Disclaimer: I have no commercial interests in the writing of this fic, nor do I have any connections with those who own anything relating to Harry Potter (JK Rowling has not yet known the privilege of my friendship) and I don't intend to infringe on any copyright laws.
Summary: This was originally set as a Harry/Hermione and Hermione/Ron story, lots of angst, but then a challenge shaped it a bit. It has a lot of Sirius/Remus in it, and they are the narrators.
Rating: R
Warning: Slash, two guys, homosexuality and all the rest of that stuff.
Sirius
I held on to him, laughing gently as he thrust against me. Merlin, I was grateful that Harry was at the Burrow that day. Remus and I had been celibate all summer in deference to his feelings, and after thirteen years apart the dry spell was killing us.
"What are you laughing?" He was moaning the question more than speaking it.
"I was just thinking of how ironic this is. We had to pick our moments when his father would be out of the room because there was nothing more disgusting for James than walking in on two people he considered his brothers, and now we do the same for his son. I feel like a house-witch and her Ministry employee husband doing a fast one in a cupboard."
He laughed, and the vibrations were seductive and strangely comforting at the same time. Sex is wonderful when it is new, but later, when you are comfortable enough to laugh while you are doing it; well, then you are comfortable enough together to do anything.
We lay there for a long time, talking, thrusting gently to stay in the mood, without letting it build up to a climax but connected in that most basic, primal way. It was a perfect moment, just asking to be ruined.
We heard a gasp at the door. Immediately, we both lost all sexual desire. I pulled the sheet over us, but it was too late. Harry had slammed the door shut and from the sound of his footsteps was already halfway down the stairs.
Remus pulled on pajamas. They were mine, but I wasn't about to say anything then. "You go Padfoot, and talk to him. He needs to hear it from you."
I really wished he would go. He was so much better at things like- well, talking. I've gotten a bit better since I lost everything because we kept too many secrets, but I'm still not half as eloquent as he is. That day, though, I drew on the love I had for both these men, squared my shoulders and walked out of the room. I came back immediately to wear something, but that setback did not detract anything from my resolve.
I found him in the garden. He was pulling out weeds without gloves, no doubt appreciating the pain of the scratches that were forming on those still too-thin arms.
He heard me approaching; I had taken no measures to be silent. I did not want to surprise him twice in one evening. Sitting down beside him, I cleared my throat to ensure that I had his attention. "You had no idea then, Harry?"
He didn't look at me for a minute, and when he did I almost turned away from the contempt in those wet, green eyes. "No, I knew you were close, but I'll admit it never occurred to me that my grandfather and his best friend were telling me to visit the Burrow so that they could fuck each other's brains out!"
It sounded so much dirtier when it was put that way. I said as much to him, and I think he was surprised that I wasn't denying it. "That's not to say you were in the way, Harry. It's just that Ron was so eager to have you stay, and I know how close the two of you are. We've been together all summer, and it isn't as if you can go to Diagon Alley with me until I'm cleared. Everything just seemed to work out for you to go today, and we were looking forward to some time for making love. That is what we call it, by the way."
He sighed in that way James had of signifying that he was done with fighting. "I know, and I'm sorry for the outburst. It's just- I don't know what it is."
It was my turn to sigh. I did not want to choose between the two of them. "Do you have a problem with two men being in love?"
"No!" The answer was quick and sincere. I could see it in his eyes. Well, that was one hurdle out of the way.
"Then do you have a problem with Remus and me being together?"
This time the answer was clearly what I did not want to hear. "It's just that. I guess I ."
"You thought you were the most important person in my life." How to handle this? How to tell the boy that he was, but he had to share the position with Remus. Poor boy who has never known how it is to be anyone's first priority, except as a weapon in a war. "Can you not be one of the two most important people in my life?"
He looked at me, seeming closer to six than sixteen. "Do you mean I'm as important as Professor Lupin? Really?"
"Yes." That one didn't require any thinking about. He shuffled his feet about, looking embarrassed about the conversation and the tears that he was so obviously on the verge of shedding. Reveling in my new discovery of tact, I decided to change the subject. "So why are you home early?"
To my surprise, he did lose control of his tears then. He mumbled something about there not being a reason, but that was clearly a lie. I tried to be calm, but I've never been able to abide tears.
"Did you and Ron have a fight?" I knew it was none of my business, but if Ron had said anything he was going to learn first-hand what a pissed-off Grim can do.
"No." He sniffled, maintaining the image of a child, so I had no compunctions pressing the issue.
"Well, then?"
He looked into the distance, coming to terms with something within himself. I wouldn't be surprised if I was the first person he allowed himself to tell. "I'm in love with the wrong person."
Oh Merlin, this is the one thing aside from death that you want to protect your children from. I groaned thinking of Ron and his overpowering love for Hermione, which had always reminded me of the relationship between Harry's parents. So uncomplicated and right from the very beginning.
I decided to start this conversation diplomatically. "I can see that Ron is quite an attractive young man."
He interrupted me. "No, God no! I don't have feelings for Ron!"
I was relieved beyond imagination. "Ginny? Well I know that it may seem wrong to have feelings for Ron's little sister, the youngest of a family that has been so good to you, but it is perfectly nat. My voice petered out as I realized what an idiot I was. "Hermione, it's Hermione isn't it?"
Silence.
"Oh Godric, you've fallen in love with your best friend's girlfriend. How?"
"Ron went home for Christmas, but she and I stayed behind. We spent a lot of time together, as we have before, but this time it was different. I started noticing the strangest things like the scent of her hair, her smile and how her eyes are always smiling even when she is tense about her Owls. New Year's Eve Seamus was practicing his water to rum spell that he has been working on for five years, and caused a little explosion in the common room. We decided to have a party, and, well things got a little out of control. All I can remember is kissing her, and then realizing that I was in love with her."
Despite all the complications, I couldn't help feeling a little misty at the thought of my little godson falling in love.
"And then I looked in her eyes, and I knew she felt the same. We didn't know what to do. We sat together talking quite a bit, and Dumbledore must have noticed."
I got up then from where I was sitting, afraid to hear what the Headmaster said; knowing what had to be said.
"He asked us if we meant it, and we said we did." Now that he had started, the story was just pouring out of him. For the hundredth time I cursed the circumstances that had necessitated that my first real crisis as a parent had to come when the problems were too big for me to solve. "So then he asked us to pretend we weren't in love. We thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. He said that I could not win the War without Ron, and I would lose Ron forever if I stole his girlfriend."
"He told you to sneak?" I was shocked. Dumbledore can be very single-minded about winning the war, but even he couldn't be that callous.
"No, no. But we have to wait. It's not as if it will be that different. Hermione does care for Ron very much, so she'll stay with him for the duration of the war, and then we'll have it out with him once and for all."
I nodded and smiled, but it went crooked. I couldn't even pretend to have confidence in that plan. Patting him on the head, I walked away. But he stopped me before I could get far. "Please don't tell Professor Lupin."
I turned, worried about their relationship. "Harry, the fact that he is my lover shouldn't affect your trust in him."
He blushed, but gamely continued. "It hasn't, but Professor Lupin has this habit of saying just the thing that makes you ashamed of what you've done, without sounding preachy or anything."
I couldn't deny that, just as I couldn't claim that Remus would ever agree to this ridiculous solution to an impossible situation. Remus has a higher code of behavior than the rest of us.
I went to Hogwarts the next day to ask Dumbledore what he was doing. I was full of self-righteous wrath, forgetting that the wise wizard always has a good reason for what he does. He received me warmly, sat me down and proceeded to explain his motives gently and calmly.
He pointed out the similarities between Ron and the rat to me: the jealousy and envy that Peter felt for us more talented wizards, his poverty compared to the financial comfort James and I lived in and his unrequited love for Lily Evans. We had all thought he got over that but I know now that his last year as our friend was little more than a sham.
Every word he said made me squirm as I realized how close we were to allowing history to repeat itself. I went home a little more reassured, but with the promise I made to Dumbledore not to tell Remus reverberating in my head. If this plan was so necessary, why couldn't I tell my lover? He has always had the courage to do what was needed.
I made myself forget about it, and took comfort in how Harry and Hermione became too busy to feel pain at their separation. It wasn't actually any sort of separation at all. Ron was not a very romantic person at all, and Harry wasn't subjected to any displays of affection or anything else of the sort. With a war on, the three of them were rarely, if ever apart, and Hermione was too practical and scrupulous to encourage Ron any more. She suggested that they put more distance between them for their own safety. I know the poor boy thought they were talking of physical safety, and his natural cautiousness and protectiveness caused him to believe that their relationship was dangerous to their families as well as their commitment to helping Harry. She was referring to their hearts.
I watched from afar as they made decisions children should not have to make, and cursed the fate that was tearing these people apart. Harry and Hermione were hoping that Ron would be able to accept that they loved each other as Hermione and he had broken up in their sixth year, but all of us on the outside could see that he expected her to come back to him after the war. Never once did the notion that she wasn't waiting for him as eagerly as he waited for her cross his mind.
It was a nightmare waiting to happen. Ron stayed close to Harry, and when the time came, he risked his life for the cause of the Phoenix. Oh Merlin forgive me, but I was hoping he would not survive the last battle. I did not want him to die; our very first conversation consisted of him putting himself in front of Harry so that I might not kill his best friend. And he never stopped being the brave and jocular person that made true the old Muggle adage that knowing him was to love him.
But I knew the denouement would have to come eventually. Harry and Hermione's love for each other did not diminish, and for almost two years Ron trusted that the relationship he believed was as everlasting as the one his parents shared was only waiting for the war to be over. Despite his frequent outbursts of jealousy, he also maintained as close a friendship to the two of them as the Marauders had had a couple of decades before.
So I closed my eyes and wished for a miracle from Godric himself to save the trio that would win a continental war against a powerful, evil wizard.
I should have remembered that there are no miracles. And that there can be no saving us from the messes we mortals make for ourselves.
SORRY ALL YOU R/HR FANS. THIS WAS BORN OUT OF A SB/RL CHALLENGE FROM DAWNATELLO THAT TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TURN. BLAME MY MUSE.