A/N: Firstly, I'd like to thank Lady Clark of Books for the idea for this fic and the title. Secondly, it's completley AU, but not in an out of character kind of way - I hope, let me know if it is. It starts during the scene in 'Meat' when Gwen refuses to retcon Rhys. The BBC owns the characters, not me. Rating for language, but in a Torchwood fic, what do you expect? The POV shifts a bit, but it says when it does. Let me know what you think!
Jack's POV
"You really think that you could go back to your old life before Torchwood?" I asked, looking down at her. The room was silent; everyone was watching us, unable to pull their eyes away. Not that they would if they could, they all gossiped like old ladies.
The problem was, I knew first hand how cold the world really could be. I was glad that she had someone who kept her world bright, but we couldn't let Rhys walk away knowing what he knew. It was too dangerous. I had tried to bring light into Ianto's world, but it couldn't go on. I cared for him and always would, but we weren't right for each other. Deep down we both knew it. Besides, I cared too much for Gwen and I knew that he could sense it when I was with him.
She held my eyes for a moment and didn't rely immediately, as if she was considering it. I found myself holding my breath. "I wouldn't know anything different," she finally said, her voice strong.
Mine however, was shaking slightly at the thought of Torchwood without her. "I would," I said firmly. I could feel tears beginning to form but quickly blinked them away. I was so tempted to kiss her. There were several times that day that I could have, but I forced myself to keep my distance. There were times when I thought she might have cared about me as more than her friend and boss, but I saw the way hers lit up as she talked about Rhys.
She didn't say anything, unable to think of a comeback. I bit my lower lip for a second, silently begging her not to say anything. We both let out breaths we had been holding, our eyes never leaving each other's.
"Give Rhys my love and I will see you tomorrow," I said, dragging each word out, my voice still firm. My eyes however, were probably not. I could almost hear the dramatic music playing in the background around us.
Slowly, she shook her head. I felt my heartbeat increase, thundering against my chest until it hurt. "No," she said; she sounded so small. Like a child who had lost it's mother in a supermarket. "No you won't, Jack."
I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to crush my lips down on hers. It would have been so easy just to take a step forward and close the distance between us. "What do you mean no?" I demanded.
She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a retcon pill. I froze, not breathing again. "Gwen…" I whispered.
She took a step back, finally putting some distance between us. Her dark brown eyes were filled to the brim with tears that were about to overflow. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything would be all right.
"I can't do it, Jack," she whispered. "I can't do it to him. He's deserves so much better," then, before I could stop her, she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowed it.
"No!" I cried. Everyone in the room gasped.
I shook her shoulders hard. "Why did you do that?" I demanded, almost screaming. I never usually lost control like this. I knew that they retcon would soon start to take effect, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
My mind flashed back to that night in the bar. The time I first slipped her retcon. I hadn't felt like this the last time. Could she really forget all of us? Forget me? Was a bond so strong so easy to break?
"Because Rhys needs me," she screamed, her voice echoing against the walls. Tears rolled down her cheeks; locks of dark hair fell over her eyes.
"We need you, Gwen," I shot back, refusing to accept what she had just done. "I need you," I said more quietly. I wasn't even aware that we had an audience. To me, there was only the two of us in the world. Everyone else ceased to exist. We were the only ones that mattered.
She looked at me, her expression deadly serious. "Love…will always come before my job, Jack. Today has made me realise how much I've been neglecting Rhys. It's not fair on him!"
"Is it fair on us?" I hissed. "To just walk out on us?"
"You should have thought about that before you forced me to drug him."
Her eyes moved to the door and she pulled out of my grasp. I was too shocked to try and stop her. She quickly ran down the stairs and turned around. Her chest was heaving, I'd never seen her so mad before.
"Before I forget…thank you Ianto. For everything you've done for me. Take care."
I saw him swallow hard, his voice trembling slightly. "I will."
She turned to look at Tosh and Owen. "Owen," she began. "Stop being an oblivious twat and look around. Tosh has been trying to ask you on a date for months, just say yes and get it over with."
He looked at Tosh, who was blushing dark, crimson red. Owen just stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly. I couldn't believe he hadn't noticed before. "Is that…is that true?" he asked.
She just nodded, avoiding his eyes. He said something to her, but I didn't hear what it was. I was too distracted to concentrate on anything but her.
"Please," she begged me. "Don't make me remember. It's hard enough as it is. Ianto, give Rhys a retcon pill in a minute, he doesn't need to know either. Good bye, Jack. And please, don't come after me."
She turned around and ran out the door, the alarms blaring. Tosh looked at me and we caught eyes briefly. I turned around and walked past Ianto, who was leaning against the wall with one arm and then downed his drink. I slammed the door to my office and then my fist against the desk, making everything shake just as I was. I turned the screen on and zoomed in from the camera outside. Gwen threw her arms around Rhys neck gently, being careful not to hurt his wound. I ran a hand through my golden brown hair as two fat tears escaped, running down my cheeks.
I didn't understand how she could just walk out like that. Did we mean nothing to her? After everything we've been through this last year and a half, how could she leave? First we lost Suzie to power, and then Gwen to love. I hated Rhys with a passion. He was the one responsible for taking her away.
Of course, we had to retcon him. A) We couldn't let him walk around knowing about what we do, and B) He'd come down on us like ten tonne of bricks when he found his fiancée return with no memory of the last eighteen months. In less than an hour, we would be nothing to her. I never realised she felt so strongly about him. I'd do anything to be in his position.
---
Jack's POV
That was three weeks ago.
Three weeks without Gwen. I kept trying to go and see her, but Ianto always stoped me, telling me that she wanted to be left alone. I know it's selfish, but what about me? I need her. And I'm not the only one. The whole team has changed. Owen is being even more of a twat than usual, Tosh is quiet, and when she does talk she snaps at everyone. Ianto is overloaded with work and never has any free time. I keep telling him to take a vacation, but he won't listen. He just shuts everyone out.
I got Gwen her old job back on the police force and told them that she'd suffered from a head injury and probably wouldn't remember much, so they shouldn't ask her questions.
The blaring of the alarms snapped me out of my train of thought. "Tosh?" I asked, jumping off of my chair.
She was taping away at the keyboard in front of her. "Rift activity. A Weevil."
Great. I grabbed my gun and watched as Owen heated for the SUV, throwing me the keys as he went. Before I knew it we were speeding down the street in the dark, heading for the warehouse that Tosh said the Weevil was in. We were well over the speed limit, but there was no one around. Then we heard sirens. I quickly glanced at the rear-view mirror and saw a police car following us. I bit my bottom lip and reluctantly pulled over, lowering the window.
"Is there a problem Off –"
Gwen.
My breath caught in my throat, cutting off the end of the sentence. It was the first time we'd seen her since her departure. Her dark hair was tied back into a lazy ponytail and her eyes were slightly bored. She was never cut out for a normal life. She needed the excitement and adrenaline to sustain her. That was the reason she was great Torchwood material. I hand picked each member of my team. Tosh for her brains, Owen for his medical skills at such a young age and Ianto because he was a perfectionist with excellent organisation skills. And sort of cute. But Gwen really was the glue that held everything together, and with her gone, things were falling apart.
"The problem is, you were forty miles over the speed limit," she said, clearly not recognising me. My heart plummeted. The only sound in the SUV was that of Tosh's tracking device.
"This is an emergency, we're in a bit of hurry," I said in monotone, digging my ID from my pocket and handing it to her wordlessly, avoiding the gaze of her chocolate brown eyes.
I saw Owen gazing out the window out of the corner of my eye. His chin was resting on his hand; his other one was bunched into a fist. I bit the inside of my mouth as she handed the ID back and told us to go. I slammed my foot down, to get away from her more than to catch the Weevil. No one said anything, pushing it to the back of our minds. We had more pressing matters. Unless we caught the Weevil, people's lives were at risk. I'd deal with her later.
"Teams of two," I said, stepping out the car and slamming the door shut loudly. "Ianto, you're with me. Owen and Tosh enter through the fire exit round back. Let's trap it."
I received a nod of confirmation as we split up. Guns raised Ianto and I entered through the main door, pleased no to find any blood on the walls or floor. We checked each room on the first floor while Owen and Tosh did the same on the second.
I flinched as I heard a gun shot go off. "Jack, it's heading for the stairs!" Tosh's voice echoed through my ear.
Ianto and I ran to cut it off. It worked; it was trapped between the first and second floors. It hissed and looked at us with black, empty eyes. It looked more aggressive than Janet did, so I guessed it was male. Owen fired a tranquilliser dart at it, but it jumped out the way and lashed out towards Ianto.
"No!"
It took two more darts to get it off him. Owen was at Ianto's side in a second, putting pressure on his side. My gun was still trained on the Weevil's still form, but my eyes were on my friend, blood gushing from his side. My heart was hammering against my chest, a high pitched ringing sound echoed through my ears. I couldn't loose another friend.
"Let's get him back to the Hub," Owen said, throwing Ianto's arm around his shoulders. Tosh did the same with the other arm. "Just a scratch. He'll be fine."
I sighed in relief, but didn't relax. We transported the Weevil into the Hub, in a cell next to Janet. I wanted to throw it back into the Rift, but Owen said he wanted to compare the males vitals to females. He bandaged Ianto up and gave him some painkillers. I was shocked to watch him try and go back to work, filling out forms from behind his desk. I shook my head and sighed. He put way too much pressure on himself.
"Go home," I told him.
He shook his head. "There's a lot of paper work to do."
"Ianto, you're hurt. You need rest. Do I need to make it an order?" I asked, putting a sense of authority into my voice. I turned around to see Tosh and Owen sitting in front of computer screens. "In fact, everyone gets the night off. Go, now! Get out of here!" I snapped.
They watched me for a second longer before gathering their stuff and scrambling away to who knew where. I ran a hand through my hair and collapsed into a nearby chair. I couldn't get Gwen's face out of my mind. I knew I'd still be seeing her around – it was impossible not to with this job – but I never imagined it would be so hard. I should have been happy for her. After all, she was getting married soon.
I looked at the clock against the wall. It read ten PM – not too late to get a drink down at the local bar. I picked up the keys to the SUV and drove away. There was nothing of interest on the radio, so I played a CD of classical music, but found that that didn't even relax me.
I parked against the curb and watched as some young kids staggered into a car, obviously pissed out of their minds. I remembered doing the same when I was their age. Years later, not much had changed. A woman walked out of the bar backwards, talking to someone inside. She continued walking and stepped into the road, at the same time the drunken teenagers pulled away. Before I had time to think about it I shot out of the shadowed SUV and tackled the woman to the ground. Strawberry shampoo filled my senses; I could feel her breathing heavily underneath me.
Gwen.
I would have stayed there, completely frozen had she not tried to push me off. I kept forgetting that she didn't know who I was. To her, I was just some random strange man on top of her.
"Oh, my God," she whispered, watching as the car drove off. I burned the license plate into my brain; I'd report them later.
I reluctantly helped her to her feet, not wanting to loose the contact. She felt so right under me. "Are you OK?" I asked.
But before she got a chance to answer Rhys ran out of the bar. "Gwen!" he cried, appearing by her side.
"I'm fine," she was quick to reassure him.
He pulled her into a hug and then turned to me. "Thank you," he said.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked her again. I didn't want her to leave; I tried not to let my hatred for Rhys show. After all, to him, we'd never met before.
She just nodded and thanked me again. I swallowed hard and walked back to the SUV, afraid that if I didn't leave then, I wouldn't have been able to.
---
Gwen's POV
I watched as the man who had saved my life walked away. He was the same man that I had pulled over for speeding earlier. He looked oddly familiar, but I couldn't place him.
I felt Rhys' arms around my waist and looked up at his worried eyes. "I'm fine," I mumbled, but I was shaking slightly. I couldn't believe I didn't hear the car coming, I hadn't had that much to drink.
"Stupid kids," he mumbled. "You could have been killed, if it weren't for that man."
I looked around, but didn't see him anywhere. He was gone. "Where did he go?"
Rhys shrugged. "I don't know," he brushed a lock of hair out of my face. "Do you want to go home?"
I nodded once, breathing heavily. I was still shaking. But not from what had happened. From what I saw. When the man's body made contact with mine. Images flashed through my head. A man, tall and thin with short curly hair. He vaguely reminded me of a brunette Spike from Buffy. He was dressed in a sort of cowboy style. I saw the man that had saved me wearing a long coat, his hands in his pockets. They were staring at each other, a fountain behind them. I recognised the area, but neither of the men.
What was it? A vision of some kind? I'd never even seen the other man before. I shook the thought out of my head as we returned home. Rhys unlocked the front door and pulled me down onto the couch, wrapping his arms protectively around me. He said something to me and I answered automatically, not thinking about what I said. His breathing soon evened out and I knew he was asleep. I waited for a few minutes and then slipped out of his grasp.
I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror, removing the make-up I was wearing. I stared at my reflection. Dark hair, dark eyes, a few freckles, a small gap between my teeth. Gran says I look like my great grandmother. Not much is know about he – just that she was a Victorian maid. We don't even know how she died. She just seemed to disappear.
I rubbed at my shoulders. They ached from where I had been thrown to the floor. I could already feel a bruise forming.
I felt Rhys' arms wrap around my waist, the sudden contact making me jump. I should have seen him coming in the mirror, but my eyes were unfocused. Another image flashed through my mind. A dinner table, with a red cloth over it. Wine glasses and silver cutlery. An expensive restaurant. Rhys.
I gasped and pulled away.
"What's wrong?" he asked, worried.
I shook it off as nothing, hoping he wouldn't notice my tension. "Cold hands. I'm fine."
He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his hands together trying to warm then up. I took a deep breath and pushed the image to the back of my mind. What was happening to me? Nothing like this had ever happened before. Was it possible the man that saved me from the car drugged me with something? But what? No drug I had ever experienced made people get weird flashes of events.
"I was thinking," Rhys said, taking a step closer to me, closing the space between us. "It's been ages since we've been out on a proper, romantic date. How would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow?" he asked.
Dinner?…At a restaurant…?
"Sure, sounds great," I forced a half-fake smile onto my face. "Er, where are we going?"
Hr grinned and tapped the side of his nose. "It's a surprise."
I just nodded, knowing he wouldn't budge. Pushing all of the thoughts of dinner and cowboy vampires out of my mind, I took his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. I was exhausted.
---
Jack's POV
I threw back the last of the beer and slammed the bottle down on the desk. I couldn't believe how close she was to being run over. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her. It's not like I can follow her into the next life. Sometimes I wish I really could die – for good, not just a few seconds. No one would really miss me anyway. She wouldn't remember me, Owen and Tosh would get over it in time and Ianto would probably distract himself with work and would soon forget all about me. Still, it was all very well making assumptions, but I have no way of finding out if it was true.
I had thought about telling Gwen everything again, but seeing her with Rhys – how happy she was. She'd only hate me if I ruined it all.
A soft beeping sound filled my office. I looked around for my phone, but saw that it was switched off. A light from under my shirt caught my eye. I pulled back the sleeve. My wrist watch was beeping. Memories of what happened the last time it did that flooded my mind. Captain John Hart.
Shit.
TBC
A/N: I've been super busy lately, what with coursework and exams just around the corner, so the next chapter may not be up for quite some time...like the middle of next month?