Ok, this is my first fanfic in a long time and my first CM story. This takes place somewhere in season 9. Derek is killed on the job and Penelope is left to deal with the aftermath of his death.
Will she be strong enough or will she give into temptation?
Sadly, I do not own CM or else Zugzwang would have ended much differently.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy and please give helpful criticism. :)
Opening the door of the apartment, Derek Morgan looked inside before him and the UnSub's therapist slowly entered.
The man inside had taken a young girl, Tiffany Anderson, as a hostage and had threatened to kill her unless he got to talk to one of the FBI agents.
Normally, Morgan would not put himself in a situation like this. In a small area with an UnSub who had a gun, with himself unarmed. But it appeared to be the only way that the UnSub would negotiate with the FBI.
And Reid had been the only other agent at the scene. And like hell Morgan would have let that kid come in here unarmed.
"Be very careful. He stopped taking his meds two months ago." The therapist said as they edged their way around the corner.
Seeing the UnSub standing there, Morgan put his arms up to demonstrate that he came unarmed and willing to talk. "Mr. Cooper, I am Agent Morgan from the FBI. I understand that you have some demands." He shuffled his way forward to the couple. "Now, if you let Tiffany go, I will make sure that your they are met."
"Yeah right. As soon as you let me go you will cuff me and take me away." Justin Cooper pressed the barrel of the gun tighter to Tiffany's head. "I don't want to go away, I can't go back."
"I didn't bring my cuffs, here look." Morgan turned slowly around to show that his cuffs were not with him.
It happened in a flash, one moment Justin gave a nod, the next, Morgan felt something slice through his flesh and a rush of blood down his chest. Grabbing his neck, he tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. But had no luck; the blood poured through his fingers.
As his vision blurred he saw Reid and Hotch rush in and dispatch Justin and the therapist. Morgan thought he felt fabric pressed over his neck. He wasn't sure. Everything had begun fading into a cold darkness.
In Quantico, Penelope Garcia sat at her computer desk, glaring at her phone, waiting for news. Just a few moments ago she discovered a link between Justin and his therapist, Samuel Smith, and had called Reid with the new information.
By the change in the young man's voice she knew something had gone wrong, or was about to. Inside she prayed for the safety of her team.
Every time they went out, she worried. They were the most brave, selfless, and heroic people she had ever known. And she knew that they would always put themselves in danger, even if they shouldn't, for the sake of others. That is what made them good at what they did.
One day, despite their bravery and skills, one of them would get themselves hurt. She knew it.
Her phone rang and she lunged at it. "Hi. This better be good Reid."
Silence burst through from the other side.
"Reid? Spencer? Talk to me." Her voice began to lace itself with panic. Silence had proven to be bad, very bad.
"We... we lost..." She could hear Reid's voice breaking as he struggled with the words.
"Who did you lose? Tiffany?" Penelope's heart froze in her chest.
"...No... Morgan. We lost him."
Sharply, she inhaled. "Does he have his cell phone? Give me a sec and I will track him down. Ok?"
"Garcia... he's..." Penelope could hear Hotch's voice in the background and some fumbling.
Then Hotch's guff voice came, she guessed Hotch took the phone from a struggling Reid to do what the kid couldn't.
"Garcia. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but Agent Morgan was killed today in the line of duty. Now, I need you to- Garcia? Garcia!"
Her office and Reid's phone echoed with an animalistic wail as Penelope pulled out her ear piece and collapsed on the floor. In that moment she felt as if she would drown in her tears.
That night David walked into the BAU.
Everyone else had gone to their homes... there was no use filling out paperwork after what happened. None of them were in their right minds to do anything.
No one had heard from Penelope since... since before... Her phone remained unanswered and since it had been a Saturday, no one but Penelope would be in.
David had volunteered to be the one to check up on her. It was that damn parental instinct that pushed him to come here rather than go home and self medicate.
Walking into her office he saw her form laying on the ground, curled up in the fetal position. David knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder.
Penelope turned her tear stained eyes towards David. "He's gone..."
"I know, kitten, I know." He scooped her up in his arms and held her tight as she sobbed into his chest. As he felt her body retching with sorrow he allowed himself to cry too, shedding the tears that had been at bay for the better part of the afternoon.
The morning after Penelope woke up to the sunshine streaming through a window. Stirring she rolled over to hug the body next to her. As she felt the emptiness beside her the events of the past day came flooding back to her.
He would never be with with her again.
Looking around Penelope realized that she was in David's house. He must have taken her to his place last night... she couldn't remember anything except burring her heard into his chest and sobbing.
Curling up, she hugged the pillow next to her and allowed the grief to wash over her once more. Sobbing until the pillow had been drenched with her tears and until she felt the familiar bile rise in her throat.
She forced herself out of bed and rushed to the ensuite bathroom, and began to expel whatever contents were in her stomach. Midway through she felt someone gently grabbing her hair and holding it back, and rubbing her back with a soft hand.
After she was finished Penelope sat on the floor and leaned back against the cold tile of the bathroom wall. "Thanks" She croaked.
"No problem." He reached over and flushed the toilet. "Do you want to come downstairs and have a cup of tea with me? I have a lovely ginger one that I know you will love."
She dried her tears. "No."
"I insist. I'll even bring it up here for you. Please?"
Sighing she caved.
In the kitchen David put the tea balls in the hot water and added a spoonful of honey in Penelope's for her throat, picking up the mugs, he came back upstairs and placed them beside Penelope's bed.
David walked over to the window and fully drew the curtains back and pushed open the window, letting the light and fresh morning air into the room.
Pulling up a chair next to the bed, he sat down and crossed his legs.
"Thanks."
"No problem. So, how are you feeling?" David asked her before taking a sip of his tea.
"Like shit. You?"
"Not too well."
They both sat in silence for the next hour, nursing their tea. Listening to the birds chirping outside. It was David who first broke the stillness. "So, do you want something to eat? Some toast?"
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."
David looked at her, his eyes dark with concern. "You should eat something, if not for you at least for the baby."
Penelope's red eyes shot up. "How did you know?"
"Kitten, I've seen you running to the bathroom every couple of hours at work and I saw the change in your mood and behaviour over the past couple of weeks. I'm a profiler, my job is to watch people and know what is going on."
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Was it Morgan's?"
She looked down and nodded. "Of course."
"Did he know?"
Penelope looked out the window at the view of the river. "No... I was going to tell him yesterday but... I never got the chance to..." Once again, the tears began to flow. Pulling her legs up she clung to them as the familiar sobs racked her body.
David got up and went over to her, sat by her side, and rapped her in his arms, holding her tight to his chest. "Shh... let it out Kitten, just let it out."
The next day Aaron Hotchner stopped by David's to check up on him and Penelope. Even though Aaron himself was grieving he still had the duty of shouldering his own sorrow so he could take care of his team.
"So, how is she?" Aaron asked as they walked into the kitchen.
"Not good. All she does is either stare out into space or cry. Do you want a coffee?"
Aaron took a seat at the counter and rung his hands through one another. "Sure, It is no surprise, her and Morgan were exceptionally close... Where is she now?"
"Upstairs. She hasn't stepped foot out of her room since I brought her home. Refuses to go anywhere." David took a two blue mugs out of a cupboard and poured some coffee into them. "What do you want in your coffee?"
"Just black please. Do you think I could go and talk to her?"
David put Aaron's coffee in front of him and took the seat next to his boss. "You can try, though I doubt you will have much luck."
He stared into the dark liquid in his cup. "She's pregnant, you know."
Aaron took a sip of his drink and savoured the flavour for a minute. "I thought so, has she told you whose it is yet?"
"Do you really need to ask whose baby it is?"
"True." The younger man toyed with the mug's handle. "David, how could I have let this happen? ... I should have been there, I never should have let Morgan go in there unarmed."
"There is no way you could have known... there is no way any of us could have... Samuel blindsided us." In an uncharacteristic show of affection David put a hand on Aaron's and squeezed it tight. "It is not your fault."
"We both know that is not true." Aaron could feel the tears stinging in his eyes, he blinked them back as he ran a hand through his hair. "I am the team's leader, it is my job to take care of everyone and if someone does not make it home, it is my fault."
"If you were there, do you honestly think you could have held him back?" David asked.
"No. But I could have given him my ankle holster... I should have done something" He sighed roughly, the grief catching in his throat. "If it is alright with you David I'm going to go and see her."
Aaron walked into the dark room, the curtains were once again closed and the only light in the room were the shards that escaped the fabric. Squinting he made out Penelope's form on the bed, curled up and hugging a pillow.
Finding a spot next to her he sat down.
"Penelope?"
When she turned to face him her appearance shook him. She was not the Penelope he had come to know, and love, as a friend. She looked more like an empty shell.
"Hi, Sir."
"No Sir today, call me Aaron. How are you feeling?"
"Like I told David, I feel like shit." She sat up and drew her legs next to her body. "Actually, I feel nothing. No pain, no happiness, no hope, no fear... Nothing. Just an all consuming emptiness."
Aaron put an arm around her and pulled her close. He felt her stiffen at his unfamiliar touch but soon she relaxed. "I know how you feel..."
"Is this how you felt when Haley was killed?"
"Yes. When I heard that gun shot... I felt as if my life ended with hers. But I promised her that I would take care of Jack... so, I needed to carry on. If it wasn't for my son... I probably would never have recovered.
Children can do that you know? They can help heal wounds and give you a reason to carry on through the worst of times."
Penelope grunted. "I take it David told you."
"Yes. But I had my suspicions..."
She turned her eyes up to him. "Was it that obvious?"
He smiled and rubbed her shoulder. "Penelope, you work with people whose job is to study human behaviour. There isn't much you could get past us."
"Do you think he knew?" Penelope asked as she stared off into space, the tears still flowing freely.
"If you were any other person he probably would have. Though, when it came to you... he was less perceptive than he normally is... was.
But I can tell you that he seemed... different the past week. Happier, less stressed."
Aaron pulled back her hair and kissed the top of her forehead. "Listen Penelope, I know it may not seem like it now but things will get better. Just hold on. One day you will think of him and only feel the love that you two shared, and not this all consuming sorrow."
She buried her head in his shoulder. Hearing his words but finding them... unbelievable.