Waiting For the Rain, a love actually fanfic

Waiting For the Rain

Dedication: To anyone who has ever given up their love.

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I don't have to worry right now.

I know I'll worry later, when the music has stopped and I can hear my mobile ring. If Karl ends up tangled in my arms with my front door closed behind us. I know I'll worry every minute for my brother, whether or not I want to.

Right now there is gentle pressure on the small of my back. The faint scent of cologne; the contrast of my skin and his. It reminds me of the contrast between this moment and the rest of my life. How right now I have something I have wanted for two years. There's white wine down my throat and my nervousness is leaving me. And I've never put myself first since my parents died. And now I'm doing that. It'll have to change soon, but not now.

What if he does care, and things do work? Can I really get tangled up in this, even though it's the one thing that would make me happier than anything? Oh Sarah, stop. Stop fretting. The man you love is in your arms and all you can think about is how your brother would fit into the whole scheme of things if Karl were actually crazy enough to fall in love with you.

Breathe, I tell myself, and feel him pull me closer. Just breathe. Relax. I have something I have wanted for two years. The room is a blur of dark corners, bright lights, faces. I close my eyes briefly. I don't have to worry right now. I want to remember everything. The feeling of his hand in mine, the slow sultry sweetness of this song, the way our bodies seem to fit together. And I have never fit in, anywhere. But I do now. With him.

Oh, what would happen if—

Stop fretting.

I've worried and fretted my whole life. I'll probably worry and fret my whole life away. I've taken care of my brother my whole life. I'll gladly do it still, but I have a moment of peace now. A moment to just breathe. Relax. Take everything in; remember everything. This could end five minutes from now, five hours from now, five years from now.

But not now.

I don't have to worry right now.