If Edward Cullen could bruise he would be black and blue- a firm hand was entangled in his hair and another one pinning his arms behind his back.
"Now you must tell the world that vampires are not sissy little girls like you, millions of our prey now are under the impression that we are human loving, little girl coddling, sunlight sparkling, Nancy boys!" a blonde haired leather clad man said
"W-who are you?" Edward feebly stuttered
"My name is Spike and my friend –if you could call him a friend –that has you in restraints is called Angel"
"What do you want?"
"Well basically we are just so darn pissed off at you whiney little American, sparkly so called vampires that give us a bad name"
"What are you talking about? I am a vampire"
Spike punched him round the face "Don't ever insult me again, saying that you're a vampire make's you the same as us and I can safely tell you that you are not the same as us. We are hunters, fearless beings that abide by no laws. Kill or be killed, that's how a vampires life is and you are defiantly not a vampire"
"In fact I think vampires across the media are outraged by your public lie" Angel whispered
"Lie what lie?"
"You had to go and spout all that drivel about sparkly, fuzzy-wuzzy vampires to that Stephanie Mayer person and let her publish thoughs books and make the world think we are pansies!" Angel exclaimed
Buzz! Buzz!
"Two seconds" Spike said withdrawing a mobile phone"Hello?… Yes we have him… oh yeah he is adamant that he is a real vampire… Yes I know, absolute nonsense… No, you're totally right… Yeah and he's a dweeb too, you should have heard how he cried when we beat him up… No, I agree real vampires laugh at pain… really?… no you can talk to him… yes he's still coherent, I'll put you on loud speaker" Spike pressed a button "we can hear you now"
"Hello? Is this Edward Cullen?" the voice in the phone said
"Y-yes" He stammered
"This is Alucard, speaking on behalf of all anime and manga vampires when I say- Real Vampires do not sparkle!"
"B-but"
"No. Shut up, I'm not done yet. You will give up this false pretence of being a vampire or I will personally show you the meaning of pain and it will drive you insane, I will kill everyone you love, then torture you in everyway inhumanly possible, I will leave you on the brink of death thirsty for blood and chain you to the floor, then I will test your strength by leaving bloody human carcasses lying just out of your reach as you go mad from hunger I will then watch you die of starvation and hear your pitiful cries for help and mercy." Alucard finished
Spike smiled disconnecting the call "You see, everyone is out for your blood, you have lied and made us into a laughing stock and for that you and your rotten sparkling species shall die" There was a muffled crunch of Spikes fist connecting with stomach abdominal muscles, and Edward groaned "Do you see the position we are in here?"
"Start the fire spike" Angel hissed
"Keep your pants on tall, dark and forehead"
Angel glared at him while he started the bomb fire, then chucked the wanna be vampire into it's midst then brushed down his jeans.
"Now, shall we go get something to drink?" Spike said
"Sure I could do with a brandy"
Spike scoffed "I want pure virgin blood"
And the duo continued to argue into the sunset leaving the rotting corps in the flames to spread through the neighbouring field.