A/N: Wow. So this is the longest one-shot I have EVER written. It took me over 5 hours to write and I only just finished it at 4am. Coincidence huh? Anyways, it's inspired by the song 'Half Alive' by Secondhand Serenade and I've actually wanted to write this fic for months. I changed two of the words in the song to fit the gender of the characters in the story but that all. I really do hope you enjoy this, oh, and that little bit of smut at the end? Yeah, thats my first ever attempt to write a SLASH sex scene (even though I've read billions) so go easy on me kay?
Oh, and I do not own the song, lyrics, characters or Harry Potter. Yeup.
It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume.
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own,
I don't know if I'm home;
Or if I lost my way into your room.
[Hogwarts Castle: 1 week after the defeat of Voldemort. 4 AM.]
Harry James Potter first thought upon waking was who the hell had decided to leave the curtains open last night.
He frowned into his pillow and tried to roll away from the sunlight streaming down onto his face but found he was unable to do so. His frown deepened as it tried to establish why exactly he was unable to move. Perhaps Ron had finally grown mad at his sleep walking habits and had finally succumbed to placing a sticking charm on him so he remained in bed?
Huffing, Harry opened his eyes in preparation to yell his best friend awake only to stop mouth half open as he took in the blonde hair that fanned out across the pillow beside him.
What in god's name was going on here?
That was when Harry finally realised why exactly he was unable to move; his legs were entangled tightly with the strangers – how the hell had he missed that – and a long pale arm was wrapped securely around his waist.
Well done Potter, it's great to see your observations skills are as fantastic as always, he thought to himself as he silently fumed over how he'd managed to completely miss another person. At least they were both fully clothed – if you could consider boxers and thin t-shirts as being fully clothed.
Better than being naked, he thought to himself with a sigh, as he took in the form lying next to him. He was obviously a male and a tall one at that if he was not mistaken. The man, or more specifically boy, must be at least his age, if not younger, to be within the walls of Hogwarts.
So a blonde Hogwarts student at least his age that was probably a head taller than him; that narrowed it down quite significantly but not enough to actually hazard a guess as to whom his bed mate was. Of course, one person did come straight to mind but he knew it could never be him, no matter how much he may have wished it. Quickly distracting himself from his depressing thoughts he returned his attention to the task of identifying his companion. Now, if only he could see his face then he'd be able to see who exactly he was.
Silently, as he really did not wish to wake his bed participant before he knew who he was, Harry managed to lift his head just enough so he could see the boys features and oh fuck it was Draco fuck.
Gasping quietly, Harry couldn't help himself from gawping at the sleeping face of the youngest Malfoy; taking in the slightly furrowed brows as if the boy was having less than peaceful dreams, the elegant aristocrat nose and the pouting lips that just begged for him to lean down and kiss them and oh fuck shut up Harry what are you even thinking.
Mentally beating himself up Harry slowly returned his head to the pillow but not before catching the faint whiff of the perfume Malfoy wore that almost had him salivating. Damn, he always knew the ferret would smell good, but this good? It was almost a sin.
Harry was broken from his thoughts by a faint whimpering coming from the Malfoy heir – evidently he'd been correct in his assumption Malfoy was not having good dreams – and prayed to the heavens Malfoy would not wake up before he could come up with a plan. But the whimpering continued and Harry watched as Malfoy, or could he actually call him Draco now, grew more and more restless.
Sighing in defeat, Harry slowly reached out with his free hand to run a hand comfortingly up and down the blonde's back, hoping it would be enough to calm him. He watched in fascination as Draco not only calmed instantly but almost seemed to move into his touch, unconsciously curling into his side.
Harry couldn't help but let a smile grace his face. Maybe the future was looking up for him now. Just maybe.
I'm spiraling into my doom.
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day,
You and I will be free.
To live and die by our own rules.
Free;
Despite the fact that men are fools.
[Hogwarts Grounds: the night of Voldemort's attack.]
He stared resolutely at the edge of the Forbidden forest, his mind going over what he was about to do.
There was no other way – he had to die. As the prophecy said; 'for neither can live while the other survives.' This was his destiny, what Dumbledore had been grooming him for since he was baby. He had to be the one to take down Voldemort but to do so he also had to die.
And as much as he tried to deny it, part of Harry wanted to die. He was just so tired of all the fighting, of all the death and destruction. For months now he'd been walking around feeling barely half alive and he couldn't take it anymore. Even death was better than this.
Breathing deeply Harry begun his journey into the Forbidden Forest, hidden by his invisibility cloak. He walked almost in a trance until he almost fell over something. Looking down Harry saw the decayed remains of a Unicorn – the very one he'd seen the Dark Lord drinking in his first year at Hogwarts. Harry silently stood as memories from that night flowed through his brain; the burning pain in his head from the scar, the fear, Malfoy running away...
He felt a lone tear travel down his cheek at the thought of the young Malfoy.
Draco was one of the many people he was dying for tonight. He wanted to free the blonde from the bonds that ensnared him – wanted him to live a full and happy life unburdened by this darkness. Harry wanted him to be free.
With this thought, Harry resumed his journey, walking towards where he knew death awaited him but his resolve had hardened now and changed. Tonight it would end – but on his terms. He wanted to die on his own rules. And he would, that he was certain of.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try,
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying;
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
[Hogwarts Dungeons: 1 week after the defeat of Voldemort. 9PM.]
Harry curled further into himself, sobs wrecking his exhausted body. He was shaking so hard it felt like his very bones would vibrate out of his body; a feat normally impossible but he wouldn't put it past his body to defy the impossible once again. After all, he had survived the killing curse twice now.
His shaking increased at the remembrance of his death; his thoughts slipping to the platform where Dumbledore had been waiting for him. Part of him wished he had boarded that train – anything to escape the pain he was feeling now.
It seemed that even though Voldemort was now dead the shadows he'd left in his wake would haunt him forever. So many innocent people had died needlessly.
Colin Creevey would never take another photograph.
Fred Weasley would never crack another joke.
Remus and Tonks would never get to see their son, his godson, grow up.
Severus Snape would never make another potion.
So many were gone and Harry could not help but think if only he'd been quicker, faster he could've saved them. Why couldn't he save them?
Harry's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps and he swiftly placed a hand over his mouth hoping to muffle the sound of cries that continued to wrack though his body no matter how hard he tried to prevent them. It was all in vain however and Harry sat in horror as the footsteps drew even closer until they stopped just before where he was curled up.
He couldn't stand to see who had approached him - he didn't care – so he gave up on muffling his sobs and rested his head in his hands so he'd not be able to see the guaranteed pity in the strangers face. So it came as a shock when he suddenly felt two very masculine arms wrap themselves around him, pulling him close.
Harry began to struggle until he caught the faint scent of perfume and he knew who was holding him; Draco. And for the first time that night, he allowed himself a hint of hope. If anyone would save him, it would be Draco. He knew it.
Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay;
At least 'til yesterday.
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight.
[Hogwarts Grounds: 1 Hour before the defeat of Voldemort].
Harry laid perfectly still in Hagrids' arms feeling his heart break as the sounds of the half-giants sobs echoed through his ear. But there was no way he could comfort his friend right now, he needed everyone to think he was dead if his plan was to succeed.
Somehow, and Harry still wasn't entirely sure how, he'd managed to survive the killing curse once again and succeeding in concealing the fact – with the help of a certain blondes' Mother – from Voldemort. As soon as he had realised what was going on he had hatched a plan to finally kill the bastard, although at the time he hadn't expected the filthy snake to order Hagrid to carry him and present him to the entire fucking school.
So here he was, lying in wait for the right moment to reveal to the world he was in fact still alive.
Harry listened in growing anger as Voldemort showcased his 'dead' body off to his friends and allies; crying inwardly at the cries of anguish from his friends. His anger only grew more furious as he listened to Voldemort order Draco to come forward; unable to keep himself from opening his eyes to a slant so he could watch as his Draco, who was looking paler than usual, was fucking embraced by that bastard. How dare he!
He ached to wrench himself out of Hagrids arms and throw himself on the blonde to ensure him he was in fact still fucking alive – although he didn't believe it would be appreciate it very much considering they were 'school-boy enemies' – but he couldn't. As hard as it was, he had to wait until the time was exactly right.
And I know one day you and I will be free,
To live and die by our own rules;
Free.
Despite the fact that men are fools.
[Godrics Hollow, Graveyard: 63 years after the defeat of Voldemort.]
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as a strong burst of wind floated towards him, embracing him in the sweet addictive scent of cherry blossoms.
His Draco had always loved cherry blossoms but they'd never got round to planting one of their own; it didn't now though as his Draco had his very own blossom tree marking where his grave was. He felt it was only appropriate that his husband got to at least have one in death if not in life.
Breaking himself off the familiar train of thought – he always seemed to end up reminiscing about that blasted tree every time he visited – Harry let a small smile grace his lips as he ran his hand lightly over the inscription:
'R.I.P
Lord Draco Lucius Potter-Malfoy.
Lived and died by his own rules.'
The last line had been from the poem Draco had read out on the day they'd wed – their favourite poem - and it seemed fitting for it to also decorate his grave.
"Soon my dear, we will be together again." Harry James Potter-Malfoy stroked the stone tenderly one last time before slowly turning his age-weakened body around and began the tedious walk out of the grave yard, the tap of his walking stick on the path echoing resolutely.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try,
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Boy we're not ready for this yet).
[Malfoy Manor: 4 years after the defeat of Voldemort]
Harry bolted up in bed, his body drenched in sweat and shaking feverishly. He'd had yet another nightmare of the war; they still seemed to plague him even after all these years. Taking a quick glance to his side where his lover slept peacefully, Harry slipped quietly out of the bed and crossed the room to where a pair of grand mahogany doors where situated.
He opened the doors slightly and slipped out onto the balcony, breathing in deeply. It had rained recently, the smell still lingered in the air and calming him instantly. A few steps forward took him to edge of the balcony and he found himself leaning against the strong wood, allowing the slight breeze to wash all traces of the nightmare out of his mind.
Thankfully, it had been one of the calmer nightmares – not one of the ones that made it hard to carry on, hitting him again with the devastating loss of all those who died and then followed by the all consuming guilt that he too should've died. Those nights were definitely the worst; he'd often been found on the brink of ending it all after one of them. Fortunately, he'd been stopped every single time and had been getting better recently.
That didn't mean it wasn't still hard, it was but he was surviving. Barely. And his main reason for surviving was currently fast asleep in the room next door. Yes, Draco was the reason he survived.
As if hearing his own name, Harry felt two arms wrap comfortingly around his waist and warm lips being pressed to the nape of his neck.
"Another nightmare?" his lover asked, voice hoarse with sleep. He nodded, not wanting to speak and they both lapsed into peaceful silence for a few minutes simply absorbing one another's presence. "Feeling better now?" He nodded once again, turning his slightly to nuzzle into his partners warm cheek sleepily. He felt Draco smile at his actions and allowed himself to be turned around and drawn into a soft kiss before his blonde reached down and touched the back of his hand, easily entwining their fingers, "Come on love, let's get you back to bed."
And the deadly look he cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...
[Godrics Hollow: 8 years after the defeat of Voldemort]
He was absolutely fuming.
Who did Draco even think he was? How the hell were they supposed to keep up a normal, healthy relationship when the damn blond insisted on walking out during every argument they had?!
It was so incredibly frustrating when the blonde would just leave without even goodbye and then come back the next day as if nothing had happened, leaving many unresolved issues to just hang around until the next time they came up in an argument. It was a vicious endless cycle.
Take today's argument for instance, once again they'd been discussing Draco's unhealthy number of hours of work – an argument they'd already had over a dozen times in the past. And yet, as usual his stupid fiancée had left halfway through the argument.
He just couldn't understand the blonde's logic; why did he feel the need to work so many hours? It wasn't like they needed the money – they both had more than enough to last them several lifetimes. Yet every time he'd tried to talk to the young Lord, to get him to explain so that Harry could try and understand the blonde had just glared at him and told him "you wouldn't understand Potter" before leaving.
Today had been no different and something within Harry had snapped and before he could stop himself he'd gone and told Draco that he could "work yourself to the bone for all I care, Malfoy. I don't give a shit anymore." The deadly look he'd received in reply pierced his heart but before he could even begin to apologise Draco had once again walked out.
Harry sighed and rubbed at his temples, looking up at the mantle where half a dozen picture frames rested. In one of them stood the smiling, radiant pictures of his two best friends on their wedding day from over a year ago, and Harry felt some of his irritation die away. He hadn't seen either of them in a few months, it was difficult to meet up as Harry disliked being away from Draco but none of them got along very well with one another which made meeting up as one group impossible. He closed his eyes as the voices of his friends slid through his head from when he'd first told them about him and Draco.
"Really Harry, the ferret?"
"Are you sure you're making the right decision Harry? Maybe you're just latching onto the one person who showed you some sort of warmth after the war – I don't want you to regret this."
Regret. Did he regret going out with Draco?
...
No. Never. Draco was his life, his soul mate. Harry knew this, despite all the arguments and fall outs they had; Draco was his and he was Draco's and that's how it always would be. He had no regrets.
And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you.
I can hardly breathe without you.
I was trying to disappear,
But I got lost in your eyes now;
You brought me down to size now.
[Hogwarts Castle: 1 week after the defeat of Voldemort. 5AM.]
"Pott-Harry,! Stop!" He didn't listen, continuing to hastily drag his clothes back onto his skinny body. He knew this was a mistake; he should've escaped from the room as soon as he'd figured out who his bed partner was.
But now it was too fucking late. Fuck. Why was he so unbelievably stupid even after all these years hanging around with 'Mione?
He'd been trying to sneak out of bed to go to the bathroom when Draco had finally woken up, flinching instantly away from him as soon as the blonde had figured out who he was. That one flinch had instantly destroyed any delusions he'd had of a happily ever after, and he had quickly apologised to Draco in a mess of stuttered sentences that had probably made no sense what-so-ever and proceeded to begin to search for his clothes in the unknown room.
"Harry, I asked you to stop." He felt himself freeze as Draco's – no, it was Malfoy now and forever would be – hand closed his wrist stilling his movements. Harry's breath caught in his chest, the touch causing his skin to feel like it was on fire as a blush worked its way across his face.
Wait, what was he doing? He was meant to be disappearing god dammit.
"Dr-Malfoy, let me go...please." His request went unheard as Draco's hand seem to tighten and pull him closer.
Shaking himself out of his stupor Harry forced himself to look up at the taller blonde, another plea getting caught in his throat as he looked into Malfoy's eyes. He'd never seen them so...alive. The usually calm, enchanting what-he-had-always-believed-to-be-blue eyes were now a burning intense silver, flecked with the tiniest hints of shimmering blue like that of an ocean of some exotic location he'd once caught a glimpse of in a magazine at the Dursleys as a child.
He realised he had stopped breathing a long time ago but he couldn't bring himself to care, fully entranced by the beauty before him. He only took in a breath when he felt a timid hand reach out to stroke his cheek, the touch causing his eyes to close in pleasure.
I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight
Tonight...
[Malfoy Manor: 10 years after the defeat of Voldemort.]
Harry moaned softly and arched his back, trying to get closer to the hot mouth that was currently circling his nipple teasingly. His whole body felt like it was alight; the heat threatening to consume him.
"Dra-Draco please," he pleaded to his lover, moving his hand to thread through the blonde's tantalizingly soft hair, pulling gently to try and get his attention, "I need you. Please."
His partner seemed ignorant to his pleas, his mouth continuing its journey slowly down his chest, mapping out every small scar and indent; dipping into his bellybutton slightly before moving down to nip playfully at his hipbone before his lover finally broke away. Harry watched as he moved back up his body to nuzzle into his neck, pressing gentle kisses along the sensitive skin.
"What is you need Harry?"
"You, I need you Draco." He was almost begging now, his cock aching heavily in between his legs as he turned his head to try and capture his lover's lips with his own. Draco chuckled lightly at his antics and allowed them to kiss for a few minutes before breaking away for air, a thin line of saliva remaining to connect their lips.
"But what is it you need, specifically, my love?" His partner smirked at him, running his tongue along the shell of Harry's ear, biting at the already abused flesh.
"I-I need you to to-touch me, Drake. Please. Just...please, touch me."
"As you wish love." Before he knew it Harry felt a warm hand encircle his cock, stroking the length teasingly. He moaned loudly and arched into his lover's hand; he needed more so he forced his panting body to thrust into Draco's hand, frantically searching for the friction he required.
Harry heard his love chuckle once again and felt the hand tighten around his erection before he was captured in a passionate kiss; a tongue slipping through his parted lips to wrestle with his - twisting and turning in the most delicious way. Faintly, Harry felt his lovers own bulging erection bump against his leg and couldn't help himself from pushing his leg up against it causing his lover to let out a pleased growl before the mouth was wrenched away.
He whimpered slightly at the loss but the whimper soon turned into a drawn out whine as his legs were carefully pulled around his lovers waist and their erections lined up before Draco began to grind down against him. The room seem to rise in temperature and he felt himself thrusting back up against the blonde; their pre-cum mixing to offer a natural lubrication of sorts that helped them to roll against one another with more ease.
Harry felt his release impending so he quickly reached up and wrapped his arms around his lovers neck, pulling him down into another kiss before breaking away to suck harshly at his lovers earlobe.
"Mhmm, Draco please...I'm so close, need you. Want you. Ah, love you so much." He panted into his blondes ear, no longer making sense as the passion seemed ready to overwhelm him.
Fortunately his lover didn't seem to faring much better; his grunts filled the room as their tempo increased.
"Ah, Ha-Harry, I lov-love you too." Draco managed to gasp out before capturing Harry's lips in one last kiss as he came, pulling Harry along with him. They grasped tightly to one another as they rode through their release before slowly coming to a standstill.
For a few minutes they merely lay there, Harry completely hidden by the form of his lover who'd collapsed onto him, both gasping for air – a mixture of their cum splattered across their abdomens in a sticky mess. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt his lover roll off him and disappear. He felt himself fall into a light doze as his lover returned and silently, with practiced ease, cleaned the drying cum of the both of them.
Draco disappeared once again but quickly returned, helping him move his exhausted body under the covers before joining him in an entangled mess of limbs. Harry felt a hand gently stroking his hair and couldn't help but hum and nuzzle into his partners neck, satisfied.
"Sleep now Harry." His lover pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. Harry felt himself hum once again in agreement, already asleep.
"Love you Mr. Potter–Malfoy."
"And I you."
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
I need to survive tonight, tonight.