The Real Sandman
Darkkinkachu: hm…it's another random oneshot…bleh….I need to work on something more worth while, no?
Lawyer Lemur: Darkkinkachu does not own Naruto
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I am a monster. I don't deny it. I know I am a monster and I know people fear me. They should. I will not lie. I want them dead. All of them. I only know hatred and death. So what more would you expect me? I know nothing other than pain. But I was always the one causing the pain. At least, that's the way I wanted you to think. Of course I've had more than my share of pain. I just won't let any one see it.
And why should I? What do you care of my pain? Nothing, that's what. You shrink away in fear. You have no idea how that hurts. I hate it. I hate you. But I only have myself to blame. This is my fault, after all. I did this. I lashed out, causing others pain to ease my own agony. They think I'm evil. Maybe I am. I don't know any more. All I know is this darkness. This darkness is cold.
For a long time, the false joy of killing others soothed me. I thought it was all I needed. Their blood sustained me, made me feel. And I needed it. Yes, I needed it like a drug. Like he said, without feeling you might as well be dead. I feared death. Yes, the very thought of loosing my frail existence terrified me. I thought death and carnage was enough for me. But its not…
It started with that damnable Kyuubi boy. Why did he have to show me all these new emotions? Why did he have to risk his life for those he 'cared' about? I was angry. How dare he defy me like that! I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to kill all his little friends and watch him brake. But then he beat me. I was defeated. And I was frightened. I felt my grip on reality slipping. If not to kill and destroy, what purpose did I have?
New, terrifying were rolling over me in waves. I lost my grip on the boy as he forgot about his anger and accepted what the fox boy was saying. If he didn hate any more, I could do nothing. The darkness consumed me and I did something I haven't done in many, many years. I cried. I shed bitter, unseen tears. It hurt. The loss of what I thought had been my purpose, my very being, hurt. I curled up tight in the boys mind. Strange, new feelings were leaking into my consciousness.
I wanted to know what real happiness was, not the sick mockery of joy killing brought. I wanted some one to understand me. To look past the monster and see, if it was even there, something beyond my cruelty and bloodlust. I wanted a friend. I was disgusted at first. A creature such as my self should not have such feelings. But the pain in my heart burned fiercer than ever before.
It hurt. It hurt and I wanted someone to care. People were starting to care for my container as they never had before. Another new feeling arose. Jealousy. I wanted someone to care for me like the brats siblings did. The way his sister would smile at him now and his brother would talk to him…it made me sick. More than any thing I wanted some one to hold me. Ironic, isn't it? I, the mighty killing beast of the sands, wanted desperately for some one to hold me close and tell me it was ok. I wanted some one to sooth my fears and pains, like the siblings did for my container.
You may think I've changed. Perhaps I have. I want so much more than blood now…but I still know only one way to get what I want. I thrash around in the boys mind every day. He has gotten better at ignoring me but that doesn't stop me. I will make someone care. I will force the world to see my pain. And I will return it tenfold. I want someone to hold me…and if I have to threaten their life to get them to, I will do it. Do you see my pain now? I will make you see my pain…I will make all of you see my pain…just wait and see…
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Darkkinkachu: If you couldn't tell, this is from Shukaku's point of view. There are plenty of fics with him as Gaaras perverted/bloodthirsty conscious, sometimes having him act out through Gaara and ive even seen him in a couple High School fics. But I don't think I've seen and actual Shukakucentric fics before that are about him and only him. I reeeeeeaaaaaally wanted to make this an actual story but I have become extremely weary of chapter fics. Maybe if I write it all out and finish it…maybe…any ways I think I kept him sort of in character but I was also trying to look at him from a different perspective.
Reviews, comments, suggestions, ideas, hell even flames, are all very much welcome and wanted. Thank you!