This is a sequel to Maternal Instinct and the events of 4.14- Home Again have happened in between the two stories. This story starts on the flight home from Connecticut.
Chapter One: Birds Eye View.
Sam could tell, from her soft rhythmic breathing, that Addison had finally fallen asleep. He looked out of the plane's window and surveyed the scene below, people going about their business, living their lives – it all looked so simple and straight forward from above, thousands of people walking through life, moving from A to B. What his aerial vantage point didn't show was the obstacles, the love, the loss and the intricate web of connection that was carelessly trailed between the ever moving people. He looked around the plane at the sleeping bodies; there were some webs that he was glad of. It had been a long week for them all but for Addison it had been a horrific challenge and he knew, despite her eventual acknowledgment of Bizzy's death, that she was far from having conquered it.
"She's finally asleep" Naomi's whisper woke Sam from his moment of contemplation.
"Yeah," Sam replied with an exhausted smile as he looked at Addison curled up beside him.
"You want to get a drink?" Naomi asked with a companionable smile as she gestured towards the small on-board bar that had three high stools gathered around it.
Sam thought for a second, unsure whether he could take anymore alcohol after the copious amounts he had felt obliged to drink over the past few days.
"I'm thinking of a coffee" Naomi smiled, reading Sam's mind – she too had consumed enough alcohol to put her off for the foreseeable future.
"Sounds great" Sam smiled as he carefully picked his way past Addison and headed to the end of the plane with Naomi.
"How is Addison holding up?" Naomi asked as they mounted the high stools.
"She's not really" Sam replied as the waiter poured coffee into two small white teacups "she's just so closed, not as bad as when we first got to the house but she's holding back, like she's not letting herself grieve."
"Mm," Naomi said in understanding as she took a sip of hot coffee "grieving means letting go, relinquishing control and Addison can't do that, she gets scared to let herself feel because feelings are something she can't control."
Sam nodded as he digested Naomi's words, he knew he was closer to Addison than anyone else had been allowed to get, that he was in more parts of her life than even she had imagined he could be but there was still so much he had to learn about her and still no one who knew her better than Naomi.
"You just have to be there Sam," Naomi said kindly as she placed a supportive had on Sam's arm "but don't be too gentle, she needs pushing sometimes and although she'll push back initially, she will need, want, you to push back harder"
Sam nodded as he took another sip of his coffee, Cooper had said something similar and to an extent it had worked, he had pushed Addison and although he had finally managed to get her to admit what had happened, to say goodbye to her mom, he knew he had only scratched the surface and he feared that once they were back in LA, away from everything she associated with her family, she would try to shut out what had happened and he knew that was when she would need him most.
"Oh, I forgot to ask with all this madness, but would you be able to look after Olivia this weekend?" Naomi asked breezily "I am treating Maya to a weekend at a spa, thought she could do with some pampering and Dink has a gig with his band."
"Of course," Sam smiled, he didn't get to spend much time alone with his granddaughter and relished the opportunity to look after her, plus, he knew how much Naomi supported Maya and Dink and he was grateful to provide her and Maya with some quality time alone to relax.
"Great, thanks. I'll drop her by on Friday afternoon." Naomi smiled.
When Sam got back to his seat he found Addison awake and sitting up, she looked small and lost as she stared absently out of the window.
"Hey" he said softly as he sat beside her and rubbed her back.
"Hey" she replied without turning around, concentrating her efforts on the view.
"Are you ok?" he asked, although he already knew the answer he was going to receive.
"I'm fine Sam" she replied, her voice muffled as it was absorbed by the plastic window.
Sam let out a silent sigh as he removed his hand from her back and sank back into his seat. It always seemed as if something was taking her away from him. Every time it seemed like they were settled, like they had a chance to live their lives something came along and took her; Susan, Bizzy, Charlotte, sadness, fear- he knew it was selfish but he just wanted her, he just wanted to be able to love her without having to find her first, without having to constantly pull her back from the edge of something.