Can't Save Us
Chapter 1 – Smouldering Ashes
Relief was clear on their faces and she couldn't blame them. They had been trapped inside that minuscule space for weeks; so many people crammed into one tiny ship. It had been uncomfortable to say the least even with the break in their journey to refuel and resupply. It hadn't been a secure position and the Order would have found them easily so they'd packed back in and tolerated the lack of personal space as they travelled further. Now as they spilled out of the relic onto solid ground they could finally breathe in comfort. She joined them in that, inhaling deep the foreign smells of a lush forest. Rich earthy scents, dampness in the air; life. Things she could not take for granted if she tried. For all the torment her adventures had caused she wouldn't trade any of it for seeing these worlds and for discovering how much more there was out there. Something she had missed out on for so long.
Swallowing unpleasant memories Rey cast her eyes to survey her flock, new familiar faces glancing back to her. General Organa with that strong kindness Rey felt she could turn to in times of doubt. Poe with that confident smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth in spite of their flighty predicament. Finn with uneasiness but a strange new determination that she was still learning about. Chewbacca, steadfast and supporting as he had always been long before her time. Rose, her newest ally, bright and cheerful not at all awkward or out of place like the girl thought. These people were Rey's family but if she thought too long she'd notice that a piece was missing.
Stepping beside Finn, they approached General Organa who had gathered other key Resistance members before ordering the party to move forward. Blending in amongst the flora and rocks there was a metal shell, a base hidden on the planet. At first Rey thought it was unoccupied but then a small group of soldiers emerged, bowing deeply to the older woman who appraised them with stern eyes.
"I was beginning to think our communication systems were malfunctioning from all the silence we received." She mused. She was scolding them in a backhanded way and everyone knew it.
"We're sorry Ma'am. There was a…dispute amongst the remaining factions. And there has been a lot of activity from the knights of late." A scruffy man most likely in his late twenties reported. A darkness seemed to sweep over Leia something akin to guilt and sorrow. It was the same look Luke had when he spoke of his nephew.
"Of course. Well, lets get everyone inside. We need to take stock and I need an update on the other bases. We'll work out who is capable of aiding us and who requires some more convincing. We have to get more allies and Luke definitely will have inspired enlistment. If we keep getting word out of his last stand we can bolster that." General Organa continued. The way she commanded getting straight to the tasks at hand you'd never think she had just recovered from vacuum exposure or the grief at the loss of her brother so soon after her husband's death, the only tells her shaky hand on the cane that helped her walk even as she strode confidently forward.
The crowded space began to filter out as soldiers, mechanics, and strategists followed preparing to bring the full breadth of the base to life, activity a buzzing energy she could feel in the air. Rey hesitated. It was the first time in a while she'd finally had a moment to think, to realise that now that she was here, now that she had dropped off those she had saved what was next for her? Was a scavenger from Jakku meant to join in principal talks? Was she right to think she was someone important now? She'd never really sat in on a meeting of leaders; what did they do? She felt more comfortable outside in the humidity and the green or back on the ship with Chewbacca.
"Come on." Finn beckoned, holding out his hand shattering Rey's anxiety at what came next. She stared back at him recalling a time when she used to scold the young man for taking her hand, the contact something unusual and uncomfortable. But now he was a friend and he was reminding her she was a part of this. Where once they had fled for their lives all because of one little droid, now they fought for a cause they both believed in and she belonged here as one of the newly forming legends to replace the ones they had desperately tried to enlist the aid of. It was a bittersweet joy that filled her chest as she accepted his offer.
He had wanted to pursue them, had intended to but Hux had insisted that a meeting be arranged for the First Order to regroup following the death of the Supreme Leader. Kylo could force choke the general into submission, he had considered it and he'd seen the recognition in the red haired man's eyes, wary yet suspicious. But he had conceded allowing General Hux to have his minor victory, Ren having burnt out his rage in that last exchange with her. Perhaps it was for the best. Once he had every faction under his command in the one room he could use their fear to attain absolute loyalty. Unfortunately he needed them. He hated admitting that, even just to himself but they were much more experienced in the arts of war and stratagem. He needed their allegiance and Hux confirmed he would not get it through respect but instead intimidation. As much as he'd prefer to force choke everyone of any power within the First Order through holo-vid he did not have that strength. He had a lot to be sure but not quite that much for such a distance. A pity.
He regarded his chambers with deliberate scrutiny. He needed his visage, the false pretence of a force user akin to Darth Vader. While he had the strength to intimidate everyone into submission, cracks in his armour might show without the proper display of superiority. His grandfather had presented himself in cruelty, his mask represented the death of heroes and legends concealing a past the galaxy had not known during his reign. Where his rage was the silent death of another soldier who had disappointed him, Kylo's was known as a fierce wild thing to be avoided. If people were fleeing their leaders they weren't obeying them. So his eyes narrowed at the new mask he had obtained. It wasn't unusual for the First Order to have replacement helmets; he was prone to breaking or losing them. But this was not why he stood considering the black mask. It was his next decision.
If he lost the helm, a symbol of his childishness as Snoke put it, he would be vulnerable. His face might betray emotions he didn't want the other generals to know about, fissures that Armitage might use to encourage his colleagues that perhaps a force user was not an ideal Supreme Leader anymore; perhaps they should seek counsel from the Attendants and return to the edges of space. Betrayal would be the expected action for Hux against Ren. They, as Snoke's right and left hand puppets, were known for harbouring ill will against each other. Kylo only had the red haired general's allegiance because even an army was no protection from a man who could choke you with his mind. So Ren had to look towards a new mask, one that had to be perfect. One that showed him emotionless with the exception of the ferocity of his rage at chosen times. They would learn the terror of a calmer more precise hatred.
It was the only thing he could think of. He'd made too many mistakes in that last battle and while no one openly said it he knew there were murmurs that he was not the leader they needed. The First Order wanted for unity, discipline, purpose. He was not this, he was chaos spurred by indirection. Kylo's one goal had self-fulfilled in a way. While he wanted to pretend that Luke had been the end of it, his objective complete there was one more untrained Jedi left.
Before melancholy could complicate things a minor presence fast approaching him shattered his inner musings causing his gaze to go to the door. It opened without indication from the soldier that he was there. The young man whimpered as he saluted in response and Kylo wondered if he'd drawn the short straw to get the duty of delivering information. In spite of the fatigue it would inevitably cause, he had kept his senses cast out to alert for danger, aware that the meeting might be a ploy by Hux to remove him. Where once this kind of use of his abilities had gone unnoticed by most bar those sensitive with the Force, now it seemed that it left others with an unpleasant feeling in the back of their mind, a bad instinct to give his quarters a wide berth. This was fine. It would add to the fear intrinsic to his succession and it kept inconvenient assistants away from his quarters bar unfortunate souls like this one.
"Sir. We have arrived. The other generals are already in attendance; those on nearby cruisers have been hailed." The man informed not daring to cast his gaze at Kylo fully. The force user narrowed his eyes, deliberately making his presence heavier as he watched sweat roll down the man's face.
"Good." His voice came out as a dangerous rumble threatening in tone but withheld by obedience. He did not wait for a response, stalking down the long halls allowing his subordinates to see his maskless face, to believe in the expression there and that this was not a man to cross. His heavy steps were all the fanfare he needed, soldiers stopping to salute as he passed a similar fear emanating from them as he desired.
He wasn't surprised that the meeting had begun in some form when he entered the room where Hux stood amongst the other generals, older and younger by measures. The red haired man was placed at the head of the table indicating their deference to him. Kylo knew it was his attempt at a reminder that Armitage was the bulk of Snoke's support. That his bloodline, though tainted, had meaning to these other men and women. Ren could taste bitterness in the back of his mouth, reflecting on his knights currently assisting a few of the generals and how ungrateful careless men could be. He would have to remind them why Snoke had raised the wild force user to such high stature amongst the First Order.
"General Hux has advised us of recent events. We are perturbed that this untrained girl managed to slay the Supreme Leader in the presence of yourself and his Praetorian guards." An older man in the room spoke up. Of course he would, Ren knew him. General Claude Lucius liked neither of Snoke's key pawns but had trusted in the elder's decision and wisdom. With him gone Claude would be the biggest problem next to Armitage himself. Kylo stared back impassively knowing what they were all trying to do. They wanted to see weakness, hesitation. Accusation to either bury him under his failure and lack of power or to betray the possibility that he had had a hand in it. They were not wrong in that but he wasn't about to let them know.
"She's not untrained. Skywalker taught her." He reminded knowing that excuses weren't going to help him but providing one anyway. He kept his voice even, his mask simple to display a lack of care for what they wouldn't openly say.
"Skywalker. An old man who also tricked you, distracting General Hux's army from pursuing the Resistance's most important members and now they're lost to us. There are reports that have confirmed General Organa is among them having survived her supposed demise on the Raddus." Another elder declared, this a woman's hologram with a stern gaze that caused Kylo's jaw to twitch as rage got the better of him when his eyes flicked across to her.
"And we could have still pursued them, traced their jump. It's what we should be doing now snapping at their heels." The fallen Jedi stated with an incline of his head to emphasize his conviction, tempering his rage as best he could though he wanted to lash out desperately. Half of them not in the room felt safe but he was close enough, he was confident in that. If Snoke could display his will from his spaceship far away at times then so could he.
He saw it. The shift in their gazes. He wasn't choking them but discomfort tingled on their skin, a foreboding in their mind. The less bold of the collection of authority had the grace to duck their eyes down but those few still held strong. He fought the temptation to sneer; not yet. He couldn't gloat just yet. Of course it was the old man who remained the most defiant next to Armitage.
"General Hux was wise to regroup. Your ships are in ruins, the Supreme Leader is dead. Tales of Luke Skywalker have already spread and inspired others to join the Resistance. Before long without the Starkiller Base we will have political enemies again who support their cause." General Lucius counselled as if scolding a stubborn child. But before he could speak further the words strangled in his throat coming out as gasping breaths. He had come in person to show he was not afraid of a cowardly boy but instead had made it all the easier for Kylo to show what they should truly fear. None of the other generals had a chance to scold or scoff as they too began to reach for throats constricted without a hand to touch them, Hux specifically dropping to his knees as he received the worst of it. The effort hurt, tearing at his mind in a searing pain as he reached across great distances to affect those on nearby ships but Ren didn't let that show. Raw power was what he had been born with, what he had trained with. He just needed to use more of it.
"He is dead. The Last Jedi is dead. That girl will be dead. We repair, we regroup and we move on. We find where Organa has gone, we find where the last pockets of leaders are scheming and we wipe them out." He promised in tones low and growling, hissing his final words with a passionate venom that conveyed his hatred for the Resistance. There was not the usual ferocious snarl of his rage, the wild fury that they typically feared. He was showing the mask just as he wanted to. They were afraid but this was different. This rage simmered, biding its time suggesting the threat of a more calculated force user. "Contact my knights. They're coming back. It's time that we returned to the hunt and finished the Jedi legacy." He ordered just as he released his hold to an applause of gasping breaths.
"How will you track her?" General Hux wheezed in a final act of defiance. He needed to be eliminated but Kylo knew there was a certain amount of loyalty to the fair skinned man. If he removed him he'd have an even harder time reining control of the First Order. His resolve hidden, he appraised Armitage with a cold but deliberate gaze.
"I will use my resources you will use yours. When she is found I will personally drive a lightsaber through her heart." He promised his anger making the words sound like conviction. But inside they were not. He wanted to pretend, to find the pain and direct it at her as a weapon. To some extent it was but even in his wild mental state he knew that killing her would only exacerbate his inner turmoil; it would torment him worse than Han's death. But what options were left to him? He was amongst the wolves, enemies at all sides. At least with the First Order he had a chance of controlling them.
The meeting adjourned holograms flickering down and without waiting to have words with the generals there in person he ignored silently scathing looks and stalked from the room. The weight to his steps felt heavier, their raucous march a sound that made those he passed flinch as if he could flay them with his mind.
When Kylo arrived at his quarters he did not hesitate. He had too much fear and rage chasing each other inside him causing an inner conflict he could draw strength from. If he was to confront her now was the time to do it. The generals had been a challenge though he had known their locations, could pinpoint where to direct his energy but now he did not know where to guide his will and the distance was much further.
He recalled the first time he had met her. That sensation when he had probed her mind, that strange energy that was so familiar. Perhaps that had been the start of their bond and Snoke had only brought it to their attention. Kylo doubted from the minute the Supreme Leader had said it that he was solely responsible for the link. It felt too intimate for that. Something more was at play.
You won't reach her this way. I thought I taught you better. A voice lectured in his head. He couldn't determine if it was real or some semblance of a conscience but he ignored it. He used brute force, thinking of the sensation. How at times he didn't notice it right away, didn't know what it was. But now it was recognizable. He reflected on that feeling, the tug inside and the rush of air. There, there it was. He chased it mentally but something was wrong. Something was different. Perhaps because he was forcing the connection to take shape. He couldn't see her this time but he could hear her. His eyes darted in front of him glimpsing things he couldn't comprehend. It was warm and humid. He rushed to pinpoint her amongst that damp heat, following the link they still shared and then he heard her startled breath. She felt it.
"Rey, what is it?" A man's voice questioned, a man he couldn't see. Something about that stirred Kylo's rage and his face contorted in fury. There, he saw it. A wisp of her clothing brushing past foliage.
"You left me." He spat unable to hold himself back anymore. Torment twisted inside Ren and then motions unbidden unfolded; before he even knew it he had his saber in hand, lashing out at the empty room that wouldn't quite connect him with her. There wasn't enough of the bond for him to hurt her so he felt safe to thrash out at the emptiness of his chambers.
"I offered you everything!" He cried out the words accusatory even though the blame he placed on her was not quite openly declared, the derision at her sparing him. He heard her gasps, whimpers as she flinched at whatever she saw of him but still the bond was not taking its full shape. This coupled with his earlier frustrations only enraged him further. He used that to bury the silent pleading of his heart, to hide the pain.
She could see him in a way. The spark of his saber as it carved through the space he did not occupy with her. She didn't see his eyes but somehow she felt the ache in them. Rey flooded the emotion with her own disappointment, trying to drown it out. He had come so close, he could have been redeemed. Even as he cried out wildly at her some part of Rey still wanted that moment to change, wanted Ben Solo to aid her in calling off an attack whose events had long since transpired. She wanted to take his hand.
"You have made your own path." She whispered ignorant to those who had been around her. They didn't see the flashes of light from his wild swinging, didn't feel the heat searing from his weapon. They couldn't sense the rawness of his wound as he cried out like a wild animal. "This was your decision." She declared finding the peace she needed to centre herself. She began to bring walls up; she had to break their connection before it became a liability. She couldn't imagine the strain this was causing him but it showed that he would eventually be able to call up their bond on command and that made her time amongst the Resistance limited.
Distracted by his anger, he noticed too late she was shutting him out and with one last wild swing the moment was gone. She heard his final whispers almost like the link had wanted her to before she'd closed the artificial connection. Please don't leave me.
It hurt her heart. She knew that pain. She knew what it was like to watch someone who gave you your only sense of gentleness in the galaxy turn their backs and walk away. To do that to someone else was the hardest thing she had ever done but he was dangerous to her, to her friends. Sadly he was also a threat to himself. One she didn't know what to do with.
"Rey?" Finn's voice broke through her tormented musings and she tried to play the sweat off on the humidity. But she knew it was strained effort and the heat of his saber and they knew Rey was lying. She could smell the smouldering ashes in the room; metal burnt down by his weapon in a place she could not see. The link had broken by her efforts but the scent lingered.
"I can't stay here much longer." She answered looking at the vast green like it might soothe the ache in her chest. At some point this connection between them might be used to locate the Resistance.
"Then I might as well go with you." General Organa's voice broke the silence causing the small group to turn. They had left for a moment's reprieve to grab some things from the Falcon and to talk as friends. They didn't expect Leia to be coming to join them. "I felt him. It was twisted but it was him wasn't it?" The mother asked in gentle tones. Rey couldn't begin to imagine the pain in her heart for what had become of Ben.
"Yes…he seems…lost." The young scavenger responded though the word doubled for her as well and perhaps broken was better suited for both. The grief in the older woman's eyes gave way to her understanding of that. Patiently she asked for a moment alone with the young force user, requesting her small entourage go help the mechanics at the base with something or other. Finn gave his friend a quick hug to reassure her place before obeying.
"Ben's been lost a long time. I'd given up on him after Han." Leia confessed as she beckoned Rey to join her on a fallen tree. It reminded her of another planet and era inciting a small sad smile at how things were and should have been. "But Luke reminded me that there's hope. Irony isn't it? Me looking for hope." She explained with that familiar snark in her voice as if she wanted to confront destiny and give it a good slap for its sense of humour.
"Ever since he turned I've heard rumour of his temper. He'd never had a good one to begin with. Guess it was a mix of mine and what comes with insecurities when your parents aren't there to reassure you." She theorised poking at the dirt and leaves with her cane. Rey just remained silent knowing that all she had to do was listen. "But that just now was different. That's fresh pain. The kind of pain a mother expects from her son at some point in his life." She continued with a smirk of understanding. Rey didn't know how to react taking the moment to stare anywhere but the General once Princess. She'd deliberately not thought too much about it she supposed.
After learning the truth, after touching Ben's hand, she had been determined to save him. To bring forth the future where they fought together and ended the conflict. She was only just learning what friends were with Finn. Her life had been wrought with abandonment and betrayal as she waited dutifully for her parents to return. Parents who never returned. Did she intimately like Kylo? In that moment of self-reflection she decided she had wanted to, there had been moments she was tempted by the idea. But she had wanted an idyllic Ben Solo, one whose retribution was helping the Resistance end the fight. That was gone and in its place was Kylo Ren. A monster who embraced this fact. Could she let herself fall for him, viciousness and all?
"If he's feeling that pain there's hope." Leia continued deciding that Rey would not voice her opinion on the matter. "It means he wants something other than to burn everything to the ground." Her tone was more cross this time, perhaps even exasperated. It made Rey's brow furrow but a smile still quivered at the corner of her mouth. Ben's entire existence belittled to a stubborn son, something only Organa would dare to do when they both knew there was so much more to him.
"I don't know what to do." Rey confessed not thinking she was up to the task of converting him anymore. She had tried and failed at that. Maybe even made it worse. She felt comfort when the older woman's hand rested on her shoulder reassuringly.
"I sure as hell don't know. What I do know is that when I met Han, I thought he was a scruffy pain in my ass. He knew it too. He was everything I never saw in my life as a Princess." She reflected causing Rey's eyes to flit to the braid in Leia's hair with a sad smile. That was another thought that hurt, recalling the exchange between father and son. "But the heart does what it wants. Your position in life be damned. Drowning that out in rage won't change it. He's going to wear himself out. And when he does he might just give in to that. Just be ready if he does." Leia concluded in an experienced tone, forcing herself to stand with a fatigue that could be from age or the long battles she had faced over her time, Rey couldn't decide.
"I suppose I'm waiting for someone again." The young scavenger reflected almost bitterly, not wanting to accept such a passive role.
"Kriff that. You've got training to do and I'd be damned if we're not using you to bolster ranks. People are inspired at the thought of new legends taking shape and you're one of them. My brooding son is the least of your concerns. If he wants your attention he has to work for it." General Organa interrupted causing the younger girl to finally laugh which got a smile in response. She was trying to help in a motherly way. For a second Rey wondered why Ben had rejected that kind of love but it was a bittersweet thought. She couldn't understand his reasoning; he'd never answered her with regards to Han but he had his motives all the same. She just needed to let him find his way back. Until then she had work to do.
((A/N: I'm so out of practice and yet this story broke my limit I usually give myself to ensure I actually finish it by quite a bit. I'm excited to be back though I am also a little apprehensive. I left TLJ like so many others basically saying "Well, I guess I ship Reylo now". Ah, I need to try and keep this short but there's a lot of little things I want to comment on. I'll start off with this I guess: I swear there's some light-hearted fluff in there. You have to dig and search for it like a kyber crystal but it's in there. Maybe not in the first chapter but still. Bear with me. The depressing stuff you have to slog through but we'll get them there. Also, I don't know if I'm pushing my luck with Kylo casting out his senses for danger. Does the Force work like that? I don't think quite so meticulously otherwise he would have had an easier time finding Rey in TFA but I wanted to have it there. Might remove in later edits though. I hope none of this clashes with any of the new information from the novelisation but I haven't had a chance to read it. I guess we'll see.
I also have a suggestion. Play word bingo. Select a few words you see frequently in my first chapter and see if you can get them again in every chapter. Barring obvious things like "him", "her", "and", "this", etc. I think I noticed myself writing "weakness" too much and definitely "declared" in later chapters. Like always, constructive criticism is cherished. It's good to be back. Long note is long.))