This was crazy. This was completely crazy. I couldn't go through with this.
At least that's what I kept telling myself. And yet my feet continued to plant themselves one in front of the other. It was like an invisible, magnetic force was pulling me to the Tower.
A chilly wind swirled around me, whipping my hair and making the dry, crisp leaves spin in wild circles over the sidewalk. I pulled my coat tighter against my chest. My heart hammered against my fists.
What was I going to say? I hadn't planned anything. Typical me, rushing into things without stopping to think things through... All I knew was that I wanted to see him. Would he still want to see me? After he had tried so hard to pull me back in and I had just run away again...
But he didn't know. Maybe I could try and explain things. Then maybe he would finally give up on me. Just like everyone else... Why did he even want me back in his life after everything that had happened? Could he really trust me that much? It was more than I gave myself credit for, that was for sure. And how could he have forgiven me? And not only that, but he was actually ready to welcome me back into his world. He really must be naiive...
I stared up at the sky, watching the stars peek out through the clouds. Why did I have to come at night? He probably wasn't even awake. I had no idea what time it was... Why didn't I ever think things through? Why did I always have to act on impluse...
The Tower seemed to suddenly loom out of nowhere. I searched the windows but they were all dark, the inky glass reflecting the murky clouds. I stood there, frozen, wringing my hands and wondering what I was supposed to do now.
I had a brief flashback to living in the desert, when I once stood at the very edge of a sheer cliff. I had been curious, wanted to lean over as far as I could and look all the way down. I never had much of a fear of heights. I stood on my tiptoes, staring down at the abyss below me. Behind me there was safety, security, no question. But out in front of me... It made my blood rush to look out at the great, yawning canyon and wonder what it would feel like to take one small step forward and let myself fall...
I realized the reason for my flashback. This feeling was so similar that it made my stomach turn. I knew what would happen if I turned back now. I would go home, slip back into my room, and wake up the next morning, and every morning after as an ordinary, harmless girl, with simple problems and a simple life.
But if I took that one step forward...
One foot lifted from the ground and hovered in the air. Forward or back. I took a deep breath.
Forward.