Akatsuki-Food Poisoning
or
That's What Friends Do
Summary:Even S-ranked criminals like the Akatsuki have moments where they help a friend in need, so when Kakuzu has a senior moment and gives some of the members food poisoning by serving them spoiled food, both Tobi and Itachi take the time to take care of and bond with their partners.
I kind of got some of the inspiration from a really bad cold/flu .
This fanfic is not for the faint of heart, for it contains cussing of the highest calibar, nudity, sick scenes (barffing or throwing up), small bit of romance (Pein/Konan), and maybe a small mention of blood as well as a brotherly fluff in it. The only pairing I'm hinting in this fanfic is Pein/Konan and some Hidan/Konan hinting so for all those who want to take my brotherly hinting of Itachi/Kisame, Tobi/Deidara, and Kakuzu/Hidan to the extreme, do as you wish or go read someone else's fanfic, ok.
I also do not own Naruto and if I did most of the Akatsuki members won't be dead and some of the members would be females and not mostly males. The stuff coming out of Hidan's mouth won't be censered and he/she would be a God follower instead of a Jashin follower not to mention be trying to send Kakuzu to a nursing home, Deidara would be a woman and wouldn't yell at Tobi so much, Itachi would admit that Kisame's his best friend and his little brother is a gay emo, Orochimaru would admit that he's the Micheal Jackson of anime and would be in love with Medusa, Tobi wouldn't betray the Akatsuki and join Itachi's gay emo brother Sasuke, Pein would admit that he likes Konan and she own his ass in everything, Sasori would treat Deidara more like a little brother/sister instead of just a pest , Kisame would work at Sea World or some kind of resterant like Burger King, Zetsu wouldn't want to eat everyone except dead bodies or sometimes people who stop by the Akatsuki base like the pizza guy for example, and Kakuzu wouldn't be so damn obsesed about money and actually cared about his partner more that stupid money shit.
Oh and for futher note I am aware that you don't do some of the stuff they did when you get food poisoning. well depending on what type of food poisoning you have you normally would just have to wait it out until it passes, unless the symptoms get really bad then you probally need to go to the hospital (its common logic). And there is no medicine to take to get rid of the symptoms of food poisoning, I just made that bit up.
Akatsuki-Food Poisoning
Deidara moaned as he curled up in a ball as he felt another stomache cramp hit him. Sweat dripped down his face as the cramp went away. He hadn't be feeling well lately, in fact he had been down right miserable. His partner, Tobi was taking care of him.
Tobi knew it wasn't Deidara's fault he was so sick, Kakuzu had to cook that evening and had served year old steaks with onions. And if the year old steak didn't make Deidara sick enough the onions increased his misery. Tobi didn't like it, Deidara was allergic to onions and Kakuzu knew that and yet he still served them that rotten meal. Tobi wasn't happy at all, in fact if he ever saw that money loving bastard he'd wouldn't hold back and let Mandara take over. Tobi knew he wasn't the only person who was pissed at Kakuzu, Itachi was too. Itachi had made his own meal that night was pissed beyond belief when he found out that Kisame had gotten sick from the food posioning too. Hell, even Hidan, Kakazu's own partner was sick because of his cheapass ways.
So there sat Tobi beside his partner's bed and watching over his friend. He dapped his partner's forehead with a wet wash cloth while talking to him.
Deidara wasn't too pleased at who was hanging around him but Deidara was grateful for having such a caring teammate such as Tobi as a friend.
Suddenly he felt something coming up. He swallowed hard and shook his head in an effort to get rid of that nausea feeling, but it didn't work. It only made him feel even worse. Then he felt it coming back up again. Tobi apparently realized what was going to happen because he rushed Deidara to the bathroom.
Deidara hugged the toilet as he retched violently into the ceramic bowl. He felt Tobi rubbing his back as the attacks continued. He also felt a wet wash cloth being dabbed on his forehead. Deidara moaned as he retched again into the murky water. Tobi talked to his friend softly as Deidara continued throwing up.
"Yeah that's it Deidara-sempai get it all out of your system." Tobi told him, "Don't worry sempai I'm here with you and Tobi will take good care of you."
Deidara glanced over at Tobi. 'Moron.' he thought, 'Well at least Tobi's not a complete idiot, since he knows how to take care of comrades who need attending to and at least he's doing something unlike that cheap bastard Kakuzu...I swear if I ever get better and see his sorry face I'm bombing the living hell out of him hell I'll even use one of my spare Ohakos. I also have to do something special for that brat Tobi cause he's always trying to help me and is there for me when I need him to repay his kindness.'
Once Deidara was finished, he took the piece of toilet paper that Tobi gave him and whiped his mouth before tossing it in the toilet and flushing it. After that was finished Tobi helped Deidara get back to the room. Once back in bed Deidara shivered slightly even though he had a few blankets wrapped around his slim frame. Tobi grabbed one of his blankets and wrapping it around his friend, while the sick Stone ninja was trying to fall asleep. Deidara felt an extra blanket being drapted over him and someone, who he knew was Tobi, rubbing some extra warmth into him. Deidara smiled slightly as he finally felt the quams of sleep take over his already weakened body. Tobi smiled softly as the terrorist ninja was finally fast asleep.
Shutting the door behide him Tobi began to head for Konan's office, which he knew had medical items in it, to see if there was any medicine to treat botulim as well as Deidara's food allergy. On the way there he over heard some shouting in the living room of the base and decided to go investigate.
He went into the living room to find Kakuzu, who was seated in one of the couches in the room counting his money with Itachi standing over him and yelling at the Waterfall ninja.
"Itachi, Shut the hell up I'm trying to count my money." Kakuzu growled, "If I didn't want to hear my foul mouthed partner bitch what makes you think I want to hear you bitch, you red-eyed freak?"
"I don't care about what you want to hear, you cheapass bastard, cause it's your dumbass idea of recycling old food just to save money that got us into this mess in the first place." Itachi hissed, "Now thanks to you half of members are sick, you freaking dickhead."
Tobi could tell that Itachi was not only upset but worried about this whole situation. This was an excellent chance for Tobi to give Kakuzu a piece of his mind and Tobi decided to take it. He stepped into the room.
Kakuzu and Itachi were too much into arguing with each other that they didn't notice Tobi at all.
"What's the big fucking deal, Itachi?!" Kakuzu asked defensively, "So what that the steak was a few months old, we're on a tight buget so we can't afford to be picky."
Itachi looked pissed.
"What's the big deal?! I'll tell you what the big deal is..the freaking steaks were stored in the pantry and not in the freezer, where they're suppost to be stored in and since the steaks were stored in a improper place they turned green, which was a clear indicator that the steaks had became unfit to eat but you served them to us anyway." Itachi growled, And if that wasn't enough, just to shut him up you added onions to Deidara's dish and you know he's allergic to onions. You're lucky Tobi doesn't know that or he'd..."
But before Itachi could even finish that sentence both he and Kakazu heard a loud upset yell.
"I can't believe you Kakuzu-sempai." Tobi sheirked, "You cheap asshole."
Both Itachi and Kakuzu turned their heads to see Tobi standing there right infront of them and glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu wasn't fazed by this.
"What the Hell do you want Tobi and what's with the yelling?" Kakuzu growled, "It seems like that's all anyone around here wants to do is bitch at me."
"Well it is your fault that everyone is sick, you cheapass jerk." Tobi growled, "I swear if it wasn't for being the Akatsuki's Treasurer I would have knocked some sense into you, Kakuzu-sempai."
Itachi sighed and nodded.
"I hate to say it Kakuzu, but Tobi has a point." he said cooly but with a hint of anoyance in his voice, as he rubbed his temples to get rid of the head he was getting from the stress he was going through while talking to the money loving ninja.
Kakuzu turned his head to Itachi and rolled his eyes.
"No one asked you Itachi, and if you remember we are on a tight budget."
"That still doesn't give you the right to serve us spoiled food, you jerk." Tobi growled, getting really pissed off and coming closer to letting Mandra take over.
"Like I care."
"You better start caring cause if happens again you'll be so sorry."
Itachi glupped he knew what that meant, Tobi was basically say if Kakuzu serves them rotten food and they get sick because of it then he will not even try to restrain and let Mandra take over and Mandra will have no qluam over beating the shit out of the money loving ninja.
Tobi, still fumming mad, decided to go and see if Konan has anything for food poisoning and food allergys.
"Now if you don't mind I'm going to see if Konan-sempai has any medicine for poor Deidara-sempai." he said, "And I don't want to fucking see you now, Kakuzu-sempai."
And with that said he left to go see the only female member of the Akatsuki.
"Fine with me, moron." Kakuzu muttered, heading to some place quite to count his money, without any interuption from any more angry members.
"You deserved that you know Kakuzu, after all you did make Deidara even sicker than he already is." Itachi stated, secretly please with Tobi for giving Kakuzu a piece of his mind.
"So what it's not like we're losing members to this mess."
Itachi, deciding to go check on his sick friend, turned to face Kakuzu again.
"And Kakuzu, if this mess does occur again and Kisame dies because of it, I'll kill you cause he's my good friend and partner and we get along fine unlike you and Hidan or any other Akatsuki member with their partner. I will be pissed cause I don't want to have to break in a new partner, got it you jackass."
Kakuzu signed as he walked away.
"Fine, I get it Itachi." he growled, "Besides Hidan's probally up and bitching again now, fucking retard."
And with that said both Kakuzu and Itachi went to different rooms.
Itachi went to his and Kisame's room. There the Mist ninja was watching a show on sharks. He sees Itachi walk in and smiles weakly.
"Hey Itachi."
"Hey Kisame...wait a minute shouldn't you be resting?" Itachi questioned, but then saw the shark ninja's stare he realized why he was up, "Opps sorry Kisame forgot your little sick spells you've been having today."
"Yeah it's kinda hard to get some sleep if you keep on barffing everytime you close you eyes."
"How are you feeling now Kisame." Itachi said, taking a seat next to the shark ninja, who was wrapped up in a blue blanket and had an icebag on his head.
"The same when you walked out." Kisame muttered, trying to keep from falling asleep.
"I see."
"Hey Itachi what the hell was going on out there anyway?"
"Me and Tobi was just giving Kakuzu a piece of our minds."
"Oh...Is there anymore soup in the pantry?"
"Yes I'll go fix you some just please try not to throw it back up."
"You know I try not to but I just can't keep the stuff down."
"Yeah I know." Itachi said lightly, "Well I'm going to go and fix that soup, I probally even ask Tobi when he's done with the food poisoning medicine to use it, you just try to get some sleep."
"Fine by me." Kisame said tiredly, as the Uchiha placed two forefingers on Kisame's forehead and used a small bit of Tsukuyomi on him to help the shark ninja sleep.
Normally Itachi wouldn't use Tsukuyomi on Kisame except when he thinks the shark ninja had been working too hard and needs some persuading into resting. Itachi also does it if Kisame hasn't been abled to get any rest and needs a little help in falling asleep. Itachi had created a different type of Tsukuyomi especially for Kisame. He had be experementing on it so it wouldn't had the results as the first type, and would do more good to the shark ninja. Cause Itachi wanted to help Kisame sleep not make his dreams worse. Itachi had only used the original Tsukuyomi one one other member of the Akatsuki other then Deidara and that was Hidan, but the immortal had become addicted to it and wouldn't quite bugging the Uchiha until he would use it on him again. Pein had order Itachi to never use the Tsukuyomi on another Akatsuki member. It took Hidan months to get weined off of Itachi's Tsukuyomi.
Itachi had gotten the hang of using this new type of Tsukuyomi in small amounts so he doesn't hurt Kisame at the same time still not using too much chakra. As soon as Itachi was sure that the older man was asleep he helped easy the older man's position to where he was now lying down and not sitting up and covered him up before heading straight to the kicten.
Itachi was indeed worried about the shark ninja, the years he spent with him had left its mark on the Uchiha. The close bond they shared, unique as it maybe, remained close during those years. Itachi could always count on the shark ninja when he was needed. Even though Itachi didn't tell Kisame, he truly appreciated the shark ninja for always looking out for him and for not being selfish greedy asshole like Kakuzu, who would probally trade his partner's soul for a couple of bucks, or constantly got on his nerves like Tobi. And so when it came down to it Itachi would always try to help the shark ninja when he needed him.
Once the soup was fixed, Itachi took it to his and Kisame's room to find the shark ninja still asleep. He releashed the jutsu and Kisame opened his eyes weakly.
"Did you use that new Tsukuyomi technic on me again, Itachi?" Kisame asked, the Uchiha prodigy, annoyed that he use that jutsu on him again just to make him sleep but was too tired to sound annoyed at the moment.
"Yes, it was the only way to get you to fall asleep, Kisame." Itachi replied, "Anyway I brought the soup as well as some medicine to easy the symptoms of food poisoning."
Kisame nodded as Itachi tried to feed him.
"Itachi, You do know I can feed myself." he grumpled dryly, "I'm not totally helpless."
Itachi sighed, "I know Kisame, but you need to save your strenght inorder to help fight off and recover from the food poisoning so just let me help you, alright."
Kisame nodded and let his partner help him eat his food.
Meanwhile Tobi was in Konan's office trying to get some medicine to help Deidara. Konan sighed sadly as she glanced at her medicine shelf.
"Sorry Tobi, I don't really have anything for you to give you partner to totally cure both the food poisoning and his allergic reaction to the onions but I can give him something that will help easy the symptoms like what I did for Kisame and Hidan." she said, giving Tobi two containers of medicine.
He nodded and thanked the paper welding ninja for her help and left to go back to his and Deidara's room.
When he got there he noticed that Deidara was shaking voilently and whimpering as he slept. Rushing over to his partner's side, he began checking for anymore worsen symptoms. He checked Deidara's body temperature to find that his fever had gotten worse. Taking the wash cloth he dipped it in the bowl of water before placing back on the bomber ninja's forehead.
He gave a moan as Tobi did that, and shivered again. Tobi glanced worriedly as he rubbed Deidara's side as Deidara opened his eyes weakly.
"To...Tobi...what...are...you doing?" he said weakly, trying to sit up but Tobi stopped him.
"What are you doing Deidara-sempei?" Tobi cried, "You're in no condiction to be trying to sit up like that so please lie back down, sempei."
To Tobi's great surprise Deidara obeyed and lyed back down. Tobi just sat next to Deidara, stroking his head softly as he tried to go back to sleep.
He was about to go get something thinking Deidara was asleep, to feel a weak tug at his cloak.
"Don't...don't...go..Tobi..please..stay here..with me." Deidara whispered weakly, "I don't..want to..be..left in..here all..alone."
"Don't worry Deidara-sempei, Tobi will be right here and he will take good care of you." Tobi said softly, as he continued to stroke the bomber ninja's long blonde hair.
'He must really be sick.' Tobi thought, 'Normally he would want me to quite bugging him and now he wants me to stay by him, poor sempei.'
Tobi rubbed the side of Deidara's arm and spoke to him softly. Tobi then remembered that he needed to get the thermometer as well as a glass of water for Deidara. He leaned toward his sick partner and whispered softly.
"I'm going to get the thermometer and a glass of water for you, sempei, but I'll be right back Tobi swear."
Deidara nodded as Tobi left to fetch the said items.
It took him no time to come back with a thermometer and a glass of water. Sitting next to Deidara, Tobi began to help Deidara sit up so he could drink. Deidara did this without a complaint, which worried Tobi more. Tobi was use to Deidara mostly yelling at him or trying to blow him up sometimes but Deidara hardly said anything when he was sick. Tobi knew that Deidara wasn't trying to be hateful when he yelled at him, Deidara just gets easily annoyed with the goofy ninja. Tobi also knew no matter how nasty Deidara seemed to treat him that Deidara still cared about him and protects him from harm.
With alot of effort Tobi was able to get Deidara drink some water before letting him lie back down. Once Deidara was back down on the bed he fell fast asleep, still shaking slightly. Tobi was still beside his partner, as he slept, making sure that he was still breathing and his other symptoms didn't get worse like his fever had. Tobi was getting extremely worried about his partner, he knew that food poisoning was a terrible experience to go through as well as an allergic reaction to a food must of been unbeariable for the bomber ninja. Tobi knew that symptoms leading to food poisoning could be dangerous, because some of those symptoms was difficulty breathing, severe abdominal pains and extremely high fevers. Deidara already had one of those severe symptoms and Tobi didn't want to give him a chance to get the other few severe symptoms.
Muttering in his sleep, Deidara subconciously moved closer torward Tobi, who was trying to figure out ways to ease Deidara's pain. Tobi then noticed Deidara moving closer to him and decided to let him do this because, Tobi knew that Deidara needed someone with him to help him through this whole ordeal.
Tobi just sat there trying to bring Deidara's fever down and make sure he wasn't getting worse. Deidara whimpered softly as Tobi placed a newly wet wash cloth on his forehead.
After a while Deidara was getting nightmares as he slept due to his extremely high fever, and these nightmares were affecting the bomber ninja's sleep. Tobi sat there dabing the wet wash cloth against Deidara sweating feverish face while talking him through it
Later Tobi heard a sudden creak of the room door and a sudden voice behide him.
"How's Deidara doing, Tobi?" Konan's voice asked sadly, "Any better we hope."
Tobi shook his head sadly, "I'm afraid not Konan-sempei, he's unfortunatly getting worse."
Konan sighed miserablily, "I was afraid of that. Tobi, if his symptoms doesn't improve by tommorow we will have no choice but to go seek help from a medical ninja."
Tobi looked down at his partner worriedly, it hurt Tobi to see Deidara in such a weak state and all because of an ill misjudgement on Kakuzu's part.
The paper ninja sighed before getting ready to leave the room.
"I'm going to inform Pein about this, Tobi." she said, "If Deidara's symptoms get worse come tell me, ok?"
Tobi nodded, "Can do, Konan-sempei."
She nodded as well before leaving the goofy ninja alone with his ill comrade.
Later Deidara had woken up and was asking Tobi a few questions.
"How are you feeling now, Deidara-sempei, any better?"
Deidara sat up, with a little bit of help from Tobi of course.
"What do you think, goof, that stupid money bags just had to cook those disgusting green steaks didn't he that stupid asshole, hmm." Deidara said hinting a bit of annoyance mostly at the money loving ninja, "So what was with all the yelling anyway, did Konan catch Leader Pein reading her diary again, hmm?"
"I wish it was something like that but no sempei, Leader wasn't looking at Konan's diary again." Tobi answered, "Me and Itachi were just given Kakuzu a piece of our minds."
Before Deidara could laugh or say anything Tobi placed the thermometer in Deidara's mouth.
Deidara decided no to let that get in the way of what he was going to tell Tobi.
"Its about time someone gave him hell other then Hidan, hmm. " Deidara said trying to let Tobi know he was giving him a complanment, "I'm proud of you goofball."
Tobi looked slightly annoyed
"Don't talk with the thermometer in your mouth, sempei." he grumbled, knowing Deidara was trying to show him that he is thankful for the help.
"Zip it Tobi."
But before Tobi could reply there was a sudden shout from the other room.
"Tobi where the fucking hell is Kakuzu?!"
Tobi reconized the voice belonging to Hidan, Kakuzu's loud mouth religous partner.
Suddenly Hidan stormed in the room looking annoyed, his hair in a huge mess.
"Where is my asshole of a teammate." he growled, "Have you seen that fuck face, Tobi?"
"Yes, he's somewhere counting his damn money." Tobi growled with equal venom, "So quite your damn yelling, Hidan."
Hidan gluped, never in his life had he seen Tobi so pissed off before, since he was mostly either acting goofy, trying to help the other members of the Akatsuki, getting the living hell bombed out of him by Deidara, or trying to cook for the group. He never seemed the type to yell at anyone at the base.
"Ok, sorry Tobi, What got you so pissed off?" Hidan said meekly, "Normally you're in such a good mood but now you are so pissy, what gives?"
"With some of the members sick from the darn food poisoning, it's hard to recover and rest with people yelling across the hall alot." Tobi said in an annoyed tone, "And since you're sick too shouldn't you be resting along with the rest of the members?"
"I just wanted to get some juice." HIdan mutter in a whining tone, "Besides, Kakuzu left me in that damn room all alone without nothing to do, hell he even took my pike and my bible away from me. How in the hell am I suppost to follow Jashin sama's commaments if I don't have my bible."
"The juice is still in the frig, I can get you some, Hidan-sempei." Tobi said, "Just please stop yelling from across the hall so much."
"Ok." Hidan said, sitting down on the seat that was next to Deidara's bed that Tobi was sitting in.
After Tobi left for the kicten, Deidara glanced at Hidan, with the thermometer still in his mouth.
"Hidan...I'm gonna kill your damn teammate, hmm." he grumbled, still shivering under the blankets.
Hidan gave a loud sigh, "Yeah I know hell even Itachi wants to kill him too and he's not even sick."
"Itachi is lucky he has all those stupid health fancy meals to eat instead of the crappy meals here." Deidara said, "Is Kisame sick, too?"
"Yes, he is."
"But didn't he say he had a cast iron stomache?"
"Yepp."
"So much for his damn cast iron stomache." Diedara sighed, "So is that freaky plant man, Zetsu sick too?"
"Don't you remember, Deidara he doesn't eat the meals here either." Hidan stated, "But he will be pissed when he finds out that Kakuzu did the same thing to his supply of meat."
"Well I guess we don't have to worry about killing Kakuzu then if Zetsu is going to do the job for us." Deidara chuckled softly, "What about Konan and Leader Pein, are they sick too?"
"They ate out at a fancy resterant last night so they didn't eat the damn food here either."
"Damn it, lucky them."
"Deidara-sempei stop talking with thermometer in your mouth!" Tobi told the bomber ninja, stomping into the room with two glasses of juice and staring disbelieveably at the bomber ninja.
Hidan started snickering, he found Tobi scolding Deidara amusing. Since it was normally the other way around, Deidara scolding Tobi if he was doing something childish.
Deidara caught this and glared at the foul mouthed religious man.
"Shut up Hidan."
Later that day in Hidan's and Kakuzu's room, Kakuzu sat next to his ill partner as he began doing calculations. From time to time he would glance at his sick partner to make sure he was still breathing. As much as Kakuzu hated to admit it he was getting worried, he was used to Hidan making a lot of noise but since Hidan had gotten sick from the food poisoning he was mostly quite without meaning to.
He saw Hidan open his lavander eyes and glared weakly at the missing Waterfall ninja.
"Do you still want to kick my ass, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked his ill partner, who was still continued glaring at the money loving ninja.
"Fuck...you, Kakuzu." Hidan growled weakly, "And I'll still do it too once I get better."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes at the religious ninja
"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever just shut up and get some more rest will ya, dumbass."
Hidan gave a moan as he felt something coming up.
Kakuzu sighed as he reconized what was going to happen
"Oh boy here we go again." he said as he rushed Hidan back to the bathroom.
The bathroom was once agian filled with the sound of Hidan retching violently into the ceramic basin, he whole body shaking from the strain.
"Damn it." he moaned, as he felt more coming up.
Kakuzu just glanced at the religous man as he continued retching in the white basin. Kakuzu began rubbing the Jashinist's back in an effort to help easy him.
As soon as Hidan was done Kakuzu drag him back in their room and dumped him on the bed. Hidan sighed as he tried to relax
"Feel Better?" Kakuzu asked lightly, as Hidan looked up at the older man.
"A little." Hidan replied weakly, "But thanks fuck face."
"Its okay besides it's my fault that you're sick in the first place."
Hidan's eyes widened, did Kakazu just admitted that it was his falt for making him sick.
"Did you just..."
"Yes, I did, cause I shouldn't have stored any meat in the storage room instead of its proper place in the freezer just to save money, when I could have just found other ways to save money."
"Are you going to aplogize to Kisame and Deidara, too?" Hidan asked curiously, "You might as well cause both Itachi and Tobi wants to kick your ass."
"No I'm not, Hidan, I'm only aplogizing to you cause your my partner." Kakuzu said, "I don't need to or want to appologize to anyone else but you, Hidan."
"Why not?" Hidan asked, not really upset or anything.
"Cause it's not my fault that stupid shark man eats any slab of meat you wave around in his face." Kakuzu said, "And as for Dei..."
But before Kakuzu could even finish his sentence a loud yell was heard from across the hall.
"Kakuzu, you fucking call Kisame stupid again and I'll fucking burn all of your precious money in the freaking living room and make you watch."
Kakuzu glared at the closed door to his and Hidan's room as if expecting the owner of the voice to come in.
Kakuzu rushed over to the door, swinging it open before yelling, "Shut the hell up Itachi, you damn weasel."
"Well don't make rude comments on my partner then moneybags."
"Well it is his own damn fault that his so called 'cast iron stomache' couldn't handle the damn meat, you blind bitch." Kakuzu shouted, as Itachi rushed into Kakuzu and Hidan's room and glared at Kakuzu with his Sharingan activated.
"It's not Kisame's fault that SOMEONE stored the stupid meat in the wrong spot, you money humping moron." Itachi growled, deactivating his Sharingan and his eyes returning to normal.
"So I made an mistake?!" Kakuzu sassed, "Big freaking deal, anyone could make a freaking mistake like that, you wrinkled up old bitch."
"Look whose talking." Itachi retorted, "This is coming from the old fart who stored our steaks in the freaking storage room instead of frig to thaw, you senile old fool."
"HEY, YOU BLIND FUCK THE ONLY PERSON THAT'S ABLE TO CALL KAKUZU SENILE IS ME, SO ZIP IT MOMMA'S BOY."
"Shut up Hidan." Itachi growled, "And don't call me a momma's boy, you purple eyed freak."
"Oh yeah I forgot wasn't that your younger..."
But before Hidan could finish that sentence Itachi punched him squarely in the face.
Itachi glared at the religious man, Sharingan activated again.
"What was that I couldn't quite hear you?" Itachi hissed dangerously, anger slowly rising.
Hidan glared back at the pissed off Uchiha, but decided not to anger the Uchiha anymore.
Hidan knew that Itachi rarely snapped at anyone and whenever he did it truely wasn't a pretty sight. Last time Itachi got pissed of was when he and Deidara had to work together for a week because Kisame was busy with something important and Sasori was dead so Pein decided to have the two work together. Pein's decission was poor because when he and Konan had returned from one of their dates the base was nearly destroyed and everybody else stood in the mess shocked. Kisame arrived minutes latter and signed sadly as he told Pein that such a team would only lead to futher mishapes like that . Pein after that never paired Itachi with Deidara again.
"I fucking said 'What the fuck ever', you ass." Hidan growled, "I'm too fucking tired to being arguing with you fucker."
And with that said Hidan went back to bed leaving Kakuzu and Itachi stunned.
Later that day, Hidan was getting cozey and Kakuzu was reading a book. Hidan, however couldn't get to sleep so he decided to annoy Kakuzu a little by talking to him while he was reading his book.
"Hey Kakuzu, what cha reading?"
Kakuzu glanced up at Hidan, figuring out if he should even bother telling him or not. After a minute or two he made his decission.
"It's a golfing book Hidan, now shut up and let me read."
"A golfing book, that fucking odd cause normally you read those damn 'get rich quick' books." Hidan said curiously, "So why are you reading a golf book, you old fuck?"
"Cause maybe I want to get back into an old habit, you annoying spaz."
"Wait you use to golf?"
"Yeah, way before I joined this damn organization."
"Hey Kakuzu, if you use to golf can you tell me anything interesting that happened while you were golfing."
Kakuzu shut his book and gave his partner a weird look.
"When the hell did this turned into storytime?" Kakuzu remarked, "You're too damn old to be treated like a little kid, you dumbass."
"I wasn't asking you to treat me like a damn kid, Kakuzu." Hidan growled defensively, "All I was wanting to do was to hear a little about your experience, fuck face, not implying that I wanted you to treat me like a kid."
Kakuzu sighed. He figured he'd humor Hidan a little bit before he had to go to bed.
"Alright, I'll tell you why I was banned from Konaha's golf course, but I won't repeat myself so pay attention."
Hidan nodded.
"Ok, Some young punk was really pissing me off while I was trying to put like what you do while we' re on missions. Anyway he was being such a asshole in front of his little friends that I snapped and tried to shove their golf bags full of golf clubs up his ass."
Hidan started laughing his crazy little laugh.
"That fucking awesome." Hidan said, "You tried to shove all their golf bags full of golf clubs up one guy's ass, how many bags were there?"
"About five, if I remembered correctly." Kakuzu answered, "And there's more. The prick was the son of the course marshall and the guy was bitching at me about his son..."
"So what cha do, to the old man?"
"The brat's old man was pissing me off just like what his damn brat was doing so...I ran his ass over with a golf cart."
Hidan was laughing so hard he rolled off of the bed and onto the floor.
Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his partner before return to read his book, muttering "Dumbass." under his breath.
Much latter, Hidan was staring at the ceilling fan for the tenth time that day when he heard a knock on the door.
"Who's fucking there?" Hidan asked, annoyed that someone had disturbed his train of thoughts.
Konan stepped in, carrying a tray. She glanced dryly at the Jashinist.
"I see you're feeling better." she said, "So do you think you're up to take some medicine or do I have to force feed you."
Hidan smirked inwardly, secretly liking the thought of Konan force feeding him medicine.
"I'll just spit the shit out if I take it." he said, "Might as well force feed me it."
Konan sighed and then added smoothly, "Do me a favor, Hidan...And at least TRY to not sound like you want me."
"Why? At least I'm man enough to admit what I want." Hidan replied slyly, Konan almost drop the tray she was carrying, not expecting that kind of comment so quickly.
"Smartass." Konan muttered, "Now if I do this, you'll have to promise me two things, Hidan."
"Such as?" Hidan questioned, still grining from ear to ear from the last comment he made.
"One, no fighting me and spitting the stuff in my face and I know you didn't mean to but still..Two, you wouldn't tell Pein I'm doing this and if asked you lie and make sure you tell them a believeable lie not like 'I took it without a fight' kind of answer cause they'll never believe it."
Hidan nodded quickly, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get this over with, I'm kinda wanting to finish what I was doing."
"Like what? All you were doing was staring at the ceilling for a few hours." Konan said, as she shoved a spoonfull of medicine into Hidan's mouth.
Hidan swolled the medicine with distaste. He really hated having to take that stupid liquid medicine.
"Ewwww, That shit is fucking nasty."
Konan rolled her eyes at him.
"The medicine's suppost to help you, who cares if it tastes nasty just as long as it does it's job." she said, "And I don't think anything can be as nasty as Deidara's chicken surprise or when Orochimaru tried to cook our meals when he was with us."
"I don't fucking remember that mother fucker being fucking here or cooking for us."
"That's because you didn't join us until way after he left us."
"Oh."
"Now that is done I'll be leaving..."
Hidan bolted out of bed, but he fell over and grabbed Konan's ankle.
"Wait..."
Konan looked down at the Jashinist with a displeased look on her face.
"What is it now, Hidan?"
"Can't you stay for a little bit, I'm fucking bored and Kakuzu ain't here."
"What am I your babysitter?"
Hidan looked annoyed, "No, and you've got to quite talking to Kakuzu or he'll turn you into an old lady."
Konan did not look amused at Hidan's comment.
"Nice angle." Hidan said, as Konan paused before she found out what he was talking about.
She quickly looked down to find Hidan with a perverted expression on his face. Unfortunatly for Konan, she had chosen to where a skirt this day and she had forgotten one of Pein's rules when walking around in causal clothes, Never wear a skirt when doing any kind of work with Hidan (or Kakuzu for that matter, she knows how perverted the old geezer desipt his ability to hide it).
Blushing deeply at the fact that Hidan was looking at her underwear, she quickly kicked Hidan in the head. Her kick knocked Hidan off of her and he rolled right next to the bed.
Instead of getting mad Hidan began wooting.
"You know I love a woman who plays hard to get and the light blue panties really suit you."
"Shut up, you silver-haired pervert." Konan growled, "And who gave you permission to look at my underwear anyway?"
"No one, I just wanted to get a peek."
"Keep that up and you'll end up in the medical bay all month."
"Yes, mam." Hidan said, getting back up and sitting down on his bed.
Konan glanced back at Hidan.
"You shouldn't do anything that might make you feel worse, like what you just did."
"Sorry can't help it, I'm a guy." Hidan replied, getting back up, "Where's the hot spring again?"
"Hidan don't you dare, and besides how is a hot spring going to help you anyway?"
"I'm all sweaty and shit, and maybe some hot water will do me some good." Hidan said, as he began taking his clothes off.
Konan quickly turned away and screamed, "What the hell are you doing you can't undress infront of me, you idiot?"
But Hidan ran out the door with a towel in his hands while running through the halls screaming with glee.
Konan sighed slapping her forehead
"Pein-sama is not going to be happy about this."
Meanwhile in Pein's office, Pein was having a serious talk with Kakuzu.
"All I've heard in the past few days was complaints about on how you gave some of the members food poisoning, and frankly I'm getting sick of it."
Zetsu appeared through the wall at glared intensly at Kakuzu.
"You, ruined my meat supple." he hissed, as he tried to pounce on Kakuzu.
"I'm taking care of it Zetsu." Pein said sternly, stopping the plant man's attack on the eldest Akatsuki member.
Zetsu stopped his attack but continued to glare daggers at Kakuzu.
"Anyway..." Pein started, but was quickly cut off by Hidan's gleeful screams through the hall.
Suddenly Hidan ran thru the hall completely naked waving the towel around over his head.
Pein glared at the open door. He stood up, slamed his hands on the desk, before pointing an angry finger at Kakuzu.
"One more 'senior' moment like that and I'll send you to a nursing home an expensive one." Pein growled,"Do you understand me, Kakuzu?"
Kakuzu quickly nodded, "Yes, Leader-sama."
"Good, now go get your naked partner, again, and put him to bed." Pein ordered, "The fever due to the food poisoning must be affecting what was left of his brain, make sure he doesn't do something completely stupid."
Kakuzu gave Pein a weird look.
"You know what I mean Kakuzu, make sure he doesn't do anything that he doesn't normally do, but his rituals could be a problem too. I trust your judgement on what to do to keep your partner out of trouble."
"Yes, sir." Kakuzu said, as he head out to find his insane sickly partner.
Once he caught up with Hidan, they were at the hot spring nearby the base. Hidan ran in and jumped into the hot water.
"Woohoo, hot springs."
Kakuzu couldn't believe Hidan. Was the silver haired man really that much of a moron? For no wise person would dare move about so much with dealing with any sort of illness or injury. Then again Hidan was no ordinary person and that might be the reason for Hidan's 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. Now he has to chase Hidan's fevered naked ass around the base and put him back to bed. But then again at least Kakuzu will have something to do for the next few days, right?
Well at least Hidan was immortal.
The End