Blood Stains
Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
-Goo Good Dolls
(Sympathy)
Cold sleet came down in sheets, making the windshield nearly impossible to see through. But Catherine did just fine, peering through the small gaps that the windshield wipers created. It was cold in the car, because Zach insisted on having the air conditioning on. Catherine thought it was ridiculous: it was forty something degrees outside with the relentless sleet coming down. But she respected his wishes because she knew right now, he wasn't too happy with her. Not that he was every happy with her, but she didn't blame him. She'd filled his life with so much pain and regret, even the devil himself would be proud.
Zach sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window, his face completely impassive. His hand rested on his lap and Catherin hadn't seen him move from that position in hours. His eyes were dark and expressionless, and if he happened to glance at her they were suddenly filled with hate and resentment.
"Zach," Catherine said slowly, her warm breath cutting into the frigid air. "I'm doing what is best for you."
He didn't reply or move, nothing to imply that he'd heard her. She sighed, and continued to drive on the practically deserted highway. The sound of the engine filled the silence making Catherine all too aware of how much he son hated her.
"You'll forget about her."
He remained silent, and Catherine could have believed he was a statue.
"You don't really love her," she continued, egging him for a reaction. That was all she wanted, to know he was still in there. But his face was still the same, the sharp lines of his jaw never moving. "You only think you do."
Tenderly, Catherine reached over to touch his wrist, and her fingers wrapped around his cold skin.
"You can talk to me."
But he couldn't, and more than that, he wouldn't. When Zach continued his act of being a mannequin she sighed and replaced her hand on the steering wheel, focusing her attention on the road.
Hours later they still drove on, the sleet turning to hail, and snow, but they never stopped. Zach never spoke, he didn't ask where they were going, how long it would take to get there, and he just sat in his seat and breathed in and out, his mind in a completely different place.
It was sunny outside. A fresh blanket of snow covered the whole town, from yard to yard, and the Gallagher academy's grounds had never look more pristine. It was early January and it was freezing outside but the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Zach was looking out the window at the snow when he spotted a trail of fresh tracks wrapping around the grounds, disappearing into the woods.
Smiling to himself he pulled on his uniform and an extra jacket, practically running through the mansion in his haste to get outside.
He followed the foot prints, even though he knew exactly where they would end. He tracked through the woods coming to the late, seeing her siting alone on a picnic table.
She was wearing a beanie hat, but her long waves of dim blonde hair poured down her back, highlighted by the white fabric underneath.
She was turned away from him, even though he was sure she knew he was there.
"Hey Gallagher Girl," he said to her, using the words that he knew were most familiar to her. She turned, a wide smile on her face as he walked towards her, unable to keep his own smile dormant.
"Hey," she replied, and as he got closer she extended her hand, and he gave her his, letting her pull him to her. Her hand move up to his neck, pulling his tall from down to hers and kissing hi gently on the lips. His arm snaked around her, and he pulled back from the kiss, resting his forehead on hers.
"I missed you yesterday," he said to her.
Her fingers came up to trace the lines on his face. "You've got me now."
He smiled and nodded, knowing it was true. Everything was perfect, she was here with him, safe. And he had nowhere to run off to because he'd finally decided it was worth losing her again.
"I love you," he told her.
She laughed, and it sounded like wind chimes, the breeze making her hair billow.
He stroked hair out of her face and behind her ear.
And with a cheeky smile she looked back at him, her blue eyes bright, framed by blonde eyelashes.
"I love you too."
Zach shook himself from the memory as his mother pulled up to the old cabin. It was the last time he'd really gotten to be with her. After that it was arguments and tears: things Zach didn't care to remember. He wanted to hold onto the best of her. And he could remember her more happy then on that day. It may have been the last time he saw her really smile.
"We're here," Catherine announced.
Zach said nothing, but opened the car door, relieving his muscles from the stiff position they'd been in for hours.
He swung his bag over his shoulder and followed her into the cabin.
"Welcome home Zach," Catherine said, not bothering to look over her shoulder at his response, because she knew he wouldn't have one. She knew this wasn't home for Zach, it never had been, and it never would be.
For the next few days the silence in the house was overpowering. Catherine had long ago stopped asking questions without yes or no answers. Zach never opened his mouth, and if she didn't know better she'd say he was robot. His behavior was unreasonable; she was treating him to a life of luxury. She hadn't locked him away in a cell, she fed him healthy hearty meals and he couldn't even mutter any word of gratitude.
One day she said, "Zachary, this is nonsense. You'll get over it. She was just a girl." She didn't expect him to respond, she couldn't get anything out of him, she'd even hit him a couple times and he'd never let out a groan of pain. He sat there and took it, his eyes nothing but emptiness.
She had just started stating the truth. Like Cammie was nothing more than mud caked to the underside of his shoe.
"No she wasn't," Zach replied, his voice coming out clear, his words as sharp as glass. "You think she was, but she wasn't. You're wrong."
Catherine was shocked into her own silence, with him being mute for so many days it was unnerving for him to reply now.
"I'm not," she said finally.
"You don't understand," he said, his words still sharp. "She was everything to me, and you took her away."
"She'd just a girl."
Zach shook his head. "She was all I had. You couldn't let me be happy."
"I need you safe," Catherine protested.
"You took me as a prisoner," he replied. "You told the circle I needed to be locked away and dealt with."
"You did."
"Is this supposed to be my sentence?" He wondered. "Living in my childhood house with you? With breakfast lunch and dinner? A soft bed? No restricted access to anything? This is a strange jail."
"You're my son. I wouldn't treat you like that."
His eyes were set on a fire and she saw a blaze in them that had been so dormant she didn't know how to react.
"You have," he spat his words no longer sharp, they were angry and hateful. "And don't call me your son you have no right."
"No right? You are my son?"
"Only by blood."
"And that means nothing?"
Zach stared at her and she refused to flinch under his piercing gaze. "It means nothing," he confirmed. "You are nothing but a lying manipulative bitch to me."
"Zach," she said, and felt her own anger and annoyance bubbling.
"I hate you," he spat. "I hate everything about you. Your spitefulness, your twisted sense of self fulfillment, your blood lust," he listed. "But you want to know what I hate most about you?"
Catherine shook her head, she most certainly did not. But he continued anyway.
"Your ignorance."
She stared at him, confused.
"You're a fool. You think what Cammie," he voice wobbled. "And I had was a fluke—"
"It was."
"—you think the world is untrustworthy. The only person you can live with is yourself. You're ignorant to people's kindness, to people's feelings."
"That is not true," she snapped but she felt herself decaying by her son's words.
"It is," he continued. He studied her for a moment. "I'm making you feel small," he said. "You don't like that."
"I am not small."
"Yes you are. You're less than small," he continued. "You are nothing."
"Zach!"
"What?"
"I'm your mother."
He stared at her as though she were crazy.
"You don't get it do you?" he replied. "I don't have a mother."
The words sliced through her hollow heart.
"Zach—" she choked.
"Let me go an I'll forgive you."
"No you won't."
"You're right," he said. "I won't. I never will. I don't know why you're even trying."
"I love —"
"I'm leaving," he said. "I'm going to the one and only person in this world I care about. And she is not you."
"I—"
"You're going to die alone because you're such a spiteful bitch. All you want is power and you want to tell me you love me because you think it was give you power over me."
"But—"
"But it won't. I'm bigger then you, I'm better than you."
"Why are you saying these things?"
"Because you deserve them," he said. "I grew up alone. By myself. I'm not taking the blame for it. You are, I'm making you take the blame."
"But it wasn't—"
"You're fault?" he asked. "Of course it was. Everything is. If you cared about me you'd never taken me away from Cammie."
"You are both threats."
"Catherine," he snapped. "I'm not you're son and I am not going to be you're prisoner anymore."
Something broke inside her. "You are not leaving."
Zach shrugged. "Nothing can keep me away from Cammie. I'm going back to her. If you were my mother you would encourage that. Not keep it from me."
"Love is evil," she snapped. "You don't want it."
Zach shook his head, and turned away. "I'm not letting you keep me from her. I'm not going to let you watch me fall apart."
"You don't seem to be falling apart," she replied.
He turned back to her, his eyes hard, filled with malice. She'd never seen so much hatred in someone before.
"Goodbye Catherine."
Then he walked away, and she noticed he snatched his packed bag from the place on the stairs. She hadn't even realized it was there. He must have planned it.
She tried to move but found that she couldn't. She felt paralyzed. Her son had betrayed her again, and she couldn't help but feel like it was her fault. And in reality it was, but a lot of things were her fault. And she'd never felt a sense of guilt for them before. But now she'd hurt him and in return, hurt herself. She had no one to blame.
She made her own blood hate her. Blood was thicker than water, and she supposed that made it so much harder to clean it up after it spills. Because when blood spills it stains, and now all Catherine had was a stained heart drenched in humbling guilt.
He was gone.
And Catherine knew she wasn't going to make him come back again. She wouldn't make him hate her more.
Suddenly she ran out of the house. "Zach!" she called, chasing after him, only now thinking about how stupid it was to try and leave on foot.
"Zach wait!" His figure was fading fast.
"Please!" she begged.
Suddenly he stopped.
"What?" He called back.
She couldn't see his face.
She ran forward. She pressed something in his hands.
Zach glanced down. Car keys.
"Take the car."
He looked at her, obviously feeling puzzled.
"Go back to Cammie. I'm sure she misses you."
He didn't seem to understand.
"It isn't a trick," she said as his face looked to be calculating. "Take them and go."
Slowly he nodded. He didn't want to walk. He'd take his chances with the car.
"And I'm sorry," she said as he navigated towards the car. "I really am."
He didn't say anything.
And then as the car rolled across the gravel he lowered his window. "Goodbye Catherine," He said again.
For the last time.
Not Sure where this came from... Oh well Another Zach and his mommy fic. hope you liked it. Catherine was supposed to become a little less selfish. Just a one shot but oh well
Hope you guys liked.
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