Out of Our Control

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: Umm, hi! I'm just borrowing these characters for a bit. I promise I'll return them to NBC and the producers of Third Watch when I'm done. This story takes place right after the episode "Anywhere But Here." I thought Jason Wiles (who plays Bosco in case any readers don't already know) did such an awesome acting job, especially when he was lying on the ground immediately after being shot. The way he flinched with every shot…wow, pure genius. Anyway, this is my take on what happened at the hospital after such an intense situation.

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I can't believe he's still alive.

Faith Yokas glanced at the figure lying in the hospital bed for the twentieth time in the last few minutes, unable to keep her eyes off his sleeping form. Her partner, Maurice Boscorelli, was still unconscious from all of the pain medication he had been given.

It had been ten hours since he had arrived by ambulance at Mercy Hospital, and, although she was exhausted, she still could not force herself to leave his side. Too much had happened for her to leave. She watched his chest rise gently with each breath and then shifted her gaze to his face.

The large, bloody cut on the right side of his face had been stitched closed and covered by a white bandage. Her eyes trailed down his body, doing an unconscious inventory of his injuries. Several bruised ribs - one fractured, sprained shoulder, sprained wrist, concussion, and numerous other cuts and bruises. Not too bad for being shot and jumping out of a second story window, she said sarcastically to him in her mind. I think you've used up all of your luck for the next year, Bos.

Their conversation from the previous day came to mind.

"Last night happened because Jerry got careless." Bosco had argued with her.

"Look, that could have happened to any one of us, we're just lucky. And that is the only reason that we're not laying up in Mercy with fifty tubes sticking out of us." She'd countered.

"This has nothing to do with luck! I'm careful. I pay attention. I don't walk into some dangerous situation without backup. That's what's gonna keep us from gettin' shot!"

Now, she looked back to that conversation and couldn't believe its timing. Back then it had just seemed like another annoying verbal battle with Bosco. But now…after all that had happened… She shook her head sadly.

"Oh, Bos," she spoke softly, needing to get the words out, not really caring if he heard them or not. "What happened, huh? You said you were careful…that you paid attention. If that's so true, then how come you got shot?" She laughed once, bitterly. I almost lost you. She shuddered at the thought.

She pried her stiff body up out of the chair to go get some coffee. It was the first time she had left his room since the doctor had allowed her in. As she walked slowly out of the room, she briefly considered calling Fred again, but decided that it would be better if she didn't. She was still furious with him from when she'd called him the first time.

He practically ordered me home! She fumed, absently glaring at the people standing in the hallway between Bosco's room and the lounge. Where the hell does he get off doin' that? Bosco's my partner! I'm not leavin' him to wake up alone in some hospital room! It doesn't matter to me that it's not life threatening - I'm stayin' with him!

By the time she returned to Bosco's room, she'd managed to shake off some of her anger towards her husband. Not all of it, but at least some. I'll just have to talk to him whenever I get home. Try to make him understand. As her hand touched the handle on the door, she heard someone talking inside. Hey! That sounds like Bos. Her drooping spirit lifted a bit as she recognized his familiar voice. She opened up the door with a smile on her face…

…and dropped her coffee in shock.

Bosco was thrashing about on the hospital bed and talking in his sleep. His pale face was covered with sweat, and he wore an expression of both pain and - Oh, my God! Faith thought numbly. He's…he's afraid. The unconscious man struggled frantically, kicking and clawing at the white sheet that covered him and nearly pulling out the IV from his right hand.

For one long second, Faith stood frozen in place, too stunned to do anything but stare at the writhing thing on the bed that was her partner. Bosco cried out in his sleep. The heart-wrenching sound jolted her out of her temporary paralysis. She rushed to his side and tried desperately to calm him.

"Bos? Bos! It's okay. You're safe. Shhh, Bosco. It's all right. Everything's okay." Her soothing did not help. Boscorelli continued to moan and move restlessly on his bed.

"No…no…I didn't see it…where did it come from…" he mumbled, twisting his head from side to side. "Oh, god…he's got my gun…shots…shots fired…"

Faith's heart contracted painfully as she listened to her partner's mindless words. She gently placed her hand on his right arm, stilling its jerky movements, and then let it slide down to clasp his hand tightly in her own. She continued to talk to him all the while, hoping he would wake up and leave the horrible nightmare behind. "Bosco? C'mon now. You need to wake up. It's okay. It's just a dream, Bos. Wake up."

"Faith?…Faith!…" he screamed, his body straining on the bed. "Shooting…Stay back, Faith!…Drop the guns! Drop the guns!"

She couldn't take it any more. She reached down with both hands and roughly shook him. "Wake up, Bosco! Wake…Up!"

This time her less than gentle approach worked. Bosco's eyelids snapped open, eyes wide with fear. For a moment, he stared at her, terrified, his mind still trapped in the nightmare's vicious grip. Then, his brown eyes focused on hers.

"Faith?" he groaned weakly, chest still heaving, lungs trying desperately to make up for lost time. His eyes closed with a pain-filled moan.

She squeezed his hand, offering what little comfort she could as she watched him get himself back under control. "Bos?" she asked quietly after giving him a few moments to recover. "Are you all right? Do you need me to get the nurse?"

He shook his slightly from side to side. "No… No, I'm fine. Just…give me…a minute." He struggled to take a deep breath and winced visibly.

"It's okay, Bos. Just try to breathe normally. Don't struggle." She watched him take one painful breath after another. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? She berated him mentally.

"Broken ribs?" he finally asked in a tired voice.

"One. The rest are just really bruised."

"Jeez! It feels like they're all broken." He paused a second and opened his eyes. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Yeah. You sprained your left shoulder and wrist. And you've got a concussion."

Bos smiled weakly. "That would explain the headache," he mumbled.

Faith couldn't help but smile back. Leave it to Bosco to make a joke about being injured. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to jump out of windows? Especially ones' above the ground floor?"

"Nope. She musta missed that one. Have to speak to her about that." He sighed. "How long do I gotta stay in here, Faith?"

"Just another day or so. The doctor doesn't want you to move around until the swelling in your shoulder and wrist goes down a bit so they can set you up with an air cast."

"Air cast?" Bosco interrupted, frowning. "I don't need a cast, Faith. Damn doctors - always makin' things worse than they really are. It's just a sprain!" he whined.

"Yeah, and a bad one." She replied angrily. "Look, you wanna go jumpin' out of windows, that's fine with me. But don't complain about how you're bein' treated!" The pressure that had been building for the last few hours finally erupted forcefully, causing her to snap. "You could be dead!"

Her heated words echoed through the silent room, bouncing back and slapping her in the face. She turned her burning face away from him. I - I can't believe I just said that. She bit her lower lip, wishing above all else that she could take back those words. I'm supposed to be helping him, and what do I do? I yell at him! Yokas, you are such an idiot! She felt like running out of the room, but she knew that if she didn't apologize right now, the problem would just get worse.

She twisted back around and stared at his stony expression, locked onto the ceiling. "Bosco - " Her voice faltered, and she was forced to start again. "Bos, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I - "

"Faith…don't." He cut off her apology before she could finish. "Don't apologize for something that's true." He lay there quietly, unwilling to look at her. He added softly, "You're right. I could have died…I almost died."

He looked so lonely that her heart nearly broke. Hooking the chair she'd sat in earlier with her ankle, she pulled it up to his side and tenderly reached out to hold his hand. He flinched at the unexpected touch. She didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue. If he decided to talk, she would be there to listen, and if not, then she'd be there to keep him from being alone.

"I…I never saw the gun, Faith." He began in a small voice. "He was just sitting there in the middle of the room, his back to me. I reached out with my nightstick to tap him - I thought he was asleep…I can see it so clearly, Faith. It – it's burned into my mind, like I'm still there. The sunlight was shining through the dirty window to my right, lighting the entire room. There was a thick coat of dust that covered everything."

"One second everything was fine, normal, and the next…" He stopped and shut his eyes, his face filled with the pain of remembering. "The next thing I knew, he was pointing a gun at my chest, and I was falling, shoved backwards by something. It felt like I'd been hit in the chest by a baseball bat." His brown eyes snapped open, nearly black with fear. "I couldn't breathe! I just laid there, stunned, trying to breathe. Then, I felt his hands searching me. He was pawing at my holster, at my gun. I c-couldn't move!"

A violent shudder rippled through him, but his mind was so overwhelmed by the memories he was reliving that he didn't notice. But Faith did. She longed to take him into her arms and just hold him, comfort him, but was afraid to for fear of the pain the movement might cause. All she could do was hold his trembling hand tighter in hers.

"He knelt down beside me and held both guns to my head. I shut my eyes and played - " He laughed once bitterly, "played dead. It was…He was leaning right over me, his face pressing into mine. He…he kept mumbling things…blaming me. I…I can still feel his hot breath on my face, the cold metal of the guns on my skin." He paused and turned his face away. "I knew I was dead. I was gonna die any second, and there was nothing – nothing – I could do about it. I heard him stand up and move a few feet away. I tensed – waiting for the bullet – " His voice faltered, and he shuddered again.

"I was so scared, Faith – scared I was gonna die. And when he started shooting, I thought…that's it. It's all over." He rolled his head over on the pillow and met her eyes for the first time since he had begun to talk. "I flinched with every single shot just waiting…But then I realized that he wasn't shooting at me – maybe he thought I was dead. I don't know. He was shooting at you and everyone else in the hallway."

The fear in his eyes morphed abruptly into rage, his face contorted with anger. "He was using my gun to shoot at other cops! MY GUN! I got so mad, so scared – He could have killed you, Faith, and it would have been my fault! You would have died because of ME!" His voice broke, and he twisted away from her, hiding his face.

So that's it. She thought, stunned. Oh, god. He thinks he's to blame. She'd never expected these crippling self-accusations. Faith couldn't remain silent any longer. No matter how much it hurt seeing her partner's pain and fear, it was nothing compared to the heartache of watching him blame himself for what had happened. "Oh, Bos." She gently placed her hand on his arm, careful not to touch the cuts that covered it. "It's not your fault. You didn't know that Daniels was in the building." She went on after a moment of silence. "Bosco, we both thought it was just some homeless squatters! Normally, we wouldn't even need our nightsticks out except to wake them up."

He said nothing, just laid there with his face turned away. I can't believe he thinks this is his fault! There was nothing he could have done differently. She walked around to the other side of the bed to look her partner in the face. I'm going to make him listen to me whether he wants to or not!

Boscorelli saw her coming and averted his eyes. "Bosco." Faith drew his name out like she did to Emily and Charlie when they misbehaved. "Listen to me." He ignored her. She cupped his pale face with her hands and held his head still. "Maurice Boscorelli, look at me." Nothing. "Bosco, please," she pleaded.

He reluctantly focused his gaze on hers. Her breath caught in her throat at the haunted, lost look in those brown depths. "Bos, this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes…sometimes things happen that are out of our control. It could just as easily have been me that walked in on him instead of you."

"God, Faith. Don't say that," he moaned.

"Why not?" she countered. "It's the truth." She paused, thinking rapidly. "You want the truth, right? Okay. Here it is. You said you were scared. Well, you know what? I was scared, too - scared to death three times: when Daniels fired the first time, when he went crazy and started shooting at all of us in the hallway, and when the…when the window shattered in that room."

She stopped and swallowed. "There's nothing wrong with bein' scared - as long as you do your job the best you can. And you did, Bosco. You did everything you were supposed to and then some. You did great. I'm proud of you." When her partner refused to respond, she closed her eyes in frustration.

"You scared the hell out of me, Bosco. I know it wasn't anything compared to what you went through inside that room, but I want you to know how I feel. I'm your partner – I wouldn't lie to you about somethin' like that." Her voice hardened as she continued. "Just like I wouldn't lie to you about this. It…wasn't…your…fault. Please. You need to believe that."

Bosco was quiet for several minutes. Faith could tell that he was thinking about what she had said, so she just waited beside him, holding his hand. Well, at least he heard me. I just hope I said the right thing. The long silence dragged on until finally…

"It's hard, you know? Not bein' in control." His voice was worn, ragged.

"I know it is. We're cops, Bosco. We're used to havin' control of the situation. But it doesn't always work out that way."

"Yeah. I'm finally figurin' that out." He gave her a weak grin and shifted slightly on the bed, wincing at the movement. "Would you do me a favor?"

She grinned back at him and rolled her eyes. "You're only gonna be here for a day, Bos. But I suppose I could call Nicole for you, see if she could come for a visit…" Her voice trailed off, and she raised her eyes suggestively.

His eyes widened in alarm at the mention of his energetic girlfriend. "No. No! Are you trying to kill me? I can't even move!"

"You wouldn't have to move, Bos. I'm sure she could think of something…"

"You're a cruel woman, Faith."

"Thank you. Okay, then. What do you want?"

"The next time I go to jump out any windows - shoot me."

Faith started to laugh. "I'm serious, Faith! Believe it or not, going out that window hurt more than getting shot!" He gave her a wounded look as she wiped at the tears streaming down her face. "Gee, thanks, partner." He said sarcastically.

"Even if it's a first floor window?" she snickered when she'd regained some of her control.

He hesitated at that and frowned. "Hmmm. I'll have to think about that one."

"Don't strain yourself." She went to move away but stopped when he grabbed her hand. When she looked down at him, his face was serious. He didn't say anything right away, just gazed at her.

"Faith? Thanks…for everything."

She smiled, certain that he would be all right with all that had happened. "You're welcome, Bos." Her stomach rumbled loudly, and she realized with a start that she hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before. "Now listen, if you promise me you'll to try to rest, I'll go grab us a bit to eat from that burger joint around the corner. That is, if you're hungry." She laughed at his expression. "Okay, okay! I'll see what I can smuggle in." She squeezed his hand tightly, then let go and moved to leave. As she pulled open the door, she turned to face him one last time. "Oh, and Bos? Remember that question from earlier?"

"Yeah." He replied suspiciously.

"Don't forget to wear your bullet proof vest. If I see you so much as look like you're thinkin' about jumpin'…" She grinned maliciously. "Hey! I've got a great idea! Maybe I should talk to the nurse about having a room assigned to you permanently. You know, there's so many windows in New York, it's only a matter of time." She quickly closed the door, smirking at the thump of a pillow hitting the door. Oh, yeah. He'll be better in no time, she told herself as she walked down the hospital corridor, immensely pleased with her ability to manipulate her partner. Now, she sighed, if only I could handle Fred that way.