I fell madly for Rufus and Lily 'back in the day' and was so cross by their outcome that I never watched Gossip Girl again or did any further fan related activity for the two of them. Anyway...a 'few' *ahem* years have passed and I decided to rewatch the mighty GG, and of course...I fell madly back in love with Lily and Rufus. This fanfic takes place during Season 2, Episode 13 and will continue onto the subsequent episodes. It tracks the full story of the adoption, (as I have it in my mind) with a heck of a lot of flashbacks included so that I could tell a 'rounded' story. I know that I am very late to the party, but for anyone still out there, fanning the Rufly flames I hope you enjoy.
Characters do not belong to me.
So...cast your minds back to Season 2...
As Cece shut the door behind her, Rufus sank down into a chair, fighting the rising nausea he felt. The lyrics to his damm song about Lily circled around in his head. He'd always meant them metaphorically but now they took on a completely different meaning.
"She ran away, with a piece of me inside of her."
Cece was sketchy on the details which only angered him further. He wanted to know everything, every single detail of the child he never knew he had.
Was it a boy or girl? What colour eyes did they have? What were they like when they entered the world? Squirmy and loud like Jenny or quiet and wide eyed like Dan? How did Lily cope with being pregnant? He knew vague bits and pieces from when she was pregnant with Serena and Eric, but they were William's children, not his. He'd be lying if he said he'd never imagined it…him playing guitar and old Lincoln Hawk songs to her swollen belly, the two of them arguing over dressing the baby in tiny baby rock inspired onesies and t-shirts compared to baby couture.
The mental image of that engulfed his mind and, unable to control the nausea anymore he ran to the bathroom and vomited. Wiping the hair stuck to his forehead he took some deep breaths and tried to calm down.
"Miss Lily?"
Lily ignored the maid's knock, sweeping her damp bangs out of her eyes and trying to control the churning that had decided to take up residence in her stomach. The maid knocked again.
"Miss Lily, is all okay? Your mother wants you downstairs now!"
Lily sighed heavily.
"Yeah…..everything's fine…I'll be down in a minute."
She heard the maid walk away and let herself slump down against the toilet. Heartbreak had never done this to her before. Although, she reasoned, fucking a boy and not hearing from him again didn't really count as 'heartbreak'
Was this proper heartbreak? She wondered to herself. Is this how much love is supposed to hurt? Wasn't it enough that Rufus left a few days ago, leaving her heart empty and her mind utterly confused, that to add to her misery her stomach decides to betray her too?
Well, she thought, if heartbreak felt like this, like utter failure, I'll never let anyone do this to me again. Fucking shouldn't lead to feelings. But even sleeping with Rufus was completely different to the usual experiences that she'd shared with her favourite 'boys in bands' He made it special every time, and none of it felt forced. He made her feel like she had never done before. Free….alive.
Forcing herself up she adjusted her hair and her clothing, frowning slightly when she realised that her Gucci jacked didn't quite button up properly around her middle. Must be all that beer with Rufus and the band, she thought. She let out a deep sigh, feeling miserable. Shopping with Cece followed by a luncheon was the very last thing she felt like doing right now. Hearing from Rufus, as much as she hated him for making her feel this way was the only thing that she felt like doing. She'd called a few of his friends, but they all seemed to be on lockdown, and gave her no information.
"Li-ly!" That was Cece, sounding impatient. "We need to leave now!"
Lily quickly unlocks the bathroom door and makes her way downstairs. Cece, seeing her daughter for the first time this morning gives her the once over.
"Darling, button your jacket please."
Lily blushed slightly and looked down, not daring to tell her mother that it didn't seem to fit at the moment.
Plastering on a fake smile she looked back up.
"This is the new trend Mom, not my fault you don't know that."
Rufus hauled himself off his bathroom floor and managed to make it back to his chair to gulp down some water. Glancing at his watch he realised that he had half an hour until he was supposed to meet Lily at Grand Central. The same emotions kept flashing around his mind, anger, betrayal, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and utter confusion. Whose choice was this? He wanted desperately to believe that Lily hadn't made this decision on her own, and judging by Cece's demeanour earlier, coupled with the historical knowledge of her ultimatums made him believe that whatever Lily had wanted to do hadn't been taken into any kind of consideration. He wanted to go to Lily more then anything, wanted to shout and berate her for this twenty year long lie but deep down he know that wouldn't get him very far. He knew that she wouldn't deny it, but clam up with the confrontation and that wouldn't get him any answers in the timeframe that he needed. No, for some more answers, he knew he would have to go back to the source.