A Note for You, Love
By: GHSNEKO
Gravitation
I can't believe this. How did I ever end up with someone like you? How the hell did this whole thing happen?
I remember the first time I met you. I was seventeen. You had just turned twenty-four. Tohma introduced us, and I remember wondering how anyone could be so damn cheerful all the time.
You smiled at me, wide and bright. I glared back, as was my custom then. But, I finally saw part of the real you when the others walked away. You smiled at me for real. Your eyes flashed with understanding.
Whether I liked it or not, I thought about your smile that night. I heard you through the wall, talking to Tohma. I couldn't make out everything, but I did hear this, "He's sad, isn't he, Tohma?"
I buried my face in the pillow, and felt tears run over my face. Yes, you managed to make me cry only hours after we met. It was true. I was sad. Tohma hadn't told you what had happened to me. But somehow, you understood. You knew that under my glaring mask, I was crying like the child I was. The one I still am.
Everyone else thinks that you're an idiot. I guess Tohma knows that deep down, you have some common sense, but even he thinks you're an overgrown kid. I know better. I always have. I always told Shuichi that you were mental; that something wasn't right in your head. And it's true. You're absolutely nuts.
Why would someone as popular and talented as you want anything to do with some depressed, weird-looking kid? Why would you waste your valuable time with a teenager when you could be out having fun at parties? Why?
You finally told me why, on my nineteenth birthday. You said you really did like me; that you cared about me. You said you'd rather hang out with a angsty teen with bad habits then with your boringly random friends who had a strange preoccupation with your sexuality. At least I kept it real.
After I heard that, I remember staring at you, wide-eyed with amazement. "Are you out of your frickin mind?"
You just smiled that gentle smile of yours, the one specifically reserved for me. "Yep."
You got what you'd been working at for almost three years. Finally. I remember feeling my heart lift like it always did when I was with you. All my inhibitions, all the lies and hurt. They all just melted away when I was around you.
And that day, I felt something that had disappeared years before with my innocence. My smile. It curved across my features. Yours broadened, and then you punctuated the moment by stealing my cigarette right out of my hand.
And when you choked on the smoke while giggling, something else of my lost innocence returned. My laugh.
The next day, you raised an eyebrow at me, asking what was wrong. I snapped back, casting a glare towards my family. Mika sighed and told you that I was just being myself. Tohma simply shook his head, and focused on eating his breakfast.
Later on, you caught up with me. I apologized, of course. I saw the understanding dawn in your eyes. "You don't want them to know...Do you?"
"No. Let's just keep this between us...I don't want Mika fawning over me day and night just cause SWEET EIRI IS BACK!"
You laughed. "Sweet? I thinks not. You're anything but that."
I missed you when you went to America. I didn't have anyone to talk to that wasn't paid to tell me I was depressed and traumatized. For the record, I hate therapists. Yet I still see one. I think your craziness rubbed off on me or something. Though I doubt I'll ever say this to your face, when I saw you on that stage rescuing Shuichi, I was ridiculously happy. First I heard your voice as you made your way through the crowd, and then there you were. In the spotlight where you belong.
To this day, I wonder what was wrong with you. What's still wrong with you. Seriously, is your head screwed on wrong? Do you have a constant concussion? Or are you just completely and totally insane? I'm going with a combination of the three.
Every day I think I finally know everything about you, and then you go and surprise me. Every single day, I think that you can't possibly have any more layers; that you can't be any deeper. Every single damn day, you prove me wrong.
Oh, I understand you. Rest assured, I understand your complicated mind. However, I'm determined to finally find your core. Pretty soon you've got to run out of surprises. But...Somehow...I really hope you don't...
R&R please *NeKo-ChAn*