For all of those who remember me…I'm BACK! I know you all remember my first halo fic: "Know Your Stars Halo Style!". A lot of you guys loved it! Since I could never finish it (and I know you all wanted to see how it ended), I decided to make a crazy-arse sequel! Also, in this first chapter, it'll flashback and you'll read how it would've ended. Exciting, yes? Now prepare for an all-new (and totally insane) adventure with me and the Halo cast in…Halo: SURVIVOR!

Oh yeah, and I don't own Halo either. (Did you ever once think I did?)

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Yomiko drove the small aircraft onward, chuckling to herself once in awhile for no apparent reason. Well, maybe there was a reason. Perhaps she was thinking about cute 'n cuddily woodland animals bursting into flames, or a giant talking giraffe that molested kids (coughcoughGEOFFREYTHETOYSRUSGIRAFFEcoughcough). Or maybe by chance, she was thinking about the fact that she had successfully drugged, tied-up, and kidnapped the cast of Halo. Yomiko looked in her rear-view mirror, with fluffy pimp dice hanging down, and checked to make sure everyone was still tied up and asleep. Hell, Yomiko even managed to somehow drug and tie up Cortana! How is that freaking possible? She moved her gaze away from the mirror and stared back out the windshield, discovering that she had hit many birds. After activating the windshield wipers, she began talking to herself again.

"Those damn producers…it's THEIR fault that I have to do this! I'll show them what happens when you cancel my show! Hell, I'm double pissed cause I couldn't get in my Fanfiction dot net account, and I friggin had to make a new one! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL! MWAHAHAHA!"

The disturbing laughter made one of the hostages, Tartarus, stir slightly in his sleep.

"Mmmm…dancing lollipops…"

Then, like magic, he fell back into unconsciousness.

Yomiko continued ranting. "I still remember it like it was three hours ago…wait, it was…"

Flashback…(of spooky doom!)

The participants of Know Your Stars gathered in the lobby, including the ones who either died or exploded (I dunno, Yomiko used some freaky voodoo magic to bring them back). They all were waiting for Master Chief to arrive, since it was his turn to get tortured!

"Damn it, where the hell is he? It's been like…five minutes or something!" Complained Mercy in his old geezer voice.

"Yeah, it's his turn…" Said Cortana. She had transformed back from a human stripper, and she was about to kill something after the horror she faced.

Flashback within a flashback…O.O;;

"Cortana…she's part sponge, part hippo, and part ravioli." Said Random Voice Dude, stating one of his obvious lies. Cortana rolled her holographic eyes. "Yeah, I sure am."

That took RVD off guard. "Uhh…Cortana, she MOLESTED Michael Jackson!"

"Yup."

"WHY ARE YOU AGREEING WITH ME?"

"Because I know if I agree with you, it will defeat the whole purpose of you trying to agitate me. I can't be beaten!"

"OH YEAH? Well, Ms. Smarty Pants, I know something you can't possibly agree with!"

"Bring it on."

"Teehee…Cortana, she wants to transform into a human stripper and do it with Gravemind!"

At that, Cortana wanted to throw up. "No! I must stick to the plan!" She thought. "I mean, it's not like it can happen, right?"

"Umm…yeah, I want to."

Evil laughter came out of the speakers.

"Your wish is my command, Holo-whore."

All of a sudden, in a poof of magic faerie dust (most likely cocaine) Cortana was now tall and blonde, clad only in a playboy bunny outfit. And, in an instant, all the geeky fanboys in the universe became turned on.

"No…no way…" Cortana mumbled, after hearing slithering sounds coming from outside the door. "No way in hell…"

But all of a sudden, a tentacle swooped in and dragged Cortana off the set.

End flashback within flashback…-.-

"I WILL get revenge on Random Voice Dude!" Cortana seethed. "I lost my cyber virginity!"

Not wanting to hear the rest of Cortana's rape story, Miranda quickly interrupted.

"Yeah, I want revenge too, damnit! That bastard made fun of my mommy…whom has been highly speculated to be Dr. Halsey…" Miranda trailed off.

"Wasn't there also something about your diary? Didn't it have, like, entries about Tartarus and his ass?" Arbiter blurted out, making Miranda anime fall.

"WHAT? I wasn't informed of this!" Tartarus yelled, slightly aggravated, slightly aroused.

Suddenly, Yomiko burst in.

"Uh, sorry guys. We weren't able to find Master Chief…" But before she could finish, the intercom cracked with static, and RVD's voice came on.

"You fools! You'll never find him! NEVEEEER!" He said, then cackled maniacally.

"Wait a sec…he you guys, follow me." Yomiko said to the cast, and they traveled up the stairway to the soundbooth.

Opening the door, they discovered Master Chief in the chair!

"Ah, fuckberries." He cursed.

The whole cast stood aghast (except for Guilty Spark, cuz he floats). Then, they all turned to Yomiko.

"YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?" They all screamed.

She held her hands up innocently. "No, I swear! I never knew who Random Voice Dude was, I wasn't even casting his part!"

"Then who did?"

'The evil monkey in the closet that points at people."

"Oh."

Then, they all turned back to Chief, with anger, confusion, and weirdness lying in their…EYES.

But, he'd get out if this one way or another. "Well, uh, you see…"

"KICK HIS ASS!" Yelled Johnson, and everyone was about to kill him, until the FBI, network producers, Jason Jones and Joseph Staton from Bungie Studios burst into the building.

"HOLD EVERYTHING!" Agent Snott yelled. And the pissed off Halo cast instantly stopped their murderous rampage.

"Yomiko the Hellbunny Slayer, we regret to inform you that your show has been canceled." A random producer guy said, with absolutely no remorse in his voice. In fact, he sounded relieved! That bastard.

"Yeah, and we need the characters back for Halo 3." Jason stated.

"NEVER!" Yomiko screamed unnecessarily, since they were all standing right there. Using more voodoo magic, she tied up and drugged everyone in two seconds and teleported herself and the cast onto a small jet that was conveniently outside the studio. And, guess what? IT FLEW OFF! Didn't see that coming, did ya?

Agent Snott turned to the rest of his FBI guys. "All right, LET'S GO CHECK MEXICO FOR NO REASON!" And they left in a flash (just like when pedophiles leave the movie theater after discovering that "Bunny Bunny Hop Hop" is actually an X-rated movie and there wouldn't be any kids to molest. Ok, that was random.).

The producers just shrugged their shoulders and started smoking pot. But, Jason and Joseph were still in disbelief of what had transpired.

"Well, we're pretty screwed." Jason said.

"Not quite yet! I've got a secret weapon…" Joe said, then pressed a button on his sleeve. Then, the magic school bus appeared in the room.

"What…the…futch?"

"Just get on, Jason. That weird girl can't have gotten too far."

So, they boarded the bus, and flew off.

End flashback… (Finally!)

Yomiko shrugged. These next few weeks would be really crazy…

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To be continued!