Diary of Donna Anna
By: Thea
Summary: Two important entries from the personal diary of Donna Anna.
Rating: G

He is gone. No matter how many times I repeat it to myself or even write it on paper. I cannot seem to accept it. How can the man whom I love...be gone. Perhaps forever. And worse yet, How is it possible he can be gone on my command? On my request. It is a most sad and confusing affair and I don't know yet how I can make heads or tails of any of it.

I really have nobody to blame but myself. I sent him away. How can I miss something I've sent away myself? It makes no sense I realize but, that is my reality. I miss his touch...his gentle kisses and his sweet words of love that he whispered into my ear reverently as we lay entangled in each others arms til dawn broke over the ocean.

I am sure there is a lesson to be learned here. I think perhaps that it is one should never make decisions out of passionate sudden emotions for when the dust clears they leave you wanting and unsatisfied. So here I am sitting and quite unsatisfied. True, I am still angry with him...That is quite natural. But, it is also natural that I should still love him all the same. He's still the man who taught me to love. Who brought me the knowledge that love can be something pure...unflawed like a gift directly from god.

And what have I done with this precious gift? I have thrown it away as though it were some useless piece of trash that my life would be better without. But, my life isn't better...My life is lonely without him. He filled my days with wonder and light, he was like a sun that filled my every waking hour with a light sent straight from heaven. But now...my world is dark and I cannot embrace this dark.

On the other hand despite this love I still harbor in my soul...I'm still hurt and angry. I mean, I saved myself for him...I saved myself for only his loving touch. So that I know no other mans touch and desire only his. But, he, he has had many woman...1,502. I never thought I could ever feel such pain til he spoke those words. It were as though he had plunged a dagger deep into my chest. I do not wish to share my Don Juan with anybody...he is my love, my one and only love.

Now, I feel as though I stand at a crossroads. Here I sit with his mask upon my face. And I can remember the night we made the promise to each other that should we ever be separated we would come here to wait...eternally if necessary for the other to return. But, would this promise ever come to pass. Would he know somehow that I love him still and be drawn back to me...To our world. Our own prefect world filled only with beauty and love.

I think, perhaps, that I may learn to forgive him in time. He was truthful with me...even though it was dangerous to be so truthful. He was, that shows his pureness of love. He had no desire to deceive me and though he has been with all those other woman...What do they really mean to him. Nothing...For he could not fake such love and devotion for one woman unless it were true. He loves me and not them...they were nothing to him but...I am his everything. His angel, as he called me once as we lay still locked in loves embrace.

I was thinking about his early today as well. As I took my daily walk upon the shore I stopped and sat in the warm sand letting the cool water lick softly at my toes and thought about everything and nothing. I picked up a handful of sand and I thought to myself...I hold in my hand much more than 1,502 grains of sand and yet all together it forms very little. That is when it occurred to me that though my love has had many that they together cannot come close to the single pure flame of love that we shared together.

I think that was when I realized truly what a mistake I had made. He loves me...so nothing else matters. And yet I have sent him away. It is almost ironic that I now were his mask for a very similar reason to why he wore it. I wear this mask in shame , and with guilt at my own mistake. So, here is where I shall stay forever on this beach to wait for my loves return.

In fact, That reminds me of a story that my mother used to tell me as a young child. It was the story of a husband and wife and the husband who ventured out to sea. The wife had made the promise that she would wait for his ship to return every morning from the cliff that overlooked the bay. Only the man was caught in a storm and tragically died at sea. Yet, every morning the widow would stand dutifully at her peak, still as a statue. Forever waiting for a ship that would never sail into the harbor again. She eventually died of a broken heart as I remember but even after she ghost would still wait every morning watching for her love...fulfilling her promise....even in death.

I wonder if that is what is to become of me. Will I die on this beach without him? That I surely know not but, in either case I will keep my promise. So, I close this entry with a promise. A promise not only to myself, but always to my love, wherever he now finds himself.

Love,
Donna Anna

I can scarcely believe my good fortune...For something I had not dared to hope for, for fear it would never occurred has become reality. My Don Juan is returned to me and he stills loves me. What else could I ask of life? Nothing...absolutely nothing. He is here and that is all that matters. We are together again and all is right with the world.

So, as I close a sadder chapter of my life..I find I must also close this diary. For it has served it purpose...and with it's end comes to beginning of my new life. This life I will live with him. In a world filled with life and love. There is nothing more I want nor need. For I have found contentment in his arms.

Goodbye,
Donna Anna