Meredith had been standing there between the two men, her boyfriend and the man she loved who she had just had sex with in an exam room. Finn offered to take her home and with one last long look at Derek she took his hand and left with him, leaving Derek with only his intense gaze and his wife. Down the stairs they walked in silence getting into one of the many cabs outside that had been booked to shuttle the prom goers home safely. She vaguely heard Finn telling the cab driver the address of her house, so that she could get home to be with Izzie she supposed, it was all background noise to her as her mind spun.
It only took her a few minutes to realise that she was an idiot. She was in a cab with the most wonderful man, he was lovely and everything every happily-ever-after girl dreamed to find and yet here she was with him and all his plans for the future and she was feeling like her world was ending just a little bit more with every meter the cab drove onwards. Her heart wasn't broken. She was sure it wasn't even in her chest anymore; it had been left at the hospital. It had been left with him. If this was how the future was going to be, going to feel, could it ever be right? Could anyone else lay claim to her stolen heart? More importantly could Finn?
A whispered, "No" escaped her lips and slow tears began to make tracks down her face as she realised that she would never love Finn, not in that really big pretend to like his taste in music, let him eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over her head outside his window, unfortunate movie-esk way. She would of course have let Finn eat the last of the cheesecake or lie to him about his taste in music but purely to be polite, never because she loved him so completely that it didn't even bother her like with Derek.
"Stop the cab!" She shouted suddenly, sitting bolt upright she turned to Finn as the driver slowed the vehicle and pulled over to the side of the road. "I'm sorry Finn, I can't do this. You're the fairytale guy. You're perfect, and every girl would die to have you…except me. I'm not the happily-ever-after girl. I'm hopelessly in love with the one man in the world I can't have. You deserve to have someone who's so hopelessly in love with you that they feel like they've lost their heart each time you leave the room, so in love that it's painful. I'm sorry Finn but you'd just be wasting your time with me because while we may build a life together you would never truly get what you deserve, not from me anyway." She whispered one last, "sorry", and with that she tuned and got out of the cab, shutting the door behind her.
Running down the road back towards the hospital as fast as she could in heals whilst hoisting up her dress so that she didn't catch it and fall, she wondered what in the hell she was doing. She was Meredith if something this life-changing happened then she went home and waited for the guy to catch up with her, she didn't run down roads and through hospital parking lots to try and get to the guy before he left with his wife. His wife. "What the freaking hell am I doing?" she said aloud hoping to gain some clarity from the voiced question. She didn't know, it was something in the way he was looking at her before she left. She couldn't quite place it, it was like he was offering her everything, a future if only she chose to stay, chose him. All she knew was that she had to get to him as quickly as possible.
Derek collapsed dejectedly on to his elbows, giving up on life completely and wondering where it had all gone wrong. How had he lost her so completely? He realised choosing Addison and then staying with her for months, whilst trying to ignore his feelings for Meredith probably wasn't a particularly encouraging sign of his love for her. But for her to turn away from him and leave with the vet was another thing entirely. It was clear that she still felt something for him, they had just had the most passionate sex he had ever had but she didn't even want to discuss whether they had any future, she just left with him.
He stood on the centre of the second floor walkway across the front of the hospital, staring out of the glass wall across the parking lot and towards the lights of Seattle. The hospital was quiet for once, peaceful, and this particular part was a very good spot for thinking. Everyone was either still at the prom or on their way home like his wife. After Meredith had left she had suggested that they leave and head home but Derek had finally had enough of pretending that everything was fine, that they were happy. He had told her that it was over, they had fought about it but in the end she knew it was coming, so agreed fairly easily when he told her he'd sleep at a hotel and pick up some stuff tomorrow. They had been clinging hopelessly to a spark that had blown out years ago, to an idea that a marriage certificate can make everything right. It had been over so long ago that he couldn't truly pinpoint when it was that the love died and the hope left the building never to return. That should have been it, right back then, whilst they were still in New York. They had been 'flogging a dead donkey', as his mother would have said, for far too long. This was good, even if Meredith didn't want him, he couldn't continue to live a lie for a second longer.
Staring out of the big window into the parking lot he noticed something that instantly caught his attention. There was a running figure, a woman by the looks of things, as she got closer he could see her more clearly. She had long dark blonde hair and was wearing a floor length black dress, his heart jumped and he was sure he was imagining it, it couldn't be. It was her, it was Meredith. Without thinking he turned and hurried along the walkway to the elevators, stabbing the down button, and impatiently tapping his foot as he watched the numbers count upwards until the doors finally opened. In he hurried pressing for the ground floor, wishing for the elevator to go faster, he'd curse him-self if he missed her.
Out of breath she burst through the hospital doors, passing a few people clearly leaving the prom all in formal attire looking bewilderedly at her, she didn't notice who they were didn't even to listen for any of them saying her name, she had one thing on her mind, a single goal, all she could think was of him and where he might be. She ran for the elevators, not sure where she was going but knowing that it was more likely that he'd be somewhere on the surgical floor than down here.
She pressed the button to go upwards and waited, regaining her breath, for the doors to open. When they did she couldn't believe her eyes. She watched them slowly pull apart to reveal a slightly frantic looking Derek looking straight at her, a huge smile growing on his face as he took in the fact that she was standing right in front of him. She didn't know how it had happened, how he had been exactly where she had wanted him, how he looked so pleased to see her, even though she must look pretty terrible after all the running. She knew she was red in the face and that her hair was a mess but she didn't care, cause he was looking at her again, he was looking at her in that way.
She stepped into the otherwise empty elevator not wanting to have this conversation in the middle of the foyer. "Derek…" she breathed, unable to say anything else.
"Meredith." He grinned, and moved towards her in the small space. "You came back."
"I…I did." She stumbled along with her thoughts, how did she tell him she wanted to be his everything, when she knew that she could never be. He was married. She had just become his mistress and lost any of the respect she had once had. How did she tell him she loved him and wanted to be the one for him without being a home-wrecker? "I'm not really sure what I'm doing, 'cause nothing has freaking changed, you're still married and I'm still a dirty mistress and you still chose her but I'm here. I broke up with Finn and I came back. I came back to tell you I loved you, I really freaking love you, like I'd give you the whole cheesecake kinda love. But now I don't know why I'm here 'cause nothing has changed…" She rambled quietly, more to herself than to him.
"Meredith…Mer." He said trying to bring her thoughts back to the present. "Everything has changed. Absolutely everything." He moved towards her taking her hands in his. "I ended it with Addison. I'm done pretending, there was no way to save it, I realise now that we were over years ago, ages before I ever even met you. You're not a dirty mistress; you're the woman that I've been madly in love with for months. And that is actually one of the things I regret the most about this whole mess, that I didn't tell you I loved you before, on the day I met you even because I'm pretty sure I felt it then. I've loved you every day since we met Meredith Grey, and I will love you forevermore I'm sure of that. You are amazing and I'm so sorry, so freaking sorry, I hope that someday you can forgive me for being such a fool."
She giggled at his apology and he lifted one eyebrow as if to ask why, "I'm sorry", she muttered though the giggles, "but it's just that you said 'freaking', clearly I'm a bad influence."
He chuckled along with her, it had been so long since they had been able to be happy together, but he had to know, "Is there any way you can ever forgive me and give me another chance?"
She smiled up at him taking her time to remember this moment. She was finally getting everything she had wanted for so long. "My heart has always belonged to you, but the trouble is that you've never kept it very safe. Maybe that's something you can work on 'cause I can't see it giving up on you anytime soon." And with that she kissed him right there in the middle of the elevator.
AN: So what did you think? I would like to hear, I started writing this story years ago, when season 3 was actually airing probably, and have since been adding bits and pieces of scenes to it. I figured it was probably time to let someone else see it.
The title is subject to change as I have only just thought it up to publish it, I've always know it as 'Untitled MerDer FF' but that didn't seem all too enticing, so any suggestions as to a better title or does this fit? I wanted something that encompassed that feeling of 'it's about life and everything that happens along the way' in a few words that weren't too cheesey. The other title I had was 'Dust to Dust' as in everything that happens between birth and death but it seemed to depressing and this isn't a depressing story really.
I'm pretty nervous about sharing this; my stomach feels all strange and swirly. Butterflies I think. Not sure why though as I'm sure no one will read this anyway. But if you do I would like to know what you think even if you just review the word 'rubbish' at least I'll know not to waste my time on this anymore.
I really hope you don't think it's rubbish!