Fine
"I'm fine."
That was what Wade Wilson had said as he'd left the apartment to go pick up Mexican takeout for him and his boyfriend, Peter Parker. They had just gotten into an argument, but he had sworn up and down to Peter before he left that he was "fine". He wasn't acting fine though. The way he'd been acting he had seemed to be the furthest thing from fine. But, he had said he was so shouldn't Peter believe him? Peter groaned and threw his head back into Wade's bright red couch. All this was quickly giving him a headache. He looked over and saw Bernie, Wade's roommate's very ugly taxidermy beaver that Harley had a habit of moving around the apartment, sitting on an end table. Bernie stared at Peter with his shiny glass eyes, seemingly staring right into his soul. Peter could practically hear the beaver, which Harley swore talked, saying "You fucked up Webhead!"
"He said he was fine, okay Bernie! Wade said 'I'm fine!'"
"SHIT! Ya really fucked up didn't ya Webhead!" Peter jumped at the voice, momentarily believing that Bernie had actually spoken to him. Then he looked over at the door and saw the real owner of the voice, Harley Quinn. She and her girlfriend, Ivy, had just gotten back from walking Harley's dog Fido (who she may or may not have stolen from an abusive owner). He must not have heard them come in while he was talking to a stuffed beaver.
"What do you mean? Wade said he was fine." Ivy snorted as Harley hung up Fido's leash and picked up her little wiener dog.
"That's never a good sign, you REALLY must have fucked up bad," Ivy said. "What happened?"
"Nothing! I mean… we may have argued cause we ran into my ex Mary Jane and talked to her a bit earlier." Ivy and Harley winced and simultaneously took a sharp intake of breath. Even Fido seemed to groan.
"Not Good! Isn't that the ex who's a model? Or was she the dead one?" Harley asked. Peter and Ivy stared at her. "What? She coulda come back as a zombie? It could happen!"
"The model," Peter said. "But, it was nothing. And then when we got home Wade was really upset and kept saying that she wanted to get back together with me. It was ridiculous and I told him so. She never said anything about that." The girls groaned while Fido whimpered. "What?"
"Of course she wouldn't say anythin about it. Not in front of Wade, your boyfriend." Harley said, sounding as if she was talking to a small child. "Did she say anythin about a new boyfriend?"
"No."
"Was she being really nice? Touching your arm or hugging you at all?" Ivy asked. Peter nodded.
"Yeah, but she said she wanted us to be friends again."
"She give ya her numbah and say you should hang out sometime?" Peter nodded at Harley's question.
"Did she talk about memories from when you were dating?" Ivy asked.
"A few…" Harley and Ivy looked at each other before, Harley spoke again.
"Did she play with her hair?" Peter nodded again.
"That's a sure sign."
"Of what?" Peter asked nervously.
"She wants you back." They said together. Fido barked his agreement.
"Really?" They nodded. "Fuck!" Peter groaned. Wade had been right. "But still, I'm not gonna get back together with her. I have Wade now and I'm so much happier with him."
"Didja tell Wade that?" Harley asked.
"Well… no. I was kind of mad about how possessive he was being. I may or may not have called him an idiot for even thinking that." They groaned again. "But I said was sorry!" Peter said defending himself. "And he dropped it and went to go get chimichangas. Wade said he was fine!" Ivy put her hands on Peter's shoulders and spoke to him with grave seriousness.
"Peter Parker, when a girl-"
"Or Wade!" Harley added in. Ivy nodded at her girlfriend.
"Or Wade, says I'm fine, they're lying."
"But-" Harley cut him off.
"'Fine' doesn't mean fine," Harley spoke very seriously and emphatically. "The scale goes: great, good, okay, not okay, I hate you, FINE!" Peter looked over at Ivy in surprise. She nodded solemnly. Peter groaned and leaned forward, holding his head in his head.
"Shit! I fucked up bad, didn't I?"
"Yup!" Harley said.
"Fuck! I don't know what to do? How the hell do I fix this? God! I don't even know what Wade must be thinking right now."
"What was he saying when you two were fighting?" Ivy asked. Peter sighed.
"He kept going on about how Mary Jane wanted to get back together with me. That was what the whole fight was about, me not believing that she wanted to get back together with me like he thought she did. And he was right." He looked up at them. "Is that how I fix this? Tell him he was right?" Ivy and Harley shook their heads.
"No way. That's not all this fight was about." Ivy said.
"But it was!"
"Nope. For Wadey Boy to be this upset there has to be more to the story. So spill."
"But, that was all he was talking about! Wade just kept going on and on about how my," Peter held up air quotes, "'hot, model ex-bimbo' wanted to get back together with me and that was-" Ivy held up her hand to stop Peter.
"Wait, what did he call her?" she asked.
"My 'hot, model ex-bimbo'. He was really upset." Ivy shared a meaningful look with Harley. Peter was confused. "What? What is it?"
"My darling Webhead," Harley started. "I believe we've just found the REAL problem here." Peter stared at her and waited. "Petey, you may or may not have noticed that our darling Wade resembles someone lost a fight to a meat grinder and blowtorch." Peter nodded. Wade had told him when they met how he'd been in a fire which had left him completely covered in burns. This made him look… different to say the least. Peter hadn't really cared. Wade was funny, passionate, and wonderfully weird. And despite his unique skin, he was still ridiculously hot and ripped, with the most amazing blue eyes Peter had ever seen.
"I wouldn't put it that way, besides who cares," Peter said. Harley raised her eyebrows at him.
"Damn, you're whipped. Anyway, Wade cares. Ya don't think he knows how he looks? He's gotta look at his mug every day in the mirror." Ivy jumped in.
"For as long as Harley and I have known him-"
"And I've known Wadey foreva."
"Anyway, Wade is a very insecure person. He may not always act like it, but he is. Seeing your ex-girlfriend hitting on you-"
"Hot, model type ex," Harley added.
"It probably fed into his insecurities. He's definitely worried about you running back to her, especially if you were friendly and defending her." Both Harley and Fido nodded (Peter swore that Fido was the most human dog ever).
"Great! I made boyfriend think I'm going back to ex cause he thinks he's ugly! How much else can I manage to fuck up in a day?" He leaned back. Fido licked his hand while Harley rubbed his shoulder sympathetically. He looked over at the two girlfriends. "What can I do to fix this?"
"The only thing ya can really do is tell him the truth," Harley said. "It'll all work out. Wade cares about you. The two of ya are so cute and lovey-dovey together, it's actually disgustin." Peter chuckled and shoved her a bit with his shoulder. Just then they heard the door to the apartment open. Wade was home. He shuffled into the kitchen to set down the food. Then he dejectedly walked into the living room. Peter and the girls looked up at him.
"Hey!" Peter said perking up.
"Hey." Wade wasn't his usual cheerful self. Harley and Ivy looked awkward.
"We're just gonna give you two some space," Ivy said standing up, Harley and Fido followed her to Harley's bedroom. Peter and Wade were alone now. Wade sat down in a chair across from Peter. They sat there not talking for what felt like ages, neither brave enough to be the one to break the silence. Finally, Peter caved
"So."
"So," Wade said.
"I'm so sorry. You were right. Mary Jane did wanna get back together with me."
"I know. I have fucking eyes." Peter stood up and crossed the room, crouching down by Wade's knees. He looked up at his boyfriend, but Wade refused to meet his eyes.
"Yeah, but you were wrong about something else. I am never EVER going back to her." Wade met his eyes. "Why should I when I have you?" Wade snorted.
"How about because she's a FUCKING model Spidey!" he said throwing his hands up into the air.
"Yeah, so? Anyone can stand in front of a camera. Trust me, I would know. Freelance photographer remember?"
"You know what I mean. I'm not that fucking stupid Peter."
"Well, you sound stupid. Wade, you know what I see when I look at you?"
"I'd rather not."
"I see my amazing and weird boyfriend. I see someone with the most sarcastic sense of humor who always knows the perfect dirty joke to make me laugh and hit on me. I see someone who is passionate about everything he loves, whether it's Bea Arthur or shitty Mexican food or katanas. I see the man who has the most amazing abs I have ever seen and the bluest eyes in the world." Peter took Wade's head with his hands and looked straight into his eyes. "Listen here, Wade Wilson. I know we've only been dating for about a month, but I love you. You are the highlight of my day and I smile like an idiot at the end of the day even if it was fucking terrible because I know I get to go hang out with you and complain about it if I need to. So I don't care if it's too soon or the wrong time. I love you damn it! Nothing you say is going to change my mind!" Wade leaned forward and kissed Peter hard. It quickly became passionate and Wade shoved his tongue into Peter's willing mouth. Peter climbed clumsily into Wade's lap, desperate to get closer to him. When they broke for air Wade pressed his forehead against Peter's.
"I love you too. Sorry I was an idiot."
"Shut up and get that tongue back in my mouth," Peter said. Wade complied happily starting quite the hot and heavy makeout session. Peter had shoved off Wade's jacket and Wade had his hands under Peter's t-shirt and was about to rip it off when someone cleared their throat behind him. They quickly broke apart and Peter almost fell off of Wade's lap as he quickly jerked around to see behind him. Harley and Ivy were standing there, Harley holding Fido. Ivy looked uncomfortable, but Harley and Fido both had a shit eating grins on their faces.
"Well, well, well… we come out here to make sure ya aren't killing each other. Apparently, instead of murder, you two were gonna fuck on our good chair." Ivy grabbed her girlfriend and started marching her to the door.
"And on that lovely note, we're going to be heading out." She grabbed their jackets and Fido's leash. "See you later!"
"Bye-bye, you two!" called Harley. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
"You do way too much to make that joke Harls!" Wade hollered back.
"He has a point you know." They heard Ivy say as the door closed. Peter and Wade laughed before turning back to each other.
"What now?" Peter asked. Wade flashed him a wicked grin.
"I say we finish what we started. I think I'm gonna need some of that Spidey ass." He said, grabbing Peter's ass as its owner flushed red.