A/N: So what is that exactly? Can't you guess? Oh, just read to find out. By the way, please review afterwards.
The Talk about That…
By the time Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger returned safely to their room at the Godric's Hollow Inn well past ten in the night, the two keeping tabs on them, Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, were beyond exhausted. They waited for a moment on the street corner just across from the Inn as the necessary protection jinxes were placed over the Inn.
Everything around them, the whole little town of Godric's Hollow, was completely silent and dark. There were only a few streetlights here and there, most of them broken. And this night was particularly dark anyway, the moon hardly in view because of the obscuring clouds.
Tonks wrapped her arms tightly around herself as the frosty wind smacked her pale cheeks, finding herself wishing she were at home just near her roaring fireplace and comfy chintz armchair where she could so easily fall asleep. But then again she could fall asleep out here in the dark and quiet, only because that's how tired she was.
Remus Lupin seemed tired too, but he also seemed to be able to hide it far better than she ever could. His eyes had heavy bags underneath them and his face was lined with aging for being in his late thirties. Nevertheless he seemed as alert as an alley cat.
"Whose shift is next?" Tonks whispered through the cold. Her teeth chattered with each word she spoke.
"Arthur's and Kingsley's," Lupin replied in his calm voice. He had now stowed his hands into his cloak pocket to keep them from the harshness of the cold wind.
"Well, when are they coming?" Tonks asked a little impatiently.
"They should be here any moment," he said shortly. He didn't seem too keen to chat with her, which made her, being the stubborn and persistent person that she was, feel the desire to make him talk.
"You're staying until they come?" she said.
He nodded through the shadows, only half of his face in view from the weak, flickering streetlamp above them. The other half of his face fell into darkness, which gave him quite an eerie look.
"I'll stay too," she decided, tightening her grip around herself.
"You don't have to. Go home. Go to sleep."
"If you're staying, I'm staying," she remarked coolly. She tried defiantly to keep the tiredness from her voice and to stifle all yawns. She failed miserably.
"Suit yourself." His words sounded like she'd learn some kind of difficult lesson if she disobeyed.
"I will, thanks," she said a little snappishly. They stood there on the corner in silence. Tonks was tempted to check her watch to see just how much longer they had until Arthur and Kingsley appeared, but she didn't; doing that would only prove she was impatient to leave, and since Remus didn't seem to be, she didn't want to be either.
Out of nowhere a hoarse sigh escaped his lips as he looked over at her. His light brown eyes looked exasperated.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked her.
"Doing what?" she asked innocently, though she knew full well what she was doing.
"Why are you staying here? You don't have to. You can go. You can get some rest," he told her with an assuring nod. "I'll stay here. I don't have a problem with it."
"I'm staying here because – because no one should have to stay by themselves," Tonks replied, yawning a second later.
"I don't care that I'm alone," he said, shrugging.
"Well," she said. She now felt awkward. "Well," she repeated. "I do."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake," he groaned suddenly, sighing as he did.
"What?"
"This – this isn't about that again, is it?"
Tonks smiled curiously, blushing at exactly the same time. She was grateful it was so dark or else he would have spotted her rosy cheeks, and that would have made this whole thing that much more embarrassing.
"What that ?"
"That." When he saw that she had arched both eyebrows in question, he sighed again. "You know what I mean. I'm talking about…"
"About?" she prompted.
"About thattopic you always happen to bring up whenever we're together," he finished gawkily.
"Oh, oh that," Tonks said with a broad grin. Remus narrowed his eyes; she had known what that was all along.
"All right," Tonks confessed suddenly, "That is what it's about. I think we need to discuss it once and for all, and by discussing it I mean a real conversation and not that rushed excuse-filled gibberish you shoot at me every time we happen upon the subject."
"Happen upon the subject?" he snorted. It was more like Tonks forcefully bringing up that every chance she got.
"Remus, I think you realize by now that I really do care about you. And I think you care just as much about me. I don't see why we can't give what we have a chance," Tonks explained rationally, half-shrugging as she spoke.
"Tonks, this really isn't the time," Remus said kindly, "I'm touched you care about me, but-"
"Is it ever really the time, Remus?" she interrupted. "It never seems to be."
"Can we just drop this now? Arthur and Kingsley should be getting here any second now," he said, and she specifically saw him throw a hopeful glance left and right as if praying they'd appear so that he'd have an excuse to end this conversation.
"But they're not here now. And no we can't just drop this. Usually I do, Remus, but I don't want to this time." Tonks swallowed with difficulty. "Please can't you just tell me how you feel?"
He never replied. She sighed exasperatedly as she once again was reminded that this was Remus Lupin, the introvert and quiet man that always distanced himself from everyone and everything, always seemingly alone and preferring it that way. She supposed he had been happier in his youth, back at Hogwarts when James and Sirius were still alive and well, and when Peter wasn't yet known as the foul little traitor he'd turn out to be.
Deep down she knew that part of Remus Lupin had died long ago and that part of him never would come back as much as James or Sirius would. And she also realized that no matter how hard she tried she would never properly understand him, but that didn't mean she didn't want to stand by him.
"Remus?" she whispered. It was a question. She was asking him to reply with something, anything. That'd be much easier than standing here in the middle of this silent night.
"It'd never work," he told her sadly. At least he looked regretful as he said this.
"And why not?"
"I'm much older than you."
"That isn't a reason!" Tonks argued, "My mum was well older than my dad, about nine years older. What's a few more years between you and I?"
"I'm a werewolf, Tonks." He seemed to be throwing excuse after excuse at her in hopes of putting her off on the whole matter.
"And if I cared do you think I'd be standing right here alone with you at night on this street corner?" she asked quietly. "I wouldn't. But I am. Besides, why should I treat you any different for being a werewolf? You're a great man. You don't treat me any differently for being a matamorphmagus. There's your counterargument right there, Remus. What other excuses do you have?"
He looked tempted to grin, but resisted at the last second.
"This isn't the time for risks, Tonks," he sighed, digging his left foot into the ground to give himself something to do.
This last excuse was so hilarious that Tonks snorted with laughter. He looked over at her curiously and she couldn't help blushing as his round-eyed gaze fell on her. For a moment they just stared at each other, barely able to see one another in the night.
There was something about this stare – something so bone-chilling about it that made the small hairs on the back of her neck stand. The way he was staring at her, it was so self-explanatory of everything she really didn't need any more words on the matter after that moment. She knew he cared about her, she felt it just from his gaze and she also knew why he wouldn't let himself be with her.
He had already lost so much.
"Everyone's in danger," she said softly, tears emerging in her eyes. "I'm in no more danger with you than I am by myself. I'm an Auror, Remus, an Auror and an Order member. Of course I'm in danger. Everyone is. Right now – now is the time to take risks. Let's take one."
His gaze dropped to the floor and she felt so sorry for this man, so alone and remote from everyone. He hadn't been close to anyone since the tragedies of his friends.
"You're a Gryffindor, right?" she said delicately, in hopes of cheering him up. "Well, Gryffindors are supposed to be brave. Aren't Gryffindors always up for a new risk?"
For the second time that night he looked somewhat tempted to grin. And for the second time that night he restrained himself. She knew she couldn't give up now, they were so close…
"We should live everyday to its fullest, Remus, I thought you'd have known this," she told him brightly, "And – and we both know that I love you and…I'm pretty sure you love me."
Her attempts of cheering him up and getting through to him seemed to be failing. She frowned slightly.
"Don't you?" she whispered her question.
It felt like the millionth time he didn't answer her. Tonks was beginning to feel like the talk about that was more complicated than she ever thought.
But she needed him to tell her how he felt. It was just something she needed. She unwrapped her arms from herself as her tiredness, the cold, the world didn't matter. The only thing that did was the words she needed to hear from him.
Minutes passed and all the while her eyes never left him, and his never met hers. She was beginning to feel as if this was just another heartbreak, like her heart had just been ripped from her chest and tossed to the floor where it shattered into a thousand shards as if it were a glass vase.
She was starting to give up on ever hearing the words from him. She looked away and stared off into the faint and murky distance of Godric's Hollow. The whole town seemed to be asleep but them. Just as her arms went to wrap around herself again, she felt a hand enclose tightly around hers and intertwine her fingers with theirs. Tonks looked back over to see that Remus had grabbed her hand and was now holding it tightly.
And again his gaze was on her, and she felt for a second time that no more words were needed. He loved her. She knew he did. Forget the words, forget everything - she knew and that was all that mattered.
"I do," he whispered so gently and so quietly that it was almost completely noiseless.
Tears rushed to her eyes as she felt lightheaded. It felt like they had made it, as if even though they were standing there in the middle of that darkness, they still were safe. They were all right as long as they were with each other. Everything would be fine. They'd make sure it would be. And even in the future when something tragic happened, it wouldn't change the now that they had, and it certainly wouldn't change their minds about this, what they had waited a lifetime for.
Together they stood, hand in hand, waiting for Kingsley and Arthur, silent all the while as the two - as the partners stared ahead of them into the darkness.