Annie finally realizes how blind she was, but it's too late.
Songfic to Rihanna's What now.
Disclaimer: I own the story, nothing else.
AN: So I had to remove all the song lyric parts. Basically, every paragraph was paired with four lines of the song. Information about the unedited version can be found on my profile.
Annie sat in the living room of the apartment that was her home, for the last day. She looked at the closed bedroom door, and thought of the times she had walk through the doorway into whole other universe. Dreamatorium, oh sweet dreamatorium. Of course, it was the mind behind the simulated environments that had made those simulations so enjoyable. If only she had realised that before. But now Abed was gone, and the time for confessions was gone.
If only she had realised that all this time she had been in love with her roommate. Maybe then everything would be different. Abed would still be there, behind that closed door, planning another great adventure.
But she had been too blind. Abed found a girl who loved him, and he had started to love her back. They are happy together. Abed deserves to be happy.
Annie wasn't sure whether she does.
Looking back just one more time, almost like to say her final goodbye, Annie closes the apartment 303 door. She placed her hand on the door, stroking the wood. It was hard to go. This place had been more home to her than anything else, and now it was gone. Everything was gone. No one there for her, nobody to catch her, if she would fall...
... but Jeff had caught her. He had swept Annie of her feet and caught her in his embrace.
At first it had felt so right. Jeff had said all the right things at the right time. He was everything she had imagined, and more. The perfect man.
But as the weeks went by, doubts started to creep their way into her heart. She was confused. It was supposed to be true love, right? Then why did she feel her emotions growing colder and colder?
Maybe it wasn't really what she wanted? Maybe she had fell in love with a man who didn't really exist, or was just a facade?
It didn't feel real.
Annie had those recurring nightmares, where she was running. She was running because she was late, she was so late. She didn't know where she was going; she didn't have time to think. She just had to run, or she was going to miss it. And she couldn't miss it, no matter what. Stakes were too high.
Annie stared at the invitation, stunned. You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of ... She felt the tears filling up her eyes. Of course it was expected. Why shouldn't they get married? Annie hadn't ever seen Abed as happy as he was with Rachel, so it was only logical. But it also meant that whatever little hopes she still had had in her heart just died, making her collapse on her knees. She thanked the god that she was alone at home, so nobody could witness her sobbing. She had missed her last train.
She couldn't make herself facing her friends. Everyone was so happy for Abed, and why shouldn't they be? It wasn't their fault that Annie had been so dumb. So decided to put on a happy face and show them how happy she was for him, for her best friend.
It was just like doing a bit, like they used to do all the time. Only this time was different, this time she was alone. So overwhelmingly alone.
The wedding was wonderful, but Annie didn't see any of its miracles. She was dutifully playing the role of his best friend. They danced together, laughed together, played around just like they always did. She even gave a speech, and it was the best speech of the night. But all that couldn't make her forget. She saw the love in Rachel's eyes and knew that it was the best for Abed. And so she continued her act, to please everyone, to please Abed, while dying a little inside every second.
And then it was over. Abed took his bride to their new home, while Annie went back to hers.
She cried all night, surprised that Jeff didn't seem to hear her. So it is finally over. I lost. she thought. And when she finally fell asleep, her nightmare was back, but it was different.
She wasn't running anymore. She knew that there was no point. Instead she turned around and walked back to what she had escaped from. At this point, Jeff was as good destination as any else.