Disclaimer: Set after Twilight and Bella's birthday and the rest of New Moon and the others have never happened with exception that Bella and Edward were never together. Instead, she was Jacob for two whole years and in this story, Jacob is 19 and Bella 18. I know she moved at Forks at 17 but let's…let's just say that she moved at 16, OK? And Jacob is already werewolf and Charlie knows about that…
Chapter 1
"Who to fuck to do you think you're to tell me what to do and what not?!"-I yelled as much as I could. Jacob was really annoyin' from time to time.
"I can't put up with all of your shit anymore, you understand that Jacob?"-I said usin' his name to show him that I was deadly serious. It's not like my eyes didn't show enough, just for good measure, to be sure that he got the true dimension of my fury.
"Bella, Bella listen to me…"-Jacob pled, his puppy-dog eyes full of sadness.
"I have no more time to spend listenin' to you Jacob."-I said fiercely and got to my truck. When I wanted to start it, he placed his large hand onto mine that was on the steering wheel.
"Bella darling, please, just listen to me."-Jacob said once again in his pleading expression.
I reached out my hand and caressed his cheek. God, he felt so warm. Leanin' into my hand, Jacob gently nuzzled my hand and almost purred.
"I don't want to listen to you Jacob. I'm done with that, I've been listenin' for far too long and I decided that I can't do that anymore."-I said cruelly, knowing that I hurt him but I had to do this.
"Bella sweetheart, give just ONE more chance, that's all I want."-Jake pled.
"I gave you the chance you wanted and I won't give you one more. Bye."-I said coldly and closed the door, speedin' toward my house. I knew that if I stayed few more minutes Jake would be able to convince me to give him ONE more chance. He was my personal sun and my personal weakness.
Empty house. Charlie wasn't home yet. I dropped my school bag next to my boots and then hung the raincoat on the hook. My appetite was long gone. I've lost the will to live, let alone to eat. Sprinting, I climbed to my room upstairs. The curtains were still over the windows, hiding my room from the sun beams and I liked it that way. Hell, what I wanted the most was to crawl in a hole and die. It was so damn hard to imagine my life without Jacob. My soul will be too empty, too dark... I don't know will I be able to get used to it. Ever… Sure I had Alice as my best friend. And if I needed a laugh I could always visit Emmett, but it would never be the same. I didn't have someone to talk with. Except Carlisle. I knew that he would always be there for me. To offer an ear to hear me out, a literally cold shoulder to cry on and everything. But I needed love as well. It isn't easy to break up two years long relationship and get over it easy. Rummaging through the music on my computer I came up to the track "Moon of Dreams" sang by Ruslana featuring T-Pain. The verses struck me straight to my heart.
"I miss the energy of your touch" –the song said. Now I curled into tight ball on the bed and started to cry.
I don't know how much time had passed but when I woke up, it was dark outside. I heard some voices talking downstairs. Brushing my hair, I decided that I was half-way presentable, not that I cared too much.
"Well, it's half-way his fault. He shouldn't neglect Bella, she doesn't deserve the kind of treatment Jake gave her."-deep voice I recognized as Billy Black's said.
"I think Bella takes everything personally. She wanted Jake only for her the whole time."-I heard Charlie said. I can't believe that he wasn't on my side! Well, how he can be on my side when he was the one who initiated the relationship between me and Jacob. In the end it turned to be good one but still, all the good things come to an end, as Nelly Furtado sings.
"I know that Bella wanted Jacob for herself but I think she had quite understanding for him. Today, the girls like Bella are real rarity. I hope that Jacob will find his real soul mate and imprint her so he wouldn't be very heart-broken. We both know how much he loves Bella and how much she loves him but all the good things come to an end, don't they? In the end, they weren't meant for each other."-Billy finished, heaving a sigh.
'So we were never meant to be together, it was just way to fill Jacob's time until he found his soul mate and fulfill his wish to have me as well. Oh well, I can get over it. Eventually…'-I thought to myself.
'Dammit, I never knew how much I loved Jake till I've lost him. He was right by sayin' that I loved him but I didn't know that.'
Well, that's usual with Jake. He was almost always right when he said something.
Next day, I went to school without any will. Charlie did his best to comfort me before he had to go to work and left me alone in this empty house once again with his 'take cares' and 'good-byes'. The time crawled and crawled like water going upwards a hill. It seemed like eternity till the bell rang. Exiting the school building wasn't pleasant as usual. There wasn't that handsome and rugged russet-colored guy waiting for me by his motorcycle. His smile, oh God the smile I loved most was absent. It was empty. Alice danced by my side as soon as she exited the school building and pushed me toward their Jeep.
"Aren't we going to be bit confined in the car?"-I asked, clearly knowing that the Jeep was more than enough for the whole Cullen bunch plus me.
"Come on Bella, if you stand here he won't come."-Alice murmured in my ear.
She was right. Jacob was gone and he wasn't coming back. I shooed him off me. I've made my bed and now was time to sleep in it.
"You know that we broke up?"-I asked the physics.
Alice laughed her musical laughter, her eyes bright.
"Course I knew! I foresaw it almost a year ago."-Alice said her laughter spasming.
My face fell. She knew and she didn't tell me.
"And you're some kind of a friend."-I murmured under my breath.
"I heard you. And Bella, I think you should already know that I CAN'T tell you that kind of things."-she soothed and gently rubbed my arm.
"Hop in."-Edward said cheerfully.
Me and Edward…we've never been an item, just best of friends, although, sometimes we did look like a couple. But we had never been one and I liked it that way. Edward was nice guy and I hope that he'll find someone he'll love infinitely and his love will be reciprocated.
I tried to smile and hopped in the Jeep next to Edward. The look in his eyes was pained.
"What are you thinking?"-he asked in his velvet voice.
Edward was damn blind being unable to read my thoughts. He always wanted to and I put him in deep thought why he couldn't read me. I smirked before my answer came.
"I was thinking how blind made you to be unable to read my thoughts. It bothers you, doesn't it?"-I asked.
"Well…from time to time it does. Your persona is hard to decipher and if your face didn't gave out your emotions, you'd be without doubt, the most mysterious person. Luckily, you can't hide your emotions to be shown on your face as much you can hide your thoughts so for the biggest part of the time we're able to see what you think of."-Edward said with small smile.
We climbed out of the Jeep and went toward the Cullens' mansion. There, with the always warm smile and friendly expression, was Carlisle.
"It had been a while since you were here Bella."-he said as he walked me to the front door, his strong, marble arm around my shoulders. I tried to put small smile on my face as I entered the house.
"And nothing has changed while I wasn't here."-I said as I looked around the main room. Carlisle let me go and I looked through the window. The small river slowly moved through the green ferns surrounding the house.
Deeply in my thoughts, I didn't notice that Alice was by my side.
"IIIIII think that someone here is in serious need of change of the surroundings."-she quipped.
"Awww Alice, you're not dragging me to Port Angeles, are you? Please, just not that!"-I pled and took Alice's hands in mine.
"No, I don't think that the mall or Port Angeles for that matter is the solution for you."-she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
"So, what do you have on mind?"-I asked, taking a seat on the leather couch that was occupied by Jasper. Jasper…when I think of him I remember how he was shying away from me in fear that he might hurt me and now he was completely comfortable around me. I was glad about that because Jazz was great friend to have around and he really knew how to calm me, whether with his powers or his words and actions.
"Jazz, what happened about the trip we planned for the prolonged weekend?"-Alice asked, skipping gracefully to Jasper's side.
"Um…well Carlisle said that we would go if all of you wanted…"-Jasper stammered. Poor him, he was still shy around Alice. It's not like she didn't know how he felt. Hell, they were a couple and he was still shy around her. That was sort of cute. Jacob was never the shy one. He wanted something and he always found way to get it.
"Great!"-Alice clapped her hands together and smile lit her pale, delicate features and her dark ocher eyes shone with happiness.
"Bella, this place where we're going is amazing! As soon as you see it there will be no more love problems for you, believe me on that one."-Alice said with smile still lingering on her beautiful face.
"And where are we actually going?"-I asked cautiously.
"Canada."-Jasper said, leaving Alice no space to answer first.
Canada-the place I always wanted to visit and now I have the chance.
"I would gladly come but wouldn't be a problem for you to have one more person to take care for and especially if that person is human?"-I asked, saying the word human as kind of disease.
"Oh silly, sweet Bella! It was never problem for you to come with us! You're part of this family!"-Alice said and before I could register, she was hugging me tightly from behind and her chin rested on my shoulder.
"But what about Charlie?"-I asked without reason, knowing that this or that way, it'll be Alice's way if she set her mind on something.
"Don't worry about him, I'm sure that he'll be fine with that. In the end, he wants you to have normal life."-Alice murmured silkily.
"Not that we're normal but in his eyes, you live your life perfectly fine, with friends and a broken heart behind you. Don't worry about him."-she continued and then in second, she skipped at Jasper's side.
"So, shall we go?!"-Alice asked, offering me her arm.
"And where do we go?"-I asked once again.
"Will you for once in your life trust me?"-Alice asked, faking irritation and to add to the effect, made a real eye-roll.
"I dunno, I can't see the future. You're the one so you tell me."-I replied with small smile and accepted the offered arm. She heaved a sigh and the both of us went to my house.
"Dad!"-I called after Charlie.
"Hey honey."-he greeted me and gave me one armed hug while in his other one carried bowl of popcorns.
"Hey Alice! Long time of not being around!"-Charlie said to Alice.
"Hey Charlie!"-Alice greeted back and hurried to give him hug. I just had to smile as I saw the two of them. They were so adorable. My dad was fond of Alice and he loved her since the day one. Actually, he likes the whole Cullen clan.
"Came around for a visit?"-Charlie asked after Alice released him.
"Just to hang out a bit with Bella."-she replied cheerfully.
I started to climb the stairs and soon, Alice was by my side.
I was half-way to the next floor when it came to my mind.
"Hey dad, would you mind if I spend the weekend with the Cullens?"-I asked casually, trying to hide the wariness behind my words. I'm pretty sure that Charlie didn't pick it up.
"Why would I? You can go if they don't mind."-he replied and Alice gave me five.
"Alice? What does say to this? Is he OK"-Charlie asked, his attention focused to the TV-screen.
"Yea, sure he is. My dad loves Bella. We all love her. She's kinda part of the family."-Alice said in velvet voice.
"You sure he doesn't mind?"-Charlie asked once again.
"Sure as sure I can be Charlie."-Alice answered once again, keeping her voice still the same. I marveled at her ability to cover her emotions so damn well.
With that, I and Alice climbed to my room.
"So, start packing yourself."-Alice said happily and sat on the edge of my unmade bed.
"Ummm…what should I take with me?"- I murmured, tapping my index finger against my chin thoughtfully.
"Take something warm cuz Canada ain't the warmest place on the Earth. It's pretty chilly there."-Alice said as false shudder shook her delicate frame. I had to laugh at her acting ability. Damn, they were talented for everything. But they had time to learn at least a bit from everything in their existence and they will learn so much more in their future. I wish I was one of them- beautiful, smart and skilled, not this clumsy and awkward girl. I knew that this would make me sad and I wanted that the least so, pushing those thoughts aside I went to the job at hand.
I started diggin' in my closet only to find out that I had nothing warm to wear. Actually, Arizona wasn't the coldest place on the Earth so why to hell I needed hiking boots and winter, fur coat while I was there. Here, in Forks, all you needed was good raincoat and nice waterproof shoes. So, in the very beginning, I faced with a problem.
"I have nothing warm to wear Ali. Arizona isn't actually very cold."-I said in sad voice.
"New task for me!"-Alice sang happily and grabbed my hand.
"While I took everything in, we were speeding toward Port Angeles.
"Oh no Alice, you're not doing this again! You won't spend more money on me! I ain't worth it dammit!"-I all but yelled.
"Of course you are, Bella. You're my sister, part of the Cullens clan and most important- you know our secret and that, technically makes you Cullen. And of course I will spend more money on you! What, should I let you freeze your ass in Canada? No way in hell! What would Charlie say then?"-Alice asked with mock expression on her face.
I sighed and made a face. What could I do about Alice? That's what she is- bubbly and all that. And I still loved her.
Giving up, I sighed and folded my arms in my lap. Sighing, I thought of the fortune I had. I had a father who loved me unconditionally and weird mother that loved me on her own way. Then here were the Cullens. The strange family that turned out to be my shelter whenever I needed one. I liked them. They were generous and nice toward me. Edward was totally right when he said that from their past lives, Carlisle brought his compassion and Esme her ability to love passionately. Never in my whole life have I met people like them. I loved my second family. And then here were Jacob and Billy. In their own way, they had big role in my life. I love Billy, he's wise man and strict paternal figure and Jacob, a friend of mine since my childhood. Yea, we spent two years as a couple and I love the time spent with him but as the time since we separated passes I figure out that we weren't meant for each other, at least not like couple, as Billy had said the day we broke up.
Alice's tugging on my arm woke me up form my trance-like state. We were already in front of the most expensive boutique in Port Angeles. We entered the place and the familiar neon lights blinded Alice.
"God, I can't stand the neon lights."-she whined.
"Well, that's the sentence for you for bringing me here against my own will."-I replied playfully. Alice glared at me and then pouted. I found her expression and her acting hilarious and as result, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. She placed her hands on her hips and frowned at me with a 'humph'.
"What do you find so funny Isabella Marie?"-she asked. Her use of my full name combined with the pose she was in sent me into one more set of giggles.
"Insane."-she muttered. I giggled and finally managed to control my laughter.
"Are you done making fun of me?"-she asked, her finger tapping her chin and her high-heeled shoe tapping impatiently.
"Yup."-I said and giggled once again.
"Then let's go."-she said and dragged my arm forcefully. I tried to catch up with her and finally managed to do so when she stopped to look for a winter coat. Knowing Alice, I knew that she was going for the branded and most expensive clothes. She showed me one completely adorable light blue leather jacket. I fell in love with that immediately and we gotta buy it. Then we bought black leather gloves and new hiking leather boots. I was completely content with my new outfit.
"Umm, Bella…I think that you're in serious need of some nice undies. I think that those blood-red satin ones will do the job."-Alice said in knowing tone.
"Alice!"-I hissed, "I don't need anything like that!"- I said, pointing to the nice and very, very sexy undies Alice held. I gotta admit, I found it very nice and I wanted to own one pair of them.
"And this looks very good. It makes you eyes to stand out."-Alice exclaimed, holding greenish camisole and the same colored boy shorts.
"Umm, Alice…what would Dr Cullen say when he sees the bill and what we actually bought?"-I asked cautiously. I didn't want Dr Cullen seeing what kind of clothes I bought.
"Bella, I think that he won't be in the mood for checking his accounts."-Alice said calmly but I knew her better than that. I knew that something bigger was behind her words.
"What's going on Ali? Is he alright?"- I asked.
"Umm…he and Esme split up."-she blurted in one breath.
"Who…wha-what? When?!"- I hurriedly asked.
"Hold on Bella, everything one by one. They…they decided that the spark between them was dead. After all, they lasted almost whole century."-Alice explained calmly while her hands were felling the texture of yet another camisole.
"When that happened?"-I asked in low, soft voice.
"Few weeks ago. I think that this will suit you."- Alice replied, holding beautiful purple and black corset. I snatched it from her angrily and my eyes filled with fury.
"FEW WEEKS! Few weeks, Alice and you didn't tell me a word. How…how you can be so damn cold-hearted? Your parents split up, you didn't tell me and plus, you act like nothing happened."-I all but yelled in rage.
"I AM cold hearted Bella, I think you already knew that."-Alice said mockingly.
"You know what I'm talking about."- I hissed.
"Calm down. Of course I know what you are talking about. But what could I do about that Bells? They did what they decided and we could do nothing about that. After they told us, Esme left and said nothing where she left. She told us that one day, she will tell us…eventually."-Alice said with sigh.
Suddenly, I felt really bad about Carlisle. I knew how much love he and Esme shared and now she was gone. I couldn't image how hard this was for Carlisle.
"Heyyy Bells, wake up!"-Alice waved her hand n front of me. When she woke me up, I realized how long I was thinking about Carlisle. Why to hell did I think about him so much?
"Gosh, let's go and pack you up."-Alice said with an eye roll. I smiled sadly and followed her.
While we were driving toward Cullens' mansion, my thoughts were drawn toward Carlisle. He and Esme…their love was one of a kind, love from epic proportions and now…nada. They just split up. It was clearly even from the Moon that they loved each other. But if 'the sparkle was dead', maybe the split up was for good. This reminded me of me and Jake. Now, since some time passed, I figured that the spark between us was dead as well and now look at me, I managed to move on. Sure, it was hard but it isn't impossible. I wanted Carlisle to get over that painful phase of his life as soon as possible and move on. He was good man, good person and he didn't deserve any of the pain he's been through and the one he's currently going through.
Caught up in my thoughts, I haven't noticed that we were already in the garage of the house. The rain pounded on the roof and the walls of the house and it made terrible echo in the garage. Carefully to not scratch Emmett's "baby", I exited Alice's "baby". The thought of Alice and Emmett and their protectiveness of their four-wheeled "babies" and pets put smile on my face. Emmett loved his monstrous Jeep more than everything in this world. The expression on his face when Rose told him that his "sweetheart" was broken beyond repair was priceless but what was more priceless was his look when Rose told him that she was just kidding and when he ran to see that his "big girl" was alright. The way he caressed "her" hood, windows, the leather interior and the steering wheel was so damn hilarious! And Alice was so in love with her yellow Porsche 911 Turbo. There's no way to not love those. They just know how to make my day. Smiling, I skipped after Alice, careful to not trip over something, probably my own feet.
The house was empty.
"Are we the only ones here Ali?"-I asked.
"What, you scared o'me?"-she asked mockingly and I laughed.
"Of course not Alice, I'm just asking."
"No, Carlisle is upstairs. He hasn't exited his study since God knows when."-Alice said with a laugh and dragged me behind her toward her room.
We started emptying the shopping bags and when I wanted to pull the price tag of the green camisole, I cut my finger on the iron edge of the tag and the red liquid slid on the outer side of my palm and on the inside of it.
"Shit!"-I cursed under my breath. Great, only I have this great luck to get cut twice on the same place from some blunt object! I heard Alice's sharp intake of breath and then, she spoke in shaky voice.
"Bells, I gotta call Carlisle. I haven't eaten, well drank in almost a week and half and even this cut is too much for me to take. Sorry."-she finished in small voice.
"Eleven."-I murmured.
"Eleven what?"-she asked.
"You haven't eaten eleven days and you know you should have left with the rest of the family on hunting."-I murmured.
"I'm callin' Carlisle and I'm outta here, Bella."-she murmured silkily.
"No! Wait! I gotta pull something on!"-I shouted. But it was too late. Carlisle was already on the doorstep and Alice was out of the window.
"Uh…I heard you girls talking loudly and then Alice called me…what was going on?"-Carlisle asked with bit of stuttering around the words and his gaze was hammered to the floor. Was he ashamed of my state of undress?
"Um…nothing big, just cut on my finger. You know, usual clumsy me."-I said, blushing furiously. Why to hell I wasn't able to move my damn feet and pick up something to put on?
"You cut yourself? Let me see it!"-Carlisle said in a rush and lifted his gaze from the floor. The moment his eyes met mine, I stopped breathing. His eyes were darkened to point of pitch black. I took deep breath and tried to calm myself and not faint. Carlisle took few tentative steps in my direction. His eyes remained locked on mine.
When he finally reached me, he wrapped one strong, marble arm around my waist, supporting me. When his cold hand made contact with my over heated skin, I sucked breath like I was underwater for 10 minutes. The same thing happened to Carlisle as well. I heard his suck of breath the moment he wrapped an arm around me. His hand was on the small of my back and the other one took my cut hand in his to examine it. His marble-like hand cradled mine and took closer look form any angle of the wound. Carlisle handled my hand as it was the most delicate instrument.
"Are you alright Bella? Do you need to sit down?"-he asked, motioning to the bed behind me.
"Oh, that would be good idea."-I said, the blush still lingering on my cheeks.
I turned around to walk toward the bed and I felt Carlisle's gaze on my legs and backside. Sure, warm or cold-blooded, he was still very much a man and every man, no matter what kind of it, got at least bit turned on by the image of red satin clad ass and pale legs adorned with six-inch black stilettos. I kinda liked that Carlisle was watching me and saw me more than the clumsy thing I was in the real life. It was privilege and a praise to be checked out by God like him.
Gracefully as I could, I sat on the bed and quickly, Carlisle was by my side. He took my injured hand in his once again and examined the wound.
"Nothing serious, really. Just something that happens to me on regular basis. (Just regular (ordinary) thing in my life) At least, you know me and my medical record."- I said with a nervous laugh. Carlisle laughed with me. God, the best music ever- Carlisle's musical laugh, his soft, velvety voice…The same voice I daydreamed of right now shook me off my reverie.
"Nothing serious, just like you said Bella. We're just going to clean your hand and the wound and then one plaster will do the job."-Carlisle said with dazzling smile and left me, probably going to take some alcohol and plaster from his study. Since when did my name started sounding so damn sexy? I thought to myself. I loved the way he said it, so gently and seductively. 'Bella, Bella…'-he made it sound like it was the best song ever.
While I was in my dream-land, Carlisle had returned and already worked on my hand. I found his cold touch so soothing, the burning ache in the cut disappearing instantly. But as result of that, another ache started building in the pit of my stomach. At least that was familiar feeling. The feeling of my arousal building. No way! That thought caught me totally off guard. God, what if Carlisle smelt me already? What he would think of me then? But, luckily, he acted like nothing was going on.
"There you go, Bells. You're all done!"-he said with smile and placed the bloodied gauzes in some alcohol to burn the smell of my blood.
After he finished packing his med-bag, Carlisle sat next to me, not leaving as I expected him to do. He dropped his gaze on the thick creamy carpet under the bed and nervously tapped his left foot. I've never see Dr Cullen nervous. What was going on now? Well, yea I knew he split up with Esme but I didn't expect him to show how crushed he actually was in front of the rest of the world. He was usually calm and collected and now, like totally new man was beside me. A man that left his public, formal face in front of the door when he came in and now was the stripped of walls guarding all of his emotions.
"What's going on Carlisle? Something's wrong?"-I asked cautiously, unconsciously moving closer him. I played nervously with my fingers, my gaze locked on the carpet as well, waiting for his answer.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want."-I hurried to say, scolding my curiosity, even beside the fact I knew that upset Carlisle.
"No, no. I DO want to answer your question Bella. It had been way too long since I've talked with someone."-he said with sigh.
"But you talk with people every day."-I said sheepishly.
"Well I do, but that's not the same. Not all of them are my family."-he said and looked me in the eyes. Smile graced his handsome features and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him passionately right then and there! Instead of that, I smiled back and took one of his hands in mine. With my thoughts far away, I gently rubbed the outer side oh his smooth hand and drew some abstract patterns on it. Carlisle sighed and placed his other hand on top of mine. I looked up and met his darkened gaze.
"I consider you part of my family Bella and some things are better to be left to talk about only with those people."-he said with another small smile. God, I fell in love with those smiles that lit Carlisle's face and made it thousands and thousands handsomer, if that was possible.
"So, what bothers you? Still in pain over Esme?'- I asked, my eyes locked on his.
A bolt of pain shot through Carlisle's eyes and then I knew I struck a nerve and might cross the line. Maybe he wasn't ready to open up on that topic in front of me.
"Actually…"-he said with sigh and straightened his back, but still not letting our hands,"…it's something completely different from that. See Bella, I don't feel the pain of the divorce, I don't feel empty. I thought that's how I ought to feel after Esme left. After all, we were a couple over 100-150 years and now…like it was yesterday and it left no traces on me. Not at all. I didn't have the sleepless nights problem of course, we don't sleep but also the problem of conscience wasn't where it was supposed to be. I didn't feel guilty or anything like that for the divorce. And I don't feel alright about that. I know that I'm supposed to suffer at least a bit. But I don't. Is there a way that my already dead heart was lost completely, the last bits of my humanity were lost? Is it normal to get over it so damn fast?"
I haven't seen this edition of Carlisle yet. Not even close. He was all exposed and vulnerable with his feelings and thoughts to me, like I could help him.
The least I could do for him was to squeeze his arm and give him some support. After my brain processed everything he told me, I finally find something to reply.
"So, do I get it right? You feel guilty because you don't feel guilty, right?"-I asked amazed. Carlisle just gave me a silent nod as response and kept his gaze fixed on our intertwined hands. I heaved a sigh and continued.
"But why? You told that the sparkle of passion and love was dead anyway and you just set you and Esme free to search your real soul mate. That's not reason to make you feel guilty. Carlisle, you both did yourselves favor by divorcing. I know it sounds mean but that's right. And that's the reason why you don't feel guilty about the divorce-it was something that was long hovering over your heads and deep down, you knew that you had to end it, sooner or later. Better sooner than latter, I'd say. That way both of you won't feel it very bad. You no more felt anything for Esme to keep her and well, it's obvious that the feeling was mutual, so the decision was mutual as well. It doesn't hurt you because there was NOTHING to hurt you. No love…nada, only friendship. Well, that's one thing that you might be sad if you lost it but friends can be made once again but according to me, once love is dead, it can't be resurrected. Maybe I repeated myself over and over again till I got to my point but that's I all I have to say as reply to you. And don't feel guilty for nothing, live your life, go and find someone." Find me!-I thought to myself.
"I have someone in mind but I don't know what her reaction might be."-he said with sigh and looked me bit shyly in my eyes. I smiled softly and slipped one of my hands to caress his cheek. He leaned into my touch and his cold, sweet breath on the inside of my wrist sent shivers through my body. He kissed the heel of my hand gently and then stared into my eyes. They held some strange emotion behind their slightly brighter color.
"You're very smart girl Bella. And very beautiful one too. I know that you don't see yourself as one but I think that for once, you should let yourself to be seen through the eyes of the rest of the world."-Carlisle said gently and placed a strand of brown hair behind my ear. His smooth hand brushed my cheek and lingered there a bit, gently stroking and with that, unconsciously stroking the fire in my body.
"How? How to see myself through another eyes Carlisle?"-I asked, the blush of his previous compliments subsiding a bit.
"Let me show you."-he said passionately and leaned toward me.