Zurich. We can't move on, and it sucks..." Cristina said with a nervous little laugh at the end.
She finished her breakfast and told Meredith she was going to pack her bags and that she will meet her at the hospital later, then she went to her room.
After a quick shower, she came back in her bedroom to pack. She was busy folding a T-shirt when someone knocked at the door which made her jumped and she turned around.
"Hum hi, Meredith told me that I could come, and I wanted to see you before you go back to Zurich." Owen explained, walking towards Cristina.
"Oh, I was going to go to the hospital to say goodbye to everyone, but that's fine that you're here, so we can have a proper goodbye.. I mean this time there is no window between us." Cristina said with a shy smile.
Owen smiled in return and handed something to Cristina "I'm not here to say goodbye Cristina.. I'm here to give you this."
Cristina took what he was holding her out and asked what it was but Owen didn't answer, so she read the first line.
"A job offer ? What does this mean ?"
"Head of cardio at Grey Sloan Memorial with a budget raise of 45% for your research department. You can keep your institute in Zurich, and you can go there whenever you want. Moreover, I talked with Catherine Avery, and she admitted that not giving you the Harper Avery was absolutely unfair and she promised me it won't repeat itself."
"Is it my ex husband or my former chief who wants me back ?" Cristina asked.
"Both of them... They miss you both for different reasons."
Cristina sighed heavily and put the file down her bed "I'm sorry but I can't, I have to go back in Zurich."
"Do you have to ? or do you want to ?" Owen asked, leaning against the opposite wall.
They stared at each other, Owen had put his finger on the sensitive spot.
"My institute is the first one in cardiology, I'm one of the best cardio surgeon of the country and my work is being recognized in the USA and all around the world. I'm living my dream."
"With my job offer, you could do that permanently on the American territory with the Harper Avery foundation's support." He said trying to be convincing.
"I have my life in Zurich. I moved on, you moved on, we moved on. So please Owen, do not try to make me come back." Cristina begged, resuming to pack her stuffs.
"So.. What about last night ? What was it all about if we have moved on, like you say ?" Owen asked raising his eyebrows as he walked towards Cristina.
"Nothing. It was nothing... We just kissed, and I'm pretty sure we kissed because we've had a couple of drinks before at the wedding. It was like in the good old days but it was just a kiss." Cristina replied looking at him.
"But Cristina, you and I know what would have happened if Meredith hadn't knocked at he door, we both know that there would have been more than a kiss..." Owen said being able to look her in the face .
"And fortunately she was there, because it would have been unfair to Amelia. You know, your daughter's mother, and your girl- "
"I broke up with her last night." Owen cut her off.
"You did WHAT ?" Cristina asked loudly, looking daggers at him.
"I can't keep doing this anymore and pretend that everything is fine because it's not ! I love you Cristina, I'm still in love with you after all these years, do you hear me ? I've never loved someone as much as I love you. Since you left, there wasn't a day where I haven't thought of you, not a day ! I was wondering if you were happy or sad, I have been wondering if you were thinking about me too, if you remembered our wedding anniversary, I was wondering if you felt the same thing as me when another man was kissing or touching you. I didn't fight for you when you left four years ago because I knew that I couldn't give you what you needed, but now ? Now I can. And I'm gonna fight for you. So please Cristina, come back. Come back to me." Owen without stoping once cupping Cristina's face with his hands.
"And what will happen next ? How long will we be happy ? A few months ? A few years ? In fact we will be happy until you realize you want to have another child, which I won't give you because I didn't change my mind about that Owen... And don't expect me to be Laura's second mom because I won't. Owen, you love me for who I am and you know who I am, if you love me as much as you say you do, please let me go back to Zurich." Cristina whispered with tears in her eyes, placing her hands over his.
Tears were now running down Owen's cheeks. Cristina grabbed his neck with one hand and pulled his face closer to hers and softly kissed each of his cheeks wiping away the tears and then her mouth found his lips. They were salty with an aftertaste of sadness, frustration, desperate love. Bittersweet.
Cristina got off the elevator and walked towards Meredith who were charting at the nurse's station, in front the board.
"So, did you say goodbye to everybody ?" Meredith asked.
"Yeah ! Oh God, I thought April was going to cry. Come on, did she miss me that much ?" Cristina said with a sarcastic voice, leaning on her elbows facing the board.
"Everybody missed you, Cristina."
Cristina gave her a little smile and Meredith continued "Did you say goodbye to him ?"
"We saw each other this morning, we talked and he knows that I'm leaving, so we can say that I said goodbye." Cristina said not mentioning what really happened this morning.
"I think you should tell him what you feel, take the time to say goodbye. Open you heart to him." Meredith advised her. Her pager went off which interrupted them, so she excused herself and told Cristina that she had to go to the OR but they would definitely met after her surgery.
Cristina nodded absent-mindedly. She thought about what Meredith had just said and she was right so she decided to find Owen, she needed to tell him the truth, the whole truth about how she really felt, otherwise she was going to be cross with herself for it for the rest of her life. She looked at the board and didn't see his name, that's a good point, she thought, it meant that he wasn't in surgery. Cristina asked the nurse who was at the station where was, but the she didn't know.
"At this time, Owen either is at the nursery or taking a nap in an on-call room on the second floor. But I just come back from the nursery and he wasn't there, so I think he is sleeping." Amelia said, writing on her the chart she was holding.
Cristina turned her head and saw Amelia smiling and walking towards her.
"It wasn't my intention to listen to your conversation with Meredith, but I think she is right, you should talk to him."
"I'm sorry for you and Owen. I know it's my fault... My return turned him upside down, but don't worry, when I'll leave, it will be fine.." Cristina tried to apologize felling a bit ill at ease.
"So does it mean you don't accept his offer ?" Amelia asked shocked.
"How-..Wait-..You knew about it ?" Cristina asked in turn, really surprised.
"Of course, I did ! Look, I'm going to tell you something. Since Meredith has told him you would be at the weeding, he worked his ass off to give you the best offer ever, to make you stay, and on the budget. Believe me or not, even the "Shepherd" name doesn't cost as much as you !" Amelia said laughing.
"Oh... I thought he had made his decision recently, during these last days..." Cristina said in a low voice mostly for herself. "I know it's an amazing offer, and I know it would be crazy to refuse it, but I can't...I really can't. I have to go back to Zurich."
"You're scared Cristina... You are running away from him because you're scared by something."
Cristina bit her lip and sighed "I know that if I stay here, Owen and I will come back together."
"And is it a bad thing ?" Amelia asked, trying to understand.
"Well, as you already know, we broke up more than once, and the last time, before I left, was about kids. Each time we broke up, I really suffered. I'm not the kind of girl who shows her emotions you know, who is going to cry over a boy in her bed, eating ice cream, but it doesn't mean I didn't suffer. So, if it's for another breakup that I'm staying here, it's not necessary, no thanks !" Cristina entrusted. It was one of those rare moments she talked to someone other than Meredith about her relationship with Owen.
"Ok, but what's the problem now ? Are you scared that he will choke you in your sleep ? No, because he doesn't have any problems with his PTSD anymore. Are you anxious because he hesitates between you and his best friends ? No, because Teddy and I are not in love with him. Or maybe it is about the abortion and the cheating thing ? No, it can't be because you guys came back together after all those craps. Or is it because he wants kids ?" Amelia paused for a second to gauge Cristina's reaction and her eyes betrayed her. Owen was right her eyes could speak for her. "Cristina... He already have Laura." She said putting a hand on Cristina's shoulder.
Cristina was surprised when she heard Amelia talking about their marriage in details. "Well, you clearly know more than I thought you knew about us..."
"Before ending up in each other's bed, Owen and I went out a lot at Joe's and we talked about our lives. I talked about my previous relationship or the guys I wanted to date, and he talked about your marriage, from you first kiss in the exam room to your last goodbye from the OR gallery."
"He needed to talk, and Teddy wasn't there, so visibly you are his Teddy number two." Cristina pointed out.
"Yeah, I'm his Teddy number two, and I want him to be happy. He is in love with you and I think you are too, so don't waste your time any further !" Amelia said with a voice of command hitting Cristina's shoulder with her finger.
Cristina made a face rubbing her shoulder and said "I'm scared about the fact that one day I still won't be enough for him. I mean, maybe later, he would like to have another baby, and I won't be able to give him what he wants... Again..."
"Well, that won't be a problem, I will borrow Owen from you for few nights so we can make a lot of babies !" Amelia laughed.
Cristina looked up at her perplex.
"Relax ! It was a joke ! Haha gotcha !" Amelia said, trying to make her laugh.
When she eventually stopped laughing at her own joke she started to speak again "You know better than me that marriage is about compromises, Owen has her daughter, and I can tell you that he is over the moon since the day she was born, but she can't fulfill all his wishes and needs. Only you and Laura can make him the most happiest man in the world. So I think he can give up his "four kids dream" with a dog and weekends at Disney-World just to be with you. Trust me."
Cristina asked Amelia with a quizzical look "You've never thought of having a serious relationship with Owen ?"
"I would lie if I said no. The first time I saw him and that I heard he was single, I thought about it, but when we became friends, he talked about you a lot, and Derek warned me about his feelings, so I understood that I wasn't allowed to hope for something serious. His heart belonged to you." Amelia smiled.
Her pager interrupted them. She hugged Cristina, and whispered in her ear "Make him happy, or I'll kick your ass, and this time, I'm not joking !"
Cristina was standing in front of the on-call room Amelia mentioned her. Ironically, it was the on-call room where they made love for the first time ten years ago.…
She quietly opened the door, stepped inside and closed it. Owen was sleeping in the bed in front of the door, he looked so peaceful, and the same according to Cristina's memories.
The night before her departure, she had looked at Owen who had been sleeping next to her and she had tried to memorize for the last time every single detail of his face, of his body…
She stopped her daydream when she heard her name being called several times.
"Cristina ? What are you doing here ?" Owen asked, rubbing his eyes and siting on the edge of the bed.
"Hum..Amelia told me I could find you here." Cristina explained.
He wasn't wearing his scrubs, but a light blue shirt with a darker blue tie and black pants. Yes, this wonderful and handsome man has been her husband. Painful past... she tried to hold her tears back. She needed him more than she could admit it, more than she wanted, more than she thought. Cristina locked the door and took a step forward, not breaking the eye contact once. She removed her shoes, her socks, her black leather jacket, and then her black shirt. Owen was taken aback but kept still and said nothing. She was now standing between his legs only wearing her bra and her pants.
"Can you hold me ?" Cristina whispered, her eyes full of tears.
Without a word, Owen wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her closer and rested his cheek against her stomach. Cristina ran her fingers through his hair and still trying to hold back her tears, but this time, she just couldn't do it anymore. He looked up at her when he heard she was crying and let his own tears go in turn. They stared at each other for a while, drowning themselves into each other's eyes. She stroke his cheeks with her thumb wiping the tears away and gave him an apologetic smile. I didn't intent to make him cry twice in one day... She thought. She lifted up his chin with one hand and caressed his hair with the other and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. As she straddled him so she could sit on his laps, she trailed kisses all over his face. She kissed his cheeks, his eyes, she went down to kiss his neck, she came back up to kiss the tip of his nose, his chin, then she moved back a bit, grabbed his face with her both hands and kissed his lips softly.
Owen kissed her back immediately, deepening the kiss. Their lips collided and their tongues were dancing together. Owen's hands were rediscovering her naked body caressing her back and grabbing her breasts. She broke off their embrace for a second, stood up and took away her jeans then he pulled her back onto his laps. He unclasped her bra brushing her skin with his fingers as he slid it off which sent shivers down her spine. He trailed kisses from her mouth to her cleavage, and his mouth found her right breast while his hand was taking care of the other. Cristina moaned softly in his ear, untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.
Without getting his mouth away from her breast, encouraged by her moans, his hands were running all over her stomach, getting reacquainted with the softness of her skin. After what happened today he never thought she would be there sitting on his laps, half naked, only wearing her black panties. It was perfect. His hands were now messing her hair up while Cristina was still busy unbuttoning his shirt and kissing every bit of his skin that her mouth could find on his bare chest.
When their lips finally met again, Owen laid Cristina on the bed and nibbled her neck which made her giggle then groan, as she was fighting to take off his pants.
"Dr Yang, are you failing at something ?" Owen asked teasing her smiling like a Cheshire cat.
"You are distracting me, it's totally your fault !" Cristina retaliated, still fighting with his damn belt.
A few seconds later, his pants were completely removed.
"There we are ! Well, your fingers are still tiny little geniuses. That's perfect. You are perfect Cristina." Owen whispered against her lips, looking at her straight in the eyes.
They resumed their kiss, then Owen went down to gently plant some kisses right between her breasts, and across her stomach. He licked her navel which gave her goose pimples. His lips met the hem of her panties, Owen looked at her face and saw Cristina eyes closed, and lips parted, longing for the next step. His lips met the fabric of her panties and kissed her hip bone, grabbing her panties, then slid it off slowly, and threw it on the floor. He took her left leg in his hands and kissed her from behind her knee to her groin. Owen was taking his time, but the tickles produced by his beard against her inner thigh almost took her over the edge.
"Owen ! Owen please… Don't make me wait any longer..." Cristina begged him breathless clinging on to his hair tighter.
Owen let out a muffled giggle and suddenly bit her clit. She screamed loudly arching her back.
His right hand was grazing her thigh, as he went back up and stuck their lips together again. She licked his bottom lip so that she could taste herself on it, which turned her on even more. As he sucked her tongue, Owen inserted three of his fingers inside her. Cristina moaned loudly, and bit Owen's lip. Still working his moistened fingers inside her, he made his way down again, planting some kisses on her lips, her neck, on her bare cleavage, her stomach, and on her pubis. His lips met her clit and as he pulled out his fingers of her vagina, Cristina grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand to her mouth and sucked his fingers one by one. Owen slowly licked her juices, and penetrated her with his tongue. It was absolutely agonizing for Cristina, so she decided to take the lead grabbing his hair to keep his head still then she pushed her hips up and down, grinding herself against Owen's mouth, his tongue still inside her. Eyes closed, back arched, moving her hips faster and faster, his tongue going deeper and deeper, she was moaning louder and louder, then it hit her for a second that they were at the hospital and that someone could hear the but she didn't care at all. With one last push, she climaxed, quivering of sensual delight and screaming out his name.
It took her a moment to come back to earth but when she finally caught her breath back and opened her eyes she was facing a pair of blue eyes, staring at her lovingly.
"Oh my... Do you know how much I've missed this ?" Cristina asked feverishly, locking her hands around his neck, smiling.
"Mmmh mmmh.." he mumbled, nodding "I think, I can imagine." Owen said bending down to kiss her.
She giggle. "But...you know, I think I've missed something more..." Cristina whispered against his lips.
"Oh oh ! Did you ?" He chuckled.
"Oh yes I did..." She teased. "I've kinda missed that too..." Cristina said looking at him straight in the eyes as she trailed her fingertips all the way down his stomach until her hand reached and grabbed his penis and started to stroke it gently.
Owen moaned softly and shivered of delight at the contact of Cristina's hand on his already very sensitive part. He grabbed her behind her knees and parted her legs. He positioned himself between them, rubbing his glans against her pussy as he rested his cheek against hers. He kissed her jaw and whispered in her ear "I'm still in love with you Cristina. I've always been in love with you and I always will... I love you.." He could feel her smile on his cheek, she kissed his ear and embraced him tightly, wrapping her legs around his waist, and Owen penetrated her slowly. They both gasped at the sensation. It has been so long... Nuzzling his neck she said in turn "Owen...I love you too..."
It was as tender as their first time, in this exact same room, ten years ago.
They were taking it slow, really slow. Hands running all over each other's body, breaths brushing against each other's skin, lips kissing every body parts that were exposed. The sexual tension was increasing gradually between the two of them. They wanted it faster. They wanted it harder… Cristina dug her nails into his back and grabbed his buttocks pulling him deeper inside her pushing her hips up to meet his. Owen got the message and speeded up. Out, In, Out, In. Their hips collided, while their sweaty bodies were slipping against one another.
Owen could feel her walls contracting around him, which meant she was going to come. Soon. He wasn't far off coming too but he wanted to satisfy her before him, so he speeded up a little bit more putting his right arm between them to stimulate her. Cristina came harder than the first time so that she led him over the edge with her. They climaxed together, becoming one. He buried his face in her hair as her arms and legs were holding him tightly.
A few minutes later, they were still short of breath, Owen was laying on his back staring at the ceiling and playing with Cristina's curl whose head was resting on his chest, their legs tangled up. Cristina was listening to his heartbeat and drawing random patterns on his bare chest. They stayed like that for a while, when Owen suddenly broke the silence.
"When do you have to be at the airport ?" He asked huskily.
"I don't know…" Cristina whispered, folding her arms on his chest and resting her chin on them so she could look at him.
Owen was deep in thoughts still staring at the ceiling when she kissed his lips bringing him back to earth. "Penny for your thoughts ?" She asked smiling against his lips.
He sighed and looked at her with his puppy dog eyes and said "Cristina... I know that you have to go back to Zurich, but please, please I want us to keep in touch. I still want to be part of your life, I want to support you, I want to be there for you.. Please let me share your joy, your happiness your successes or let me hold you when you're sad, I will even hold your purse for your next Harper Avery nomination if you need it. I just want to be your partner, your support system, and.. And.. And-"
She interrupted him putting one finger on his lips and kissed them. She looked at him lovingly and said smiling "I'm staying…"
The end.
Thanks you to HuntYangLove who corrected this story (Well, all my stories !), go to read her stories, you will love them ! Love you girl ! xxxx
So tell me what do you think about it ? I love your reviews !