Title: Decent Into Deceit
Author: illusory
Rating: R
Warnings: Slash, language, violence, and blood. Yummy. Spoilers from all five books and also AU.
Pairings: DM/HP RL/SB
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self.
Summary: Things never go right for Harry Potter and trouble always has a way of finding him. Fortunately he has a new little gift that could help him stay one step ahead of his enemies. Unfortunately it may also drive him crazy if he can't find a way to control it first. Draco Malfoy joins in the fray as the line between friends and enemies become blurred and he just may be the key to keeping Harry from falling apart. That is if they aren't killed first.
AN: IMPORTANT – Sirius isn't dead in this story, but that is the only thing non cannon about the story. Everything else still happened though. - The idea for this story came to me from the wood paneled ceilings and so I therefore have no way of knowing just where it plans to drag me. It however nagged me into writing it until I gave in to temptation and added another story to my plate. (Though I only have one other posted I'm still working on six others -.- ) It seriously does come to me scene by scene so except for an excerpt that won't come for a few chapters, everything else is up for grabs and I'll listen to ideas for it. And now that I've rambled on for far too long I'll let you get on with the story.
Endings and Beginnings
> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
The pitter-patter of rain against glass lolls my frantic mind into a sense of calm. Ron and Hermione sit across from me, on the Hogwarts Express, fidgeting and staring at the floor in front of them. They won't look at me again.
"Harry." Hermione's says soothingly, apprehension creeping in. "I'm sorry, but we never meant to hurt you and we really are your friends. I swear we are!" She leans forward as she starts talking and lifts earnest shimmering eyes to plead her case.
"You could have told him no."
"Harry." Ron speaks calmly, but I can feel his anger thick in the air. "I know it's wrong that we agreed in the first place, but after we met you and got to know you, we really did want to be your friends, but once we were we were afraid to tell you the truth because we didn't want to lose the friendship we had with you."
"Ron's right Harry, the friendship that the three of us share is important to us and we didn't want to lose you and I know it was selfish, but we really do care about you and it would hurt to lose you when you mean so much to us." Hermione's eyes had lit up when Ron was talking and now they shine with more then tears, that are likely fake, but also with a gleam of triumph as though she knows they've won.
"Let me get this straight. The both of you care about me so much that you've lied to me… about everything. You care so much that all the things I tell you in confidence you take to Dumbledore. In fact, you care so much that you'll go along with all of Dumbledore's plans and even help him with the planning." I pause for a moment to steady my slipping composure. "You care about our friendship so much that you manipulate me into all of the little trials that Dumbledore has set up for me. Even when you know how dangerous they are and that I might not make it out alive, but then again you'll be so hurt if you lose me, isn't that what you said?" That last is delivered in biting sarcasm. Ron might not pick it up, but Hermione will. But as the words hang heavy in the air, I feel empty, hallow. "And what's more, you've told him about the D-Dursleys and you've not done a damn thing to get me out of that hellhole, o-or to convince him to." My voice cracks and I hate myself for the weakness I've shown in front of them, but no more.
They sit there in stunned silence as I stand and gather my things, stopping to glare down at them with Hedwig's cage in my arms and her inside. She's glaring at them too.
"I don't want to hear your excuses anymore. I've had it with both of you… and Dumbledore. Stay away from me. And that-that sham of a friendship we had is over."
"Harry-"
"I said I don't want to hear it Granger." She flinches back from my icy tone. Ron and her huddle together on the seat. Tears are falling down Hermione's face but Ron glares at me. I turn my back to both of them and leave the compartment and head down the train in search of an empty one.
Near the back of the train, Slytherin area I notice with a slight sense of unease, I find an empty compartment and slip inside. It's no wonder that I should find empty compartments down here. With the rise of Voldemort it seems that quite a few parents want their children to go to a school, Durmstrung, where the Dark Arts are allowed.
I set my onboard bag down next to Hedwig's cage and quickly cast a ward upon the door before settling down before opening Hedwig's cage to let her out. She wobbles her way out and with a flap of her wings she gives herself a lift onto my shoulder, claws catching on my uniform briefly before settling.
I watch the rain splatter against the window, Hedwig watches me, and the train travels on silently. The water cascades into streams upon the glass and the streams connect together into a web. Within the web of water are images that move with the steady flow of wind and rain, but everywhere I see a story woven in the running liquid.
Water flows steady, a change with no recourse, and the images move in a dance clashing together and tearing each other apart and the light and water warp images that can be seen through the transparent liquid, a great conflict in which many will be blinded by things that change perceptions and few will see the truth.
A sob racks my body and tears fall in rivets down my face. Hedwig coos and images of the forbidden forest during the full moon flash before me, images of ethereal humanoid creatures of the night running so fast it's as though they fly through the trees, blood, shadowed figures cloaked in black, bright flashes of light. The images slow to a trickle until no more come and I slump in relief.
Lately I've been seeing things, things that aren't there, things that have happened and others that have yet to come. At times it's just one image, or impression, from touching something. At other times a flood of images, sights and sounds will come upon me and run their way through till they slow to nothing. I hear sounds and voices that aren't there. The most vivid are the dreams. They show everything is exact detail, but most often flee away as I wake, leaving faint impressions. Some dreams I remember completely though. And the rest of the time I see images in the soapy dishwater, the rain, my blood, the shadows, within spider webs, a person's eyes, and so many other things the list is endless.
I rock back and forth ever so slightly and Hedwig tugs at my hair. It started some time during the summer. I'm not sure I can pinpoint when, but it started slowly and these images, sounds, smells would come upon me more frequently. I purchased a pair of gloves from Diagon Alley, they help with the things I see and feel when I touch objects or people. But there is nothing to stop the other things from coming.
It was in one of the dreams that I found out about Ron and Hermione. Though perhaps I shouldn't call them dreams, for they are more like haunting visions. They both sat in the Headmaster's office in summer clothes. However they weren't fifteen or sixteen, they looked to be eleven, if that. Hermione sat looking around the office in awe while Ron sat fidgeting and poking at the chair's cushions. Both had letters in their hands.
The Headmaster came strolling through the door and sat in front of his desk twinkling at the two children. The letters were invites from the Headmaster to come to Hogwarts so that he could talk to them. Through out the vision I watched as those I considered my best friends and most trusted allies, plotted how to gain my friendship and a secure position in Gryffindor and the side of light.
All of it had been a set up; from the Dursleys to Hagrid, and all the way down to the escaped troll in first year: it had all been a set up. I watched them plan how to create and cultivate, how to mold me into the perfect figurehead for the light side.
The next day was my birthday. I threw away their presents. Then I owled Professor Lupin and asked him to take me to Diagon Alley. He accepted without asking why and we had a wonderful time. I met Malfoy there, the younger one, with Snape. Snape sneered and Malfoy nodded. It was very confusing, well not the Snape part.
Afterward Professor Lupin, 'call me Remus', told me about Malfoy's father waltzing out of Azkaban as Voldemort gained the Dementors as allies. It turns out that Mrs. Malfoy is no longer a Malfoy. She publicly divorced Lucius Malfoy and became a Black again, but the courts decided to have Draco Malfoy keep the Malfoy name in order for the pureblood line to continue. All the Malfoy accounts and estates were frozen and are to be handed over to the younger Malfoy when he becomes of age. Till then Malfoy and his mother appear to be living off of money which she inherited from her side of the Black family and are residing at Snape Manor with Professor Snape, Draco Malfoy's godfather.
Remus patted me on the back as I gapped in shock and told me not to worry about it.
Before we left Remus took me to the Leaky Cauldron and had Tom put us in one of the separate dining rooms. We ordered supper and after Tom left Remus cast a silencing spell and a powerful privacy ward before turning to stare intently at me. I vividly remember what happed then.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
I fidget in my seat and glance away from Remus before forcing myself to look back at him, but his expression hasn't changed and he's still staring at me. Under his scrutiny I feel like a book, laid open for him to read everything. Again I shift in my seat and glance away and back at him. I can't stand this!
"Harry, is there a reason why you didn't want to go with Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger to get your school supplies this year? Not that I'm complaining, Sirius and I have been worried about you and I'm rather grateful for the chance to spend time with you and make sure you're all right, even if I did have to listen to Padfoot complain about not being able to come with us."
Remus smiles at me and I can't help but smile back, especially after his comment about Sirius. A warm feeling spreads through me with the knowledge that Moony and Padfoot care enough to worry about me.
"I wanted to see you and I'm sure if I'd just asked Dumbledore, he'd have said no." I say.
Remus frowns and opens his mouth to respond when there's a knock on the door and Tom comes in with our food. I let out a small sigh of relief, he may not be falling for my excuse but maybe this distraction will do the trick. We thank Tom and before Remus starts talking I dig into my meal making it obvious that I'd rather eat then talk at the moment. Remus stares at me briefly before beginning to eat himself. We eat in silence and as the meal begins to wind down Remus starts to speak again and I rush to beat him to it.
"I missed you too Moony, and Padfoot. Dumbledore doesn't want me leaving the Dursleys unless it's absolutely necessary. I can see Ron and Hermione all year, but I haven't seen you in far too long. I'm sorry if you didn't want to come bu-"
"Harry." Remus interrupts me. "Don't apologize. I'm glad that you asked me to come and I know some of what you're saying is true, but I also know that you're not telling me everything. Please Harry, surely you can trust me. You know the only one I'd tell would be Padfoot and if you don't want me to tell him you just have to ask. And don't bother trying to lie; I can smell it when you lie."
"That must have been a useful talent when you were a professor."
"Harry." Remus says disapprovingly. "No avoiding the subject. Now what is bothering you?"
I let my head fall to the table hitting my forehead a little too hard, opps. The table is scared and scratched, patterns embedded into the grain of the heavy wood. When I start to see images in the wood I jerk my head up. Remus is gazing curiously at me, but when he sees my eyes, concern flickers through his features. I know I'm close to panicking and it's all too easy to see I'm sure.
"Harry?"
Yep, defiantly worried. I swear though I'm not going insane, I just see things and hear things that aren't there; nothing wrong with that, right?
"What's wrong Harry?"
"Oh, nothing much, really Remus, I just see things that aren't there and stuff, you know. Oh, and I have visions some times and this one time I had one, of the past, and Ron, Hermione and Dumbledore were there. And you won't believe what they were talking about." I shut-up and look away from Remus' stunned face. Can't believe I said that.
"What did they say?"
"Nothing important really." Why am I telling Remus all this? "Just trying to figure out the best ways for Ron and Hermione to become friends with me and make sure that I was sorted into Gryffindor. Oh, and I mustn't forget them deciding how best to mold me into the prefect figurehead for the fight against Voldemort. See, not at all important."
Remus stares at me blankly for a moment and then shakes his head as though to clear away his thoughts.
"It's possible." Remus says absent-mindedly. "Lily was always so good at it." He snaps out of whatever trance he was in and turns to stare intently at me. "Let me get this straight. You've been seeing, hearing things, and you have visions?"
I nod.
"These things that you've seen and heard… have any of them come to pass yet?" Remus leans forward on the table, studying me.
"Some of them, most of the time I see flashes of images or hear a few words or sentences. I can't always make sense of them, but when they happen it's like déjà vu, except stronger some how."
"Harry, why did you buy gloves? They aren't the type meant to block out the cold."
I have to look away from Remus' intense stare as I continue talking. "When I touch something… I see images or feel impressions. I can't tell if they're of the past or future and… and all of these things, the visions and images… how often I have them, it keeps increasing. I figure that if I wear the gloves that maybe I can cut down the amount of things I see from touching objects… or people."
"Harry, I-"
"But the visions. The things I see at night. They are the most vivid and they aren't riddles to figure out like prophecies. It's just the plain facts, exactly what's going to happen… or what has happened."
Remus gets up from his seat and comes around the table to stand in front of me. When I don't look at him he kneels down and grabs my chin, turning my face toward him. He's concerned and I feel guilt wash through me. A frown appears upon his face, he must see something he doesn't like. I don't blame him, there's a lot there not to like.
"Remus, what were you talking about earlier? You mentioned mum."
The frown smoothes away and his eyes get a far away look. Sirius and Remus always get that look when they're remembering their past.
"Your mother was the top student in two classes all through out our years at Hogwarts. Those two classes were Charms and Divinations. She had an uncanny way of knowing what was going to happen before it did and I remember she made quite a few predictions over the years that came to pass. It is possible that you have the same talents, but to a larger degree. Very possible really since these sort of talents can only be passed on through blood."
"That doesn't make sense though." I say a bit confused. "My mum was muggleborn, where would she have gotten the ability from?"
Remus comes out of that place where he remembers the past and blinks at me.
"That's a good question. I'm not really sure; never thought about it that way before." He says sounding every bit as confused as I feel. "Harry, I don't think you should tell anyone about this. Well, except Sirius, or anyone whom you're absolutely sure won't betray your confidence. Be careful Harry, those who are able to see visions are rare and as it appears that you are a Seer, with the more obscure abilities, it would be wise for you to take heed of the danger that can cause you. It wouldn't do any good for others to know this, but it does give you an advantage."
"You believe me, about Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore?" I ask.
"Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger always did smell off."
I laugh and Remus cracks a smile.
"I believe you Harry. I've seen some of the things that Dumbledore has done and I know he's capable of many cruel things. Oh, not cruel in the same way that You-Know-Who is cruel, but then again Dumbledore has always been able to gain what he wants without resorting to physical means."
"Why didn't you ever tell me… warn me of what he's like if you knew?" I ask.
"You were too caught up into his plans and believed everything he ever told you. You looked up to him Harry and I was just a well-liked professor. Would you really have believed me especially if I didn't have any proof to offer you?"
"No, perhaps not, but then why do you still trust him, or don't you? And how did you know about him?"
Remus bows his head as he starts talking. "It was little things mainly and I didn't notice until later because unless you're looking for it, it's hard see what Dumbledore is doing. Did you know … Dumbledore he knew about Sirius and Peter switching? Lily had told him and I didn't find out till Sirius got out. We've been talking a lot. I'm still not quite used to the idea of Dumbledore being so… manipulative, but he could have gotten Sirius out of Azkaban, Harry. You would never have gone to the Dursleys, because Sirius would have raised you, but he didn't say anything. He let the Minister and Crouch put Padfoot away without a trial."
I reach out a glove-covered hand to Remus as he shudders, head bowed and shoulders slumped. His head snaps up moments before I touch his shoulder and his gaze filled with confusion and anguish catches me.
"There's no way that I couldn't believe you Harry. Dumbledore has had his hand in your fate all along. I'm not at all surprised that he would pick out friends for you before you even came to Hogwarts. I just wish there was something that I could do about all this. You know that I can't and neither can Sirius, don't you Harry? He doesn't want anyone to have any influence over you unless he can control them too. If he knew that we are aware of what he has done… Harry it would be only too easy for him to make sure Sirius goes on a mission where Aurors will have a chance of capturing him and it doesn't take much for a werewolf to be locked away… or put down. I'd just have to slip up once."
"Remus." I interrupt him again. "Please stop, I-I don't want to hear anymore. Please I know it isn't right, I understand the position Padfoot and you are in, but please don't remind me of what he could do to you, I already know and I hate it."
"Merlin, I'm sorry Harry. I just, I, I'm sorry." Remus stutters. He sighs and he curls in on himself as he kneels on the floor.
"Moony?"
His head snaps up, I spread out my arms like I've seen so many other people do and yet have never done so myself, I silently ask for him to hug me, hold me, anything is fine. He sits there arms wrapped tightly around himself starting at me and slowly his hold begins to relax and he uncurls from the ball he'd been drawing himself into. Strong wary arms pluck me from my chair and I'm placed upon Moony's lap and pulled into a tight warm embrace, tucked away with my head against his chest and his chin upon my head, safe.
Pain, screams, howls, tearing claws, full moon, Moony and Padfoot running through a forest, Prongs. Remus and Sirius curled up in front of a fire, the light making Remus' grey hairs shine. Sirius staring lovingly down at Remus, stroking his cheek, kissing him, pulling Remus slowly to the floor.
"Harry?"
Reality snaps back in place and I jolt from the shock. Remus keeps a tight hold on me though and I stay perched in his lap.
"You and Sirius are, um, you're, oh, I didn't know." That sounded bright.
Remus pulls me back just enough to see my face and he grabs my chin forcing me to look up at him.
"Harry, does that bother you? That we're, I believe the word you were looking for is, lovers."
I feel my face heat up at Remus' blunt response.
"No, that, um, I'm perfectly fine with you and Sirius being, I have no problem with it." Okay I still can't form a coherent sentence.
"Are you sure?" Remus asks voice totally serious but his eyes are sparkling.
"Do you love him, does he love you?"
Remus' eyes sparkle even more and a wide grin sweeps across his face.
"We both love each other and are very happy to be together again."
"So, before Azkaban, the two of you were, um, a couple?"
"He's my mate and we've been a couple since Hogwarts."
"He's your mate, what do you mean by that?"
"It has to do with me being a werewolf Harry. I'll tell you more about it later, but right now you need to be getting back to the Dursleys."
Well that was a definite damper.
"Do I really have to go back already? Are you sure we can't stay a little bit longer, Please Remus?" I have no problems with begging if it'll get me from going back there.
"Surely they aren't that bad Harry."
Oh, they are that bad. "I just want to stay with you longer; I wish I could've seen Padfoot."
"Harry, you're evading the question. They aren't truly that bad, are they? They don't hurt you do they?"
"No-no, nothing like that," The stay frying pan or fist isn't that bad. "They just aren't exactly… nice people."
A growl comes from Remus and I pull back in surprise, or as far back as I can get since I'm pinned in his lap and against his chest.
"Harry, you wouldn't lie to me about this, would you?"
Remus doesn't wait for an answer as he starts to sniff the air around me. He starts at my head and begins to work his way down, gently probing most any area covered by my over sized clothes, completely ignoring me as I try to get him to stop. A questing hand presses a bit too hard against my stomach and I flinch, barely keeping a hiss from escaping passed my lips. Remus notices though and zeros in on that spot, sniffing and probing it intensely. As abruptly as the searching and probing started, it stops and Remus stares intently at me.
"Harry, you act as though you're hurt right there. It's faint but when I pressed against the area I smelt the pain it caused you. Is there something you'd like to tell me now?"
I look away from Remus fidgeting with the worn edges of my shirt. "There's not really anything to tell."
I hear Remus sigh and then tense around me. My wrists being pulled forcefully together snaps my attention up and I struggle against Remus as his gaze hardens and the lines in his face are set in determination.
"Remus what-"
"You weren't lying, that much I could tell, you really don't think that there's anything to tell, but even if your words don't betray you, your actions do."
Remus holds both my wrists in one hand, gently but firmly without putting much effort into it. The other hand goes for my shirt and I suddenly realize what he's going to do and I close my eyes and stop struggling, it's no use. My shirt is pulled up and Remus stops moving. I lay cradled awkwardly in his arms and wait for him to say something, or pull away, maybe even get upset at me. A rumbling starts in his chest and I can just make out a faint growl, which escalates in sound.
"Harry look at me."
I open my eyes slowly and with my head bowed I look up at Remus. He lets go of my wrists but makes sure that I can't pull down my shirt.
"How can you say that there's nothing to tell me? This isn't nothing!"
Remus gestures at my midsection and even though I've already seen it I can't help but follow the direction that hand sweeps in and look again at the damage done. There are liberal splattering of bruises running across my chest and sides; all in varies stages of coloring. But my stomach is one massive bruise and a permanent dark purple with faint tinges of green and yellow outlining it, and hidden beneath the bruises are thin scattered scars.
"My cousin likes to use me as a punching bag, Remus, but that is something that I can handle and you shouldn't have to worry about."
"Why doesn't your aunt or uncle do anything about this?"
"Why would they ever get upset at their precious son for getting in a few good punches? They don't like me Remus; actually they hate me so they aren't going to say anything and they'll ignore me if I say anything. It's still no big deal; I've been putting up with Dudley for years, a few more won't hurt me and I'm only there during the summer anyway."
"What about the scares? You're not going to say that your cousin did that to you, are you, because they look faded, old. How old were you when you got them Harry, what caused those scars?"
"It's because I wasn't being careful. I tripped, dropped the glasses I was carrying and fell right on top of them. Nothing cut too deep, they were small cuts and it was my fault so there's no one to blame except myself."
I push aside Remus' hand still holding my shirt and pull it down. Remus lets me and sits there as I fuss needlessly with my shirt.
"You're telling the truth. Don't know how you're doing it but you're telling the truth and yet I know that there is so much you aren't saying. There something that you're leaving out, but I can only guess at what it is."
The shirt isn't becoming any less wrinkled and I finally drag my eyes up to watch Remus.
"You'd make a perfect Slytherin."
My eyes widen at the sudden proclamation and I gap in mute shock at the man before me.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, I haven't insulted you, and they aren't all that bad."
My eyes narrow in suspicion. Aren't all that bad? An eyebrow raises but Remus just smiles.
"Once you get to know them that is."
Finally I let it go and shrug. "Just as well that you should think that. After all that is were the Sorting Hat wanted to place me."
> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
A noise breaks me out of my musing and I look up at the compartment door. There's shuffling outside and a loud crash. Voices are raised, but the wards I placed distort them beyond possible recognition. Curious now, I stand up; waiting for the moment it takes Hedwig to adjust. I open the door a fraction and only see an empty corridor; broken glass litters the floor. A shout comes from one end of the hall, too far off to see who it is but I recognize the voice, Ron. Yellow light barrels past my door and an answering light meets it.
"Just go away Weasel. I don't have time for your petty prejudices." Malfoy, whose voice I can recognize anywhere, says in his unmistakable drawl.
I should just close the door and let them get on with their fight, but something compels me to stay where I am and listen.
"Like you have any room to talk you're just a junior Death Eater waiting to run off and join You-Know-Who!"
"Obviously you can't even read, because if you could you'd know from the Daily Prophet that my mother and I have taken a stand against the Dark Lord."
"I'm not fooled by your trap. I know you better then that ferret, you're just biding your time and waiting for everyone to believe you've seen the light and then you'll stab them in the back."
"Always the dramatic one Weasel. I'm surprised you could even come up with that, after all it doesn't seem as though you have Harry to help you along any more."
"Shut-up!"
"Looks like he finally saw what a horrible excuse for a person you and that little Granger are. A pity he didn't see that from the beginning, but better late then never. I bet Dumbledork will be thrilled with the both of you for losing your control over his Golden Boy. I wonder though what will happen now… maybe he'll join with me. What do you think –"
"Stupefy!"
Red light streaks down the corridor and as it passes I peek out my head to see what Malfoy does. Malfoy it seems isn't surprised by Ron's attack and had prepared. The red hex slams into a blue wall and dissipates. Malfoy stands smirking at the red head.
"Harry?"
I whip my head around to see Ron standing frozen in place staring at me.
"Harry what are you do-"
"Mr. Weasley!"
Snape strides down the hall and stops to stand looming over a paling Ron who swings around to face the vivid professor.
"Y-yes, sir?"
"What were you doing firing a hex at a fellow student? No, I don't even want to know, because all you'll give me is a half-baked excuse. Couldn't even wait for school to start before making yourself a nuisance, could you? I may not be able to take points till we reach Hogwarts, but that's two weeks of detention you've earned yourself, with Filch! Now get out of my sight."
Ron, now a pleasant green tinge, spares one last glance at Malfoy and then me before hurrying off. As he leaves Snape turns to face me, glare still firmly in place.
"And you Potter, just as bad as your father. Always-"
"Professor!"
I tense in surprise and turn to see Malfoy just slightly behind me. When did he get there?
"Harry didn't do anything Professor Snape. Weasley was bothering him just as much me, and Harry didn't even do anything to provoke him."
"Is that so Mr. Potter? Was Mr. Weasley the sole person at fault here?"
I turn to face the Potion Master and study his face, which is now devoid or any anger.
"He did attack Ma-Draco, sir. And while he didn't try to hex me, he was certainly making a nuisance of himself." I think it'll be better if I just go along with Malfoy's little plain.
"Is that so."
"Yes, sir." Malfoy and I say at the same time.
Snape raises an eyebrow at that before nodding once and turning around and walking down the corridor, likely going back to the hole he crawled out of.
"I could get used to you calling me that."
Malfoy is standing much closer, staring at me far too intently for my liking.
"Calling you what?"
"Draco."
Not quite what I expected. "Oh, um, was there any reason why you lied to Snape?" Wonderful Potter, just stutter like an idiot and give Malfoy another thing to taunt you with.
Malfoy shrugs and moves a little bit closer.
"I didn't really lie. Weasley was bothering the both of us, simply in different way and all you did to provoke him was stand there."
"But-"
"And don't try to say his mere presence doesn't bother you, Harry."
"And just what makes you think that, Malfoy" I make sure to stress the last name.
"Let's find some other place to continue this conversation. Come with me."
Malfoy turns sharply and heads further into the Slytherin area. If he thinks I'm just going to follow then he's going to be in for a surprise. I go back to my compartment and close the door behind me. I pull out a book from my bag and start where I left off. A few minuets pass before distorted noises can once again be heard from outside.
"Potter!" The door is roughly yanked open and Malfoy comes striding through with a dark haired Slytherin trailing behind him, Blaise Zabini I believe his name is.
"Good to know we're back to a last name bases." I say giving them a once over before returning to my book.
"Pot-Harry, why didn't you come with me?"
"Do you really even need to ask that? Think real hard and try and figure it out for yourself."
There's silence of a moment and then I hear whispering from the two Slytherins. A bit of shuffling and the two close the compartment door and sit across from me.
"We can talk in here too, listen Harry there are some things that need to be discussed."
I continue to ignore Malfoy; surely there isn't really anything that important. Right now I'd rather be left alone.
"Potter." Zabini's harsh baritone cuts through the silence. "It's awfully rude to ignore people when they're to talk to you. Then again it doesn't surprise me that you lack manners. After all you were raised by muggles and your mother was a filthy mu-"
"Shut-up!" Malfoy shouts.
I close my mouth. I'd finally looked up as Zabini mention my mum, but Malfoy beat me to telling the Slytherin to shut his trap. Zabini however is smirking confidently under Malfoy's glare. Those piercing eyes turn to me and I can't look back down and ignore them. Something swirls behind the icy blue eyes and I can't quite make it out. I search harder and pull every fiber of my being into figuring out what lays behind.
Whatever was holding me back from seeing beyond snaps and the compartment fades away into a large bedroom. A younger Draco Malfoy no older then eight is perched on the edge of a large bed swinging his dangling feet while watching a blond haired women sitting before a vanity putting makeup on, Narcissus Malfoy. The woman stops occasionally to smile softly at the child who smiles happily back.
The scene changes and an eleven year old Draco, still in his Hogwarts uniform, stands before an angry Lucius Malfoy who is getting after the child for something. When he stops, obviously waiting for a response, the child answers, but Lucius isn't pleased with the response and sneers down at the child. He pulls out his wand and casts a spell at the child who spasms as it hits and falls to his knees in pain.
Draco is in a bedroom again, but a different one and he's lying in bed with his mother perched beside him. She's talking to him and runs her hand across his cheek a sad expression on her face as she smiles down at him. As her hand moves out of the way a vivid bruise becomes visible. She gives her son a kiss on the forehead and hugs him tight before leaving. When she's gone Draco curls in on himself and starts to cry.
Lucius looms over a Draco who looks about thirteen, hissing words to the child who stands impassively taking the verbal abuse as his father stalks around the boy like a predator. Finally Lucius stops before Draco and brings out his wand again and casts a spell, but this spell is a familiar red color, Cruciatus. Draco collapses under the Unforgivable and holds for only a moment before he starts screaming and thrashing on the ground. A door slams open and Narcissus Malfoy comes rushing into the room, stopping in horror as she sees her son trashing under the curse. She runs to Lucius and yanks his wand arm ending the curse. Lucius backhands her across the face and everything stops for a moment before she looks back at her husband with horrified and hateful eyes, blood dripping from her mouth.
"Stop!"
Everything fades out of focus and back in. I'm no longer in what was surely Malfoy's house, but back in the train compartment sitting across from a frantic Blaise Zabini worrying over a panting Draco Malfoy. Malfoy, Draco, looks up at me with haunted eyes.
"I'm sorry." Slips out of me, I didn't mean to see those things, I didn't want to cause him to relive that, for I'm sure he did, but it's the haunted look that I've brought to Mal-Draco's face that I'm most sorry for. I can't think of him as Malfoy after that and not when he looks like this. "I'm so sorry." It comes again and though I mean it I don't know where it's coming from.
I'm shaking, oh Merlin not in front of them, but I keep shaking and I'm mumbling something. I think I keep apologizing, not that it'll do any good. He's going to hate me, but I didn't mean to I really didn't. I lower my head and draw myself into a ball. I think I hear Hedwig hoot, but sound seems to be fading away and it's like being underwater with a constant rushing sound muffling everything else.
Someone's arms wrap around me and pull me against a hard warm chest. Fleetingly I think of Remus, but he isn't here now. Another warm weight settles against me and another set of arms wrap around me. They both rock me back and forth in a soothing rhythm. Sound begins to return and I hear soft murmurs being whispered and Hedwig cooing.
The shaking and mumbling stops and I slowly relax. The second set of arms disappears and I tense up again before the other pair runs soothingly along my sides. Finally I uncurl and rest against the person still holding me.
"Harry?" I tense again as I recognize the voice of the one holding me.
"I'm sorry."
"Shh, it's alright Harry, don't worry about that."
"I didn't mean to."
"I know, I know."
I look up at Draco searching his face for any signs that he might be upset at me. His face though is calm and open, far more open then I've seen before.
"Will you listen to what Blaise and I say now?"
"Sure." I say and pull away from Draco.
He lets me go and returns to the other seat across from me where Blaise is.
"So now that you've fallen out with the Weasel… and Granger I dare say, what are you planning?"
"Why do you care? Just because I, as you said, had a falling out with my friends why should anything else change?"
"Of course things would change. The Weasel and Granger successfully managed to keep anyone from becoming your friend. They were all you really had and now that they're gone it's going to be hard. Everyone else has already formed little groups of friends and you'll be alone among them."
"Who said I'd mind being alone?"
"That won't be your only problem though, will it? But tell us, why did you decide to break it off with your two Gryffindor friends? No doubt you had a very good reason, but it obviously was something that happened over the summer. Does it have something to do with Granger always going to the Headmaster's office?"
"That isn't for either of you to know and how did you know about Hermione always going to Dumbledore's office?"
"That isn't for you to know."
"Damn it, Draco just tell me."
"Did you know the werewolf is coming back to teach this year?"
Remus is going to be at Hogwarts? Why didn't he tell me? "How did you find that out?"
"My Godfather is a Hogwarts professor."
"Oh."
Silence falls upon the small room.
"Draco this is pointless. I'm going back to our compartment; he's a waste of time." Blaise walks out slamming the door behind him.
Well someone is a bit angry.
Draco stares at the door for several long moments as the silence settles again.
"How did you do that?" Draco says as he turns to face me.
"I'm not sure. I-I just wanted to understand and I couldn't see anything on your face."
"And do you understand?"
"Yes a-and no. It answered some questions and yet it brought even more questions with it."
"Why won't you answer any of my questions?"
"Trust. I just don't trust you; there really aren't many people that I do trust."
"Don't you have any other friends… outside of Hogwarts maybe? Weasel and Granger aren't your only friends are they?"
"Well, Hagrid was my friend, but not anymore, and other then him, yeah I guess you could say that Ron and Hermione were my only friends."
"And now you don't have any?"
"And now I don't have any."
"You're going to need friends in the time to come."
"What you offering?" I joke and look away from Draco. It's not the first time I've been without friends.
"Harry."
"What?"
"Will you look at me?"
I look back at Draco and when he sees he has my attention he gets up and walks over.
"It shouldn't hurt to offer one more time, right? You've already rejected the offer once, but…"
Draco holds out his hand and we're first years all over again, but this time I finally see what Draco was offering me. I don't have to fit into the mold of The-Boy-Who-Lived, I can just be me, Harry, and chose even a Malfoy for a friend. The hand in front of me wavers and starts to withdraw. My own hand reaches out and latches onto Draco's before he can finish withdrawing. That hand pulls and lefts me up till I'm standing beside Draco.
"I guess we'll be starting over again."
"You don't trust me though."
"There are only two people in this god forsaken world that I trust right now, Draco. Don't take it personally."
"Dumbledore and who?"
I roll my eyes and laugh. "Dumbledore? Oh no, never again."
Draco tenses and lets go of my hand.
"You don't trust Dumbledore? Are you still on his side, in this war?"
"Relax I'm not going to go running off to Voldemort."
Draco flinches ever so lightly.
"But I'm not going to be Dumbledore's puppet any more, either."
"Well. That's good to hear, but what are you going to do if you're not with Dumbledore on this? The Dark Lord is going to be after you and isn't it better to be in Dumbledore's good grace so that you know he'll offer you protection?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. Dumbledore doesn't want me against him, but he won't want me to die either. Of course most everything short of death is alright with him."
"How do you know that for sure?"
"I just do."
"That doesn't make sense." Draco says frowning down at me.
"Not everything in life makes sense. You should know that."
He nods his head still frowning. The frown lifts and is replaced by intense scrutiny.
"Do you think you're up to coming over to my compartment? I'd like you to meet the others and we'll be able to discuss the up coming year."
I shift slightly from side to side and look away from him. Am I ready to be around a lot of people? No. Am I ready to talk with a bunch of Slytherins? Defiantly not. But most important of all, am I going to admit the thought of being around people make me scared? Hell no.
"Sure, let's go."
Draco grins and moves quickly to the door.
"Well come on then."
By Merlin, he's almost acting hyper. I shrink Hedwig's cage, pocketing it, and grab my bag. Hedwig lands on my shoulder and we're off following a hyper acting Malfoy.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
I've decided that I hate fidgeting. Been doing entirely too much of it lately. And upon this realization I've vowed, to myself, to some how break my undesired urge to fidget. Perhaps I'll take up glaring or scowling instead. Draco is rather good at both and I find myself envying his talent.
Currently he's using that talent to stare down Parkinson. I think I should say try to stare her down because she isn't relenting, hasn't been for at least the past ten minuets. Though I might be exaggerating a bit there but that's only because it seems longer then ten minuets, much longer.
The moment we entered the compartment everything went silent. Zabini, Parkinson and Bulstode had stopped mid-conversation and stared at me. In Zabini's case sneered but with them I'm not sure there's much of a difference. Then Zabini had insulted me, Draco glared, Parkinson creatively told me to get lost, Draco growled, and Bulstode decided to take up sneering. Yup, about what I had expected to happen, sans Draco's contributions that is.
Some how Draco got me to sit, beside him with Zabini on his other side and the two female Slytherins across from us. There were plenty of insults in between, about all of them directed at me. After a moment I deemed them childish, rolled my eyes, childish also, and tuned everyone out.
Draco then proceeded to get into an argument with Parkinson, the others looking on with faint amusement and no little irritation, me being the topic of their quarrel. And that led to their current glaring contest though Parkinson has managed to add a slight sneer into it.
I turn to Hedwig who looks rather affronted, probably because of the earlier yelling. She turns to look at me. She looks at me I look at her, she hoots and one side of my mouth lifts in show of my amusement. We both turn back to watch the others in silent agreement, agreement that this situation is amusing if annoying and incontinent and that I should probably be in St. Mungo's locked up in a padded room for being able to understand an owl. My brief 'conversation' with Hedwig helped to get rid of some of the fear of just being around other people and I rummage through my bag to find the text that I was reading earlier.
And just like last time I'm interrupted right when I start getting back into what I'm reading.
"It's rude to ignore people Potter. I see you weren't listening last time I told you. So just how long does it take facts to sink into that thick head of yours?" Zabini says.
I look up to see everyone's attention on me.
"I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware that my presence was actually wanted." I can do sarcasm too.
They stare at me… blankly. This is getting old.
"Look, I didn't come here to be gawked at or insulted. I get enough of both and I was expecting something a little bit different from the lot of you. I was prepared to wait for you to figure out whether or not I was worthy enough to be in your presence. But, you know what? I've changed my mind." I get up making sure to grab my things.
Draco starts to stand but a glare from me actually manages to send him back to his seat.
"Potter I don't know where you get off thinking that you can just barge in here and talk to us like that bu-"
"Oh, shut it Zabini, you're beginning to sound too much like Weasley."
He sputters quite nicely.
"I think Draco that you should have taken your friends into consideration before inviting me here. Now if you'll all excuse me, I have things to do."
I walk out before any of them can say anything and make my way down to the end of the train. Hopefully Draco was telling the truth and Remus is coming back to teach this year and if he is then maybe I can find him in the same compartment he was in when I first met him.
Stopping in front of that compartment I crack open the door and peek inside. And there he is, just like in third year, leaning against the window and very much asleep. I slip inside and close the door behind me. I ward it the same as the other compartment but this time I add a sign outside putting a warning. One that says that a Care of Magical Creature project is inside and just incase someone doesn't quite get the warning I add a skull and cross bones.
I resize Hedwig's cage and let her go off as I drop my things and curl up against Remus. He sniffs the air, still asleep, and moves his arm and I snuggle under it pulling the edge of his cloak around me.
Burrowing further into Remus' half embrace I choke back a sob and squeeze my eyes shut. I'm not going to cry. I'm not.
I really had hoped it would have gone better with Draco's friends, but I couldn't stand feeling the blatant hostility. So the fight or flight instinct won over and Gryffindor pride demanded that I not just run out like the coward that I am.
Hopefully I hadn't insulted them too badly. Hopefully Draco won't be too upset with me for telling off his friends and decide he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Hopefully I can get control of these vision things.
I let my eyes close and breath in Remus' smell. He always smells of the forest and chocolate. The smell calms me and I put my worries and hopes aside. I think I can take a break from them. After all they'll be there waiting when I wake up.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
Hope you enjoyed and remember I'm open to ideas for the story as well as advice. By the way… if anyone wants to beta this or my other story I would be ever so grateful!