TOTAL DRAMA STRONGHOLD, Episode 1: The A-maze-ing Losers
Chris is standing in front of a worn-looking wooden drawbridge. "Hello viewing world, I am your favorite and most handsome of all hosts, Chris McLean. I'm here to bring you the next season of Total Drama! It's gonna be totally wicked, totally painful, and totally fun… for me," he winked and smiled at the camera. "Hey, where's my coffee? I wanted that here ten minutes ago!" he yells, an annoyed scowl quickly replacing the smile.
A worried looking male intern with blonde hair quickly rushes in and hands Chris his covered beverage, which Chris yanks from him and sips poshly. Almost immediately, he spits out the drink all over the poor intern. "THIS COFFEE IS COLD!" he yells as the intern runs off, crying.
"Sheesh, and the help is totally useless, as always. Anyways, yeah. So I am going to be bringing the most awesome and excruciating game ever, where our contestants will be competing here in this crumbly old castle, in a season called Total… DRAMA…. STRONGHOLD!" the camera zooms out, revealing that behind him is a massive, ancient stone castle with green turrets and vines climbing up the various walls. It is perched on the side of a mountain, a dense forest surrounds the moat of the castle, and a shore of a lake can be seen in the background.
~Cue the theme music~
The camera zooms back in to Chris. "Yep, I bought this bad boy at an estate auction. I guess some old geezer went and croaked, but hey! Sucks for him, great for me! I got it for a steal. So, here we are in lovely Bavaria! This year, I am putting a handful of our favorite losers from past seasons together to battle it out for the ultimate prize…" He paused, then looked around… "CHEEEEFF! Where's the money?"
A grouchy looking black man wearing a beautiful pink dress rides slowly into view, sitting upon an old and defeated looking horse. He growls and hands Chris a shiny silver suitcase.
"TOOK ya long enough," Chris berated as he nabbed the case, "Uhhh… Chef… what happened to your normal clothes?"
Chef scowled, "Darn horse ate 'em, and I didn't have time to look for others! Ya make me do everything around here! What do I look like, a guy with free time?"
"Ummm…. Yeah, whatever. Anyways, here comes the first of the losers now!" Chris extends an arm to indicate down the cobblestone roadway.
Trotting down the road is an old pony pulling a rickety looking carriage. It pulls to a stop, and out of the wagon jumps Geoff. "WOOHHOOOOO! Party at a castle! YEAH! This season is gonna be OFF THE HOOK!"
"Endless Party Machine, Geoff!" Chris exclaimed.
Following him out is an irritated looking girl in grey sweatpants, "could ya keep it down, Pinky?" Jo remarked on his shirt derisively, "You're giving me a migraine."
"Take-No-Prisoners Control Freak, Jo!"
Next to hobble out is Noah, "Migraine? That's nothing. I think Chris's cheap transport just about broke my spine. Are we sure these wheels aren't squares? Because the plane's turbulence made for a smoother ride than this."
"Sarcastic Biblioholic, Noah!"
Dawn stepped out silently behind Noah.
"Moon-eyed Mystic, Dawn!" When Chris announced her, Noah finally noticed her behind him and jumped a little. "AHH! Would you quit being so quiet? You are seriously creeping me out."
"Oh, don't worry. Your aura tells me that your back will be just fine. Also, you need not worry about Alejandro; I sense he won't be joining us."
"Whaat… how did you?" Noah started…
"What's the matter, scared of a little physical competition, Bookworm?" Jo sneered.
"Yeah, sure. Just as I am scared of someone who was mistaken for a dude for half the season she was in." Noah retorted.
"That Lighting was a moron, but he was far tougher than you, Noah-it-all. You'd better watch yourself." Jo raised her fist to his face emphatically.
Geoff stepped between the two, "Whoa, dudes, let's tone it down, a'right? We just got here, so let's chillax and enjoy not having a challenge yet!"
"All in good time, my man! But first, there are more losers to bring in! Introducing…"
Another crummy old carriage rolled in, but before it could come to a complete stop, one of the wheels snapped off, and the carriage lurched sideways. The horse panicked, and started galloping and bucking like crazy, causing the carriage to break off and be thrown sideways, tumbling towards the group. Everyone had to jump out of the way as it finally fell and splashed into the moat.
"Ooooh… tough break" Chris teased.
"Uhh…. Maybe you should get someone to fish them out?" Noah asked dryly.
"Naw… They're big kids. They can climb out themselves."
By this time, Geoff had already run over to help someone out. He reached down the edge and pulled up a very wet and very angry looking Anne Maria.
"It's the Hair-Brained Jersey Gal, Anne Maria!"
"Chris, YOU are a dead man!" she fumed, "that is the second season in a row I come in and youse go and get my hair wet! I am gonna mess you up so bad, you'll WISH a makeova' could fix your face!" She yelled as she began storming over towards Chris, but Geoff held her arms back.
"Whoa, babe, calm down, it's chill. I can help ya get your things out. No prob."
Anne-Maria shook her head and switched from angry to swooning at Geoff, "Whoooa… you could help me howeva you like, baby." She ran a hand seductively down one of his beefy arms.
Suddenly, Geoff looked like he regretted his offer, but didn't want to be rude. "Uhh… yeah, it's whatever. No worries…. Uh, where's my Bridgie-bear?"
Just then, Scarlett is seen emerging from the water, soaked and chilled with hair falling down in tangled tresses, with Brick who was helping her up. She looked angry enough to steam the water right off of herself.
"…and the Diabolical Academic, Scarlett!"
"This is… unacceptable. If your staff had simply listened to my suggestions to replace the decayed axel rod with a more substantial composite fitting, such a disaster could easily have been averted."
"Don't worry ma'am" Brick assured her, "I will have all of your belongings recovered in a jiffy. Just leave it to me." He saluted her before splashing back into the moat.
"…and that was our Gentleman Cadet, Brick!" Chris added.
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
The confessional seems to be located in a shabby storeroom filled with brooms, mops buckets and other cleaning utensils.
Scarlett is seen sitting on a small footstool with her hair neatly bunned up, adjusting her glasses. "So… it seems that I have been given another opportunity to compete. Perhaps this is because the lack of computerization of the current setting would disallow me from staging another hijacking of the competition. Either way, I fear that my true nature has already been disclosed to my competitors; therefore it would behoove me to devise a strategy of survival so that I can avoid an early elimination from my peers. Perhaps forming an alliance with multiple individuals would suffice. Methinks I could begin with Brick," she grinned evilly, "he is such a gentleman that it would be a shame to not put him to good use."
END CONFESSIONAL
A tangled mass of green reeds hauls itself out of the moat, moaning and dripping water. As it rises up and takes the shape of a man, everyone screams or gasps. "AHH! Don't let that thing touch my hair! I'll never get those weeds out!" Anne Maria screamed as she threw a blue spray bottle at the figure, conking it in the head and causing it to crumple onto the ground.
"Friends, do not panic, for I sense this to be one of our fellow competitors," Dawn urged the group.
The figure moaned and held its head as it stood up again, the tanged plants sliding off to reveal the person to be none other than Leonard in his signature green cloak. "Hey guys, it's me, Leonard! And—" he gasps, "—I can't believe it! We are gonna stay in a real live castle!" He squeaked, outstretching his arms.
"Oh, it's just that weird kid…" Anne Maria shrugged, then reached in her hair to find another bottle and threw it at Leonard. He cried 'ouch' as he was knocked back into the moat.
"Dude… that so wasn't cool," Geoff scolded.
"Tch… whateva. I got sick of hearing that dork blab on about magic and junk all the way here."
Geoff simply scowled and went to help the poor kid out.
By this time, several bags and suitcases had piled up on the edge of the moat. Another two were tossed up, and were followed shortly by Brick. "Mission accomplished," he said as he proudly thumped his chest.
"Nice work, soggy drawers. Maybe now we won't see the pee stain on your breeches." Jo called out.
Brick looked shocked for a moment, the retorted without thinking, "I can assure you that I stopped wetting my pants over six months ago today!"
Everyone except Dawn and Scarlett just busted up laughing at him, and the embarrassed private turned more red than Scarlett. Speaking of which, she approached and put a consoling hand upon his shoulder. "Do not concern yourself over such trivialities. You have proven yourself to be most chivalrous, and I can assure you that I will not mock you for your insecurities." She smiled, and Brick smiled back.
Just then Noah piped in, rolling his eyes, "You can drop the nice girl act. Of course you won't mock anyone; you'll simply blow us all to hell when you have the money in your grasp." At this, Scarlett herself turned the color of her name.
CONFESSIONAL: BRICK
Brick scratched the back of his neck, looking a little nervous. "Yeahh… I didn't expect Jo to be here. I mean, she already had another season after I did, right? She's not exactly a team player. Me, I work great with my teams. In fact, I won the teamwork medal eight times in a row back in my squad." He smiled for a moment, then held one of his arms nervously. "I just hope we don't have to be on the same team again."
CONFESSIONAL: JO
Jo wore her signature sneer on her face. "So, it seems that they brought back Captain Whizz… perfect. I can't wait to toss him around like before. Hmmm… I just hope they don't bring back Jock Strap this time. That dimwit somehow got me eliminated, TWICE! And the second time it happened BECAUSE I got rid of him! The guy is like a rotted butchery. You can get rid of him, but the stink still lingers." She put a hand to her chin as she thought. "Hmmm… I am gonna need some new alliances."
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
Scarlett sat there, a little peeved. "That Noah could be a most cumbersome foe… so far he is the only truly intellectual match for me here. Then again, he has a habit of getting himself eliminated rather quicky. All I must do is simply arrange with trustworthy allies for his departure. NO ONE here needs to be reminded of the rather extreme measures I resorted to in my attempt to win the million."
END CONFESSIONALS
"Alright, enough chit-chat!" Chris boomed. "Now that we're all here, we can get things moving."
"Uh, I haven't hosted a show before, but there seems to only be eight of us. Last time I checked, that isn't enough for a full season." Noah drawled.
"Heh, I don't know what your complaining about, Bookworm. That just means there is less competition for me and you. And YOU'LL need any help this competition can give you." Jo teased.
"Way to show team spirit, Sweatpants. I am sure people would be thrilled about not sending you home."
Jo scowled, but then grinned lightly at his sarcasm. "ya know, kid, you've got some serious moxie. I like that."
"SHUSH!" Chris interrupted. "AS I was trying to say, yes, Noah, that was very observant of you. As you can all see, there are only seven of you here."
He was interrupted by Leonard clambering out of the moat again, with Geoff's help. "Don't forget about me!"
Chris rolled his eyes, "FINE, EIGHT of you… anyways, all will be explained shortly. Just follow me to the castle dungeon."
Everyone gasped in horror, except for Leonard, who jumped up and down excitedly at the prospect. "Marvelous!" he lisped.
"Sheesh, calm down. I am still going to show you other important rooms on the way."
CONFESSIONAL: LEONARD
Leonard grinned at the camera. "I've had a lot of experience navigating dark, monster infested dungeons. I have also conquered countless castles lurking with evil… So this game is practically designed for me to win! Huzzah!"
END CONFESSIONAL
All eight contestants stood in a wide-open courtyard. There were several kinds of oak trees around the edges, several flower beds and hedgerows, and a large circular fountain in the center. The fountain had a marble statue of a nude Chris Mclean (a fig leaf covered his private bits) holding an open suitcase, from which water cascaded. Everyone cringed and went EWWW!
"Uh, dude, I thought you said you bought this place off of some other guys… what's with the statue?" Geoff asked.
"Yeah, see, after I bought the place, I paid for several "modifications" to make things more to my liking… needless to say, this garden is now 300% better-looking." Chris grinned. "Anyways, this is the courtyard. This is a place where you can come to relax and enjoy a breath of fresh air, whenever you get tired of breathing the air of your enemies in that dank old castle."
"Relax? How can anyone relax with Chris's naked butt in our faces?" Noah whispered to Jo, who chuckled quietly at the thought.
"HEY, can I get some quiet over here! Yeah, I have more places to show you guys, if you're interested."
Chris led the group through a pair of massive wooden doors, into a grand entrance hall. There were chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling, tapestries and paintings adorning the walls (notably a large one depicting Chris dominating the areas), candelabras along the floors, and two large stairways on either side, as well as various doors going to who-knows-where.
"The stairs will lead you all to your dorms, but… you can check those out later. AFTER the challenge." Chris added. "You will find your things have been delivered there for you."
He then led the group through the large archway down the middle of the entrance hall, into a massive chamber with arches supporting the ceiling. There were more tapestries, paintings, and doors… but notably, several long, wooden tables stretched in rows across the middle of the room. "THIS is the dining hall, to which you will all flock to enjoy quality slop cooked by our very own Chef Hatchet!"
Everyone groaned again. "Hey, don't worry; if you are a winning team, you will be served more edible meals cooked by the top-notch chefs I hired this year."
Some of the contestants smiled at that.
After this, Chris led the teens through several doors and halls, down some stairs, until eventually they were in a dim room lit by torches. The air was damp, and the walls were made of cobblestone coated in slimy moss.
All eight contestants, Dawn, Anne Maria, Brick, Geoff, Jo, Noah, Scarlett and Leonard were grouped together in a Chris is standing next to a row of four passageways with iron grate doors blocking them.
"This season, we have a whole lot of crazy new challenges, and to start it off…. Well, I decided that up until now, the arrival of you kids was kinda boring. Everyone arrives and makes buddy-buddy without a single deadly obstacle or hair-raising challenge. SO sad… therefore, this year, I locked the rest of the contestants somewhere within the dark, twisting, maze-like passages of this dungeon!"
Brick gulped. "D-d-d-dark?" Jo grinned deviously in his direction.
"That's right! And it is up to you all to find them and bring them out of there!"
"So, it's a rescue quest?" Leonard chimed.
"Hey, I like the enthusiasm, Mister Wizard," Chris chuckled, "That's right. Each of the prisoners, er, I mean, contestants that I am keeping well-nourished and hydrated…" he sweated nervously at the camera over that slip of the tongue, then continued with a fake smile, "…are waiting for you to recruit them onto your teams!"
"What teams, Maclean? You haven't sorted us yet!" Jo barked.
"I'm getting to that! You will all pick a partner from your team to go dungeoneering with, and each of you will be exploring one of these four passageways in search of fellow competitors. You have three hours to search and then find your way back. The team that comes back with the least members will be sending someone home. Of course, if you don't return within the time limit… hehe, you can forget all about immunity, because that team which does not return in time will giving someone the boot instead!"
Everyone gasped again.
"I know, I am brilliant," Chris grinned. Now then, some of these contestants you will find are more useful, or in some cases, more annoying, than others, so keep in mind that once you have found someone, because you will be stuck with them on your team! No trade ins!"
Jo, Noah and Scarlett all exchanged concerned glances.
"Oh, and I should also warn you… I left a few booby traps and other fun twists throughout the dungeon, in order to…"
"Make things interesting," the irritated teens all cut him off in unison.
"Geez, you guys are a bunch of buzzkills." Chris snorted. Anyways, I have already decided on your little groupings for maximum conflict! Noah, Anne Maria, Scarlett, and Wizard Boy, you will be the Ticklish Turtles!" Noah raised an eyebrow. "Brick, Geoff, Dawn and Jo, you will be… the Sublime Snails!"
Noah and Brick each shifted uncomfortably about their sorting. Scarlett stared daggers at Noah, and Jo smiled menacingly towards Brick. Anne Maria groaned as Leonard smiled sheepishly at her.
Dawn smiled gently at Geoff, "your aura is exceptionally bright and healthy, except… I sense a splotch of sadness in it. You miss Bridgette, don't you?"
"haha, thanks bra," he grinned back her. "I just… yeah. I hope we find her. I am gonna go crazy if I don't have her with me." To that, Dawn put a reassuring hand on his arm.
"Well, anyways, make nicey-nice with someone and get a move on! Your time starrrrts… NOW!" Chris pulls a lever, and the rusty iron doors squeak as they clang upwards into the wall. "And ya might need these!" Chris threw one key each at Jo, Noah, Leonard, and Brick. Noah's key hit him in the head, then dropped into his hands.
CONFESSIONAL: NOAH
Noah drawls, "great team. I don't know who to buddy up with first. Miss high-maintenance, murderous maniac, or the delusional warlock." He sighed.
CONFESSIONAL: BRICK
"Why did I have to be on Jo's team… again!?" He looked awfully worried.
CONFESSIONAL: GEOFF
"I miss Bridgette, but for now, there's no point in being a sad sack. I totally gotta stay pumped for my team. GO TEAM SNAILS! WOO!" He cheered.
CONFESSIONAL: JO
"Brick is in for a world of pain, hehehe," she put a fist emphatically into her other palm.
CONFESSIONAL: DAWN
"I am sensing a great deal of darkness between Brick and Jo… Ohh, I hope that Jo can be swayed from tormenting him like the last completion. I sense that a great tragedy will befall her if she does."
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETTE
"Wonderful," she said dryly, "I get a lazy bookworm, a high-maintenance nightmare, aaannnd an obvious case of detachment from reality. HE was not at all helpful to the other team last season." She sighed. "I suppose I must work with what resources are available."
CONFESSIONAL: ANNE MARIA
"Great, I got put on a team with a bunch o' slobs and nerds. Just being around them is makin' my hair all oily. Why couldn't I have been put with that cutie, Geoff?"
CONFESSIONAL: LEONARD
"This is most splendid, indeed! I'm sure my team will appreciate my extraordinary dungeoneering skills! I have level 16 trapfinding, level 14 treasure finding, an excellent agility stat, and, ohh, don't get me started on all of the spells I know!"
END CONFESSIONAL
Jo quickly took control of her team. "Party boy and Cuckoo, you two take one passage. I'll take Peepants over here with me.
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Jo." Brick started.
"You DARE question my authority, private?"
Brick hesitated nervously, but remembered how bossy and cutthroat this girl was. "Yes, I do, Ma'am. Not taking things through could cost our team the win, or worse." He added boldly.
"Excuse me…?" Jo said, shocked.
"Naw, I agree with the dude." Geoff cut in, "Maybe you just need to take it easy. Take me with you, and Brick will take Dawn. No worries Jo, just chillax."
Jo started to look irritated, but thought better of it. No sense in being a total jerk and getting booted early. "Fine then," She said at last, handing Brick one of the keys. She glared at him when the others weren't looking, however. "Come on then, Pinky." The two of them went down the left-most passage, while Dawn and Brick traveled down the one next to it.
Meanwhile, the Turtles were still arguing over their team.
"You can't honestly pin me with high maintenance bitch here!" Noah huffed.
"True enough, but if you expect me to take the wizard, you're dreaming!" Scarlett retorted, irritated about the prospect of someone possibly more annoying than Max.
"Well if you three nerds think I wanna be stuck with any of you, you all must be dreaming!" Anne Maria added in.
"Guys, stahp fighting!" Leonard finally chimed, "We're a team! We can't face the terrors of the dungeon like this!"
The other three all groaned.
"How about this? Boys on one side, us girls on the other?" Scarlett finally offered.
"Oh, I second that!" Anne Maria quickly sided with Scarlett.
Noah looked dumbfounded for a moment, but then Leonard ran up and put an arm around his shoulder, "Brilliant proposal, Scarlett! Noah can be my honorable paladin!"
"A brilliant proposal," Scarlett quickly added, "you certainly won't be needing your key then, Noah." She said, swiping it from him as he stammered to find words, then she and Anne Maria hurried off down another passage.
CONFESSIONAL: NOAH
"Grrrreeaaat… I get stuck with the guy who didn't get his Hogwarts letter. At least you don't see ME acting out Dragon Assassin in real life."
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
"Yeah, I left Noah with quite a handful…. But truly, my intention is to obtain the loyalty of Anne Maria. She strikes me as someone capable of being persuaded."
END CONFESSIONAL
Brick and Dawn traveled down a series of turns in there passages, when Brick finally slouched sullenly, "okay, I admit it. I'm totally lost… plus I get the heebie-jeebies down here in the dark."
"It's okay, Brick," Dawn comforted. "I know that your anxiety comes from an innate fear of the unknown. That's why you joined the service, and why you seek such routine in your life."
"whaa… who told you that?"
"You have nothing to worry about. You are a strong person, and can handle anything the unknown might throw at you."
"Really? Ya think so?"
"I know so." Dawn added with a smile. "Besides, we aren't totally lost. I sense a purplish-green aura down the next left passage."
Meanwhile, Noah was covering his ears in an attempt to drown out some of Leonard's yammering as they walked.
"…and if at any point we encounter a minotaur, my enchantment of binding can hinder it so that we can proceed safely. Also…"
"Hey, do you have a spell that can make me deaf?" Noah drawled.
"No, why would I need that?"
"…Nevermind. Let's just keep moving."
As they walked on, Leonard suddenly grabbed Noah and pulled him down to the ground very quickly.
"Ow! What the hell was that about?" Noah snapped.
Just then, a wrecking ball swung down from the ceiling and passed over them, swinging back and forth for a few moments before swinging to a gentle stop.
"My trapfinding skills alerted me to the deadly device."
"You mean to tell me that some of your skills are actually real? Wow. It must be a cold day in Hell. Thanks, I guess." Noah said sourly.
"All in a wizard's days work."
The two dusted themselves off and turned a corner, where they discovered a cell with steel bars in the wall and a locked door. Some of the bars, however, seemed to have been bent apart.
"Uh, what is this?" Noah said a little concernedly.
"It seems as though there may be a dark creature loose in this dungeon. Never fear, for my magic shall protect us."
"Riiiiiiight," Noah said with an eyeroll. He stepped through the bars and picked up the end of an iron chain. "What the… it looks as though these were chewed through."
"I am telling you, there must be a terrible monster lurking about. Monsterous Revealicus!" Leonard chanted, waving his wand through the air.
Noah just facepalmed, but just then they heard a growl followed by loud scratching and scurrying sounds echoing off of the walls of the outer passage. He looked a little terrified, while Leonard looked too excited about the thrill.
Scarlett and Anne Maria were proceeding down a corridor which had several pools of shallow water. Anne Maria was spraying her hair with one of her many bottles. "Geez, all of this damp air is makin' my hair all frizzed out, know what I mean sister?"
"You do realize," Scarlett said, "that the hairspray you apply is actually a compound of carbon, fluorine, and chlorine, otherwise known as a chlorofluorocarbon, in addition to various alcohols, which not only will promote the early degradation of hair fibers, but will also cause it to become extraordinarily reactive to a variety of chemicals, in addition to becoming flammable."
"Uhh…. What was that… was it even English?"
Scarlett rolled her eyes. "Your hair will fall out early. And it can catch fire."
"What… No way! I use this stuff all the time and nothin' like that ever happens! So why dontcha mind your own business, four eyes!"
"I am only concerned for your well-being, that is all. Might I recommend a more organic alternative, such as tricarboxy-trihydroxypentanedioic acid mixed in a solution of dihydroxide?"
Anne Maria just gave a confused stare.
Scarlett sighed. "Mix lemon juice with water in a spray bottle. It works just as well, but without all of the harmful effects which also include skin and lung damage. How do you suppose I keep my frizzy hair managed?"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea, Scarlett! I might try it out one of these days!"
Scarlett just smiled and nodded.
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
"Sure, she is a difficult one to converse with, but supposing that I can land in her favor will provide me with some strategic leverage throughout this game."
END CONFESSIONAL
Geoff and Jo continued down their passage. Geoff stepped on a false stone panel that sank into the ground. He paused, a little worried.
"Get down, quick Pinky!" Jo yelled, and they both laid prone on the damp ground as several arrows whizzed above them and stuck into the walls.
"Whoa, that was close! Thanks a mil', dude!"
"I am not a DUDE!" Jo yelled as she got in his face.
"Whoa, chillax, I know you're not… I just… Call everyone that." Geoff said.
"Well don't call me that. I've had enough of that nincompoop Lightning always getting my gender confused." She replied.
Just then, the two of them heard the rattle of chains down the passage, and an unholy, beastly roar.
"WHAT… is THAT?" Geoff asked in a worried voice.
"I dunno… why don't you check it out, DUDE," Jo added derisively as she shoved him far ahead.
As Geoff got himself up and looked into the room he now stood him, his jaw dropped. "Oh man, no friggin way!"
"Well, what is it?" Jo asked as she proceeded forward. More chain clanking was heard.
"It's Eva, dude!"
"RAWWRRRG! WHO GOES THERE?" Eva boomed, turning towards them and pulling at the ends of her extra-heavy chains, which were wrapped all over her body.
CONFESSIONAL: CHRIS
"Yeahhh…. We had to go to some drastic measures in order to keep Eva from busting out of there and killing me. Haha, actually, we had to knock her out with elephant tranquilizers, first."
CONFESSIONAL: JO
"Eva, huh? Interesting… she was one of the strongest players before. And hear meanness rivals even my own. I think I could use someone like her on my team. Perfect."
END CONFESSIONAL
"Eva, dude, it's me, Geoff, and this here is Jo," Geoff replied.
"…and WE are here to bail you out so you can join our team. If you promise not to mangle us, you're in." jo finished.
"Fine," Eva growled. "It's only Chris that I want to maim, anyways. Or Heather, if you've seen her."
"I like your attitude," Jo smiled as she fitted her key in a padlock, releasing all of the chains to relinquish the beast known as Eva.
Down their passage, Brick and Dawn walked towards a cell with metal bars.
"Look, it's B!" Brick exclaimed.
"Yes, I thought I sensed his aura!" Dawn sang happily.
B got up from the floor of his cell and smiled at his friends, as Brick strode forward to unlock the door. "You are free to go." Brick added, but then noticed something weird about the lock, "what the… it looks as if it's already been picked and gutted." And the door swung open.
B grinned mischievously as he walked out, flashing a file and a metal rod that he kept in his coat pocket and smiled.
"B already opened it, but he was just waiting for us to find him." Dawn smiled back at her old friend.
An intercom screeched for a moment before becoming more audible. "Hey kiiiids…. You have only one hour left to wrap it up and get out of there, soooo you might wanna get a move on!" Chris cackled.
"You heard the man, let's get a move on!" Brick said firmly, and the trio began to walk in search of their way out.
Scarlett and Anne Maria had by this time found a cell of their own, and in it was a very handsome and tan prisoner.
"Hello there, ladies. I see you've come to pick me up. I normally wouldn't go out with just anyone, but for you two hotties, hehe, I'll have to make an exception." Said a cool voice.
"Hubba-hubba!" swooned Anne Maria, "I might just have to do more than take you out, hot stuff!" she winked alluringly.
Scarlett rolled her eyes for the hundredth time as she moved in to open the cell.
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
"I am simply invulnerable to the wiles of the opposite gender. However, this will not help me along in the game. So I will have to play along, for now."
CONFESSIONAL: ANNE MARIA
"Move over, Vito! You've just been replaced!"
CONFESSIONAL: JUSTIN
"Yeah, I somehow got pulled away from my modeling and back into this terrible, face-destroying game. So, I may as well make the most of it. Do I like the ladies? Hehe, yeah I do. But will I let them get between beautiful me and that almost-as-beautiful million this time? I don't think so."
END CONFESSIONAL
Scarlett opened the door. "Hello there, well-proportioned male. How would you like to accompany us as we proceed out of this wretched place?"
"Move it, sweet cheeks, he's mine!" Anne Maria butted in. "Now tell me, are you feeling all alone down here? Cuz I can fix that, baby." She said with a seductive hand rolling down his arm.
"Not any more, my dear, not anymore." Justin held her face gently in his hand. "Why don't you, ah, show me the way out of here, and then I can show you more beautiful things of mine."
"Ohh, I'd like that." Anne swooned.
Scarlett was a little irritated by the display, but also glad that she wouldn't have to continue her fake-flirting, at least. "Come on then, we should return to the entrance before we run out of time."
Noah and Leonard had been moving slowly through their maze-like section of tunnels in search of the source of the noise. A claw raking across a stone wall echoed, and Noah shook on the spot while Leonard held his wand at the ready.
An evil cackle reverberated through the passage.
A shadowy form slowly morphed out of the ceiling behind the duo, without their notice. A wide, toothy grin spread across the face of the figure, and then it leapt from its perch and pounced upon the two, knocking them down beneath its weight.
AAAHHHHHH! The pair screamed. "Don't eat us!"
A peal of snorts and chuckles rang out from the overjoyed Izzy. "HAHA, I got you guys good! I was all like 'Rawr', and then you were like 'aaahh'! HAHAHA, ohhh that never gets old! I feel like a panther that has just made her kill, and I must take you to feed to my young!"
Leonard gave a confused look to Noah.
Noah shrugged. "This is Izzy." He now looked at the psycho, "Hey nutbar, can you get off of us now, so that we can get out of here?"
"Only if you say the magic word!" Izzy said.
"Please?" Noah tried.
"Haha, nope!" Izzy smirked.
"Izzicus Liftofficus!" Leonard chanted.
"Hey, he got it! Darn! Oh well, hey, I like this one!" Izzy said as she climbed off. "Hey, do you speak camelese?" she asked the wizard.
"No, but I can speak Elvish and a little bit of Dwarvish." Leonard replied.
"Oh wow! Elves stole my slippers, once! I had to go barefoot for months until I found them again. I could never wear any shoes because they are always out to get me." She smiled.
Noah just facepalmed as the two began to ramble off of each other. "If you guys don't shut up, my forehead will be bruised by the end of the night."
Hey do you hear that?" Geoff asked his female companions.
"What? No, I don't hear a thing, so let's get a move on!" Jo commanded.
"Hold it!" Eva ordered back, "I hear it too! MY ears are sensitive from not having my MP3 this whole time… there is music coming from down there." She said, pointing down a right-hand passageway.
"Fine, fine, I guess we can check it out." Jo said as the trio began to walk that way.
Their footfalls must have alerted whomever was stuck down there, because the rhythmic music stopped and a calling whistle was heard. Geoff rushed ahead to see who it was.
As Geoff came into view of the cell, the person in question began a new song to celebrate, which sounded like one of those catchy beats from a nightclub. "AWW, SWEET! We found the human soundboard!"
"Aww, perfect! Could we have found anyone more useless?" Jo groaned.
"I second that. This junk music gets on my nerves!" Eva growled.
Beardo made the sound of a disc being scratched to a halt, and stood up.
"Awww, what are you guys talking about? This guy is awesome! I heard about him before! You know how to par-tay, dontcha brother?" Geoff said, to which Beardo responded with an affirmative 'ding' that one would hear by correctly answering a game show question.
"Ugh, fine, I guess a numbers advantage might help us out." Jo grumbled as she unlocked the cell. "But the first time we fail a challenge because of DeadBeats here, he's gone, got it!" She referred to him as if he wasn't even a person.
Beardo just shrugged it off, and Geoff went to high-five the guy. "WOO! We are gonna have some good times! Welcome to the team, my man!"
Beardo clicked affirmatively.
"Alright then, enough chit chat. Let's get the heck outta this place!" Jo said, and the group began to find their way out.
"Left, head left!" Dawn urged, and Geoff and Brick followed.
"Now take the right hand passage!" Everyone went that way.
"I sense an innocent presence in the room ahead."
"Thirty minutes remaining!" Chris announce on the intercom.
The trio picked up their pace, and a lovely sound was heard ahead…
"~Locked in this cell, but for why I can't think. These rats are quite swell, so for them I shall sing~"
"What is that heavenly sound?" Brick said, amazed.
When they arrived to the cell, they say a dainty young woman in a beautiful pink dress, soiled only in a few spots by the dirt in the cell, with a shackle around her ankle and a thin rope tying her to her place. Surrounding her was a group of very happy looking rodents.
"~Oh look my friends, some help has arrived. With their help I may come out alive!~"
Brick stood, jaw agape. B stopped and waved his hand in front of Brick's face, appearing a little concerned for his friend. Dawn nicked the key from Brick's pocket and went to release the other sweet young girl from her prison.
"Here you go, dear. I do hope you are alright." Dawn said as a rat scurried up to her and perched cheerfully upon her shoulder.
"Oh, yes, I am doing just fine. And now that you are here, I am far better!" Ella replied in her melodic voice. "I am pleased to see that my little friends take to you so well."
"I love animals. They do not judge us as most people do," Dawn said.
"It is so wonderful to meet you! And, your friends seem nice as well, although…" Ella paused, "what is the matter with your friend over there? He seems a tad bit ill."
By this time, B was vigorously snapping his fingers in Brick's face, but to no avail. Finally, he slapped Brick's back, finally releasing the cadet from his stupor.
"Ma'am, come have we you rescue to! Uhh…. I mean…" Brick stammered. "We have rescue you to come! No, that's not it…"
Ella giggled, and Brick blushed.
Dawn smiled and knew what was up, but decided it was best for her to not say. "Come quickly friends, we must leave this dreadful place." B nodded.
"That sounds lovely! I am more than happy to accompany such nice people!" Ella chirped. "~My time in this horrible dungeon is done, and now I shall join my friends up in the sun!~"
The four of them returned to finding their way out.
"We have been running in circles, Izzy. Admit it, you don't know the way out." Noah snapped.
"Okay, you caught me." She giggled. "I just thought I smelled something lucky!"
"Quit wasting our time, or we will lose the challenge for sure!"
"HELLO? IS SOMEONE THERE? ANYBODY? I AM STARVING HERE!" Said an all-too familiar voice.
"OWENNN!" Izzy cheered joyfully as she hurried down another corridor.
"Great, another useless teammate…" Noah mumbled to himself as he tried to conceal a smile.
Izzy was already using the key she swiped from Noah to release the beast known as Owen.
"Great gobs of grandma's gravy, am I ever glad to see you guys!" Owen rejoiced, then gasped. "Little Noah! Ohhh I have missed you so much!" He said as he embraced everyone in a massive Owen hug.
Noah finally caved and smiled.
"Oh, and, I don't know you, but, I am glad to see you too! My name's Owen!" he said to Leonard.
"I am known as Leonard, and I—"
"HE is a powerful wizard!" Izzy interrupted.
"Whoa, really?! That's so cool! Can you make a rack of ribs appear?" Owen asked sincerely as he let everyone down.
"No, I am afraid that I have not a studied food magic, yet. But I will be sure to next study Culimancy!"
Noah just rolled his eyes. He had been doing a lot of that lately.
"Yeah, this reunion is sweet and all, but in case you guys forgot… WE STILL need to get out of here!" Noah pointed out.
"That sounds awesome… I am actually feeling pretty hungry… I haven't even been able to fart I have been so empty. See?" The big guy bent slightly and strained until he was red in the face. "Nothin'" He said finally, forlorn.
"Thank GOD." Noah said, "We are here to save you, not be killed by noxious fumes."
"Speaking of getting out…" Owen started, sniffing the air, "do I detect the faint odor of roasted mutton? And…" he sniffed again, "it has butter and garlic… I am detecting BUTTER and GARLIC!" He cried excitedly.
"Everyone, climb aboard the hungry express! Owen, follow that smell!" Noah commanded. Every clambered on Big-O's back, and the hungry maniac charged off down the tunnel. A wild scream came from Izzy, who was enjoying the ride.
CONFESSIONAL: LEONARD
"This reminds me of the time I had to escape from the Moors of Massacre by riding upon the back of a troll made docile after I fed it the Ethereal Turnip of Mollification."
CONFESSIONAL: NOAH
"Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I am glad to have Lunchbox back. I was really starting to like him during World Tour… that is, until a certain eel got in the way. I just hope he doesn't kill me with farts by the end of the day."
END CONFESSIONAL
Scarlett, Anne Maria and Justin were now unlocking another cell.
"aww, do we have to have goody-two shoes on our crew?" Anne grumbled.
"Hey, you wouldn't just leave me down here, would you?" Bridgette asked plaintively.
"Of course not. We are obligated by the rules and victory parameters of the game to take you with us." Scarlett said as she opened the cell.
Anne Maria pouted and looked away.
"Hey, don't sweat it. More teammates gives us an advantage, yeah? It's cool. And It definitely wouldn't hurt to have more lovely ladies around." Justin added.
At that, Anne Maria looked even more peeved.
"Uhhh… yeah, thanks. I guess." Bridgette said, in a downcast tone.
CONFESSIONAL: ANNE MARIA
"Blondie, you had best not get between me and MY man, or I promise, I will seriously mess things up between you and YOUR man!"
END CONFESSIONAL
"Come now, we must make haste before our time expires." Scarlett told everyone, and they nodded and followed her.
As the four ran down a passage, they came to a split, with one tunnel on the left, and one on the right.
"Which way do we go? Come on, you're the brains, I'm the beauty." Justin asked.
Scarlett glared at him for one moment.
"Hey guys…. I think I hear sobbing down to the right." Bridgette pointed out.
Scarlett listened in, then gasped. "We go left." She said quickly.
"But, don't you think we should go help them?" Bridgette implored.
"Trust me, that is NOT someone you will want around. We go left, and that is all." Scarlette finished.
"Hey, she's the smart one, so I trust her! Let's move it." Justin agreed.
They all ran to the left passage, except for Bridgette. She looked guilty for a moment, but finally went along with her team.
CONFESSIONAL: BRIDGETTE
"Hey, leaving someone behind in this terrible place is seriously not cool, Scarlett!"
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
"I know that sobbing all too well… and there is NO WAY I am going to have HIM on my team ever again." Scarlett fumed, her eyes beginning to turn a little red.
END CONFESSIONAL
Brick, Silent B, Dawn and Ella emerged from the tunnels first.
"Ahh, I see that you made it back in one piece." Chris greeted.
The group cheered.
"BUUUT, I see that SOME of your team hasn't quite made it out yet. You guys are still in danger if they don't return in time."
Everyone settled down.
Just then, a big, screaming blur called Owen came charging out of another passage, with his friends barely hanging on. He skidded to a halt, throwing his teammates off. "Wheres the food? I smell mutton!" He begged Chris.
"It's upstairs, cooking in the kitchen." Chris replied. Owen cheered and was about to run for it. "Hey, slow down there, compadre. You can't go anywhere until the rest of your team arrives." At this, Owen looked rather disappointed.
"Speaking of which… where are they? I was sure we would be a little behind them." Noah said, rubbing his head.
As he said this, Scarlett, Justin, Anne Maria and Bridgette emerged.
"And with that, all of the Ticklish Turtles are present!" Chris announced, garnering some cheers. "Snails… you guys had better hope your friends arrive soon. Only ten minutes left."
Jo, Eva, Geoff and Beardo were running along at a good clip, with Beardo in the lead making various clicking noises.
"Hey Pinky, I gotta hand it to ya… not a bad idea having him using echolocation to guide us out." Jo said in a rare compliment.
"Why thank you, dude—er, I mean, miss. I have my moments." Geoff smiled.
Suddenly Beardo halted, and made the sound of a car skidding to a fast stop. Everyone stopped right behind him. "What now, Soundboard?" Jo asked.
Beardo pointed ahead, making a red-alert alarm sound. He was indicating a massive boulder rolling down the tunnel towards the party. Jo and Geoff gasped.
"I'll handle this, you bunch of pansies." Eva growled as she stepped in front of them.
She raised her fist as the boulder rolled near, then roared as she swung and shattered the thing into lots of tiny rocks. "Stupid boulder." She said, then spat on the rubble.
"Oh-ho, not bad Iron Lady!" Jo remarked.
"Thanks." She said shortly.
"Hey, any of you guys hear that?" Geoff asked.
Everyone could hear it: incessant and loud bickering just ahead. They all nodded and went to check it out.
What they found was not very surprising to anyone who had seen Pahkitew Island.
"THIS is MY side of the cell, because I AM the prettiest. You can get the side with the rat feces, but stay off of mine, you nasty little goblin!"
"But, sis…. I just,"
"OH, what's that? You have something to say BACK to me?"
"…no. Not really."
"Uh-huh, I didn't think so."
The four arrived on the scene to find Amy and Sammy locked in a cell.
"Ugh, FINALLY. Can you take me out of here and leave Samey here to rot like she deserves?"
"Fat chance of that, Blamey," Jo started. Amy scowled angrily at the nickname; she wasn't used to those. "Even if we only wanted the useful one of you, I couldn't tell which of you that was. You are both pretty lamey to me. Besides, we need the numbers advantage. So let's hurry up and get a move on." She said as she opened the door.
"Fine, whatever. I guess you have to be bossy when you think that rags found in a men's locker room can pass as fashionable." Amy sneered as she walked out.
Jo sneered. "You had best keep up, Glitter Puke, or else you'll be heading home tonight."
From the back, Beardo made a studio audience jeering noise, the kind made when something extremely witty and final had been said.
Amy just gave an indignant 'harumph' and walked on.
Sammy followed out nervously. "Thanks, Jo…"
"Don't get too comfy, Samey, you're also expendable. Now move!"
As the group resumed their journey, Geoff jogged near Jo. "Hey, wasn't that a little bit harsh?"
"Harsh, shmarsh. We don't have time to be nice. We have a challenge to win. And I intend to win."
CONFESSIONAL: AMY
"I don't know who this Jo thinks she is, but that sweaty reject has some serious nerve if she thinks she can boss me around. And besides, I KNOW they would rather keep me over that Samey. I am far more useful to the team, because anything she can do, I can do twice as good."
CONFESSIONAL: EVA
"I haven't even been around them for an hour, and I am getting fed up. Between Beardo's sound effects, Geoff's non-stop party spirit, and now the twins yammering on, I am just THIS close to busting my own head open. At least Jo knows how to keep them in line and play the game."
CONFESSIONAL: GEOFF
"Yeah, I am getting some really bad vibes off of my team. They really oughta lighten up, ya know? Maybe when we get back, we can all party hard. Then I'm sure they'll come around."
CONFESSIONAL: BEARDO
He utters the noise of several rabid dogs fighting each other. Then he stops and smirks at his own joke.
END CONFESSIONAL
"Hmm… the are really cutting it close. Well Snails, it looks like you might be the slowest, after all. I hope you are already thinking of who to send home, because time will be up in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five… four… three…."
Jo's party emerged from the tunnel, mostly panting behind her and Eva. "YES! We made it!" she exclaimed.
Brick looked rather dismayed by the arrival.
"Well, that's a shocker. I see you've brought extra… I definitely see more heads on this side. Alright, Ticklish Turtles, prepare to send someone home! I will call show you to the elimination chamber in two hours!"
The group all groaned.
"For now, everyone can go eat! Turtles, I hope you like Chef's slop!"
Owen got excited at 'eat'. "Did he make the mutton?"
"No, my friend, I afraid that course is for winners only."
"aww…"
CONFESSIONAL: OWEN
"I am pretty sure I can convince one of the other guys to share with me. I can be pretty persuasive when I'm hungry… and begging, heheh."
END CONFESSIONAL
"Welcome to the Council of Consequence!" Chris announced to the Turtles. They stood on wooden chairs around a circular room with many pillars on the outside. There was a high ceiling, and enormous narrow windows letting slivers of moonlight shine in.
"Same dealio as before. If I call your name, you get a Marshmallow of Sanctity. If you don't get a marshmallow, you are out of here. And now that you have all voted, the following players are safe."
"Justin. Anne Maria. Izzy. Bridgette. Noah." They were all rather pleased at this. Owen just sat munching on a mutton that he had gotten during dinner.
"huh… and for some reason, Leonard, it looks like you'll be staying here tonight."
"Huzzah!"
"And there are only two of you left. Owen, I am not sure why you're here. As for you, Scarlett, you are on the chopping block because nearly everyone here knows you are a murderous fiend that nearly killed us all last season. And so, the final marshmallow goes to…."
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"….Scarlett!"
"Prodigious!" She exclaimed.
"WHAT?!" Nearly half of the team, that being Owen, Noah and Izzy all exclaimed. Owen dropped his meal.
"But… how?" Owen pleaded. "I thought everyone here liked me…"
"Apparently not enough. Now it is time for you to try our NEW elimination method!" Chris said.
All of the Ticklish Turtles, Chris and Chef stood outside of the castle drawbridge. Most of them looked rather sad. There was a horse hitched to a flatbed carriage upon which was an old wooden stock for prisoner.
"This year, we have the Stock of Shame! One lucky loser will take a one way trip on this wagon and ride off into the sunset, for good! Chef, would you kindly escort the big guy aboard please?"
"Come on, big fella. I'm not any happier about this than you." Chef said as he grabbed Owen's arm and dragged him up.
Owen screamed every step of the way. "This is a scam, I tell ya! I was framed! I totally didn't steal that mutton from the kitchen, I swear! …okay, ya broke me! I totally did! But, come on guys! It's just a little food! We haven't even had a chance to hang out together! This is crazy!"
The carriage creaked precariously beneath big Owen as he was boarded. Chef tried to secure his wrists and head into the stockade, but the guy just wouldn't fit in. "uhh, you'll be fine if I just leave you on here, right?"
Owen nodded sadly.
Noah ran up, "I'll miss you, big guy."
"I'll miss you too, little buddy. Win this for me, alright?"
Noah nodded, and Owen smiled back.
Izzy ran up. "This is insane! I haven't even gotten to scare you til you barf yet!"
Noah put a consoling hand on her shoulder.
"Aww, it'll be alright, Izz. You'll just have to scare me some other time." Owen replied.
"ALRIGHT, already! Enough with the sappiness! Get that horse a rolling!"
The driver whipped the reigns, and the carriage began to pull away.
"I'll miss you guyssss!" Owen called as he rolled off around the bend of trees and disappeared.
CONFESSIONAL: SCARLETT
"It was simple. I was able to persuade Justin to vote with me, and he was able to convince Anne Maria and Bridgette. Owen is one of the few players whom I calculated to have a statistically high chance of putting me out of the game in the long run. And we couldn't have that, now, could we?"
CONFESSIONAL: BRIDGETTE
"Justin was just… so beautiful… I'm so sorry Owen… and I'm sorry to you too, Geoffy-poo."
CONFESSIONAL: GEOFF
"So, I am pretty psyched that Bridgette is in the game with me, but… man… on the opposite team? This totally bites. Maybe my team will understand if I chill with her during meals and stuff?"
END CONFESSIONALS
Chris now stood alone at the castle entrance.
"And that concludes our very first episode! Who will lay siege and conquer? And who will be defeated next? Find out next time on another exciting episode of Total… Drama… STRONGHOLD!"
Meanwhile, in the castle dungeon….
Max is finally done sniffling in his cell. He wipes his nose, and gets up. "I cannot believe those nincompoops left me down here alone, in the…" he shook for a moment, "in the dark. But no matter! For I, Maximillion Sinestro Blofield, vow to take my revenge upon those puny people!" He opens his arms as he goes into a fit of maniacal laughter.
A strange and quick shuffling noise is heard echoing from down a passage. It sounded like scratching on the stones.
"what was that? Who's there?" Max asked, shaking again.
And that is the end of Episode ONE!
Tell me what you guys all think. Who are you rooting for? Who do you hope will make it far? What did you like or not like about this episode?
I realize I ran a little long… 9100 words… sheesh. I know. I will TRY to keep future episodes a little bit shorter. Hopefully, a LOT shorter. I spent two days writing this.
I have the basic plot of the season already planned out, as well as the contestants and elimination order… but I am looking forward to reviews and would consider recommendations. Especially for challenges. I could always use ideas for those.
Eliminated: Owen
Roster
Sublime Snails: Brick, Ella, Jo, Eva, Silent B, Beardo, Dawn, Geoff, Amy, Sammy
Ticklish Turtles: Izzy, Justin, Noah, Anne Maria, Bridgette, Leonard, Scarlette
I do hope to have written an opening credits sequence for the theme song by the next one.
Next episode will be out next Friday!
Goodnight!