Alright, here I go, I wasn't gonna start this just yet cause there are quite a few details I've yet to plan out, but hell with it, I've been wanting to write this for a week now, and no lack of planning is gonna stop me.
Also, this is a total crackfic, expect OOCness and probably a lot of inaccurate details about the jobs I've given them xD. And since I discovered that I suck at writing out of POV style. Expect the POV to fly all over xD. Since theres gonna be like…as many crack pairings as I can get in here. Some notable ones with be the main MadaSaku, definite DeiHina, and possibly KisaTen and HidaTema or HidaIno, not sure which I like better. The only not crack pairing in here is gonna be PeinKonan, which is my favorite not crack pairing for no reason whatsoever :D also, I've altered there ages a bit here. Cause you know this is a real worldish AU and we can't have 100+ year old immortals all over, or 91 year old people who steal others hearts xD.
In this fic the important characters ages are as follows.
Madara:24
Deidara:19
Kisame:25
Hidan:22
Konan:32
Pein:33
Sasori:23
Kakuzu:36
Itachi:21
Sakura:18
Ino:17
Hinata:16
Temari:20
Tenten:19
Anyway enough of my super long rant, on with the fic.
And btw, I keep forgetting this, but I obviously do not own naruto, if I did, the Akatsuki would take over the world, all of them would be alive still, Sasuke would go blind forever, the sound 5, Kimimaro, Haku and Zabuza would be revived forever, and Madara would be there leader, also, all crack pairings would be Canon, and Konoha would go to the dark side 8D. Ok now I'm seriously ending the rant.
Sakura's POV.
I sighed as I walked out of the hospital, life was so damn boring lately. Sure I was GOOD at my job, but taking care of sick people every day, it got old, fast. And I was sick and tired of it. On top of that, there were all these rumors going around about how the mafia leader was up to something big, and people were going missing. And on top of THAT, my best friend, Ino, had gone missing a freaking week ago. Seriously, I swear to god if I see any of the mafia leader or his gang I'm gonna kick there asses just to vent my frustration. I kicked the tire of a nearby car, and proceeded to cursing aloud at no-one in particular.
"Hey you little shit, that was my fucking car!" A silver haired man walked out from a nearby ally. "The fuck do you think your fucking doing!" He cursed at me profusely.
I swear to god this guy was either drunk, or insane, probably drunk, cause he was swaying back and forth while abusing the f word as much as he could. I decided to not even bother, I apologized, then walked away. Or tried to at least. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and before I knew it, the man had a knife to my throat. Oh fucking joy, I was probably gonna be kidnapped raped then murdered like you see on the news all the time. So much for kicking the ass of the mafia leader, I couldn't even beat some drunk old man. Or young man…I honestly had no idea. Who the hell had pure silver hair anyway? Then again, who was I to talk, I had pink hair for gods sake. PINK. And it was natural too, a fact I conceiled from the world so as to not be thought of as a freak. Leaving my inner rant, I realized he had picked me up and hurled me into the backseat of his car. With no restraints either, did he think I was just gonna sit there and take it? I tried to open the door, but they were locked, and there was no function to unlock them from the backseat…
"Heh, you little bitch, sorry to say the only way your getting out of here is if you get through me. And that's not gonna fucking happen anytime soon. So just sit there and be a good brat will ya."
Utterly defeated no matter how I looked at it, I just gave him the most fearsome death glare I could muster, and kept at it the entire time he was driving. It seemed to annoy him as he constantly told me to "Fucking stop staring you fucking bitch!" Hell, if I was gonna be murdered, why not make his life as bad as I can in the mean time?
After about an hour, he finally pulled into the gates of a large ominous house, scratch that, it was a mansion, out in the middle of the mountains. I gotta say, I was NOT expecting to be brought to a fucking mansion. I simply stared in awe of it when he let me out of the 'fucking' car, as he put it.
"Quite fucking staring you bitch, your as good as mine now so you'd better fucking listen to me!" the silver haired man shouted.
I ignored him though, my mind set on making him as inconvenienced as possible if I was gonna die. I ran, toward the house, anything to get away from him, I was assuming that the inside would be a good place to hide from him somewhere, as I didn't have the stamina to outrun this man in a drug out chase through the nearby mountains. Nor did I know the area as he most likely did. I barged in the front door with the man hot on my tail, I quickly assessed the interior, it was quite spacious, a large staircase ran up the middle, presumable to the second floor, and there were several doors along each wall. I took for the stairs, I was used to running up stairs from all the crap the hospital job had me doing, and I was pretty quick on my feet. I had gotten to a large corridor, there was a huge hallway, bigger then anything I'd ever seen, not stopping to admire the well made building, I rushed down the hallway until I came to a row of doors. I could hear the silver haired man cursing not far off, I had to hide now or I'd be running all night, I picked one of the doors and quietly entered. Noticing that the room I'd entered also had a small closet, I carefully crawled into the corner of it. Hoping that even if he got in here, he'd not be able to see me in the closet, and leave. I waited for several minutes before the sound of his cursing faded, I guess I'd got lucky, he didn't notice I'd come in here. I slowly crept out, and peeked out of the door. The coast seemed clear, maybe I could actually survive this after all. I carefully opened the door and took small steps out. I thought I was in the clear, when I felt a hand on my shoulder, crap, I'd been caught? But I coulda sworn the man had gone the other way, he didn't seem intelligent enough for this kinda trap. I started panicking, but I then realized that the only thing this hand had done, was firmly keeping me there. Nothing more, nothing less.
"HIDAN. WHO IS THIS AND WHY DID YOU BRING SOME RANDOM GIRL HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!" the man, who I know realized was not the one who kidnapped me, yelled at the top of his lungs. He was an interesting looking man too, no less weird then the last, he had bright orange hair, and so many piercings. I wanted to ask him if it hurt to get them, but figured that this was not a good time for that. Within a few moments, the silver haired man, Hidan I assume, came running around the corner.
"So there you are you little shit! What the fuck do you think you're doing running from me you damn brat, I'm gonna fucking ki-" He suddenly stopped, and just stared at the man behind me. I looked up to see why and found that the orange haired man was death glaring at Hidan, and, I'll just say, if glaring at someone could kill them, Hidan would be dead now.
"I did not give you permission to bring someone here, and I don't care what you were going to do with her, your not doing anything now. And also, you shall be punished accordingly for your moronic deed." the orange haired man said in a calm yet demanding manner. At this, Hidan left, cursing all the while. "So miss, would you please explain the events leading to you having been brought here?" he put me down.
I was still in mild shock after that, but he didn't seem to mind my delayed reply. "Um…well I was, kinda pissed off and, I kicked a random cars tire. Then that man, Hidan I presume? Came out of nowhere cursing at me, and when I tried to leave, he had a knife to my throat and proceeded to throwing me in the backseat of his car." I paused for a moment, wondering if I should tell him any more. Or if that was unnecessary. "And um, as for how I got to this spot, I just took of running when he let me out, and I thought that he'd not notice if I hid in a room, he doesn't seem to be very smart." The man seemed to be in deep thought, as he didn't say anything or move for the next few minutes. I decided however that he did not seem to be threatening, and that it was for the best to stay with him for now. Anything is better then Hidan.
"Alright…we can't simply kill you, you were not a target and are a completely innocent civilian, however…" He hesitated. "We cannot just let you go either, you know to much already, about our existence, and about the bases location. I will have to speak with Konan about you, please come with me." I nodded, and followed him down the corridor.
It seemed like we'd been walking forever when we finally stopped at a huge door, he knocked on it, and a beautiful woman with long blue hair fastened in a bun came out to great us, or him, she seemed mildy shocked by my being there. She seemed to be the most normal one around here so far. Aside the lip piercing and the light blue hair at least. She invited us in the room. Where I sat and listened to their conversation.
"So…I assume that this is Hidan's fault?" Konan sighed.
"mmm, He's gone out drunk again and kidnapped some poor kid." the orange haired man replied, face palming.
"H-hey I'm not a kid!" I suddenly found myself saying. "I-I'm 18 you know!" I shouted stubbornly. they both started staring at me, then laughed.
"I think I like her guts. She DID cause Hidan a lot of grief, that's not something just anyone Can do, and look at her now, she's not afraid of us at all." Konan said looking at me with a slight grin. "I think we should let her stay here for a while." Pein nodded.
I just sat there staring at them like they were insane or something.
"I'm really sorry," Konan said after a long moment of silence, "But, we can't let you leave here alive…"
I guess that was reasonably enough, This was probably some high up criminal base. How would they know I'd not go to the police and get them all arrested? "um…so how long do I have to stay here? What about my job, my expenses and my house. If I'm gone for to long I'll loose everything!" I really didn't mind my job, nor the fact that I'd probably not have to pay any more bills since I was in their house now…er..base. But I was not keen on loosing all of my stuff.
"Hmm…" The orange hair man started. "Tell us where your house is, we can have someone escort you there and back to get anything you would like to have with you here, please keep in mind that if you try and escape at any time you will be brought back immediately regardless of whether you have what you need or not." I nodded, he always spoke calmly, he seemed to be a natural leader, and for some reason I felt safe around these two. Hopefully I'd not have to deal with Hidan to much here…and I wondered who was going to escort me, but the fact was I was being allowed to live, which was less then I'd expected an hour previous. I'd just have to wait and see who my escort was and pray to god it wasn't Hidan. Hell, at least this life might be a bit more fun then my usual one. The only thing I'd really hate was leaving my other 2 good friends, Hinata and Tenten, behind without a clue as to what happened to me…
Alright, that was fun. I'm probably gonna spam this fanfic now because its an easy one with less worries to do with it for the time being xD. And cause theres more characters thus more action.
And Lol Hidan is soooo funn to portray. I'm starting to think that I'm going more toward HidaIno with this. I think I'd be able to portray it better then HidaTema cause I dunno if I can portray temari's personality very well. I'm gonna shut up now and go to bed. Please review though xD I'd like to know what you all think of this epic crackfic. And if you have any idea's that would make it more cracktastic feel free to tell me.