It's a crack songfic and very out of character. It's an alternate universe where both are alive and enjoy bars apparently.

I wrote it in about 30 minutes just as something to do so it's not the best story ever.

Inspired by "Lola" by The Kinks

I DO NOT OWN DEATHNOTE, ANY ASPECT, OR THE SONG

Well, it's been about a week since I decided to leave home and explore the United States. Naturally, the first place I wound up was New York and tonight I found myself in a little club down in old SoHo. It may not be the most glamorous place, but hey, I'm not really one for the ritzy bars. Besides, these little hole-in-the wall seedy places are a lot better for finding lone corners to just chill out and have a smoke in.

I took a seat at the bar. Almost all of the booths were filled with noisy groups of friends and their Playboy bunny carbon copies. I scanned the room. Yeah, a few nice girls. Not going to lie there. I heard the bartender ask if I needed anything. I thought for a moment. Hmm. Why not have some champagne? Such an elegant drink in a rowdy place like this was an amusing concept. I certainly do love irony.

The bartender sat the bubbly glass down in front of me and I took a drink, not thinking to look at the contents. As the liquid ran over my tongue, it caught me by surprise. I choked a bit and swallowed it down. Was that…cherry cola? I looked at the glass. Sure enough, it was dark and bubbly. Much bubblier than champagne. What the Hell? Fine, I won't tip.

I returned my attention to the dancing crowd in the middle of the club. Girls in somewhat slutty skirts and dresses that left little to the imagination gyrated against each other and the excited men around them. I have to admit, even though not all of them were pretty, it was pretty sexy. Maybe it was the lighting or maybe the situation. Maybe the damn Coke actually had a bit of champagne after all. I noticed a bit of movement at the other end of the bar and then, I noticed her.

She was tall, gorgeous, and clad in the tightest leather pants you could imagine. God, her ass in those pants… Her hair shimmered just a bit in the multicolored rave lights. It was blonde and almost to her shoulders. It framed her face beautifully and man did it look soft. I just wanted to bury my face in it. Sure, she was flat as a pancake if you know what I mean, but what did that matter? Otherwise, she was perfect. She looked up and me and we locked eyes across the bar. She batted her lashes and smiled at me. Her lips were pale and straight but, just like the rest of her, were angelic. I felt my face grow heated and looked down before I made a complete fool of myself. I turned back to my cola.

"Hey."

I looked over to find that she was sitting beside me! What do I do? I've never actually spoken to a woman before! I might as well take a chance. "H-hey."

She giggled. Her voice was oddly low. I wasn't going to judge her for it though. Hell, this might be my only chance at a woman for a long time! "There's no need to be so shy."

I tried my best to smile and play it off. "Shy? How can I help it when someone so beautiful is sitting right next to me? Mind if I ask for your name?"

Those wonderful lips and a lovely, small tongue traced each letter that escaped in that silky, deep voice. "Mello. Everyone just calls me Mello. And you?"

Mello. M-E-L-L-O. Mello. I loved the way it rolled off the tongue. It took me a moment to collect myself enough to answer. "Erm, I'm Matt."

She touched my hand. "Care to dance then, Matt?" Of course I did. She pulled my hand so I would follow her. With the way she swished her hips that way, I'd have to be crazy not to follow her. I was a bit lost at the same time. You know, I'm not dumb by any means but I just couldn't understand this. Why did she walk like such a woman but at the same time she spoke like a man? It was so weird.

We danced for hours, stopping only every now and then for some of that so called "champagne". I was starting to really get comfortable with Mello. We began to get closer and closer as we danced. Once, she hugged me to her while we were dancing. Now, I'm not the most physical guy but when she hugged me, wow. I swear, she nearly broke my spine. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I mean, she was pretty tall - taller than me - but she still wasn't awkward. I loved the smell of leather and her skin, which wasn't scented with any perfumes as far as I could tell. It was just her but she smelled wonderful. We stopped again to get a drink and as I was about to sit, she picked me up and sat me on her knee. I was once again a bit shocked by her strength but it was still kind of sexy to me. Maybe my tastes are just weird.

She looked me in the eyes and gently hugged me close to her. Her eyes were deep and entrancing enough that I became lost in them once again. At that moment, I almost fell for my sweet Mello. She slid one of her hands behind my head and played in my hair a bit. Suddenly, she kissed me. I was too shocked to react. We just sat there, lips together, for what felt like hours. I felt the redness rushing to my face, turning my cheeks just about as red as my hair. When we finally broke apart, she smiled at me, sleepy-eyed and lustful, and murmured to me, "Dear boy, won't you come home with me?"

I didn't know what to say. I was frozen in shock. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling so comfortable anymore. My heart raced and I began to shake. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say? Losing all of my nerve, I wriggled out of her arms and bolted for the door. Naturally, I tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my face. I climbed to my knees and looked back at her. She was standing up now but still in the same place that she had been. She looked so hurt and confused. I sighed. How could I leave her like that? I slowly stood up and walked back to her.

I took her hands in mine. "Mello. I'm so sorry. I just… I didn't know how to respond. You're just… you're so perfect to me and I've never even kissed a woman before."

She smiled in a way that I swear was almost sarcastic. "Oh, well that's hardly an issue here."

I looked at my feet, embarrassed. I really wanted to make it up to her and I was starting to come around to the idea of going home with her. "What do you say we give this another shot then?"

She bent down a little to kiss me on the lips again. This time I returned it happily. It was far more enjoyable this time since I knew what to expect. When we finally broke apart, she gave me those irresistible eyes again and whispered in my ear. "Dear boy, I'm gonna make you a man." She hugged me tightly, pushing against me with her entire body. Then, I felt it. A rather perturbing bulge between her legs was making itself known against my crotch. I was beginning to understand what exactly was happening - the lack of breasts and curves, no perfume at a club, no makeup, the deep voice. It suddenly made a lot of sense to me.

Oh, shit.